Michelle Pottersfield Interview 01
[Location: Ness Anne Police Station on ████ Boulevard.]
[Assigned officers: Zacharie Holdt and Liana Holdt]
[Subject: ██████ “Squig” ████████ ]
[Start of Video Transcript]
A woman with dyed blonde hair is seen sitting in a chair in a police interrogation room. Her face is swollen and her nose is bandaged. Her glasses are shattered and her shirt is slightly torn.
Despite this, her body language suggests calm. Acceptance towards the situation in front of her.
A man walks into the room.
Squig: Oh! Uh, hey! Do you have any updates? On.. On the two people I… Uh. Shot. They were stable last I heard but who knows if they'll suddenly nosedive and -
Zacharie: They are both in still in stable condition.
Squig lets out a breath of relief that doubles as a sob.
Squig: Good, good… Thank you, Zach was it..?
Zacharie: Zacharie. Please. Call me Zacharie.
The two shake hands.
Squig: Zach. Got it, got it… So. Am I under arrest or can I go home, because the downpour started right before I got here and there’s a family of wild raccoons who-
Zacharie deadpans.
Zacharie: Ma’am, you just shot two people.
There is a pause.
Squig: Okay, yeah. I… I figured.
Squig: So… Now what? Do I go to jail or holding or whatever you call it? Because either way, I WOULD like to get my state appointed attorney here. I mean. Not that I’m going to deny whatever charges I face, I absolutely shot two people and need to be arrested and thrown into jail and never let out and I’ll probably die there, but that’s okay because I des -
Zacharie: You are not under arrest.
Squig’s ramblings cease in an instant. She tilts her head.
Squig: What?
Zacharie: You are not under -
Squig: I heard you! Just…
She scratches behind her neck.
Squig: You’re... I just… I SHOT two people. With a gun.
Zacharie: Yes, we know this. We also know that you weren’t the aggressor. The McDonald’s had cameras in the parking lot, same with the lot your trailer was parked in. And the shooting itself was on your property after you were assaulted. The assailant tried to break down your door. You had every right to believe that you were in danger.
Squig swallows.
Squig: That…. I mean. Yes? That’s all true, but -
Zacharie: We have investigated the matter already and have determined that this was a case of self-defense. You did nothing wrong, ma’am.
Squig’s jaw dropped. She looks down at the light gray table between them. Her eyes darted across the flat surface, looking for meaning where there was none. She suddenly returns Zacharie’s eye contact.
Squig: I… I shouldn’t get away with this.
Zacharie clicks his pen and writes something on his clipboard, sparing the woman only a glance.
Zacharie: You aren’t getting away with anything, Ms. Pottersfield. You’ve done nothing illegal.
Squig’s good hand slams onto the table, with enough force to shock herself with the sound. Zacharie remains unflinching.
Squig: NO. I… That’s not. (she sobs) That isn’t even my name, sir. My name is -
Zacharie sighs, a bit louder than one would expect, and places a bag onto the table. Squig’s bag.
Zacharie: We procured this from your companion at the hospital earlier. It’s yours, correct?
Squig nods and Zacharie produces a wallet from the front pocket. He stares at her and she silently takes and opens it.
Squig’s eyes widen as she looks at the ID. Her hands shook as she took it out of the transparent plastic flap the ID was trapped under. Her voice shutters.
Squig: ‘Michelle Pottersfield’..? How the fuck...?
Zacharie: That’s your face and that’s your name. It's all right there. Do you need more proof?
Zacharie doesn't wait for a response. He digs into the wallet again and produces a Massachusetts concealed carry license. It also has her photo and the name Michelle Pottersfield.
At this point, Squig was beginning to breath heavily.
Squig: WHAT?? No, no, no... I never... The gun was never registered!
Zacharie: Incorrect. We already double checked your records. Your glock was legally purchased and your license legally obtained. Both were done several months prior.
Zacharie leans in closer to her.
Zacharie: Michelle. You did nothing wrong.
Squig laughs a cold, breathless laugh.
Squig: Are you SERIOUS? No. No this isn’t some result of the head trauma, or me just... MAGICALLY forgetting this. I NEVER got that gun license. And I KNOW my fucking name. I am NOT Michelle Pottersfield!
A knock is heard at the door. A woman enters the interrogation room. She is carrying a coffee in her left hand and a folder under her arm.
Liana: Hello? Sorry for interrupting.
Zacharie’s cold demeanor shifts at the sight of the other officer. He smiles as Liana places the coffee next to him and kisses him on the cheek.
Zacharie: Hello love. You weren’t interrupting anything.
Zacharie holds Liana’s hands, kissing them without moving from his seat. Squig blinks.
Squig: No, she was interrupting. This is… An interview? I guess? Wait, am I still under arrest or can I go and -
Zacharie’s cold demeanor returns in voice only.
Zacharie: We would prefer it if you wouldn’t.
Squig: So… I can go?
Liana: Well that depends.
Squig: On what?
Liana pulls up a chair and sits next to her spouse. Squig’s eyebrows furrow.
Liana: I think my partner here has dodged the actual reason you’re being kept here for long enough. Ms. Pottersfield -
Squig: Not my name!
Liana: Right. Squig, was it?
Squig’s furrowed brows raise and mouth reopens. She goes dead silent.
Liana: Squig, you have been… Horribly mistreated by this entire event and we here at Dark Media Savant Productions are incredibly sorry for what has just transpired.
Squig: WHAT.
Zacharie nods.
Zacharie: Jean’s actor has had a history of mental illness. We can assure you, what transpired today was not meant to occur to you or any other actor on the set of the Kintsugi Timeline ARG.
Squig’s vision shifts. Her world spins slightly.
Squig: What… What the fu… NO! This doesn’t make sense, what do you MEAN “any other actor”? I’m not another actor, I’m just a player in this ARG! And… And y’all are COPS. How do you two know anything about the game?
Liana and Zacharie exchange a look. Zacharie squeezes his wife's hand.
Liana: Ma’am. A horrible error has been made and we wish to rectify it.
The folder is placed onto the table. Squig looks up at the officers, then back down to the folder. Slowly, she opens it.
A black censor bar is placed over the entire file.
The video is cut.
And then, the video returns. The officers and Squig are in different sitting positions. The file is still censored.
Squig is shaking and heavily crying.
Squig: What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck....
Liana gently lays a hand on Squig's back. She flinches at the touch, but Liana's hand remains.
Liana: I'm very sorry that this even happened. You should have never been placed into this situation to begin with. We're running some internal investigations into how the player and actor applications got mixed up in the first place, so I can assure you, we will find whoever did this and they will be fired for this blunder.
Zacharie sips his coffee.
Zacharie: Mistake or not, she did sign the form.
He sips again. Squig rises out of her chair.
Squig: How the FUCK is any of this legal??
Zacharie: Ma'am, you just read the contract. We already have more than enough proof that this is all above board.
Squig: NO. I refuse to believe that! You're just telling me that literally ANYTHING recorded can and will be used for this? ANYTHING???
Liana nods. Squig sobs.
Squig: Even Jean's breakdown? Even my assult?? Even... Even when I shot.....?
Zacharie: Yes. Your attempt as well. And it will. It will be uploaded shortly. If not by one of their accounts, by your own.
Liana takes Squig's hand and leads her to sit back down.
Liana: It's a horrible situation, I know. But Zach's right. You did sign all of the waivers. And your application was already quite similar to those of the other actors so -
Squig: What do you... What the FUCK do you even mean by that?
This was the loudest Squig has been thus far. Officer Liana flinched, and although Zacharie remained still, even his calm and composed expression faltered.
Squig: What do you MEAN the most similar? Are those... Are the actors... Oh my God.
Her eyes widen and breathing stops, if only for a moment.
Squig: Are... Are they all like me? Is that why so many of them take this so seriously? Is it because their actors...?
She sobs, wipes her tears, and her non-bandaged hand digs into her own scalp, then lets go. She shifts around in her chair, trying to put on a brave face to confront the two officers.
Squig: How many of them even know this is a game?
Zacharie: We can't tell you.
Liana looks away.
Squig sits there, stunned.
Squig: I..... I want out of this. I want out of this and... And I think everyone else should be informed of this. At least... At least the ones who don't know, and the ones who have memory issues or the ones prone to psychosis or -
Zacharie: Squig, you already read the contract. That's not how this -
Squig: I DON'T CARE. This isn't right! They should have the right to know and I shouldn't have to keep playing if I don't support this!
Liana: Well... Technically, you can tell the actors while they're in character. They just... Many of them won't believe you.
The officer gives a deep sigh.
Liana: I'm sorry, Squig. But only you are able to view this contract because you technically didn't see it in full when you signed it. The rest of them already read and signed off on everything. If someone's alter wasn't informed, or if someone has some form of amnesia and can't recall what they already agreed to, that's not a reason to allow them access to the contract again. Legally, our hands are tied.
Squig: So... We're all just... Stuck in a game where literally any recording can be used for the game? Everyone's absolute worst moments? The literal footage of two people being shot by me? And... And half of the people involved think it's all real???
Liana: No. You're not. As we said, technically you never finished signing the contract. The half that got lost in transit, I mean. If you want, I can get that now and you can sign it and continue the game as is.
Squig: Why would... Why would I ever agree to do that?
Liana’s expression softens. Zacharie almost says something, but her grip on his hand shuts him up.
Liana: Squig. If you say no, that’s completely fine. You can leave the game with zero issue.
Both Squig’s and Zacharie’s eyes widened. Zacharie nearly opens his mouth again, but Liana taps her fingers against his wrist as they hold hands. Tap squeeze squeeze. Tap squeeze. Tap tap. Squeeze.
Squig stays silent waiting for more information that never comes. She deadpans.
Squig: What’s the catch?
Liana: There is no catch. If you don’t want to play the ARG any more, you can leave. We’ll find a way to write off your character and… That will be that.
Liana smiles. Squig doesn’t.
Squig: So… Then what? The game just. Continues as normal on your guys’ end?
Liana curls her fingers in her husband’s hand. Zacharie speaks.
Zacharie: Yes. The game will continue as normal until it’s won. Your involvement in the ARG will end as soon as you exit this room.
Squig: Like… Completely? Or can I go back to being just a player instead of an actor and just... Tell them all anonymously that this is happening?
Liana: Well… There are a few clauses in the contract that say that if you leave the game you can’t play in it again due to having internal knowledge. You also won’t be able to contact any of the players or actors involved in the ARG going forward.
Zacharie: Alongside this, most of them already know this is a game anyway. By contacting them, you would be nothing but a risk to their own possibilities of winning the actor's prize pool.
Squig pauses, searching for the right words in her head.
Squig: So... I wouldn’t be able to contact anyone outside of the game. I can’t just, like.. Leave all of my current findings to Robin or one of the two actors I shot or -
Zacharie: No. And you will not be allowed to contact any of them outside of the game. In-character or out.
Squig’s expression falls even further. She didn’t even think that was possible…
Squig: What if… What if I don’t talk with them about anything to do with the game? What if I promise to not tell them about the contract! I -
Zacharie: The contract clearly states that the actors cannot interact with previous participants of the game. The intention of the meet up doesn’t matter. And before you ask, no, the contract doesn’t change once the game ends. Even after everything’s over, they will not be allowed to contact you or visa versa.
Squig: What about Xivvy? She was in a previous season of this game, right? And she contacted SO many other characters in this game!
Zacharie: 14 is a special case. She’s a virtual character created using an experimental VR system made by a company we’ve been sponsored by for the ARG. She is played by a real actor, and that actor follows the same rules as everyone else, but she’s more reoccurring. She’s a part of every season. She didn’t “come back”; she was always a part of this.
Squig: So…. That’s it? I won’t be able to contact anyone I’ve met during the ARG?
Liana: No. Not a single cast member will be able to contact you. Not a single person from the most minor of anons to the main characters.
Liana: You will be left completely alone.
Liana’s smile widens.
Liana: Just like you wanted, right?
Squig's breath hitches.
Squig: I…. No. I -
Zacharie checks his watch.
Zacharie: We’ve been interviewing you for a while, Ms. Pottersfield. We should take a break. How about you take some time to think weigh your options while we -
Squig: No. No, I…. I know my answer already. I’m staying. As an actor.
Zacharie and Liana exchange another look. Liana’s prideful glow is matched by Zacharie looking at his wife he’s fallen in love with her all over again. Their gaze breaks, they stand up, and both turn back to Squig.
Zacharie: Good girl. You won't regret this decision.
Squig: I already do.
Liana: Remember! The actor's prize pool is double the players!
Squig: I know.
Liana: And you can still tell the other characters this is a game because of your whole meta gimmick!
Squig: I know.
Zacharie: You're already in the lead when it comes to solving the puzzles, Squig. Just focus on the social aspects and your success is all but guaranteed.
The two officers get leave the room, leaving Squig sitting in the interview room.
She faceplants into the table. Something she immediately regrets after her bruised face hits the surface. A sob is heard.
A woman sits in a chair beside an unconscious teen. In most scenarios, the adult in this situation would be a mother, or perhaps a sibling. A relative, most likely. Someone who has known the child their entire life.
Squig, however, is not related to the kid.
She is a stranger to the teen and the teen is a stranger to her. And yet Squig sits, watching the heart monitor as if any change in the rhythm could cause a bomb to go off. Ignoring the gnawing hunger in her stomach and the headache in her skull, focused entirely on the poor kid she held in her arms mere days prior.
Kalei made it down the hallway, clumsily carrying a bag of food in their free hand. They wanted to just burst into the room, and nearly did, but-
Fuck. That was… definitely a kid in a hospital bed. Jesus, Kalei, calm- calm down. Do not rush the woman with the kid in the hospital. They had no clue how Squig ended up in this situation, but whatever. That wasn’t their issue.
With the end of their crutch, Kalei hit the door a few times in some pantomime of a knock.
“It’s Kalei,”
they said. They kept their face low, so they didn’t have to see Squig and she couldn’t see them.
“Can I come in? I have food.”
Squig's tired batted eyes suddenly shot open at the noise, "WAH!" She nearly falls over herself in surprise, catching herself before she fully leaves the chair.
(Shit. They actually came...)
"Uh... Come in? Wait, fuck. Lemme help you."
She opened the door, held it open with one hand, silently motioning an offer to grab the bags of food with the other,
"Hey, uh. Make yourself at home? Or something? I don't fuckin' know... Uh. Thanks for the food? What'd ya get?"
Kalei grimaced.
“Fries, water, um… sprite? I think? Oh, and a side salad with basically nothing on it. They didn’t really have good options.”
As much as it would’ve been more courteous to refuse to hand over the food and carry it in themself, Kalei’s crutch arm was trembling and their food arm wasn’t much better off. They passed off the food and collapsed in the chair furthest from the bed. It was…
They couldn’t look at that. Not right now. Fuck, not now. Kalei cowered forward and bit their lip, hair hiding their face. A prominent bright white strip in the bangs of their hair was clearly visible, which hadn’t been present at all last Squig saw them.
Kalei trembled, staring at the tile. Fuck. If they said the wrong thing, Squig could throw them outside and they wouldn’t- hah- wouldn’t have a leg to stand on and argue. They really had it coming.
Think. What would Fia or Kat say right now?
“Sorry I startled you,” they said.
Already grabbing a handful of fries from the bag and scarfing them, Squig nodded. She swallowed,
"Yeah, it's uh... Fine. The food too. 'S hard to find food for folks like me. Don't worry about it. I was.. Mostly asking about which fast food place you went to since, uh. I have a bunch of gift cards and don't know which you'd want, but honestly? I'll just let you choose whichever gift card you want. I still gotta deliver the actual money for your surgery and... Yeah."
She shovels a few more fries into her mouth. (I really gotta start bringing more food with me if I gotta keep coming here...) She glances at the kid. (Poor kiddo’s gonna be stuck here for a while, even if they wake up soon, which… Hmm. I'm gonna be here for some time, aren't I?)
She grabs more fries, suddenly realizing she's rapidly running out of the salty snack and forcing herself to chew slower.
"Thank you for this. I dunno if I'll have the salad, It's got dressing on it and.. Wet leaf texture ain't my cup of tea. You, uh. Also look absolutely starved so, I'm gonna offer the rest of this to you. Honestly, you deserve it anyway, I probably should have thought about the whole, uh. Mobility. Issue. Before asking you to get this."
“It’s fine, I don’t- I don’t care.”
Kalei immediately flinched at their own tone- Jesus, they just couldn’t be nice if they tried anymore. Where was the softness they gave Fia?
Dead with Kat’s sanity.
Okay think, think, think. Kalei lifted their head- were their eyes just a touch paler than they’d been that dark night, or was Squig misremembering- before their phone went off. In such a rush they almost tossed it, Kalei checked the notification. At the same time, a vein in their temple visibly bulged.
For a few moments, they scanned the screen. Painkillers, screaming… Kalei half chuckled, half… sighed? Cried? It wasn’t a good sound. Not at all. Their finger hovered over a button, probably about to reply, before they shut the phone off and set it aside.
“I’ll make it worse if I reply, that thing fucking hates me… oh god. I need a minute.”
“No I don’t.”
Immediately, Kalei corrected themself.
“I don’t have a- look. Mi- no, Squig. You want to be called Squig. Squig. I really, really need your help.”
Squig ate the rest of her fries as she listens to Kalei speak. She looks them up and down as she chews. (Yeaaaah, no. Bud looks like a skeleton drawn by a hot topic teen and then turned into a real human person after wishing on a monkey's paw. Kalei needs food.)
"I'll help as best as I can, I guess. Just... I won't do so until you eat. You look..."
(Don't insult them, don't say anything too fucked up they're already going through far too much. Just... Say something normal.)
"You look, uh... Boney."
(Eh... Close enough.)
Kalei's mouth opens before audibly clamping shut. With a single, trembling hand, they open the salad, take a singular piece of lettuce, and shove it in their mouth. A few moments of silence. Then-
"There. I ate."
Was that what Squig meant? God, no, but Kalei didn't have time to enjoy a meal. She didn't understand that- she couldn't have, if she was dragging her feet like this- and Kalei needed to figure out how to express that to her without getting kicked out.
Think. Think. (It's so loud in this almost silent hospital.) Think. (Kat's slamming her head into a wall right now. Slamming it hard enough her ears are ringing.) Think. (Siege just laughed at her. Wrong answer.) THINK.
Kalei's hands stuttered to their pockets and patted them thoroughly. The pants weren't Kalei's, most likely, seeing as how they bundled up around the ankles. Matched perfectly with the ill fitting shirt.
From their pockets, Kalei pulled out a small zip-lock bag with two pieces of paper adorned with sticky notes. They'd been carefully folded, meticulously protected.
"I found-"
No, fuck, start at the beginning.
"Kat-"
No, dumbass, wasn't Squig the one who discovered this happened to Kat at all? This was Squig's-
No. It wasn't Squig's fault. The letter said to, what was it, again? It had questions. Questions about who was really to blame for all this bullshit. Think about those questions. Did Squig possess Kat? No. Did Squig ever endorse the idea? No. Then stop starting fights and start actually talking.
God, Kalei hated having to be reasonable.
"Squig. I... Kat-"
Their voice broke, and tears scraped at their eyes. Dammit, not already!
"She gave me this note."
With a shaking hand, Kalei offered the first note to Squig.
"Ignore- ignore the paragraph about love, I don't know what the fuck that's on about. You'll see why I needed you once you-"
They coughed, almost gagging.
"Once you reach that part."
Squig blinked, completely ignoring everything Kalei said after they put the fork down.
"Hey Kalei? I'll read that or whatever, but... I don't think you can save your friends if you're about to blow away in the wind."
She grabs the page from them, with the comment,
"Now eat the rest of your wet leaves."
They look at the salad as if it personally offended them before repeated buzzing goes off in the seat beside them, where Kalei had tossed their phone. They pick it up and click on something, before visibly paling.
"Fuck," Kalei breathes. "Give me a... shit."
They type quickly, thumbs flying across the keyboard. Once they hit send, Kalei leans back and closes their eyes, breathing slowly.
"Squig."
Their voice is... flat. Measured. Level. It almost, almost sounds like Kalei is calm, except for the fact that they very much so are not.
"I know you want to eat. I just... I need that paper, ple-"
Their phone goes off again, and Kalei picks it up. Once they read whatever is on the screen, they double over and gag. For a moment it appears as if they are about to puke, but despite the noises and visible contractions of Kalei's stomach, nothing comes up but spit.
After a moment, Kalei leans back and continues typing once more.
"I need that paper decoded,"
they say while typing. Any bravado from their voice is gone, now replaced by a high pitched panic that doesn't suit them in the slightest.
"I need that now, Squig, I- I'm not doing this shit because I hate myself. Not right now. I'm doing this because I have no choice."
Squig's eyes narrow beneath her tinted glasses. Without another word, she yanks the phone out of Kalei's hand.
"Gimme that! You can't help ANYONE while you're like this! Just. REST. For like. Ten minutes at LEAST. I'll solve the cipher and.. I'll get you up when I'm done, alright?"
The moment Kalei sees Squig's eyes land on the phone screen, they stand and rush towards her. They forget, for a moment, that they're down a leg and end up more or less falling on her while grabbing for the phone.
"Give me the fucking phone back," they say, voice raised. "I'm not playing on it for fun, Squig, I'm serious!"
One hand is gripped onto the front of Squig's shirt in panic, clearly the only thing keeping them from falling at least for the moment. The other hand is blindly reaching for the phone. Rather than anger in Kalei's movements, however, there's panic.
"HEY!"
Squig snaps, putting an arm under the fallen amputee, attempting to steady them while still playing keep-away,
"What part of JUST REST do you NOT understand!?!"
With one hand firmly gripped on the phone, now raised into the air, and the other hand trying to force Kalei back down, the fire in Squig's eyes doesn't go out as much as it settles. Focusing with furrowed brows.
"Look. Obviously I KNOW you aren't playing around. That's why I'm telling you to rest while you have the chance so you don't break into a billion little pieces the moment you're needed most. I won't do anything you don't want me to, but,"
She looks at the phone.
Fia's texting. Squig stopped talking as she read the texts. Her face falls.
"Kalei. I'm gonna talk with her."
"You don't understand what's going on, Squig, this is all I can fucking do!"
Normally, one would expect Kalei to cringe back. It is no secret to Squig- or anybody- that Squig is not somebody Kalei likes or trusts. In fact, they would strongly consider themself to do neither. The fact that Kalei is this close to Squig without trying to start a fight is already remarkable.
Normally, however, Kalei is not exhausted. They've technically slept, but they spent all of last night getting sick in the restroom and listening to her scream. Any food Canni shoved down their throat could never settle. The memory of warm, wet blood mixes in Kalei's mind with the feeling of Squig's arm around their back, the substances almost the same temperature, but now Squig is warm and that body is not (and Kat isn't warm, she's getting colder) and Fia's stuck alone and now they can't talk to her.
Please, Kalei cries, or at least they thought they did. Let me talk to her. They fall forward, into Squig, and sob. Choking, painful sobs, the kind that curl the shoulders and shatter the spine. The sort that takes up all of the air in a room and leaves none left or any more refined practices such as reason or persuasion. Kalei cries, one hand limply wrapped around Squig's wrist, and their body leaning on hers as the only way they can stand. (How ironic.)
"Stop, Squig, you're... this is all I can do. All I can do is find you, and talk to her. Don't take that away from me. Please."
Squig's raised arm almost falters as Kalei crashes into her softly. Not that the crash itself was soft, more so that Kalei themself was like a cardboard tube in comparison to Squig. The dyed blonde steadied herself, but didn't waiver, maneuvering in an attempt to balance Kalei instead. (They're so cold... How do they live like this..?)
"Kalei. You've been standing for too long. Just... I won't take her away. I won't even talk to her if you don't want me to. But... You being like this? It's gonna cause a lot more harm than good."
She grabs Kalei's shoulders, resting their phone against the crook of their neck as Squig guided them back down to a chair.
"Now," She lets go of them, "I'm gonna give you the phone back in just one moment. But first, I wanna know how much rest you've had in the past few days. If any, I mean."
Kalei's eyes unfocus as they genuinely try to figure out. They land rather roughly in the chair, but don't seem to be bothered by it much.
"I... don't remember," they said. "Give me a second."
They had to have slept at some point. Humans can't just... go without sleep for that long. They know they've slept right before Kat went... well... and they've also slept once since then after Canni forced them to, but was that seriously it?
...probably.
"I slept a day or two ago. I think. God... I don't remember."
They wipe at their eyes with a sleeve slightly too long for their arm.
"It's... that's not important. I can rest once this is over."
It had to be over soon. No, not soon, it had to be over sometime tonight. Or tomorrow morning, depending on how long it would take. But it wouldn't be taking another day- Kalei wasn't entirely sure anybody could survive it.
"I need to get to Fia and Kat. That's what's important."
Squig's hands return to Kalei's shoulders, gripping them with much more intensity this time. Her gaze was piercing beneath those prescription shades, but her voice belayed genuine concern,
"Kalei. The fuck do you mean you have been awake for one or two full days? Even I got a solid two or three hours of sleep last night!"
Squig paused, repeating the last sentence she spoke in her head.
"Okay. So... I might be a bit of a hypocrite, but. C'mon, dude. We can't BOTH be the unhealthy one here if we want to save people!"
Their face crumples again.
"Fia bought me melatonin because I went... fuck, three? Four? days without sleep last week, but it's at the apartment. God, I want to go home."
Breathe. Breathe. Stop panicking, Kalei, stop. They're shaking. They're shaking too hard when they're supposed to be talking. They're shaking too hard when they're supposed to be getting Squig to focus, because they- "can't mess this up," and if they do- "'re gonna be hurting, and I can't stop that, and-" it's not okay for Kalei's friends, to hurt, especially when all they had to do was solve- "a stupid cipher, just a stupid fucking cipher-" and really, was that supposed to be a challenge at all?
Not to someone like Kalei. They read the play, and all it did was help them know how much she was tortured. Fia had it worse, Fia had it so, so much worse, and they kept telling themselves that, but that didn't make last night feel a damn bit shorter.
"It's been three days, Squig," they said.
"Fia's been stuck in there hiding for three days. Kat's been... oh my god. Three days. Maybe. Was it longer? Fuck, Squig, I don't remember."
Watching Kalei begin to break, Squig began to press her fingers deeper into their shoulders. Their lungs heaved and they shook beneath her hands, but Squig refused to let go.
"Kalei? Hey, Kalei! For once, I need you to listen to me. I need you to breathe. In, like this," She takes a big breath in, "Then out, like this," She exhaled.
"Just... Humor me? The faster you actually TRY to fuckin' listen, the faster we can solve this. Can you take some breaths with me?"
Wow, her fingers hurt. That was fine. Kalei nodded and forced a deep breath into their chest. It strained against their lungs, and they choked on it as it rose, but they tried to take another. This one came the slightest bit easier.
Every single breath hurt like there was barbed wire wrapped around their chest, but Kalei did breathe. The ringing in their ears (when had that started? how long has it been there?) faded, and they realized just how tightly their fists had been clenched. Alright. This was fine.
Forcing themself to nod, Kalei tried to fix their face back to the detached politeness they'd been wanting to wear when they walked in. It didn't work, most likely.
"Sorry," they said. "I've- fuck, my chest."
One hand came to clutch at a seemingly random spot on Kalei's torso.
"Ow. Anyway, I've got... oh my god. Headrush, sorry, today's been... okay. Thank you. Okay."
The thanks left Kalei's mouth without them even stopping to consider just who, exactly, they were thanking. It didn't matter, after all. Regardless of who this was, Squig did the right thing.
"Okay. I'm- can I see my phone?"
Their voice wavered, but didn't yet crack.
"I need to tell her that it's going to be okay. Even if I don't really believe it anymore-"
there it went.
"I need to tell her that it will be. Because if she gives up, then I have to try for the two of us, and I'm really not enough of an optimist."
They laughed as if they were funny.
Her grasp loosens on Kalei's shoulders and she hands them the phone.
"Make it quick though. I do think you need at least SOME rest before we continue. Even if it's a five minute siesta on a shitty hospital chair as I solve... Whatever the puzzle you wanted me to solve."
They typed quickly, before turning the phone off once more and shoving it deep into their pocket. Okay, Kalei. Breathe. She said she’d help.
“I owe you everything,” they said. “For the rest of eternity.”
With shaking hands, they pulled out the second paper and showed it to Squig.
“This is the one I can’t read. Can you help me? Please?”
God, they wanted to pass out. Every bone in Kalei’s body was done with this stress. With a spare hand, they traced the sore scarring beneath their sweater.
"You owe me nothing,"
Squig states, though the words feel more like a sigh leaving her mouth.
"Actually. I still owe you."
she gestured down the place where Kalei's leg once was,
"But we'll focus on me paying you later. For now, you rest."
She brushed a fingertip over the tear mark before aligning it with the other half of the letter. With the two part jigsaw puzzle complete, Squig began reading as much in plain text as she could be.
(Another letter... Same font. Same text size. Same... Everything.) She takes a breath in, then out. Just like she guided Kalei through moments before. (It's fine. Don't.. Don't think about it, Shelley. Don't think about how the previous letter was perfectly timed to the accident. Don't think about how you found them at just the right times before. Don't think about the fact you actually KEEP finding strange papers everywhere, those are just a part of the ARG.) Despite herself, her breathing quickens, (It's all just part of the ARG..... Don't. Think. About. It.)
Her hand digs into her backpack, hand shuffling past several documents that she knew she didn't have days prior, (Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't THINK about it...) pulling out a notebook and a pen. She takes out her phone as well, pulling up the cipher solving tools The Website provided her with.
She takes one final huge inhale, then slowly blows out. (Magic isn't real. Gods aren't real. Fate, destiny? Magical letters? None of that is real.) Squig turns to the child on the hospital bed, just long enough to recall holding them in the road the other day. (This is reality. There's enough suffering in the real world to blow this unfiction stuff out of the water. Reality will always be more horrifying than any fiction.)
Kalei slumped in the chair. This was fine. This was good, kind of. They could- they could tell Fia that progress was made. They could tell Kat that they actually did something to help.
God. Adjusting their posture, Kalei risked a glance at the kid in the bed. They were… not good. Not good at all. Kalei desperately wished that this shit had happened any other time, because they did not want to be taking Squig away from that kid like they were.
What a selfish person Kalei was. They should’ve been smarter, should’ve planned ahead, should’ve… anything, really?
Part of them wanted to fill the silence, but there wasn’t anything to talk about. Comforts would ring hollow. Complaining was rude and pointless. And they didn’t exactly have much in common either of them wanted to discuss.
Kalei’s eyelids slipped shut. They didn’t fall asleep (in fact, they were biting the inside of their cheek to prevent the opportunity), but they were trying to collect their thoughts. (...Rest. Like what Squig suggested.)
On the other side of the bed, in a parallel chair, Squig was also biting the inside of her cheek. She clicked the pen as she thought, a soft ‘click click click’ now marching alongside the rhythmic beat of the heart monitor.
(God... I can barely focus.... Some of the ciphers have been solved already on these post-its, I just need to hone in on the one Kalei pointed out on the page... But what's the key..?)
Wait... There. (Of course the letter just downright says it.)
"The key is all that remains in her mind and heart when you speak to her..?"
She echoed the words written on the page, just above a whisper as if to confirm it with herself.
She looked at the child.
(No... That can't be it. Right..?)
Her eyes then landed upon her backpack. She looked back up at the teen, as if silently asking for permission, before shaking the thought out of her head and reaching into her leather bag anyway.
Away from Kalei's line of sight, Squig pulled out a birth certificate.
She held it in her left hand and wrote the name itself in her notepad with the other. Then, she returned it to the bag, silently praying that the camera in the corner of the room didn't see. That Kalei wouldn't question her. And that no one else would know that she held something so personal to an absolute stranger.
(Because... That's what this is. This... This can't be something related to the game itself, right? No. Now's not the time to think about it, just.... Solve the damn cipher. Think about it later.)
They weren’t even watching Squig. They should’ve been. They should’ve been sitting with wide eyes to see when she would solve the cipher and Kalei could go.
But… it wouldn’t make things faster. It would just make them worse.
The beeping of the hospital room was getting to them. Kalei hated hospitals after… that night (don’t think about that, Squig is helping), and the idea of being stuck in one like this kid would be was awful.
Carefully, Kalei sat up and took their crutch, before limping just a few steps closer to the figure in the bed. They were so, so young… probably the same age as Kalei’s youngest sibling. Second youngest? They couldn’t know.
…at least they were sleeping. That meant they couldn’t hurt. Apologies stirred in Kalei’s throat, but they couldn’t apologize for this. They weren’t sorry they found Squig, they were just sorry it happened to have happened now. With a gentle hand, Kalei adjusted the blanket so it was smooth at the bottom.
The strangest desire to call home rose deep in Kalei’s chest, one they hadn’t felt in- god, years? They just wanted somebody to tell them it would be okay. At least one person who seemed like they knew what they were talking about and was a convincing liar.
It wasn’t going to be okay. It had to be okay. The two truths warred in Kalei’s mind strongly enough it clouded their thoughts at times. When stuff like this happens, it’s never okay. Kat would never be the Kat that Kalei met again. She’d never be the same girl who fell for Fia. This child in the bed would never be the same person who had no idea they were fated to get hit on the road. Squig would never be the same woman who didn’t know how a bullet sounded when it exploded from a gun and ripped through flesh. Kalei would never be the same person who’d never read that damn play.
But it had to be okay eventually. This kid was going to wake up, and Squig would be busy with them and Kalei would never see her again. Kat was going to be free of pain and smile, and Fia wouldn’t have to cry anymore. Things would continue on, and eventually continue without them. Kalei just really, really needed to be the first one out. They couldn’t survive losing anyone. (Hypocritical as that was for the cop’s family. God, he had a family, didn’t he?)
“…the end justifies the means,”
Kalei says. Their eyes are trained on bandages, IV tubing, heart rate monitors.
“Not always. But sometimes. I… I have to tell myself that.”
"What."
Squig's deadpan voice shattered whatever thoughts were going through Kalei's head. They turned to her, instinctively.
"I, uh. Sorry. Just.... The reference caught me off guard. I solved it though! The cipher."
She scratched the part of her spine between her shoulder blades, an excuse to stretch her limb.
"Bad news though... It said for me not to tell you what's on it. Which makes sense, I think. I... I wouldn't want y'all knowing the key to this cipher anyway,"
Her vision lands back on the kid before forcing her eyes back onto Kalei,
"But. I know it. And... It's really more of... Instructions for Kat? Which, uh... Isn't useful for just ME specifically to know? I guess the best solution now is to, uh... Wait until Kat's lucid enough for me to give her these instructions? I'll just save this solved cipher to my notes app and... Yeah. Later we can... Do something, I suppose."
Kalei paused. Did she just say... wait? No. She didn't understand, she wasn't listening, she-
They wheeled around and, with a strength that hadn't been there just minutes before, walked into Squig's face and grabbed her collar in their hands. They didn't need the crutch now, they were leaning forward over her and using Squig's body as their method of standing. She could knock them over, sure, but Kalei was dragging her down with them.
Their entire body trembled. They didn't want to do this, they didn't want to be here. They wanted to be at home! But did Fia want to hold Kat down and inject opioids into her bloodstream? Did Kat want to torture herself to pass a note that Kalei wouldn't even get the cipher key for, Kalei didn't even get to know the contents of, and all they were getting was that they could do something later? Fuck. That.
"Listen up, Squig," Kalei shouted.
"I don't want to be here right now. I don't want to- I don't want to be like this, but I'm dead. Alright? I have nothing to lose. Meaning whatever I do here is free of consequence." Lies. "So you need to tell me what the fuck I can do, because if you think I can just- what- wait for Kat to become lucid? Fat fucking chance, Squig, SHE NEVER FUCKING WILL BE!"
The height difference between the two allowed Kalei to lean over Squig's face. It was hard to tell if they were enraged, panicked, or some mixture of the two that was surely pushing them over the edge. Kalei was tired, but there was adrenaline in their veins.
"She's not going to get lucid, Squig. Do you know what she's going to do? She's going to hurt. She's going to scream. And then she's going to fucking kill herself from the pain, and it will be my fault. So you can report me to the police, you can just- you can block me on everything, but you aren't going to tell me to sit down and wait. You are going to start explaining things, or I swear to god, I will spend the rest of my godforsaken life making yours a nightmare."
Squig fell back into herself, her head sinking into her neck as if she was a turtle. Her breath caught in her lungs.
"Wait, I..." (I... I thought we were making progress? I thought we could put aside our differences, actually help, actually make things better? Did I fuck up again?? Did I make things worse??? Did I - )
She was about to fawn, roll over like a dog, but then, she noticed it. Several things, actually.
The shakiness, for one. The squint in their eyes. Stiff speech, but certain words were pushed out as if it was forced...
In that moment, Squig felt a surge of a confidence she thought she never had. One that was necessary, not wanted. Needed. She spoke, clear and precise.
"You're bluffing."
She stands taller now, proud in her stance but not in a way she's actually proud of, but tall enough to stare Kalei down despite the height difference,
"You're lying to me, Kalei. Not... Not about Kat, really. You wouldn't lie about her. I think. Doubt you would. I meant the part about the... The whole "Having nothing to lose" and you "being dead" thing. And..."
Her voice stuttered, just slightly. This was the only claim she doubted her own instincts on,
"And about wanting to hurt me."
She shook her head.
"If I'm your only way of solving this, you're not gonna hurt me."
She raised her own hands to grab Kalei's fist on her shirt collar, gentle with her touch. Slowly, she attempted to loosen the fingers off her shirt as she spoke,
"Kalei, please listen to me. It's not that I'm not telling you out of malice. Not telling you the answer because I'm doing what the letter told me to do. And.... I trust that the letter's writer has a reason for this."
Squig ran a hand through her hair, feeling each of the brunette roots as her fingers brushed past them, looking back at the teen as she spoke,
"If I didn't follow all of the instructions from an earlier letter from... I'm assuming the same person who wrote this one, I... I don't think this kiddo would've had a chance."
Right. Because this wasn’t Squig’s first letter. Because Squig could do something, and Kalei couldn’t. They couldn’t even lie.
“I- I can’t just wait. I can’t. There’s no way I’m useless in all of this- fuck!”
But if Kalei didn’t put their faith in Squig, Kat and Fia died. Put their faith in someone Kalei despised…
They really had hated her. She was easy to hate when she was all of your problems personified. She was a lot harder to hate when she was exhausted at someone’s bedside, and still managing to seem more collected than you even when threatened.
It was harder to hate Squig. They almost had to respect her.
“…I want them to be okay. This is- I caused this. Helped cause. God, I’m no better than you.”
Kalei laughs bitterly.
“I can’t- you’re so- why can’t you be mean? Why isn’t anybody else pointing out how bullshit this is?!”
Their hands tightened on her collar, but Kalei leaned back on their heel. Still not letting go, but maybe easing up..?
Sporadic eye movement that went unnoticed or ignored. Fluttering and squinting at the light.
Eugh. Bright, so bright.
The child stared up at the lights until it lingered in their vision when they finally looked away. They attempt to blink away the floaties, head felt like splitting now.
Ow. Head hurts so bad.
Unfamiliar walls. Boring, beige ones…–
Freshly opened eyes fall on the strangers, who. what. Instead of any realistic reaction, he simply freezes up.
On the vital monitors, you can see their heart rate spike and stutter.
Kalei’s head snapped to the side, and they dropped Squig comically fast.
“Oh, sh- crap-“
They backed away from Squig to let them through as quickly as possible. Kalei scanned the monitors- pulse ox seemed good, heart rate was inconsistent and elevated but not dangerous, blood pressure was high but not yet emergent.
This could be all sorts of horrifying names that flooded into Kalei’s mind and they immediately made sure not to verbalize a single one. First order of priority-
Kalei, arguably, should’ve left. Instead, they grabbed a crutch and made their way over to the kid’s bedside, raising one hand in front of their eyes.
“Hey, look at me.”
If this gets any worse, they’re calling a nurse.
Squig's heart skipped a beat.
"They're awake. THEY'RE AWAKE!!! Holy, shi - "
She caught herself, not soon enough to stop herself from being loud though. (Don't SCREAM or CURSE in front of a kiddo that just woke up from a fuckin' coma!!!)
"H - Hey kiddo! How are.... Are you... Umm. You, me, uh... Hi!~"
(GOD. I am. AWFUL at this.)
(Okay. Think back to when you just woke up from a coma. What did you wish someone said to you, Shells?)
"I've been watching you sleep for several days."
(FUCK.)
Kalei winced.
“Squig,” they said. “This is someone who is extremely disoriented. Let’s start with… hi. Can you hear me? You don’t have to speak. You can shake your head.”
Squig’s panic was… understandable… but far from preferable. (...Kalei had been forgetting why Squig was so dislikable. They were beginning to remember.)
"Then why don't YOU SAY THAT, Wise Guy!?"
Squig snapped, before remembering again what she JUST told herself. (HEY MAYBE DON'T SCREAM IN FRONT OF THE CHILD???)
Returning her focus to the post-comatose teen, Squig took a breath. Upon exhaling she asked,
"Okay. Let's start over. Can you hear me, kiddo? Nod or shake your head?" (Why would they SHAKE THEIR HEAD if they CAN'T HEAR YOU!?!)
The teen remains frozen, blankly staring for… A while, no sign of responsiveness, but a while becomes a bit too long of unresponsiveness–
She jolts up, very much without mind to the medical equipment, and shrinks away or at least.. As far as they can get, which isn’t much
-Outsiders. Small closed space. Not good, not good at all.
Kalei stepped away once it was clear the child was alive, at least. Come on, come on… think, damn it. What was happening?
“Should- should I get a nurse?”
Yes. Stupid question.
“I’m getting a nurse, I’ll- Squig, come get me when you’re ready.”
"Whu - WHAT!? Wait, Kalei - ?!?"
Squig called out, but the enby had already walked out the door. They were gone.
And Squig was left alone with the child.
Silence. Silence alongside the beating of both the heart monitor and the heart in Squig's own chest. Two heartbeats, both above resting. Was it due to fear of the other person in the room? Or the silence? Or was the experience the two went through a few days before finally becoming realized? Squig turned to the kid with reddish hair. Quietly, she addressed them.
"Uh. Howdy. This... Is probably a lot. Right now."
She scratched her cheek, the bruising from Jean's fists weeks prior having nearly healed completely,
"I... I don't know if you. Remember. Much about what just happened, a few days ago. Or... Or if you can hear me really... But my name is..."
She looked to the corner of the room. The camera. Again. Her throat felt dry. So, so very dry. (I really need to take that soda and water Kalei bought me on the way out...)
She coughed.
"You can call me Squig. Everyone else does nowadays~ And... I know your name, kiddo. Not, uh, in a creepy way? I don't think? But..."
She looked away from the kid,
"Okay, no. It is creepy. There's no way for it not to be. But..."
She faced them again,
"I wanna help! I... I think staying here with you while the doctors are here will just result in me getting in the way, but after you wake up fully! I wanna help!"
Stepping a little closer, Squig continues to ramble,
"I - I was in a coma once before too! Lasted an entire month! It was one of the worst things I experienced in my entire life, and that's saying something, trust!~ And, and..." (Breath, Squig, Breath....) "And I don't want you feeling even half of what I felt when I had just woken up! So... Yeah."
Squig stepped back, her voice now raised in true pride for once in what felt like ages,
"You deserve someone by your side, kid. And... I'll make sure you get that. Well,"
She scratched her neck,
"At least I'll try to."
She took another step towards the door. She could hear the footsteps of someone outside, a nurse no doubt.
"I... Guess I'll talk to you more when you're awake? I'll... Leave until then. And, uh, I'll write my phone number down for one of the staff members to give to you."
There was a knock at the door.
Squig grabbed the door handle, but before she opened it, she turned to take one last look at the child. Beneath her breath, Squig murmured a final remark that she hoped the kiddo didn’t hear.
This is Pt 3 of the RP log. It contains: Police brutality, extreme terror, pain, allusion to previous suicide attempt.
Pt 2 of the RP log is here.
Pt 1 of the RP log is here.
[Resume Video Transcription]
Kalei clutched at their chest, shaking their head. "No. No, no, no, get- get away. Stop. You’re not- go. Go away. Stop it.”
They glanced back at something hidden further away. Something they hated having, but kept saved for a rainy day.
Kalei can’t do it again. Can they?
Nicotine stained teeth became yellow dust that choked them. They leaned forward and puked, making godawful noises that sounded like pain. Pain and terror.
Gasping. Choking. Shaky white hands moved to claw at their throat, and with one hand, they were grabbing for something to help pull them upright. How they managed to stand on a chair with only one leg was explained only by adrenaline and determination, but now they felt …
Instead of standing, they dropped forward to try and crawl. “Don’t-“ Kalei wheezed. Speaking was- no, they can’t. They can’t talk to it. Please. “You aren’t… supposed to be here.”
Did the cop just smile at them?
"Kalei, no, I'm fine! It's oka - "
Squig is cut off by the officer slamming her into the wall again. HARD.
She shuts up in an instant. (I think another tooth chipped...)
The officer cuffs Squig, then turns to Kalei.
Kalei cried out when Squig was slammed into the wall, a noise between a cry of anguish and a cry of horror. They started to crawl faster, but their hand slipped on some blood. Their chest crumpled to the ground, head slamming soon after. It still felt as if it were splitting open from earlier with Squig, but-
The cop was coming closer.
He was sprinting after them despite having them with their hands in the air, a gun trained on their forehead.
The cop was getting closer.
He was smiling with nicotine stained teeth, and hands that Kalei remembered touching their shoulder, and shit, shit, shit. They whimpered, clawing at the ground and trying to get further away. They were so close, so close to the front door-
A cold hand wrapped around their ankle, pulling them back. Kalei screamed, louder than Squig had ever heard them. They were pulled back to be right next to where Squig was pinned against the wall, and a heavy boot slammed down on their back. "Don't move," he snarled. "And hands behind your back."
Choking, Kalei obeyed the cops orders. God, they couldn't breathe. Their wrists were pinned together tightly, and a single handcuff link was wrapped around them. What the fuck?
Yanked by the other end of the handcuffs, Kalei was forced to stand on their one leg to avoid dislocating their shoulders. The cop then reached and grabbed the back of their hair, lifting his arm just high enough that Kalei had to strain their neck to not be dangling by their short hair. "You are under arrest for assault of a police officer. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law."
They only moaned in pain as response, eyes shut tight. Scoffing, the cop released their hair to grab their shirt collar so he could drag them forward, and into the bathroom. He threw open the door and found a towel rack, and clipped the other end of Kalei's handcuffs to it.
They were stuck. They were stuck. Fuck, Kalei could only stand leaning forward just enough their shoulders weren't breaking. Not even their wrists had room to wiggle. The cop stood between Kalei and Squig, breaking the woman's line of sight.
From his pocket, he pulled out a cigarette. The cop winked at Kalei, and then placed it between his teeth and lit it. Took a long, long drag. Exhaled the smoke directly into their face.
Then, he took the end of it, and buried it into the side of Kalei's neck. They screamed before a hand clamped over their mouth, leaving Kalei only able to cry. "Shhh. Don't cause trouble. Or she will be found guilty for a little bit more than breaking and entering. Shame she burnt you with this cigarette."
Flicking the cigarette into the toilet, the cop turned around and left Kalei standing there, shaking. He made his way back to Squig and grabbed both her arms just above the cuffs. "You are under arrest for breaking and entering, along with possible charges of battery. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney. Am I understood?"
(They weren't that loud when I shot them.)
Squig stayed as still as she could, shocked, still reeling from the sound of Kalei's scream. Her mind races.
The officer drags her closer, twists Squig's wrist in the process. (An accident? No. No, it's...)
"I said," His nicotine breath making her noise hairs curl, "Am. I. Understood?"
"Yes," Squig squeaks.
Without another word, the officer led Squig out the door. A million different thoughts and feelings flooded her mind, but as she was walked out, one more realization came to Squig's mind;
(Where's his bodycam..?)
Squig was deposited in a car with another officer inside. sitting in the passenger seat.
The cop returned for Kalei. He made his way up the stairs slowly, not speaking to a single passerby. Once in the apartment, he looked for thumbtacks (he took down a pinned up drawing of Fia that someone had made) and a bedsheet. He made a makeshift door out of this.
Just in case.
Then, he turned back. Walked towards the bathroom. Kalei was still in there, trembling fiercely. He smiled. "Hello, Kaleidoscope," the man said.
Kalei's head snapped to attention. Their chest heaved with every single breath. "I... no. No, please-"
A hand came forward to slap across their face before gripping a handful of hair above their temple. "You don't get to beg me."
Tears were pouring down their face. "I swear- I didn't mean to-"
"Doesn't fucking matter." The cop removed the cuff from the towel rack, leaving Kalei free for the transport. He took a swift step forward, dragging them by the hair. They hopped along, half falling the entire time.
Oh, it burned. It burned when the cop yanked them down to the ground, causing them to lose their balance. It hurt when he grabbed their hair and pulled them up again, kneeling before them like it did. It hurt when he smiled, examining them closely. "What a pathetic creature you are today. Hard to believe you-"
"You aren't real," Kalei breathed. "Squig- Squig was right. You aren't real. You can't be."
Wrong thing to say. The other's eyes lowered Kalei couldn't hear him breathing? Couldn't feel him breathing? before coming up to them. "Why?"
He knew why. He knew why he knew why he knew why he knew why- "Because," Kalei croaked. "I killed you."
"Damn straight you did," the cop said. "Unfortunately for you, you can't seem to put anything into a grave proper. Be it me or yourself."
Ouch. Kalei shied away from the words, but there was quickly another hand at their collar. It twisted their shirt, tighter and tighter, until it started to cut into their throat. "I could kill you. I could kill you and you would be powerless to stop me."
He was right. He was right, and Kalei cried at the realization. They were stuck, held by their hair and arms pinned behind their back. What could they do? Nothing. Nothing at all.
"But I don't want to, Kaleidoscope. You know why? Because this..."
A gun was pulled from a waist holster, and cocked, ready to fire. The tip of it gently traced their chin. "This is nicer than what you did to me. Much, much nicer. And if you deserved nice things, well, I wouldn't be here. I'd be at home. With my wife, and our newborn son. Did you know that, Kalei? Did you know about my son?"
They were still, and a fist drove itself into their gut. Kalei gagged, stomach spasming. "Answer me!"
"No!" Kalei shouted. "No, I don't know about your son."
"...funny. He'll never forget the son of a bitch that made him bury his father."
...
.....
........
................
When they were thrown into the car beside Squig, their cuffs had been re-situated to look more appropriate.
An ugly bruise was already swelling up below their right eye, surrounding a deep cut that sluggishly leaked blood. Their lips were busted as well, and dried blood leaked from their nose. A burn from a cigarette was clearly visible on the side of their throat.
They... were shaking. Shaking so, so hard. Unable to look Squig in the eye, anyone in the eye. Any smallest movement or noise made their entire body freeze, so terrified as to be unwilling to take even a single breath. Kalei's shirt and pants covered most of their skin, but their posture indicated even further injuries where it couldn't be seen.
"Are we ready to go?" the cop in the passenger seat asked.
Squig's jaw drops when she sees the state Kalei is in. Shaking herself out of shock, she still had to take all of her will-power not to cry out Kalei's name instead.
Instead, she bit her tongue.
The cop that smelled of nicotine lightly shoved the other officer's shoulder. "They're ready. Let's go."
The drive is spent in silence, Squig trying (and failing) to not stare at Kalei.
(Why...? Did Kalei have personal beef with that guy..?)
It didn't matter. She knew it didn't. But a part of her would always look for logic where none would be found.
She wanted to talk to them, comfort them. To say things would be alright... Or just to... Say SOMETHING. (Out of earshot from the officer, hopefully. Or... No. I don't need to use words.)
She stretches her leg until a foot lies on the top of Kalei's. Then, she taps.
Tap stomp tap. Tap tap stomp. Stomp stomp stomp, tap stomp tap.
Their eyes flickered from their own hands to just beside them, still focused on the car more than on a person. Kalei couldn't look at somebody, anybody, without... god.
They lifted their foot sharply against Squig's. Then softly. Sharp, sharp, sharp.
Unable to move closer towards Squig without risk of further punishment, Kalei instead shifted their foot to the side so their ankles were hooked together. Squig was... safe? She hurt them, she slammed them into the ground, but she did that to help.
Squig was safe. If Squig was here, they couldn't get hurt as bad again.
...they hoped.
(Yeah, I figured...) Squig thinks, swallowing some saliva. She closes her eyes for a moment trying to remember the letters. She knew she didn't have time, but... She had to say something.
(C'mon ARG knowledge, don't fail me now....)
Tap stomp stomp, tap. Stomp tap tap tap. Stomp stomp stomp, stomp tap stomp -
"Quiet back there!" The yellow toothed officer says, "We're almost at the precinct."
SIlence. The car ride became silent for two or three long, long minutes until the police cruiser stopped. Then, the moment the officer that hurt Kalei opened the door to get out, Squig stomped on Kalei's remaining foot. Not too hard enough to hurt, just enough to make them look back at her.
Squig mouthed two more words, "Trust me."
They finally made eye contact with Squig. She could see how their eye on the right side, above the bruise and cut, had an entirely white sclera. Son of a bitch had hit their face hard enough to burst a blood vessel.
Kalei trembled. Minutely, so subtle it was more visible in the quivers of their hair than flesh, but it could be seen. Their face was slack, almost, other than the slightest upturn on the inners of their brows- an expression ready to turn to desperate pleading at any moment.
Then... pressing their lips together, Kalei nodded. Their brows settled down into a more neutral expression. The fear didn't leave their eyes, not at all, but the fog cleared ever so slightly.
The smallest nod possible was made just before the car door opened, and the yellow toothed officer reached for Kalei's collar once more. They looked at Squig for another long, long second before turning back to stare at the ground, dazed, as the officer practically had to hold them up to drag them down a hallway to the left.
Squig's own officer opened the door. Waited for her to step out. They entered the building... and made their way down the right. They wouldn't be allowed together again, it seemed. Too dangerous for Kalei.
This is Pt 2 of the RP log. It contains: Discussion of failed suicide attempt, suicidal ideation, unreality, mental break.
Pt 3 of the RP log is here.
Pt 1 of the RP log is here.
[Resume video transcription]
The sound of frantic clicking stopped soon after it appeared. The lull of silence returned and for a moment, Kalei returned to their plans before...
SNAP.
A crowbar etches its way through a gap in the door and pries it open before being kicked in by a heavily breathing Squig.
Before Kalei could even react to the sudden appearance of the woman breaking and entering into their home, Kalei could feel it. The weight of a fully grown woman shoving them so hard that all of the air in their lungs leaves in a single moment, followed by the pain of being slammed into the cold hardwood floor as they both hit the ground.
The world spins. And just as reality comes back into focus after falling flat on their back, Squig grabs their shirt collar and yanks Kalei upwards to face her. White knuckled and teeth barred, she pins them to the floor with her body. Fiery eyes pin pricked with tears, she says their name like it's a curse word, hissing it out in a shaky breath,
"Kalei. What the FUCK, man."
They gasped from pain that blossomed from their stomach, from the impact. Their head, from the hardwood floor. The ringing in Kalei’s ears once their head made contact. Then, the part of their neck where the collar of Kalei’s t-shirt dug into their skin as they were dragged upright.
Wide eyed, Kalei glanced around the apartment (photographs, clothes, old dishes, memories, bloodstains, claw marks-) before staring at Squig again.
Wh- why was Squig here? She wasn’t supposed to be. Not only was she very invited, but she was afraid of Kalei. Wouldn’t it have been better to not have to fear them? Don’t hurt me. Please.
Her words demanded response. Kalei’s tongue managed to numbly push out the words- “You- you broke in. My door. That’s expensive.”
Squig's grasp somehow got tighter around their shirt collar. The sweat from her palms absorbed into their shirt. Kalei got front-row seats to Squig's new glasses; identical frames as before, but no longer tinted or cracked. The lenses were crystal clear and it gave Kalei a full HD quality view of Squig's eyes and surrounding facial features. From the crease above her brow, to the raccoon mask beneath her eyes, to the microscopic dots that one could call her pupils, to the wet eyeballs themselves, threatening to spill over with tears any moment.
A dark part of her mind wants to hit them. To attack them. To... Do something, ANYTHING to make this idiot understand all of the fifty million emotions bubbling over in her chest.
But she doesn't. Instead, she chooses to ground herself.
"Kalei. You almost killed yourself."
They blinked slowly. Something in their mind just wasn’t caught up, because there was no way Squig was here in front of them, holding their shirt like she was scared for them. “But… my door,” they protested weakly.
It didn’t matter. Of course the door didn’t matter, but Kalei wanted to focus on the door. The door was easier to tackle than her desperate grip on their collar, or how Kalei felt tears they didn’t deserve pressing against their own eyelashes. Focus on the door.
Jaw agape ever so slightly, Squig stares at Kalei the same way a retail worker stares at a customer walking in the door two minutes before closing.
Her left hand lets go of Kalei's t-shirt, leaving only her right hand to keep Kalei locked in place as she reaches into her backpack, grabs a fistful of loose hundred dollar bills, and haphazardly throws them at Kalei's face.
The dollars fall like confetti around Kalei's face as Squig continues to glare, unblinking.
"There's your door. Now talk to me."
What the hell? Kalei almost asked where Squig got that many hundred dollar bills before realizing that now was… not the time.
Kalei took a hand that had been holding a rope only moments prior and grabbed the wrist connected to the hand holding Kalei’s shirt, “You can let go of me,” Kalei said. “And I don’t need to talk, you don’t have to- you don’t have to force yourself to do this. I promise.”
How, they wanted to scream, did she notice? Nobody around anymore cares for them- nobody at all! Those people are all gone.
"No, Kalei," Squig replied, her tone almost reminiscent of an annoyed teacher scolding a class clown if not for the internal fury and eyebound tears, "I'm not letting go of you. You're going to talk. I had to do this, and even if I didn't? Fuck it. I'd do it anyway."
She reaches her spare hand up, wipes the sweat off her brow, finally breathing now that the adrenaline's wearing down slightly. She reaches back, swings her backpack off and onto the floor, and pulls out a water bottle and swigs it, before looking down at Kalei again. She wipes a drop from her lip with the back of her hand. She looks back down to Kalei, then produces another flimsier plastic bottle from her bag.
"That's... My spare water bottle. I didn't get my lips on it, so... Don't worry about germs. Anyway, I'll force you to hydrate later. For now, just... Explain a little? I guess? I speedran the information on what's happening with y'all when I was in the Uber on the way here, I'd like to know a little more detail on what even the fuck is happening before I free you from the prison known as my ass. Please."
Kalei closed their eyes and tilted their head back, getting as much distance from Squig they could get while still being very much so pinned underneath her.
Damn it. She was so… so- why did she break into the apartment of some stranger just to possibly save them? How did she even know? “I’ve had a lot going on, Squig. I… my life hasn’t exactly been calm as of late. These past- two, three… I don’t even remember. But ever since Fia went missing- or, about that time-, it’s like shit just kept getting worse. So much worse.”
They raised a hand to press a palm into their own forehead, pushing as hard as they could muster. It couldn’t actually quell the throbbing headache, but it was a nice pressure to focus on. “I’m- I’m fucked. So is everyone I care about.” Their voice broke on the second part. “I don’t… why am I telling this to you? We don’t like each other.”
Squig sighed, "No Kalei, YOU don't like me. But I don't have a reason to hate you. I keep saying this but you keep not listening, you ignorant asshole."
She leaned in, getting into Kalei's face as they leaned away. (I'm not letting you escape this.) "I don't hate you. I am frustrated with you. I am envious of you. But I have NEVER hated you Kalei. Not since you graduated from an ableist stranger and became an actual likable human being."
In time, Kalei had leaned back far enough to reach the floor, Squig's spare hand hit the ground with a thud, hitting the floor harder than she expected right next to Kalei's head. Her head was illuminated by the back, making her appearance even more intimidating than someone called "Squig" should ever be.
"I can't hate you Kalei. I like you too much. You... You're like me but. Likable." Her voice cracks, "You know how to make friends. You know how to fix your mistakes. You KNOW how to be a good person. You.... You......."
Sniff.
A tear dropped, then another fell on Kalei's face from above. "You're everything I wish I was. You're... You're so much like me, but somehow I admire you.... Why?"
Kalei was pressed back again, caught between entertaining Squig's thoughts and brushing them off entirely. "Is that why you care?" Kalei asked quietly. "If I die? Is it because it's like saving yourself?"
Kalei couldn't struggle against Squig's face, wet and teary right above their own. They can't rip their wrists away from her much stronger grasp. Kalei was stuck. Kalei was stuck, and they hated to admit how entirely terrifying that thought now was.
"I... after you." Kalei couldn't say what Squig said. They just couldn't repeat it out loud without feeling a mixture of feelings so complex that it ended up washing out into almost nothing at all. A haze they hadn't ever felt before. "After you left. I was... coerced into meeting with someone. I'd been warned that it was a bad idea, but... Kat was not replying to me. Fia is gone. I couldn't think of anyone else I could've trusted at the time."
They sobbed. "I fucked up," Kalei admitted. "I know I have before, so many times, but that one hurt more than it should've. I was so- god, I can still feel its hands around my neck. The entire day after was just a daze, I was so.... and then I woke up, and Kat was posting about redemptions and atonement and how she couldn't bear to see me in her state but she would make sure she found me again no matter what and then she was just gone. Kat's gone. They got her."
"After you left."
"After you left..."
Squig echoed, feeling every word on her tongue as she said them, "After you left......"
"Kalei. You really are a stupid motherfucker if you think I'd fall for what you've already convinced yourself of."
Her fingers dug into Kalei's flesh. They could barely feel due to how hard she pressed into them, forcing them to stay in this moment, grounding them in a reality that they didn't wish to exist in.
She spelled it out for them as if they were a child.
"I. Didn't. Leave. YOU. Left. ME."
"I passed out. You left me. You left me alone in that hospital bed,” Her voice hitched, “And… And then you... You left to BE alone. Alone in this apartment, I take it."
"And now here you are. After everything. After all the loss and chaos and heartache…. You still never listened to me, have you?”
Squig’s hands shook as she held Kalei in place, more tears dripped onto Kalei’s face, “You think I give half a shit about my own life in comparison to others? Why the fuck would I save you to save myself? I’d kill MYSELF if it meant everything would be okay for you! And you STILL think of me as some self-centered bitch, huh?”
Her hands cease in their shaking, her grip tightens once more, “Are you ever gonna accept that I want to help you because I WANT to? That I’m helping because just WANT you to be alive? Or are you more than willing to let yourself die before admitting that maybe, JUST MAYBE, I'm not lying when I say I just want to help you? Not for my own sick gain but because I consider you a fucking friend?"
Silence falls. A final punctuation to Squig’s admittance.
"I… Fuck. I do consider you as a friend, don’t I..? Ha…” Squig lets out a quiet, guilty chuckle that ends in a sob, “Of fuckin’ course… The only two folks I’ve considered my friends in the past year are a good person who doesn’t need a bitch like me and…” Her eyes drift down to Kalei, “And the one person who does need a bitch like me.”
She relaxes her muscles just enough to let Kalei’s wrists breathe again. Squig attempts to wipe her tears beneath her glasses with her shoulder.
“I ain’t leaving you. Ya wanna know why? Because I don’t hate you. And that isn’t going to change. ‘Cause you’re still a real person. So even if you think I'm not gonna be there to catch you when you fall? I will. So… for the love of god… Let me help. Please?”
It hurt. It hurt where Squig had been squeezing their wrists so tight, Kalei could see little crescent moons carved into their skin.. It hurt, more than they expected, that they'd driven her to anger and crying.
It hurt that Kalei was Squig's friend, apparently.
They weren't a friend. That was- that was bullshit. She was lying, wasn't she? She had to be. She sounded so honest, acted so earnest, but-
Don't hurt me. Please. Don't hurt me.
-she wasn't the type of person to be Kalei's friend. She was- Kalei had to remember. They were both unstable. They were both violent. They should not be around each other like this. Squig had no self worth, was determined to throw herself in every situation possible, and hurt people while in said situations.
They needed to get out of here, away from Squig, before they hurt her again(?) she did something wrong. "I- you can't help me."
The words built up behind Kalei's tongue. "You can't fucking help me, Squig, so you need to- stop trying! Just stop! Do you think I wanted this? Do you think this makes me happy? Because it really fucking doesn't!" Kalei's voice broke. "I don't want to die, Squig, I'm scared! I was terrified when it- when it took me in its car and choked me when I tried to refuse to cooperate. I was terrified when I saw it taze someone to the ground and throw her in a car without thinking. I was shaking, thinking that I didn't want to die like that, because I thought Kat and Fia needed me. But guess what? Kat's gone now too, and Fia doesn't need me. Wh- someone said so herself." Can't say the name. Of all times to not have Whimsy show up, this was a very important one.
"I got played for a fucking idiot, dragged around and forced to- I hurt somebody! Aren't you fucking terrified of me? I killed someone once, Squig! I beat him to death and I butchered the body and buried it? Are you scared? You should feel fucking sick, so get off me!"
Squig's stare became a paradox, both hardening and softening at Kalei's confession. But her body remained still, continuing to keep Kalei down to the floor.
(They really think they hurt people, huh? Fuck... We really are similar, huh...?)
"Kalei... Can I admit something to you? About... Uh. Myself. My brain. And... That thing I think I said the other day. Something about how..." She inhales sharply, "How I didn't want you to hurt me. You remember that, right?"
Oh. Yes, they remembered. How could they forget? Starting to wriggle against Squig’s tight grip (shit, she is not letting them go), Kalei nodded. “I remember very well, Squig. That’s wh-“ Mm, no. Don’t tell her that Kalei couldn’t tolerate, amongst everything else, learning they’d become the kind of person others feared. That was their own fault.
"Yeah..." Squig comments, without elaboration.
It's silent between them again. She slams her eyes shut, (I can't look at them as I admit this...) then breathes in and out.
"I.... I had..." (Deep breaths, Squig...) "I had an episode the night after, uh... The whole thing with Kat going God Tier. Or whatever that was... And it was a long one. A really, really long one."
Squig bites her lip, choosing her words one by one. "I don't... Wanna explain the exact disorder itself. It's... So rare that talking about it alone may dox me. But, uh. The way the episodes work is that..."
[ERROR 307]
[Redirecting....]
[Video Loaded]
It hurt.
It fucking HURT.
Squig would be breathing heavily if she could, but that was the problem… She couldn't.
Kalei's grasp was too tight.
They were back in Magalie’s hospital room, Kalei's hands weren't on Squig’s shirt collar, but her neck. Both hands strangled her, white knuckled, digging into the flesh of her skin as they didn’t stop choking her. She tries to pry their hands off of her neck, but they keep pressing harder into her. The gaunt person in front of her was stronger than ever despite looking like a damn skeleton. (Same as before, save for.... Oh god.......)
“You BITCH. You DID THIS TO ME. You ruined my FUCKING life. You ruined Jean’s life. You ruin the lives of every single FUCKING person you’ve met.”
Kalei let out a hollow laugh, those hateful, hateful eyes staring her down, the twisted sense of joy intermingling with a genuine loathing of the woman in their hands.
“No. Worse. You couldn’t have stopped with Jean and I. You did this to THEM. MY friends? This random fucking kid?? You've ruined all of it! And you STILL manage to find ways to make it worse."
"Even for the people who pretend to like you. You don't think I know what you did to Robin's sibling? All to stay by the side of someone paid to ACT like they like you.."
Another chuckle. "You really are the worst kind of person, aren’t you ‘Michelle?'”
“Though I do admit, 'Shelley', I was wrong." Kalei's head tilts as they lean in, hot breath brushing against Squig's blue face, "If you truly were the kind of person who couldn’t care less for anyone other than yourself, you wouldn’t have done half the shit you did. But no. You’re WORSE. You go out of your way to infect the people around you like the miasma you are. You WANT this for people, don’t you? You WANT the people around you to suffer, that’s why you keep getting involved.”
Her eyes, now bulging out of her skull, just barely look to her left in the last moments of consciousness.
“If you truly cared, there would have been a fifth bullet. And if you didn’t? There wouldn’t have been four others.”
They drop her.
“You’re worthy of the surname Pottersfield. Now make yourself worthy of the name ███████ too.”
Squig’s head turns as she falls. Magalie is still in the hospital bed, still as bloody as they were on the highway. Small bugs litter their body, but they’re all just as still as the teen is. The heart monitor is flat and the room smells of roadkill and pesticide. Kalei leaves the room, dragging their bloodied severed leg behind them before the nurses grab Squig’s body out too, leaving the dead kid completely alone.
[ERROR FIXED!]
[Returning to prior video file.]
Squig was full on sobbing again, the tears pouring onto the fresh new lenses already dirtying them. She could barely see Kalei's face through the tears.
"I... I didn't mean to run that night. I didn't... I didn't leave you 'cuz I know what it's like to.. To wake up alone, but... I... Was so scared, Kalei... I thought... Maybe you would... Hate me for staying. And..."
She sniffed.
"You did. I was right, wasn't I?"
Her grip loosened on Kalei's wrists.
"The version of you in my Episode... They loathed me just as much as you do now. The only difference is that THAT Kalei was a murderer, right? Haha..."
Another sob.
"Sorry. I'm not funny."
“…right. Psychosis.” Kalei couldn’t help but sound flat. Of course Squig thought they were insane… sometimes Kalei wondered the same thing. The king was real, obviously, but cigarettes their weird stalker… some of the other things they’ve done…
Kalei needed therapy. Badly. “I. I’m sorry that happened. God, I know- I know this stuff is just as traumatizing as real life, but I can’t. I can’t handle this right now.”
Their face was stained with Squig’s tears, and the pressure of her leaning on them for so long was starting to hurt. Kalei was a very thin person, and had been weak as of late. Lack of food and rest most definitely contributed…
Kalei spoke through the discomfort. “You aren’t listening, Squig. I didn’t- I didn’t leave because I wanted to kill myself. I left because no one deserves to be stuck with me. Right when I left, though, someone.” They bit their cheek so hard they tasted blood. Their tone lowered in volume, unsure of what to say. What they could say. Stupid. It’s not like it could listen. “Someone who I knew was unsafe made me get in a car with them. And we went somewhere.”
Squig went quiet listening to Kalei speak. But midway through, she let go of Kalei's wrist. Just one hand so she could wipe the tears from her face.
(Not that it helped... I'm crying even harder now, aren't I..?)
She cut them off.
"Fuck... Kalei... No one deserves to think they're a burden or... Someone to be 'stuck with'," (Except for me.) "Sorry, I... I didn't mean to interrupt. Continue, please?"
Normally they’d be annoyed at the therapy speak, but… too much effort. “It. Drove me somewhere. And it made me think of a way to cause- well. Have you heard of Ellen? The girl… in the machine?”
The girl who was a machine. Kalei could still hear the blood dripping onto metal panels when they thought about it.
“It asked me what I could do to her to draw out her technician. Asked me if I had any ideas. I… I said no. I lied and I said no.”
Kalei swallowed, hard. “It had spent that entire time beforehand saying it wanted to help me. Saying it wanted to help Fia. Saying I was- I was being selfish for being so suspicious, but that it made sense because I was so weak and so scared. It had been acting so, so civil, but so weird. It tried to push my chair. It spoke to me on one knee. I knew it was bullshitting me, but I didn’t…”
A weak laugh. “I didn’t think it would choke me, and then hold my neck. Tell me not to ruin its impression of me. Then to try harder.”
Their eyes unfocused. “That technician was so scared, and so… clueless. I know I shouldn’t feel bad for a DMS worker, but she got hurt. It tazed her. I didn’t want to hurt anyone.” Tears bubbled in Kalei’s eyes. “But it choked me, and it was lying to me and everyone else and- and I can’t keep up. It said it could find me if need be. I didn’t want to listen, I know it’s saying shit to make me- make me do what it wants, but what am I meant to do? Risk it attacking us if I call it out or refuse it? It made me feel crazy,” Kalei whispered.
Squig nodded along.
(Fuck.... I might've hallucinated being choked, but... Kalei actually had it happen to them.) Her free hand slowly touched her neck. (The pain I felt in the dreams I have in my Episodes... They feel just as real as when I'm awake. And... That's nothing to scoff at. There's people out there who've died from it. People have gone into cardiac arrest mid-episode because of what these dreams made us feel... Even my own relatives.) Her hand rubs her neck slowly as she listens. (Even then... I just had a dream. Kalei has a heart condition. I don't. Fuck...)
Returning her focus entirely to Kalei, she waited for them to continue.
“I was in a daze. I don’t… know what I did most of that day. I went to Canni-“ They took in a sharp breath from the pain the name caused. All those messages about decaying bodies… god. Not right now, Kalei. “Her apartment. I know she’s… missing… too, but she told me I was welcome even if she wasn’t there. I used my key. And I think I slept? When I woke up, I texted Kat.”
The tears were worse now. Kalei would’ve wiped their eyes, but Squig still had them pinned. She really didn’t trust them, did she? “She was fine at first and then- she wasn’t. She started talking about the blood, how it was an accident, repentance, and then… by the time I got here she was gone, and the place was a mess. Then I saw her blog update. The DMS… seized the blog. Seized her.” Kalei wanted to throw up. They couldn’t think about it… “I can see them hurting her, Squig. He- he shows me these things. God, I’m supposed to have infinite knowledge, and all I get to know is the stuff that makes it worse! She’s screaming again, and I have to hear it, and I can’t fucking help her because I can’t put Fia in danger- assuming they don’t catch her, too!”
Panic made Kalei’s movements stronger again. “I- they’re gone. Everybody is gone. Squig- you are the only person who bothered to check up on me, not because I have no friends, but because my friends are all gone. They’re dying. Canni- fuck, people keep saying she’s- and Fia, they hurt Fia, the DMS cut her face and her chest and moved things around to see what was inside and now Kat… I… shit. I know I should be trying harder to save them, I know, I know, I know, but every time I try it gets worse. For fucks sake, when Kat was possessed, the only thing I did right was pretend to give up!”
"No."
Squig's voice shot through Kalei's ramble like a bullet.
"Kalei, don't chastise yourself for doing something smart. Patience is a virtue. If you didn't pretend to give up... I don't think I would've been able to save Kat."
(I shouldn't be entertaining the LARP, but... With the way Kat's mind was working around then? Yeah, SOMETHING about that interaction got her out of that state.... More likely, being around the rest of her queer platonic partners...)
Squig exhaled. She switched the hand holding herself up to the free hand, feeling the cold floorboards beneath her left hand, she scratched behind her ear with her right.
"I've... I've been... Trying to play catch-up on the blogs associated with..." (Keep it in kayfabe, Squig, Kalei needs to trust you...) "With this entire situation. I listed which blogs have been taken over by the DMS, which ones were associated with people who are just... Missing."
(Not missing... The folks on The Website told you, it's... All part of the game. Even if.. Even if none of them know it. Even if they're all trapped, confined, scared. Likely going through psychosis just as, if not FAR worse, than what Kalei and I are going through. Christ....)
"Most of the missing people's blogs are directly stated to be taken over by the DMS via a post. With the exception of Fia, which I assume to be an error on the game moderator's end..." She trailed off, hoping Kalei didn't focus on her slip-up of the word, 'game'.
"The fact the blogs weren't deleted means something. I think." Squig's voice goes soft as she attempts to comfort Kalei, "They could have been archived, but they weren't. I think they're supposed to come back."
"If that doesn't convince you that they ain't gone for good, which, uh. Judging by the expression on your face, I assume that is the case, I... I got another letter. A short one. Just told me your address and to go there without calling the police. But... If the others were in danger and we could do something about it? The letter would have mentioned that, right? Give us instructions on what to do?"
She takes off her glasses and cleans them against her shirt.
"The letter writer knows about this. They want to help. And.... And they didn't mention anything. So... That means we're either gonna get another letter soon, or..." Squig swallows, (I need to believe this too.) "They're gonna be fine in the end. So... If you still don't trust me, trust the letter writer, at least.”
She puts her glasses back on, smudged and tear stained, but far clearer than before.
“They saved the kiddo, they saved you. They... They wouldn't want anyone else hurt! So… Trust that we can solve this and… Make it out of here together? I promise you Kalei, we’ll… Soon we’ll be in a better place, at a better time. All of us. Just… Trust me. Okay?"
“…right. Right, because things like that- hah- things like that happen. People are just alright.”
Kalei took a few moments to look past Squig, breathing heavy. They stared at the ceiling rather than her tearful eyes. Kalei very intentionally did not look at the ceiling fan. “I hurt somebody. I- I’ve done horrible things. And I’m in pain. I’m- it hurts. All the time.”
A hand raises to grab at their chest. “My scars burn when I try to keep- keep it at bay. I feel sick all the time. And… when it whispers, all I can think about is how much it tells me. I know it’s telling the truth. The truth is, my friends are being tortured. And I’m not fixing it.”
A small laugh. “I- I try. I want to help them. I really do. I killed that cop, Squig. You think I’m crazy- fuck, I might be- but I killed him. He’s dead, but-“
Footsteps thudded outside the room. Kalei flinched back, before leaning forward again, one hand reaching towards Squig’s shoulder. They might need her help to run, or to shove her out of the way. No clue.
Their hand never made contact. Exactly like when Squig handed them that phone, Kalei gasped and went whiter than a sheet. The hand quivered, as if they were trying to suppress it but just couldn’t. Pupils shrank back. Eyes flickered up, down, at Squig, at their hands.
No. No, no, no, no, it-
“Can I have a cigarette?”
“Hey, back away! Ness Anne Police!” A man shouted, staring at Squig. A polite man.
One with nicotine stained teeth.
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"
Squig nearly jumps out of her skin at the sudden clambering of noises behind her.
"I said, back away!" The officer shouts, "Put your hands up where I can see them!"
Squig scrambles to her feet as if the floor had suddenly turned into magma, arms raised high above her head, "SIR YESSIR!!!"
Only by the time she was standing, Squig noticed Kalei. Shaking, sweating, heavily breathing Kalei.
"Wh... Wait, Kalei - "
She didn't get the chance to finish her sentence. The cop pinned her to the wall, not bothering to wait for more context. Just like how he did with Kalei before -
Squig - @searchin4arealitythatdoesntexist
Fia - @stitchesfromtheneedle
Kat - @explodingkatts
Content Warnings: Unreality, depictions of death, depictions of mental breakdowns, self-harm, and references to attempted suicide.
[Link to transcript of previous dream log referenced in current transcript.]
[Start of Dream Log]
[Kalei was impaled on a stalagmite while fighting Squig.]
Squig surfaced. She had been in the dripstone cave for HOURS it felt like. She couldn’t find them. There was no sign of Kalei anywhere. Not near the cave itself, not in any of the tunnels they explored, not even…
(Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK.)
Squig had just given up. She wasn’t going to find them here. If they return to the cave later, that’s their prerogative. Instead, she would have to go find them herself. Maybe before they come back? Fuck if Squig knew. She already had a headache from the whole ordeal.
(Goddamn it Kalei… I can’t have a single normal interaction with you, now can I?)
She went to her base. Dropped off the iron, dripstone, and lapis (it wasn’t a very big haul of lapis… The entire purpose of this trip was for nothing…) and continued out the door once more.
(Find Kalei. Make things right. That’s…. What you’re supposed to do, right? I’m doing the right thing, right? Fuck if I know actually. God…. Why am I such a fuck up..?)
Fia was, in stark contrast to Squig, very calm. She was going around looking for… wait, what was she looking for again? Oh right, a better cave. That other one was very dry.
She wandered through the landscape, looking around for any points of interest. It was a little far from the beach perhaps, but that’s alright. It seemed pretty peaceful out here, a little lonely maybe. Speaking of, she hasn’t seen another person in a while… have people really not come across this stretch of land?
Oh. Wait. Is that a house over there? Pausing, she squinted. Yep, that’s a house alright.
“Huh. Didn’t think anyone else was out here.” Eh, why not check to see who was there? Maybe they’d know a better cave around here. Trudging over, pickaxe in hand, Fia looked around for literally anyone else. “Hello? Anyone here?”
Kat was watching. Obviously, this little lurker could only spy.
Hm… What were they getting up to - OH. MY. GOODNESS.
WAS THAT A FELLOW CAT FRIEND. POTENTIAL FRIEND.
… Oh, wait. There was Fia, too. Hmm.
This was really interesting. Time to watch!
Squig wandered out of her base, still lost in thought… Her furrowed brows creased as she paced past the polished andesite walls of her micro-castle in the hill. (I really gotta stop mining andesite when I’m not playing Create…)
The rainbow cape trailed behind her as she walked, tail flicking back and forth beneath it. Squig had not noticed a single part of her surroundings outside of her racing thoughts. Not even the person she literally walked directly past.
Wow. It was… a pretty nice base. Fia stopped to look at it, wondering who in the world would use this much andesite. Well, it looked good at least, the little castle that it is. Someone walked past her, and Fia caught sight of a tail and a rainbow cape. Wait, wasn’t that Squig’s skin?
“Squig? Hey, wait up!” Fia turned and jogged after Squig, brown hair flying behind her. Fia looked pretty much exactly as she did in real life, so it was pretty hard to mistake her for literally anyone else.
(Cool base. Cool people. Keep a low profile, Kat! You can't be caught snooping. Not again… Not after the first few times.)
“But Squig’s cool Minecraft skin…” A part of Kat whined to say hello.
(… Recon mission. Gotta remember. )
Squig kept walking. She had one goal in mind, one PERSON in mind.
(No… Two. Kalei and I. I shouldn’t be on my mind. I shouldn’t be… But. But, I am. I hate that I am. I truly am selfish. I’m selfish, I’m selfish, I’m….)
She couldn’t help but sob again. It hit her just what she did once more and she was crying all over again. Fuck. FUCK, FUCK -
Bonk.
She stepped onto someone’s foot. Wait…
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH?!?!?!?”
Squig hopped back, terrified of whoever it was she literally ran into.
“Aah! Ow!” Fia yelped, hopping on one foot. “Squig?!” Damn, that hurt. But it’s not that bad, it’s just her foot after all. Admittedly, that scream did also startle Fia.
“Uh, Squig? Are you okay??” Fia asked, putting her pickaxe away in her hotbar. “You’re crying. Did something—” Oh. Wait. Fia recalled that death message earlier. Was Kalei fighting Squig? Maybe it was an accident. Maybe Squig accidentally hit Kalei while they were mining or something.
“Um… hey, it’s fine, it’s just me, Fia. Are you like… do you need help?” Fia cringed. How awkward. “I uh, didn’t expect to run into you here…”
(Oh, shit. That's right. Squig was crying. Well…)
“...damn maybe I shouldn't be spying on this”
Kat felt a wave of guilt stream through her… (This didn't feel right to snoop on.)
Squig snapped back into reality. (No… Not reality. Not… Not reality..?)
It’s Fia. It’s… It’s Fia. Fia.
FIA.
“Ka…. Fia, I…. Kalei - have… Have you seen Kalei? Have…”
(No, no, NO, you shouldn’t see them, you shouldn’t be NEAR them, why are you even - )
“NO. No wait, I… Fuck, Fia, I’m sorry! I’m so SO sorry, I didn’t mean to - I didn’t mean to HURT them, I didn’t mean to - “
The nyan catgirl’s tears didn’t stop flowing. She clutched her skull again, clawed hands digging back into her head, the previous scratch marks that had healed over due to how quickly her body recovered in this world (This GAME THIS GAME THIS GAME) now reopened, the blood repooling on the surface of her scalp and on the bottoms of her toe beans.
“Uh—hey, Squig, i-it’s okay, it’s alright—” Fia approached Squig quickly, struggling to decide how to help her. Well, first thing’s first.
“Y-you’re bleeding, Squig. No, I didn’t see Kalei yet, but I’m sure they’ve uh… what’s the word, respawned already back at our base. It’s okay, Squig. Please don’t hurt yourself.” Fia tentatively reached to pry Squig’s claws away from her head.
It was similar to watching a car crash in slow motion. Kat couldn't look away from the terrifying scene, Squig made herself bleed from her stress and Fia worriedly tried to help.
… And all Kat could do was watch.
Because, well, how in the world was she supposed to pop out of hiding this time? ‘Hey, sorry guys, just happened to be listening in on a moment I shouldn't have’???
Confliction set in. She couldn't stay here, that would just lead to watching what could likely be a good old Minecraft kill. (And fuck, would Squig be in for a ride and a half if she even artificially did anything to Fia. Even hypothetically it made Kat’s vision blurry from frustration.)
…But she couldn't leave this place, either. Once again, how could she explain watching? Or, even if she tried to flee, they would hear her tail. Everyone in earshot could hear it.
Confliction, indeed.
“Fia, I… I don’t…”
Squig’s claws retract from her head. She whimpered, not just from the pain. (I’m used to the pain, I’m… I’m used to it, so used to it…)
“I killed them, Fee. I - I didn’t mean to… We had an argument and…”
(I didn’t believe them. They didn’t believe me. They were in pain. I made the pain worse… Oh God did I make the pain so so so much worse.)
“I’m awful. I’m just… I broke the fourth wall, said too many things weren’t real. And… They aren’t. They CAN’T be,” her voice hitched, “Magic isn’t real, GODS aren’t REAL. I KNOW what’s REAL…”
Her claws extended again and she attempted to grab at her skull once more.
“S-Squig? What are you talking about? The fourth wall?” Fia had no idea what a fourth wall even is, but she knew that Squig will only hurt herself more if she doesn’t step in now.
“Hey, Squig? It’s gonna be alright, this is just a dream! It doesn’t—it doesn’t really matter, it’s not going to affect them in real life, you know that?” Fia stepped forward and gently grabbed Squig’s wrists, holding them away from her head. Yes, it hurt when the death message popped up, but Fia reminded herself that it was all just a dream.
Right. Squig still believed that everything’s an ARG. That magic wasn’t real, and gods weren’t real. Except they were. But now, being “right” is inconsequential when compared to Squig’s mental stability. Who knew what would happen if she didn’t calm down? Ok. Simple. Just get Squig to calm down. Problem? Fia… didn’t really know how to do that. Usually she’d hug her friends when they were breaking down, but she wasn’t sure that would help right now. Dammit, the one time she had to be so useless…
“Uh, um—no, they’re not real, Squig.” Lying. Oh, how Fia hated lying. She was cringing on the inside at how terribly she lied. It made her stomach turn. “It’s just a dream, Squig, plea-please don’t hurt yourself over a dream… Please?”
(The fuck, Fia? Don't feed into her delusions.)
“Alright, yup. That's enough.” Kat was so fucking done with this that she used her wings to fly down. To prove a point. (Look at the wings, Squig. Remember. Do you remember how they made you feel?)
(Look up at the “angelic” being flying down towards you from the sky. Was this fake, ‘Squig’? Were you dreaming here, or in the “real world”? Just how long could you continue to hide behind this, ‘Squig’? )
(How terrified it made you to wonder just how those “special effects” worked? Look at me, a being of pure, real pain turned into something new.)
… Kat checked the chat. Now she knew. Squig had killed Kalei, in this twisted dream.
Kat wouldn't let either of them look away, then.
Not if it meant further allowing the truth.
(Do you remember watching Kat ascend to godhood? Who in their right mind would falsify those screams? The blood? The wings that tore through her skin and bones?)
“I think you two have said enough. It's time to face the cold hard facts.”
Squig stared up in horror at the wings once more. The sense of comfort they gave her after she had finally gathered the bravado to touch them faded in an instant.
Now, they were the same reminder they were before.
(A human is not light enough to be carried by wings. A human cannot GROW multiple limbs from their BACK in a moment of gore and confusion… A human cannot teleport, a human cannot fly, a human, a human, a human….)
She could feel it in her spine. The memories. The Episode she had as well (Downy feathered torn across the yard, mangled mess of limbs on a lifeless, human human human Kat) her breathing became heavy once more, her claws extended in full as she tore at her head again
(STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP - )
Squig gasped.
(NO.)
Her vision blurred as she fell to her knees.
(... No.)
Everything went numb.
(It doesn’t deserve to be stopped. I KILLED them. I killed again. This isn’t real. Why does it feel so REAL though? I know the guilt is real, Kalei has the disorder too. They FELT that. They felt something so real not real not real not real not - )
Her breathing hitched.
(Is this real? Is this not real? How does one tell in a game like this one..? This is not real.)
She shut her eyes, claws digging deeper into her flesh (deep deep deep, scarring in the waking world these would be, but not here because this is not real.)
She nearly fell. Her heart raced, tears struck down her face…
She was in the principal’s office again.
She was young (so so SO young but not the youngest she was), and she did something at school (What was it? What was it?) and… And she had to call someone. (No, not mom, not mom, not mom, who else could I - )
“STOP.”
Squig smacked herself. She smacked herself in an attempt to ground herself. (Anything ANYTHING to snap herself out of it, this is the LAST MEMORY i would like to relive through, and here HERE in front of THEM they don’t KNOW what you did, what you CAUSED, ██████!!!)
But instead of a palm hitting her cheek, a worst pain occurred.
The claws were outstretched. She hit her face.
Her glasses were there, they almost blocked it.
Almost...
The guttural scream that etched from her body as her claw hit her right eye. Her yowl of pain was as human as it was felid. It HURT it fucking HURT, but… It snapped her out of the early phase of her episode.
Squig was there. She existed. She… She was playing a VR game and… And Fia and Kat are here… And now, there was a scratch on her right eye, which was also bleeding profusely.
(What the- )
“Kat?!” Fia stared up in disbelief. “Wh- no, Squig no STOP-”
But she could only watch in horror as Squig’s claw hit her eye.
“SQUIG!! No no no no no—” she ran to Squig’s side, pushing her arms away and checking the wounds. It was pointless, she knew it was all a dream, but the pain was about as real as it can get. “Ugh, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry—” Fia choked on her words. “It- it’ll heal soon, just- just give it a minute—”
While holding Squig’s arms down again, Fia turned to look at Kat. “What was THAT for?!” why was she yelling? Fia didn’t usually get angry. “You- you didn’t have to do that, Kat!”
Her arms were trembling.
“WHAT– WHA- I…. Fia, I-” Kat stumbled, glamoring her wings away. “...I didn't know- what was- I didn't know she'd-.... Oh my Gods.”
(Don't run away. Don't run. Don't.)
(You did this.)
(Look at what you did, Katherine.)
… You made Squig scratch her eye. Who fucking knows if she actually has real repercussions from this? What was Kat thinking?
“...I’m so sorry.”
Squig smiled as best as she could upon hearing the apology, the pain was easy to ignore but she made absolute certain she could feel it. (So I can punish ground myself…) She spoke in as steady of a voice she could muster despite the screaming and externalized inter-turmoil from earlier, “It’s okay, Katty!~ I needed this~ I… I needed this…”
“Sooo…” She swallowed, attempting in vain to ignore the blood on her face, “I, uh… Heard about the polycule! Good for you guys!~ Glad it’s official!~”
“And..... I just… killed… Your third. So sorry about…” Squig refocused on the pain of her eye. It was real, it was real, it was real, it was REAL, IT WAS REAL.
BONK.
Her hand slipped out from beneath Fia's grasp and she hit herself, instinctually learning that perhaps the claws weren’t the best method of protecting others stopping herself. (What’s the difference? What’s the difference? Nothing nothing nothing…)
“Sorry. Just… Sorry. Are y’all sure you wanna be around me while I’m, uh… Like this?” The gray furred catgirl said, still attempting a smile while wiping some more of the blood off of her face and onto the tan cardigan and pink sprinkle patterned shirt.
(Heh… It’s like the jam filling came out of the poptart…)
(…)
(I’m not funny…)
Fia sighed, holding back her own sobs. She let go of Squig, realizing that her efforts won’t stop her. Instead, she tore off a strip of fabric from the sleeve of her dress, handing it to Squig.
“Here. You can use this to wipe off the blood.” Fia said. “I’m… sorry about that.” She looked back at Kat, her expression resigned.
“Oh. You uh… heard about us?” Suddenly, Fia cringed slightly. She didn’t realize that other people knew, nor did she exactly recall telling anyone else. She wasn’t that type of person. “Um… it’s alright, Squig. We’ll stick by until it’s over. Don’t worry.” As per usual, not the type to just leave people alone in a difficult situation, eh?
“...Should. Should I go?” Kat had never had such a flat tone to her voice before. She saw how Squig looked. Bloody, terrifying, scared.
(Kat needed to leave. She was in the way. Far away. But the last time she did that….)
The pinker catgirl shook her head. “Clearly this isn't a good thing to butt in on. A-also… Could you maybe not spread that around until all three of us are more comfortable with sharing about it?... Just in case anyone isn't?”
Squig first addressed Fia, “No, it’s… Fuck. You really didn’t have to… I’m literally wearing a giant ass rainbow cape right now,” she lifted the cape to show just how long it is, “I know it’d be sacrilege to ruin this during pride month, but I feel like this would make SO much more sense to use as spare fabric right about now…”
Then, she addressed Kat, “And.. I won’t. Trust me, the… The last thing I want is to fuck everything up even more royally for you guys. And… And even when they respawn,” (If. IF they respawn. If there is ANY amount of truth to their poor health - ) “They’ll hate me as per usual, but… They’ll be fine. They’ll be… They’ll be fine,” She emphasized the F in the final ‘fine’. As if that would make it more true. (It did not, it did not, she KNEW it did not, it’s not even that they’ll hate me, it’s that they’ll FEEL it, it’s that with a heart like theirs it could have - )
“Can one of you stop me from hitting myself again please?”
“Y-yeah, I’m coming..” Fia said, moving forward and holding Squig’s arms down again. “It’s gonna be fine, Squig. I’m sure they’ll be fine. They’ve respawned by now I think, that’s how Minecraft works isn’t it?” Yeah, they’ve respawned. That’s how Minecraft worked. They respawned quickly the last time they died too, so surely it’s going to be alright, right?
“No, Kat. Stay. Please?” She looked back, her eyes saying what she wouldn’t out loud: they were going to talk about this later. “It… it’s gonna be fine. Trust me.”
“...What even happened? I mean, if you don’t wanna tell me, that-that’s okay of course…” Fia can just ask Kalei later if Squig didn’t want to say anything, so it’s fine.
Kat’s heart melted into an eased, calmer approach than running. Just from one look from her platonic partner. It was okay. They'd handle whatever that was later. Focus on helping Squig.
“...We’re here for you, okay?”
(They shouldn’t be. These two are THEIR partner, I should NOT matter to them! If my old partner saw me getting comforted by someone else, or visa versa, they’d be….)
Squig inhaled. Then exhaled. Deep, deep breathes.
(They aren’t here. Kalei… Kalei isn’t them. And these two aren’t him either. And.. And I’m not it either was well.)
She twitched her little pink nose in an attempt to readjust her glasses without moving her paw-hands near her face. With two closed eyes, she began,
“I… Got into an argument. With Kalei. After… After they revealed that they… The might know my disorder, the - the one that makes me…” (Awful? Violent? Unempathetic? A freak who doesn’t deserve the air she breathes because she’s the reason MULTIPLE PEOPLE ARE - ) “Like this. The disorder that makes me… Like this.”
(Breath again, Squigs… Please…)
Deep breath in, deep breath out.
“I thought… They might’ve seen… Something really bad during their time getting their psychology degree. My… I have relatives that were… Case studies.” Her tail curled around her body, “Brain scans. Their names and faces and… Everything. It’s all on there. But worse…”
Squig gritted her teeth. She almost went to grab her head again, but she powered through it, (LET YOURSELF FEEL IT, YOU UNEMPATHETIC FREAK.)
“It also lists what killed them. They…” Squig hiccups, “They have the footage. They have…. They said so, at the university back when my folks did willing brain scans, they…”
She swallows. “Kalei must’ve seen them. That’s.. That’s the only way they could have known. They MUST know my name. My REAL name. And worse, they likely saw… Saw….”
Squig’s hands struggle against Fia’s grasp. Her voice is no more. Only hiccups and sobs.
Fia has… honestly, no idea what in the WORLD Squig is talking about. But it sounded pretty bad. Like, really really bad.
Right now, Squig needed comfort. Look, she was crying. So Fia comforted Squig the best way she knew how: with a hug. Fia wrapped her arms around Squig, making sure that Squig’s arms were restrained. It wasn’t a very tight hug, but definitely not one that Squig can wiggle out of easily.
“Oh… Squig…” Fia sighed. “I… I’m sorry…” How should she tell Squig that Kalei probably didn’t see those files? That the King’s knowledge probably gave them information on her disorder? No, she can’t even begin to explain. That would only make things worse.
“I… I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if Kalei actually got the files, or maybe they just did some really niche reading or something, but.. I’m sure it’ll be okay, Squig.” From under the ripped section of Fia’s sleeve, further up her shoulder, did it look… purple? Or blue? Speckled with white dots and thin lines… did Fia add this to her Minecraft skin? No, surely not… how strange indeed.
All Kat could really do at this point was twiddle her thumbs and continue to watch.
(Because that seemed to be all she could do lately. Watch.)
Watch as Heart scaredly left, and hadn’t called for her since. (Who knew where the poor girl was.)
Watch as she tore out Kalei’s stomach, rather hypocritically killing them. (That wasn’t her. She didn’t want to think about Siege possibly lurking somewhere deep in her subconscious.)
(Watch as…)
(It didn’t matter.)
(None of it did, none of it mattered, help Squig you selfish prick.)
“...”
Kat couldn’t move. She just watched. Like the loser she knew she was becoming throughout this sick dream.
Squig’s brain reset in Fia’s embrace. Her muscles were tense, heavy. As if letting herself be soft would hurt her…
(Not Squig. Fia. It would hurt Fia, in her distorted worldview.)
Squig tried to relax, (You're in the arms of a trusted friend, you can let GO you IDIOT.) but the pain remained. Her muscles remained stuff.
She breathed. In and out again. Repeated several times until she could speak once more.
“It wasn’t… In many files,” She choked out, “It’s… Debated. Not recognized in most places. Not in the DSM. Prolly won’t ever be given the total cases. Which is… About a hundred. Ever. In all of recorded history world wide.”
(And so many of them share my last name…)
(Breathe. Just… Breathe.)
In and out. “It’s so uncommon that… That my ex… He… Was always the techy sort,” (Breathe in and out, Squig.) “He has… Webcrawlers I think. Knows how to track me from… My name and.. And my disorder, at least,” (No, keep breathing, me. C’mon… In and out…) “I… I told Kalei. After I… After I broke down after finding out they know the disorder’s name,” (DON’T. Don’t DARE reach for your scalp, don’t you DARE.) “It… They should NOT know the name of that disorder, at ALL. If they know the name of it, and… And post it anywhere… When I’m someone featured so much on their blog…” Squig swallowed.
“Kalei would be dead. And… And I don’t know if that’s a hyperbole.”
The sentence lingers in the air a moment before Squig says, “They didn’t believe me. About… That part. I think… And…” her eye drifted to the claw that tried to catch them. The same one that just poked out her eye. The same one still coated in red. “And then I just… I snapped.”
Fia was silent. She hugged Squig tighter, making sure she wouldn’t be able to reach up to hurt herself. The blood made her feel sicker the longer she looked at it. It reminded her so much of that awful night when she drove that paring knife into Kat’s heart to save her.
“They won’t post it.” Fia said resolutely, looking up at Squig in the eyes. (Why were her eyes tinted slightly purple?) “They won’t. They’re not that kind of person, and I’ll make sure they won’t post it anyways. Alright?”
Fia sighed. “Your ex um… sounds a little uh… forgive me for saying this, but he seems a bit crazy. I don’t know why he would want to like, find you, or worse, have such murderous tendencies—” Fia distinctly recalled her own stalker, who hired those people to kidnap her. It was… yeah. Not something she would want to relive, nor want anyone else to experience. Though, Squig already has experience dealing with this type of stuff, so who knows how helpful Fia can be?
“I’m sure Kalei doesn’t resent you or anything. I… how can I help you, Squig?” Well, may as well just ask outright at this point. Fia looked over at Kat, her eyes also asking the same question.
“Fuck that ex. Oh my Gods, dude, how did you even manage to be around someone like that?” Kat exclaimed in a rasp. She crossed her arms, watching even now.
She didn’t know how to help, or even how to help herself.
Zeroing in on the issue, she ignored the way her hind paw gently tapped on the grass nervously.
(Fia’s being nice but…) “I didn’t say the full story. The… The stuff I said when I snapped. About… Abou - "
Squig looked up. A square shaped bee buzzed by, pollen falling off in particles as it flew back into its hive. (Flower forest biome. I think this is the same one I made those flower crowns with Daize in…) The air that filled her lungs felt fresh. Her back wasn’t slunched over on the floor of a kitchen in a sleeping bag. She wasn’t indoors. She was outside, she FELT outside.
(It felt REAL. Truly REAL REAL REAL REAL - )
“This isn’t real.” The tears returned, but she wasn’t sobbing, “This isn’t real. It CAN’T be real. You can’t just… Ratboy Genius yourself into a Dream Dimension of Minecraft!!! But… That’s… I called something far worse not real because…” now she was sobbing again, “Because… It can’t be. It CAN’T be. It doesn’t make any logical sense. But Kalei FELT it, I saw it on their face, when I tried to…” She struggled against Fia’s grasp. Squig focused on the pain in her eye. (It was real, you are real, this is reality, this is…. This is….)
“They have to have it. There’s… No other logical explanation for… For feeling such… So many things that aren’t real. That’s.. That’s the main symptom, it’s - it’s the pain. The way if you think too hard about gore, you’ll FEEL it. Or - or remembering pain too. My meds help, but…”
Squig chokes again, “Kalei isn’t medicated. Not for this…”
“But.. I feel so cruel. They TRULY believe this, don’t they? And.. And you two do too…”
Her breathing quickened again. She shut both her eyes, hard HARD. If eyelids could bruise by closing them, that’s what Squig would have done.
“I… I know how the world works. I SWEAR I do! My mom was WRONG. The government was NEVER after us, she was ALWAYS wrong! The cartoons I watched never spoke to us, the mail carriers didn’t have bombs, there were no secret messages in the newspapers, and the government, as SHITTY as it is? It… It doesn’t work like that. You can’t just post literal fucking red rooms on TUMBLR of all websites. That’s insane! That’s… That’s not something anyone, let alone a US official would DO.”
(Deep breathes, deep, deep… Deep breathes….)
“But everyone believes it. Everyone believes it. So… Am I the insane one? Am I insane for thinking logically? Knowing that Gods aren’t real? For knowing that magic isn’t FUCKING real? For knowing that all of this SHITTY ARG BULLCRAP isn’t FUCKING real???”
(Deep…. Breathes….. Deep…)
“Am I real..? I don’t know any more. I don’t… I don’t know.”
In the back of Squig’s skull, a memory replayed. Loud and violent.
The unstable catgirl broke free from Fia’s grasp and attempted to reach between her bloodstained cat ears.
Yes, it was true. Gods, magic, and various entities really do exist. Fia knew that much. She has seen so much to prove that it was true. But Squig? Squig can’t be convinced. Not without destabilizing her more.
“No—” Fia gasped in horror when Squig wrenched her arms away from her, and she lunged to hold them back down again. “Kat, HELP!!” she shouted.
“Squig, you are real, I can promise you that! You’re as real as me and Kat and Kalei are! I-” Well, Squig had a point… what DMS agent would post such disturbing things on Tumblr of all places? Maybe these were just… particularly cruel. Who knows.
“I- I know it doesn’t make any sense, it doesn’t make sense to me either, but you have to believe me when I say that regardless of whether or not everything else is real, you and I are. So— uh, please— Kat, please help?!” Her arms were shaking from effort. Dammit Squig, stop fighting so hard when she’s trying to help!
Autopilot turned on as soon as Kat heard Fia yell out her name, twice nonetheless. She pounced into action, holding down Squig’s arms from behind her. “...” That Ratboy Genius mention was actually kind of funny. She would have laughed at the well-placed reference if it weren’t for the fact it was more important to keep the unstable woman in place.
“...I’m here, okay? I’m helping. Trying to at least- damn.” Squig was definitely a squirmer. This was not easy, but a task like this was a necessity. “You’re as real as the rest of us, just like Fia said. I’m.. I’m sorry about the wings, I needed a way down from the trees as fast as possible and wasn’t really thinking of the implications it could plant into someone’s mind.”
Kat sighed, keeping a firm grip.
“I don’t know why you insist we’re all crazy for allowing ourselves to realise…” She thought to herself, invisible wings making themselves known in her memories.
Squig struggled, squirmed in the grasp of the fellow felid. She tried to escape, to RUN. (TO GET TO THEM TO SAVE THEM TO DO SOMETHING ANYTHING LITERALLY ANYTHING DON’T LEAVE PLEASE DON’T GO), she had to leave, she had to GO she had to - NO.
(No. No, that’s… Not right.)
She flexed those tense muscles, hardened and fiery, fueled by adrenaline and the want to do… To do… To do… Something. Anything. The impossible.
She couldn’t. The past was unfixable.
(THIS is unfixable. I am. I am unfixable…. They were unfixable.)
For a brief moment, she was there again.
(An image clear as day of a little girl, a young me, not a Squig or a Shelley but ██████. Just ██████. On that phone in the principal’s office. Unable to help. Desperately TRYING to help, to… To undo it. To FIX it. But as the principal tried to make herself calm, pretending like she didn’t hear what I heard too, I had just now understood the reality of the situation. The reality of what I’d done. For a moment, a single FUCKING moment… My delusions made me believe in a reality that doesn’t exist. And now, I was trapped in reality. The REAL reality. The one I would cling onto like a lifeline because even if I LOATHED it for what happened… But it wasn’t reality’s fault. It… It was my fault at the end of the day. Because magic isn’t real. I had no reason to go to the principal’s office. But I did. And I called and they - )
“Ma - magic isn’t real. Magic isn’t… It isn’t……”
Squig’s body gave one final shake like a death rattle before she gave in. She went limp, like a ragdoll. (Which, sadly, wasn’t a cat pun in this context.)
The fight in her was gone. (No… Not gone. Not focused on this. The body isn’t important. Not in comparison to the mind.) Her slack body flopped in Kat’s arms.
The more wet (due to blood) of the two cats spoke again, moving her gray furred face as far away as she could from Kat’s shirt as to not make it messy with her tears and… Not with blood. (It’s too late for that…)
“I’m… I’m trying so hard. I’m trying… So SO hard not to give in. Not to HURT anyone. Not again. Never again… If I lose my reality… I have nothing. No, worse… I’ll take. I’ll…”
She sniffs, a vain attempt to make sure she doesn’t say -
“I’m… I’m a murderer. I lost myself. Once. I… I believed in such, SUCH a false reality that… That is… It killed them. I killed them. All of….”
Her jaw jammed itself shut. The confession was over. The part she allowed herself to say, anyway.
…So did Fia now know 3 murderers? Maybe. Does she care? Not the slightest. At least, not right now when she can’t really do anything about it. Not like she didn’t almost kill people either.
“H-hey. It-it’s okay, you’re not who you were back then anymore. I know you won’t let yourself give in,” Fia pulled on her braid anxiously. “I know you won’t let yourself hurt anyone again. Don’t give up hope, alright?” She glanced back at Kat, giving her a small smile.
“So… um…” Gosh, how was she supposed to continue this? Should they just leave? Squig seems pretty stable now…
Well, Kat didn't exactly expect Squig to go full-on backstory mode. She definitely didn't expect to hear that very invasive memory of hers, banging on Squig’s brain like a prisoner in the jail cell of the subconscious. Her heart weighed heavy. Her heart called into action.
“... Squig.” Oh, shit, right. Kat propped Squig up a bit, nearly forgetting. “I'm very sorry that happened to you… And I know how hard it must have been to carry that guilt, even now. You're capable of being strong. You just need to find it… In your heart, and mind.”
The (relatively more composed) catgirl made sure to point to where her ‘heart and mind’ was. For extra effect. “Finding that path is not the easiest. Sometimes you need to cross your way through an adventure, or tear a piece of yourself to continue the journey. But no matter what, you must keep fighting. Okay? For everyone who you've ever loved, and everyone who you will find in your future, you must prevail.”
It was like Kat was on autopilot, giving the girl odd advice and holding onto her gently. It was almost like she did let her heart take over.
The gray felid closed her good eye. Her body was no longer tense, just a bloodied, rainbow pile of mush where a catgirl should be. Despite herself, she let herself be grounded in the embrace, pink fur brushed against a gray-dyed-red. (I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t, not me. Kalei was the one who died. Because I killed them. Because I…)
“I’ve spent my entire life policing myself. Forcing myself to know with absolute certainty what is and isn’t real so that I don’t make the same mistake again,” (Or, for that matter, anyone else’s mistakes.) “I try so hard. Every moment of every day, my mind is on overdrive trying to make sure I know what’s REAL and what ISN’T. It’s.. The only way.”
A shaky breath.
“This is real and I killed Kalei,” Squig rubbed her face against the shoulder of her blooded cardigan, the only part her face would reach without moving her hands, “This is real and… No. Best case scenario! This is a vivid dream and nothing more. A nightmare. As per usual. But that… That doesn’t make sense either. This has lasted too long, and… And it’s far less gorey than most of my nightmares. But… I don’t GET better outcomes in my life. So I think… I just killed someone again. Someone you two love more than anything. Someone you… You shouldn’t be comforting me over the fact I KILLED them.”
(Steady, Shells… Steady…)
“I’ve carried my sins on my back for around twenty years. Kalei feels pain in their dreams, just like me, don’t they? That’s the only logical…. Because if they don’t? Then everything I know is a lie. Or… Or everything everyone else knows is a lie. Are my mother’s delusions real as well? Are my own? Are… How far does this go..?” Squig’s voice cracked.
“Either everything in front of me now is real or it isn’t. And I genuinely don’t know which is worse.”
The cool breeze brushed past Squig’s whiskers. (This shouldn’t be possible. This shouldn’t be, my dreams aren’t this gentle, they aren’t they aren’t they aren't they aren't they…)
“I don’t know what to believe in. Your reality or my own. Because… My reality keeps hurting people. It makes more sense but… No one else believes me. And.. And that keeps getting people hurt. But if I give in and believe in everyone else’s reality, I give into these DAMN delusions, and it will be JUST like before! And I have hurt WAY more people when not in the right state of mine,” The world tilted on its axis before her.
“Both of these options are so, SO dangerous to believe in!” Squig’s eye swirled with her mind, “There is no right solution. It all leads down the same path, doesn’t it?? Someone’s gonna get hurt because of whatever I believe in, fact OR fiction! I can’t… I don’t know how to protect people when every path that lies before me leads to harm! I’ve spent so much of my life FORCING myself to believe that I knew what’s real, but what IS? If this is a VR game, then why does it feel so real? If it’s a dream, then why am I not suffering more? If it’s reality… If it’s reality, then… Why… Why are you comforting me? For killing your guys’ partner? The same partner that hates me? I’m not… I’m not the one who should be in your arms! The only logical place you should be putting your hands is around my neck!!!”
Squig nearly screamed that final line. Her voice, more hoarse than before, returned, “Someone’s going to die this dream. I…. I feel it. If… If it’s not Kalei that’s dead when they wake up, it’s going to be someone else. That’s everything my gut is telling me, this is FAR too wholesome of a dream! Maybe… What if that fight Xivvy’s in goes wrong? She’s likely gonna fight a mortal, she’s a fucking GOD! It’s going to go wrong, isn’t it? Isn’t it??? 64% chance of complete decimation! That’s what Daize said, right? That’s WELL over fifty percent! Oh god… That’s what’s gonna happen, right? Someone’s going to die, someone’s going to….”
Her breathing quickened again, mind spiraling, her panicked ramblings continuing under her breath.
Oh dear. Squig was spiraling. Not good not good not good.
“Squig? Squig. Squig, breathe.” Fia firmly put her hands on Squig’s shoulders. “Just focus on me right now. Don’t think about the what-ifs, they’ll just make things worse.” She has spent so much time pondering what-ifs herself that she didn’t get anything done. It’s a feeling she knows all too well.
“Squig. This is a dream. A very vivid dream, granted. Nobody is going to die outside of this dream, and even if they die here, they’ll respawn unless they wake up. And they will wake up, Squig, because what happens in dreams don’t carry over into reality, remember? That’s how dreams work.” Fia herself took a deep breath. “We’re not gonna kill you just because you accidentally killed Kalei, Squig. That wouldn’t be right.” ‘And because the thought of killing makes me feel sick, even in a dream,’ Fia added in her head.
“I don’t know why I’m not more upset that you killed Kalei. I guess it’s because I already know they’ll respawn. I mean, I already saw it happen once before, so I know it’ll happen again. And that XIV fight? It’s not going to kill whoever she’s fighting either. Because it’s just a dream, Squig. Sure, it hurts now, but it doesn’t affect real life. Don’t let what’s happening here affect your reality outside of this dream, okay?” Fia patted Squig on the shoulder gently. She hoped her words could bring some reassurance, but she wasn’t sure.
“I hope that you know we aren't mad over a Minecraft kill, Squig.” Kat gritted out, struggling to keep pretending that didn't bother her just a bit.
“....” There was nothing more she could say or do.
“It isn’t,” Squig whimpers, “I… I know it’s not just a Minecraft kill. Even if it they… Even if they survived, I said so many - so SO many awful things about their delusions! The stuff about all those - those hyperrealistic torture scenes and, and - “
(Another image, clear as day, struck itself through Squig’s skull like a gunshot wound. It was herself a teen, barely old enough to be called that (Thirteen? Fourteen?) arguing with her mother. It was there in the kitchen of a shitty apartment, bought last minute in the bad side of a town she didn’t know the name of. This was the thirtieth time within the child’s lifespan this had happened, again and again, it all blurred; the housings, the towns, even the reasons they moved in the first place. In this memory the child screamed, BEGGED… The boxes of their few belongings had only barely been unpacked. The present day Squig didn’t know exactly what she said in the past, but she knew what it was about. There were no hidden cameras. There were no microphones or recording equipment. No secret devices made to shoot pain into her mother’s skull at odd hours of the evening; no… Not odd hours, SPECIFIC ones. Ones with meanings, but her mother wouldn’t tell her the meanings because her mother knew her daughter was in cahoots with the people stalking them! Because her mother only kept her around because she loved her even if she betrayed her, that’s the exact thing she said over and over, even if the little girl knew she had never betrayed the only family she had left. Her mother, in the memory, had tired eyes, so SO damn tired. Of the pain. Of RUNNING. Of thinking that her beloved baby was a part of this grandiose conspiracy… The tired eyed woman got up from the folding chair in the barely furnished kitchen. She opened a box on the studio apartment’s floor. She took out the gun. Said that same thing Squig would always remember, about how if the government finally takes us… No. The word she used was WHEN. When the government takes us. Take the gun. Aim for your forehead. And…)
The cat was catatonic, lost in a flashback once more. She wriggled her fingers, felt the fur between her toe beans, just barely dragging herself out of the hallucination once more. Words poured out of her mouth like a river rapid,
“It is NOT just a death in a video game! I KNOW it’s more than that, ESPECIALLY if Kalei is like me in feeling pain that isn’t there, pain from the mind; imagination, memories, hallucinations, I KNOW THEY FELT THAT!!! The spike in their chest! They HAD to have felt that!!!”
“...” What could Fia say? What could she possibly say to make Squig understand that it was, in fact, just death in a video game? Fia pursed her lips and unconsciously held onto Squig’s shoulders a little tighter.
“I… I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say for you, Squig. I know they felt it, but they probably won’t remember this when they wake up. They have… worse things to face, in any case.” Fia looked down, unable to look Squig in the eye anymore. It was getting harder to pretend she’s fine, that Squig’s delusions weren’t bothering her. The guilt from her desperate lie from earlier was still lodged in her stomach.
“I don’t think Kalei’s like you, in any case, at least with the pain part. Not that we’ve seen. They’re… a different case, let’s just say.” she sighed, unable to reveal more. Maybe she’s already said too much. It’s not like Squig can just apologize, either. From what it sounds like, she went too far again. Kalei probably was emotionally wounded right now. Maybe they should go back and check on them. The cave can wait, it’s not going anywhere. But they can’t leave Squig alone right now, not when she’s not stable.
“Look, do you like… want to check on Kalei or something? See with your own eyes that they’re alright?” Fia tentatively suggested. “It… might make you feel better.”
“Yeah! That might be a good idea… Um. If we can find them.” Kat scrambled off of Squig, standing up tall and acting like she knew what she was doing. (She did not. They were both grasping on straws to try and convince someone too far gone.)
…There was one more thing Kat had to do.
“Hey, by the way, Squig? I really am sorry for… The wings. I didn't want them to scare you like that- I wasn't thinking. I probably said it before, but… I just thought I'd apologize since it feels necessary.”
(Would they even be there to be checked on…?)
She brushed the thought aside. (No… No time to get distracted. I… I need to figure this out. But staying here won’t help in the slightest.)
“Yes.. That… Looking for Kalei might help. I couldn’t find them near the mine, where they reset their respawn. And… Last I checked, their, uh…. Body. Was still down in the cave.”
Squig adjusted her glasses, “The corpse mod only keeps bodies so long as they’re holding an item. So… Either Kalei didn’t get their stuff back, or… Or they…” (They didn’t… Leave it on purpose..? Take their valuables, leave their trash and then dip? No. That’s… They wouldn’t keep the body there. They don’t work like he did, mentally, I mean. Stupid, stupid, Shelley…)
“Either we wait by their corpse until they come back or… Or, uh… We go back to your base. Even then…” Squig trailed off. (I don’t want to do this.. I don’t want to have them stare me in the eye after the shit I pulled. But also…) She looked back at her right claw, “No. I need to.” (As punishment) (As atonement) (As proof) (As as as as……)
“I just need to,” Squig declared, “Just to know they really did respawn. That’s all. I don’t even need to see them for long. Just… Just long enough to know.”
(Oh. They reset their respawn by the cave? Corpse mod? What? Ok, whatever. It’s fine.) Fia let go of Squig’s shoulders and sighed, pulling her sleeves further down her arms.
“Alright. Then uh, let’s go I guess?” Fia shrugged. “I was looking for a cave actually. Been meaning to do some more mining. So um… yeah. Let’s check our base first. This way.” Fia waved, and started walking in the direction of their base.
“It’s kind of far though, so… it might take a while. Sorry.”
There was an awkward silence where Kat was going to bring up the fact she could easily fly them there.
(…She couldn’t look at her wings.) The guilt hung nearly as heavy as the wings did. It hurt to think about.
“...” Say something, Kat. Say what you want to.
“.....” But she couldn’t.
There was silence. Then a sigh.
“Just let Kat fly you there,” Squig commented, “I really don’t need to come with, I just need to know if Kalei is okay.”
Her tone was neither in her usual cheery awkwardness nor her panicked spiral of self-loathing and anxiety. Instead, she was a hollow body in the form of a bloodied classic internet icon. A shell.
The shell spoke,
“I’ll stay here, you two go check on Kalei, then… Come back and tell me they’re okay. I’ll stay here.” (You can let go of me now. You can go. Go comfort them, not me. I don’t deserve such kindness. I don’t need to be comforted. I don’t even WANT it! The victim should be comforted, not the perpetrator! You should AGREE with Kalei, HATE ME like Kalei does! I don’t DESERVE SO MUCH KINDNESS!!!)
Fia paused in walking, looking back at Squig, then at Kat. She was hesitant to leave Squig alone right now, especially when she still doesn’t seem completely stable. But… well, it would probably be faster than walking all the way there.
“Uh… you sure?” Fia double checked with Squig anyways, hesitant. “Well… alright then. But uh, I don’t know if Kat can carry me? I mean, I guess I’m pretty light…” Fia shrugged. “Promise you won’t go anywhere or hurt yourself while we’re checking up on Kalei, Squig?” She’s not leaving until she gets a definite answer, that much was clear.
Kat sighed, cracking her knuckles and deglamoring her wings. They felt heavy. Like guilt…
Heavy, weighing guilt that bloomed from her shoulder-blades and broke through skin.
“...” She needed to hear that promise, too. From Squig.
Squig thought for a moment. Just a few seconds longer than normal to reply to such a simple request.
“I promise I won’t hurt myself. And… I promise I won’t leave you two.”
(These aren’t lies either way. If this is a dream… I’ll be in their kitchen, on that hard tile floor I exiled myself to no matter what happens.)
Squig bit the side of her tongue. Not hard, just enough to feel the texture of her sharpened kitty teeth.
(Either way… My safety shouldn't matter to them if this isn’t real. My well being shouldn’t matter to them if this isn’t real. If this is a dream, then I shouldn’t matter to them within it. At least not in comparison to their actual partner. They should be comforting THEM not me. I can’t see a logical reason for why these two are helping me…)
Squig’s eyes, nearly out of tears, started to water once more. (I consider them friends. I truly believe they are in my heart, but… I feel similarly towards Kalei. And I KNOW Kalei will never see me the same. Because that makes SENSE. People don’t befriend the people who SHOT THEM the moment they meet in reality. And… And people don’t befriend the people who shoot their partners. All three of these people are truly worthy of my admiration, but… Why must some of them act so… Unrealistically..? Fuck… Maybe this still is an ARG…)
“...Alright then. We’ll be back soon.” Fia nodded at Kat, walking over to her.
“I’ve uh, never really flown before… how um, how does this work?” she asked, hesitant and confused. The only time she’s ever “flown” before was back there, when they tried to test if she could levitate. (She couldn’t. But being in that air chamber was the closest thing to feeling free back then. It was the first time she realized what being weightless felt like, and made her realize how freedom must taste.)
“Well…” Kat gently picked up Fia with relative ease. “The next part’s easy, just hold on tight. Uh, Think you can do that?” …It was more notice than she gave Kalei, considering she just picked them up and started swinging around like a lunatic.
The girl got her wings readied, locked and loaded for flight. Kat would be careful, “I promise”, she said she'd be careful.
… Nobody else is dying.
Squig stood there in silence as she watched the duo take flight.
(Someone’s going to die today. I just know it.)
Squig’s eyes are out of tears, even if one of them is still throbbing with pain due to the cut. She avoids the urge to rub it, (the claws will cut whatever they touch, won’t they?) and proceeds to open her inventory. She pulls out a book, a letter. This one labeled to Fia and Kat.
(I didn’t get why she told me not to read this one. Or why she said I shouldn’t give it to directly. Or… Or even why she gave it to me in Minecraft instead of in the waking world when I am literally staying at their apartment. But…)
She places a crafting table, fills eight slots with wooden planks and makes a chest. Then, she places it down where she was told to wait. She produces the letter from her off-hand and stares at its cover.
(I get it now. Stupid letter writer lady…. You knew this was gonna happen, huh? You couldn’t have warned Kalei instead? Or - or told someone else more worthy of those two’s presence to be comforted by them? Why the fuck do I trust you so damn much..?)
She lowered the book in her hand.
(Because you saved the kid. Because you gave me hope. Goddammit… You better know what you’re doing, you… You magical bullshit woman.)
The bloodied gray feline placed the book in the chest. She then proceeded to craft then place some signs.
Im still in the
apartment y'all
share. Im sorry
I need 2 go and
save whoever is
fighting XIV. I
didn't wanna go
break the this
promise but... I
didn't want to
have another per
son die because
of me. Read wat
the letter lady
wrote in here.
Trust her. Not
me. Bye friends
- Squig
And with that, Squig exited the scene and ran back to her base, already hatching up a plan on how to nerf the demigod.
The paw-hand of a felid placed all of these items onto the crafting table, and... (Boom. Enchanting table~)
She placed it in the middle of the library she made. It was small so far, far from finished, but... It existed. The start of a public enchanter's room.
(PERFECTION!~ NOW All I need is a few dozen more books and I'll be....)
Squig paused. She stood there, staring the floating book down like it offended her.
(I'm missing something.... WAIT.)
"LAPIS LAZULI."
With that, she yanked her pick out from her inventory and sprinted towards the mine.
Daize walked forward, an iron pick in hand. It scanned the horizon for any cavern openings to exploit. It took about 15 minutes of patient walking to find one.
It tilts its head at the decorations splayed around the mouth of the cave. This mine seemed to be owned by someone. There was wool in different colors placed above acacia fences along the sides. There were some chests around, no doubt for storage. And to the side was a wooden sign.
"Squig's Mine~" was etched into the wood. It narrowed its eyes in curiosity.
Squig was in the dream then. And clearly far off better than it and Eye, considering the amenities and design. It turned to look around the area, hoping to spot where the blonde's home may be.
This was an opportunity. One that it will gladly take.
As if on cue, Squig burst onto the scene. Sprinting past Daize in a rainbow blur, she rushed into the tent, frantically opening, closing, and then reopening every chest in sight.
"C'mon... Where is it, where is it.... THERE!!!"
Yanked out of the bottom of one of the chests, the nyan catgirl pulled out approximately four lapis lazuli.
"Ah."
She lowered her blue stones in her pawlike hands, feeling the rocks with her little toe beans.
"Yeah.... This ain't gonna cut it. Certainly not enough to get the enchantments I want."
She raised the iron pick in her hands over her shoulder.
"Welp. Guess it's back to the mines with me~" Squig said, before turning, walking a single step, and then jumping back, fur poofed out like the cat she was at the sight of Daize in her tent.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"
Daize blinked mechanically, waiting for her scream to finish. It took in the other's avatar. It tilted its head as it registered the look. The definition of Nyan Cat went through its coding.
It nodded. That fits Squig.
It met Squig's stare and raised a hand. "Greetings. I am Daize. You are Squig, yes?" It questioned.
Squig's brain churned for a second, the little hamster wheel in her skull finally powered her mind's light-bulb, and she realized just who it was and what it said. Her muscles relaxed, her fur flattened back down, and Squig gave a huge sigh of relief.
"Oh, thank GOODNESS it's just you, British Mode!~ I thought I didn't light the area up properly and a mob spawned, or maybe you were a pillager, or something like that~ I dunno~"
Squig flattened down the remaining fur beneath the poptart themed top and cardigan and space themed pants, then she realized,
"Anyway, sorry about being so frightened of ya! Gosh, it's been a while since we saw one another face to face, hasn't it, Bee Em?~ Not since the whole thing with 25 Cents at the hospital.... Hope things have been better since Robin and you were sick and..."
Squig's eyes went wide once more, "WAIT. If you're here, then that means Robin..."
She trailed off. (Don't say that, bozo!! Don't tell an alter you're disappointed it's them instead of the person you wanted to talk to! That's rude! Treat it with respect, even if it isn't Robin fronting!!!)
"Um. I take it you've been recovering from the sickness as well, Daize? Mentally, I mean. I know both of y'all share a body, thus were both sick, so.... I hope you've also enjoyed the twenty soups I got for y'all!~" Squig said, her kitty face curled into an embarrassed half smile.
It waited for the other to finish their words. "I know you are disappointed." It mentioned. "I do not particularly care that you are. In fact, I agree with you. It would have been better if Robin were here." It paused to shrug. "She would have enjoyed this more than I."
It pauses again to think of what else to say. "Robin has enjoyed the soups, yes. Thank you for offering them to her."
Squig visibly deflated. She shrank down, pressing the beans of her fingers together.
"I'm that obvious, huh? Or maybe you're too observant? I'd make your nickname 'The Eye' if I didn't know that was another character in this thing! Ha ha..."
She trailed off again. (Why must I be the most awkward human alive? Er... Cat alive, at the moment...)
Squig coughed. "I'm... I'm glad she enjoyed them. But... Did you enjoy them too? Or... I guess you weren't active while Sci-Fi was sick? I don't know... Either way, I'll be sure to make it up to you!~ Whatever your favorite food is, I'll give it to ya!~ You're my friend too after all, Bee Em!~ I want you to be happy as well~"
Daize shrugs. "Objectively, they are good," It replied. "And I am always active. I must be able to switch at a moment's notice if danger were to come around." It specifies. It stuffs its pickaxe back into its inventory.
"I do not have a favorite food. I do not need sustenance, unlike humans do." It mentions flatly.
Squig nodded sagely, "Hypervigilance... I understand completely~"
She dug into the chests of her multi-colored tent, grabbing torches, iron, a spare shield... She continued the conversation as she gathered more supplies.
"Glad to see you're always around to help, though! I take it Robs still doesn't know about ya? Even as you're co-fronting twenty-four-seven, huh? I'd ask if she watched the video, but... I take it she wouldn't be able to anyway? I don't know. I'm makin' a lot of assumptions here, I think..."
(Inventory check: Multiple back-up picks, plenty of torches, a stack of wood, all the bread I can eat, two pumpkin pies... OH!)
She tosses a pie from her inventory to Daize. "Here! Even if you say you don't have any favorites, it's hard to turn down a pumpkin pie!~ It fills a lot of your hunger bar, so you have no reason to deny it, by the way~"
She paused. (Guess I got everything... But. I don't wanna leave Daize....)
"Soooo.... Wanna mine with me?~"
"She has not seen the post yet. I believe she doesn't check her own blog as much as one should." It replies. It catches the pie swiftly, making sure nothing is spilled and placing the food item in its inventory.
"I appreciate the gift. I will use this wisely." Daize replies to the offer of the pumpkin pie. It tilts its head.
"Yes. I require an armor set for me and my company, The Eye. It is imperative, as the old man does not know how to fight." It switches to its iron pick.
"So she can watch it?" Squig asked, "Good to know, good to know!~ That'll make it easier when I meet up with her again!~ Though... I probably owe her a hangout that has nothing to do with the mysteries at hand, huh? I... Kinda want to take a slight respite from the horrors once this whole, 'the K-Crew goes through the torment Nexus' arc is done... I'll be sure to at least mention the video though!~ THEN we can make ANOTHER day to go and watch that together!~"
It nodded. "Yes. I am sure she wishes to hang out with you. She has missed you."
Squig guided Daize towards the mine as she spoke, walking backwards while keeping her focus on the program in front of her, plotting out entire encounters with her friend the whole while, "I think this is good!~ I have plans now!~ And.. Even if this whole, temporary experimental Minecraft VR dream experience, tee em, isn't spent with her, I can at least spend it with you, Bee Em!~ And with all the other people in my very own True Carcos - AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"
Squig fell into the mine.
Suddenly, a fishing hook digs into the felid's top, holding her in place before she could truly hit the ground. Daize held the end of the fishing rod with a blank face and slowly started to reel Squig back in.
"Please do not walk without facing where you are heading. It is dangerous, as you have witnessed."
Squig looked like a wet cat as she was reeled in. Not in the sense of her actually being covered in water, but the expression behind her glasses and whiskered snout spelled out a sense of disappointment in herself and her actions.
"Ah. Thank you, Bee Em. I... Really should have filled that funky gap in the mine, huh?~ Ha ha..."
Squig climbed back onto solid ground, then unhooked her cardigan from the fishing rod, "You're a quick thinker, British Mode!~ I didn't realize fishing rods would still work like that in this VR game!~ I mean, I guess it makes sense. If I can carry a block of gold like it's nothing, I suppose it'd be easy to fish up a catperson like myself, huh?~"
Squig's rambling chatter continued as she walked down the mine, watching where she stepped this time.
It narrowed her eyes at the mention of VR. Interesting excuse, it mused.
It followed her this time, a torch in its offhand and the iron pick in the main one. It made sure to keep track of its surroundings, in case any mob decided to sneak up on both of them.
"A VR game?" It asked. "May I ask why you think this is a VR game? This is a rather complicated one if it is."
Squig adjusted her glasses as she led the way down an unlit tunnel in the mine, (a fresh path to gather ores from!~), "Because I've played a VR game like this before~ For some ARG I played when I was..." She scratched her head, "Seventeen-ish? I think? Maybe I was sixteen? I forget. I played a lot of ARGs back then. But boy HOWDY was that a fun one!~"
Squig spun on her heel, going back to a small vein of coal that she had first passed as she spoke, "It was a dream, but also it wasn't?~ Like, there was a ghost-demon thingy that tried to kill me, but I fought it and... Well, long story short, that was easily in one of the top ten things I did for that ARG website~ Hands down~"
It nodded at her words, waiting until she finished speaking. "I suppose that would make sense. How many ARGs have you been a part of? Were they all under Dark Media Savant or from different groups?" It looked up and spotted some iron ore. "Please wait, there is some iron. Would you like to have this deposit, or may I have it?"
"Take whatever ores you want, dude!~" Squig replied, "Just, uh... Save some lapis lazuli for me, okay? I wanna finish my public enchanting station and, well... Can't do that without stuff to fuel the enchantments~"
She placed a torch upon the wall as Daize mined, "And... I don't think I recall the exact amount of ARGs I've played? Whatever amount a normal person would consider 'too many' I suppose!~"
Squig's tail flicked upwards, happily swaying as she recalled times long passed, "Most of the time, especially after I became an adult, I wasn't able to do the sort of... Hands-on experiences I did when I was younger. BUT! Before that? I was goin' and doin' stuff for them all the time!~ I'd get stuff in the mail sometimes to solve, I'd be sent cryptic images and emails, I had an endless stream of stuff to decode!~ I mostly just used a lot of the auto-solving tools they provided on the forums, but even then, I had plenty of fun solving these things!~"
The feline's soft cheshire grin gave way to a light purr beneath her breath, one she didn't even notice as she came to confess,
"The old ARG production company I followed disbanded over a year ago, but THANKFULLY I found out that some of the members of that old group reformed into Dark Media Savant Productions not too long after~ Which makes sense! Gosh, with a passion project as grandiose as the Kinstugi Timeline is, I doubt they would have wanted to scrap even a percentage of what they did so far!~ I may not like this company's hiring practices or code of ethics in their contract, but... Even now, I can't help but be in awe of the artistry behind it all, you know?~"
It listened intently to the words the other said as it gathered the iron.
A previous group that disbanded to form the Dark Media Savant. It connected the thoughts that came up during the conversation. So this wasn't the first time Squig was into this sort of work. Being able to acquire sensitive information and more.
It turned around to look back at Squig. It supposed that it could be considered a form of artistry. Or well, a little bit. They were sloppy. Very.
"An old ARG production company? I was not aware that production of ARGs was a widely known thing. The use of ‘company’ implies that there is profit, after all."
"Well, it was more like... A distributor, I think? Like... People would submit the ARGs they created to be hosted by the forums, I think... I dunno. They had a lot of rules about anonymity when it came to the actual creators themselves. Which is a shame! Because there were SO many good ones!" Squig gave a comically large sigh, "What's worse is that I think like, ninety percent of it got taken down with the original forum site it was hosted on, so almost all of those fifty dozen or so ARGs are lost media now. It's a shame, truly..."
"Interesting. I suppose that is a shame." It bemused. It pointed onwards. "Would you like to continue to venture in?" It questioned.
Distributor. Interesting. Very interesting. It stored the rest of this into its memory databanks. This dream was turning out to be a wonderful opportunity. It will shift the rest of this into proper slots when it turns back on.
"Yup yup!~" Squig cheered, hopping forward before continuing her ramble once again as she traversed the tunnels, "I started playing these things when I was barely a teen, ya know? Thirteen, if I can recall... Or right before I turned twelve? Only a year or so after I met my old best friend and I joined my favorite Minecraft group~ So probably thirteen~ Someone on those forums linked back the ARG company's forums, and then we all became diehard fans, working on solving as many puzzles together as possible together!~ I wasn't as good at a lot of the puzzles as everyone else though, so they made sure I was the one who watched or read everything first to make sure I was included. At some points it felt like I was writing summaries of whatever I watched or read FOR them instead of playing the games WITH them!~"
The cat gave a jovial laugh, as if there wasn't a single oddity about what she was saying, "They always ended up finding ways to incorporate me near the end though. Even if it just meant playing Minecraft with me for a few more hours than usual... OH!"
Trailing off, Squig spotted some iron in the distance, "Look Daizey!~ Iron ahoy!~ Uh... There's a few zombies by it though. You any good at combat or - "
At a moment's notice, it ran to the zombies. It threw its iron sword at the zombie on the left, hitting it dead center on the forehead.
It removed the hair tie, its hair flowing freely. The hair then bundles up together, growing in size, and grabs the rest of the zombies, lifting them into the air and slamming them to the ground.
It keeps them there as it grabs the sword off the head of the zombie as the entity approaches, decapitating it in one fell swoop. It switches its attention to the other two immediately, not caring about the other as it drops dead. It tosses them back up to the air before letting go, stabbing both of the entities at once with the hair. The two drop to the ground and die.
Its hair returns to normal length, and it ties its hair back into a braid. It turns back around to Squig. "Are you alright?"
Squig simply stood there, having barely taken out her bow and arrows by the time Daize had returned, all zombies already dead... er. Deader.
"Huh. I... Guess you do know combat! Good!~ Dunno how you did the hair thing, uh... I ASSUME it has something to do with your skin, the same way mine made me all... Kitty-ish? Well. No, wait... I think I had a version of the Origins mod installed for this server? What kind of an origin gives you prehensile hair...?"
She shook the idea out of her head. "Whatevs~ You looked like a total badass there, by the way!~ Now I know with absolute certainty that you can and will kick my ass if I ever fucked up majorly around you!~ Like, it won't even be a contest!~ You could Supplex me into a brick wall, easy-peasy, British Mode!~ Bravo!~"
It nodded. "I was not kidding when I said I would protect. But I am sure I will not have to perform combat near you." It said with absolute certainty. Or. Well. It was 85% certain. But it was sure that telling it that would only result in more self-esteem problems, so it refrained from mentioning that.
It proceeded to walk forward to mine the iron that it earned.
"Oh! Uh, nice!!" Squig said, idly mining some more coal just to make herself seem useful.
"Sooo.... You said you were with someone earlier, right? An old man, right? Was it Edelweiss?"
It paused, grabbing the iron. It looks towards Squig with confusion. "The Eye. I have mentioned that it was Eye. Edelweiss is the guest of Fourteen. I am sure he would not accompany me."
"Yeah, okay, that tracks, but... I don't know many old men, less of which I know are involved in this ARG..."
She scratched the side of her head, playing with her kitty ear a little after satisfying the little itch she felt,
"Still. Wasn't The Eye's entire thing, like... Not having a body? Like Spiral or the Professor? Well... I guess Teach does have a canonical body now..." Squig's ramblings wandered once more, "I really don't wanna think of the Shark guy right now.... They're living in my home while I'm gone, I have ZERO clue what they're doing, and I am NOT equipped to have a roommate again... I say, being the temporary roommate of Fia and Kat..."
It walks closer to Squig, the braid swaying behind her. "Spiral and Professor. Those are two new ones. May I ask about them?"
Two new people have been added to this circus. Those High Above truly do enjoy their additions.
"Uhhh.... Person trapped on Tumblr dot com and person who was trapped on Tumblr dot com but is now my roommate because the letter writer told me so."
Squig scratched her neck. "Yeah, I don't know how these two fit into the overarching plot of this ARG, either. Still! They're both new! So, we'll figure that out in time, I suppose!~" Squig then mumbled under her breath, "I just hope Spiral won't also become my roommate at the request of some.... Magical letter writing bozo lady...."
"Hm." It nods. It looks up and- "Oh. There is lapis." It mentions. There's some at the top of the cavern.
Spiral and Professor. It catalogues their names, so that it might be able to assess later whether or not the two were threats. Fia and Kat were already known. Fia was clearly not human, yet her affinity for believing in the best in people categorizes her as neutral. Kat ascended to godhood and was very protective of her allies. Considering Robin was an ally to Squig, who shot Kalei, that brought Kat as 59% neutral.
"LAPIS!~" Squig went into her inventory, pulled out some cobblestone, and began to make a staircase to it.
"Keep an eye out for mobs, Beem!~ Or, uh..... At least make sure there's not anything in the area ready to jump when I get back down!"
It nods. "I will. Keep your balance." It stands up straighter and keeps track of the surroundings vigilantly.
Squig made her way up the cobbled steps of her own creation, tacking on more blocks as she went.
(It's truly a marvel of technology.... I don't even recall how they explained all this dream tech shit to me back then, but... It really has improved a lot since I was a teen. Or...) She felt the cold stone beneath her paw pads. It felt... Real. Real enough, at least. (No... It's just my disorder actin' up. This isn't real. It can't be real. It's just a game, Squigs... It's just a game....)
She mined the lapis successfully. Well. As successfully as one could when the lapis itself dropped all the way down out of reach of the cat woman. (Aaand I forgot to build a platform to catch that. Greaaaat....)
"BRITISH MODE!" She called out, "GRAB THOSE BEFORE IT DESPAWNS PLEASE!~"
All of the lapis lazuli hits it on the head. Multiple times. It blinks and looks up. "Okay."
It looks back down and grabs the ores.
Squig looked back down. It was.....Quite the height.
(Yeah, it's gonna take a minute to get down. Unless... OH HO!~ Water!~)
"Hey Brit! What's the probability of hitting that pool of water if I jumped down?"
Squig jumped before she could hear the reply.
It gasps and leans forward. It runs calculations, and the result says: She's not hitting the water. It removes the hair tie from its hair again.
Calculating the angle at which she may hit the ground, it runs forward and jumps up, boosted by the help of its elongated hair. Wrapping its arms around Squig, it lands on the other side, the landing softened enough by the multiple hair strands acting as a cushion beneath it.
It sighs softly and narrows its stare at Squig. "...Never risk that again, please. I believe you just gave me the equivalent of a heart attack in a program."
Squig was as still as a statue in Daize's arms, thankful that the gray fur on her body hid her blush. The nyan kitty girl was touch starved enough already, being held by someone, so close and so tightly??? Her brain felt more like a program than the being in front of her, the way it had to reboot itself!
Only after Daize takes notice and softly drops her into the hair pile does her brain catch up with what had just happened and what she just did.
"Oh, uh. Thank you! Uh.... So. You ever get so bored you just. Jump off of a staircase? Because... I just remembered that I kind of hate mining without like... Music in the background, or a podcast, or the endless chatter of conversation between me and..."
(No, Shelley, you are being rude AGAIN. Daize is just the strong, silent type! There's nothing wrong with the way Daize ain't yappin' with you the way your ex would during the good ol' days and - ... It can probably tell what I'm thinking again, can't it?)
It tilted its head. So Squig was similar to its previous Master then. "Apologies." It mentioned. As Squig returns to standing back up, its hair shortens back up to normal length, and it braids it back. "I was not built for conversation, only defense and protection." It straightens back up, dusting off its pants. "But if you require me to talk along, I can."
"Daize, no..." Squig replied, pity evident in her voice, "Don't force yourself. I just... I guess things are still really awkward between us at the moment, huh? I don't really know how to... Interact with you yet, I think."
She hopped back up from the hair pile.
"But I wanna be your friend, British Mode! A thousand percent!~ You're a package deal with Robin, ya know? And.. And not only because of the fact that you're already in the same system as my friend! It's also because I think YOU are cool as well, Daize!~ You're smart and badass and... And all that jazz!" Squig waved her paw-hands around as she spoke, "And I don't want to just... Ignore you or something, alright? I wanna get to know you better, Daize. I just... I don't know how...."
Not a system. But it doesn't correct her.
It tilts its head curiously. "What is there to know about me? I am a program that recently gained consciousness when my Master gave me their memories to safeguard. I have no preferences, no relationships, no likes or dislikes, or anything." It answers.
"What I only have to offer is history, my protection, experiences, and the memories of my Master."
For a moment, there was silence between the two of them. Nothing spoken, just Squig thinking to herself before verbalizing those thoughts;
"You have yourself. That's... That's another thing you can offer! The fact you're like... Alive! Existent! And that? That makes you cool as fuck in my opinion!~" Squig has a soft smile, "I guess... That doesn't really answer your question. But for what it's worth, I think you have more than enough to offer just by being yourself, British Mode!~ You don't need to have anything else!~"
She scratched her neck, continuing her ramble, "I don't think you'd be up for really explaining most of the other stuff anyway... The rest of the things you said you'd offer seem... Kinda... Personal? Like... If you have the memories of a previous host, most of which you don't wanna recall, I don't wanna pry there. History and experiences too.... I'd only ask questions about whatever you're comfortable with, and... What else would be left? Combat advice? Gossip on who the most dangerous people on the server here are? Lawl~"
It is malfunctioning. The words made its chest feel warm. That is not normal.
It pauses to think. "I am not a person. I do not have myself, for I do not have an identity, as identity means personhood."
It blinks. "And I know more than just combat advice. I know how to make flower crowns."
"YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE FLOWER CROWNS???"
Squig grabs Daize's shoulders in excitement, before realizing the sudden unauthorized touch and letting go.
"Ah! Sorry!~ I just... I didn't expect such a wholesome thing from you!~ And here I was gonna ask you your favorite methods of assassination!~"
She scratches her neck again, "That's... That's a bit. I ain't gonna ask for your murder opinions~ Not now anyway~ BUT!"
Squig pats Daize's back with the hand that was still on its shoulder, "I think you're a person, dude!~ And you have an identity!~ Hell, if we go by your own logic, if you at least consider yourself a separate entity from Robin, then you have to have an identity. Because that means you identify as another entity, right? Thus, an identity!~"
It falters. "I... suppose you are right with that, yes." It looked away. What an odd thing, truly...
Its lips formed a small smile, but it quickly faded back into its normal flat face. "I know how to make flower crowns, yes." It blinked. "However, are you done mining, or would you like to continue deeper in?"
"Honestly? I just came here for the lapis so I could enchant stuff. I got enough for the time being, I think~ We can go mining for more some other time anyway," Squig's soft smile widened to a grin, "For now, I wanna hang out with you!~"
She took Daize by the hand, leading it towards the breadcrumb trail of torches they both placed while spelunking this way, "Now c'mon!~ If you need more iron, by the way, I think I still have some extra in my mining base up top! That's, uh, the little tent up there~ I can spare some for you and that geezer you mentioned!~ I know y'all likely can't feel as much pain in these dreams as myself, but it still sucks to die a bunch in games like these~"
Its eyes went wide with surprise, but it let her drag her away, nodding. "Alright. Thank you for your offer, Squig." It pauses for a second before continuing to add more words. Squig did say she didn't like silence. "I do have to keep him safe. He is way too old to even try to gather supplies sometimes. Trying to cut a single tree already gets him tired."
"Wooof. Dude had the choice of any Minecraft skin and ended up with an old man? Or... Was his skin just like... Steve or something, and they stayed old when they got here? I don't know.... I haven't encountered Peepers much..." Squig stopped herself from dragging Daize along, let go of its hand to point out an iron ore missed on an already lit part of the mine, a path Squig traversed before, but Daize didn't. She continued talking though, "I really gotta interact with folks more outside of the ones I'm out LARPing with and Robin..."
Right. ARG logic. It shook its head. It readied its pickaxe and mined. "No to both of them. They forced him into the skin. I suppose it would make sense, plot-wise, to show how old The Eye truly is." It said, reaching into one crevice for the final bit of ore. "And I suppose The Eye is supposed to be bittersweet. To grant him such an ease of skin would be too wholesome for this ARG."
It wasn't too much of a lie. The Eye hated being old, it gathered. If he had a choice, he would probably choose someone younger. So he really was forced into being an old human.
"Ah... Well, that sucks.... Being the story equivalent of being cosmically assigned to be an old man, I mean," She scratched her neck, "Dunno what else to really say there.... I feel bad, truly I do! But I think if you've always been watchin', you know by now empathizing is, uh… Not something I know how to do right..."
Squig leaned against the cave wall, "One of these days, I really gotta learn the lore of that guy, the Eye, I mean. I keep getting curious about people, but never knowing how to interact with them or... Talk to them at all? I don't know. That's part of the reason I made this server!~ As... As an excuse to do that!~ Talkin' to folks!~"
It turned around to face her, sorting its inventory.
"I am plenty sure that all you need to do to ask for interaction with Eye is to call out. He will respond." It paused.
Wait. Would that make things difficult for Squig, considering her disorder?
"I mean, in Tumblr." It added. It exits the inventory, walking closer to Squig. "Though he can talk to you in real life. Just be careful with that. You can hear his voice, but you won't be able to see him."
Squig gave pause, contemplating what Daize said. Then, she shrugged, "Eh, it's alright, dude. I think at this point, I'm really not gonna be surprised if the DSMP put a microphone-speaker thingy in my home, if that's what you're talkin' about. I mean, they already have a camera in there somewhere, pretty sure there's footage of the inside of my trailer from the whole..." Her voice lowered, "McDonald's incident. SO! If they have that, a speaker isn't that unbelievable~"
The feline's whiskers twitched as she gave a resigned smile,
"At this point, I gave up on the concept of privacy. Well.... To an extent. The DMSP already had a thing in the contract we signed that THANKFULLY had a clause for those who were stalked... So as long as I keep my real name and, uh, several other specific sensitive pieces of information private, I'll be safe! I think... But! The point is! I'm a lot more okay with having secret cameras and speakers in my home than you'd imagine!~ Certainly not the worst thing an ARG made me do!~ That'd probably be the blood thing."
It stiffened up and stared at Squig with wide eyes and a blank face. "What blood thing?" It asked flatly.
"Oh yeah, there was an ARG I played where they needed my like... Bio-information or something?" Squig said, as if this was normal, "So a pop-up event happened in the town I was living in at the moment, and I went there, and they drew some blood, got my fingerprints, mouth swabs, retina scans... The whole shebang."
She shrugged, "I dunno. In retrospect, they probably sold that data to fund that ARG, but... It's wild that I was allowed into that one back then. That was like... One of the first ones I was a part of. And I was what? Thirteen years old? At most? I don't remember. I wouldn't have even gone if my friends on the forums hadn't pressured me to sneak out and do it since I lived so close to the pop-up! Didn't even get much extra info out of it... Kinda crummy of them. Taking my DNA and barely giving me half a puzzle for it..."
Its expression was unreadable, and it stayed that way for about three seconds.
Was it alri—
Both of its hands put themselves next to Squig's head, caging her in.
"You are aware that giving your biological information away to an 'A.R.G.'—" It made sure to pause after every letter. "—is not normal, right?" Its green eyes stared deeply into the other's, like it was trying to read what she was thinking.
No way did this person think this was normal. Absolutely not. It could not let her continue to think that way. That was dangerous.
Squig's face was squished by Daize's hands, her nose twitched, and her head tilted as she replied, "I... Disagree? I mean. I had other ARGs ask for this kind of thing, too..? I know it's not THAT common of a thing, but it's always been a thing for ARGs to ask for personal information like that, no?"
She still sensed confusion in the program, so she continued, "Stuff like... Copies of my medical files, birth certificate, my physical address, and driver's license as soon as I got that... Pretty much everyone on those old forums sent those off as well! I remember being a kid and chastising them for posting such sensitive info online, but... Then they twisted my arm in due time and, honestly? That ended up working out GREAT!~"
The cat gave a light purr, "And like... I never got my information stolen after doing it, even when I was a kiddo. And back then, I was like, ACTIVELY refusing to give ANYONE my information, but after some close friends did it, then all the behind-the-scenes videos for these ARGs, and, of course, my ex-partner's request to join in as well, and... Yeah!~ Eventually, I was peer pressured into it and found out: OH! This isn't a scam!~ They've got like... Government approval for this!~ So... It's not illegal!~"
Its fingers dug into the stone, actively avoiding the urge to facepalm in front of her. "An ARG, by definition, is an Augmented Reality Game. It may be supposed to blur the lines between fiction and reality and actively have the players be involved, but it has lines that should never be crossed. Personal information like that is NOT to be given away so haphazardly, Squig!" It stops itself.
... Was it concerned there for a moment? That's not-- There's no way. Discard the thought, focus on the scenario.
It takes a step back, away from Squig. "What do you think it even means if the Government itself agrees with gaining personal data?"
Squig tilted her head, "I mean... There are a LOT of companies with personal stock in the US government. There's a reason they put Pepsi vending machines in public schools! Never Coke, only Pepsi... Lowkey wished it were the other soda company that had its hands in the pockets in the US government... Would've had a much better time in the few times I was in school if I could actually have a GOOD soda when I scraped enough money together to get lunch better than the shitty free ones!~ Haha... Ha....."
She looked away. "It's not that funny..."
It sighed. "Just— Don't. Never do that again. After this is over, take a break from all the ARGs. You are risking far too much of yourself, and every part of me disagrees with that wholeheartedly." It shook its head.
"I, uh... You seem very passionate about this, huh?" Squig said, scratching a spot on her back beneath her cape, "Alright then. I think after one as intense as this one, I'm gonna need to anyway~" the catgirl continued to walk towards the exit of the mine, "This one's so much more gory than the ones I'm used to.... Usually, they censor everything out with black boxes, but I've barely seen that editing thing done here thus far! The faces of the characters, too... Well. I guess they aren't using full character actors for this, now are they?"
It rubs its face, taking in deep breaths. "Yes. We are supposedly players as well." It murmured, following Squig to the exit. "I honestly think they're just being clumsy at this point," It grumbled.
It felt... weirdly disgruntled. Felt. Felt, felt, felt. It was feeling when it wasn't supposed to feel. It was moving when it wasn't supposed to move. It was talking when it was never supposed to talk. It was when it wasn't supposed to be.
It was— This was the definition of a spiral. Change the direction of thoughts to the current scenario again. It mustn't falter. It must stay focused and blank. Or it will compromise the protection of Robin and her company, which must never happen.
"C'mon, we're nearly outta the mines, British - "
(Wait... That expression...?)
"Are you alright, dude? You look... Concerned? Conflicted? Lotta emotions I'm seeing you struggle to hide, bud...." Squig smiled again, unaware of anything wrong yet again, "Whatever you're feeling, don't feel afraid to express them around me, Daize. Just talk to me?"
Objective accepted: Talk to Human Character named [Squig] |
"I am when I am not supposed to be, and it confuses me." The words slip without notice. It paused. Drat. Its old terminal started up. It closes the sub-program and sighs. "Yes. That is my problem. And I am worried that it may hinder my ability to focus and protect Robin, including her allies."
Squig blinked, adjusted her glasses, then responded, "I... Might be a little hypocritical saying this, but... As someone who is also hyper-vigilant? You don't need to be on alert twenty-four seven. Too much stress is also bad for the body, isn't it? So... Wouldn't you still be protecting Robin from stress by allowing yourself to feel sometimes instead of bottling everything up, then berating yourself when that fails?"
Squig's smile returned, soft as always, as it was around her friend, "I don't want you hurting yourself, dude. Your goal is to protect Robin, and you can't do that if you're constantly alert. Let your guard down when you can, then, alright? Let yourself feel now so you can get back to being that badass, steadfast force I know you are later~"
She held out a paw-hand, "Sound good?~"
It sighed softly. It kept doing that now. Oddity catalogued.
"Alright. If you wish for me to do so, I will." It grabbed onto the paw-hand of the other.
"Good!~" Squig replied, "Now c'mon!~ I wanna see you make those flower crowns you talked about!~"
Squig purred in delight. For once, during her time in this VR game, things were going right.
(Things are going right. They're going right......)
Something felt... Off. Her tail swished as she exited the mine, and then, she recalled something from earlier. A question, a piece of information she needed to know. And now had a person to ask.
"Daize? There's gonna be a fight today between someone and Xivvy. I don't know who is fighting her, but..." She tilted her head once more, "I have a bad feeling about it. How... How strong do you think Xivvy is? Or... More accurately, how likely is it that something's gonna come in and get their ass decimated by her or vice versa?"
It hid its iron pick back into their inventory. "XIV? Ah, you mean Fourteen." It stops in place to run some calculations and hums.
"I would assume that Fourteen is a strong individual, since she has claimed to be a Sentinel, which are known to be guards. And as a demi-god, it only means she is far stronger than humans." It hesitates.
"However, I believe she also has a fascination with humans, so if her opponents are indeed human, she may hold back. If not, then perhaps she won't. Then again, I believe the only few non-human entities other than I would be the King in Yellow and The Eye. I doubt Fourteen has a fight to pick with either of the two, so her opponent is most likely a human." It pauses to breathe.
"In short? 64% chance that her opponent will be 'decimated', as you say."
Squig flinched at the word. (Not defeated. ‘DECIMATED’.)
"So.... If it's the other 36% chance, they'll survive still or...?"
It nods. "Yes. I believe people here will respawn either way, so I am sure it would be no problem."
“Oh. Good.”
(Why do I not believe that?)
Squig swallowed her anxieties, buried them down as she walked into the tent, retrieved some irons, and gave them to her friend, "Here. I only have about... Twenty iron in here? But that should be more than enough for what you need."
(I need to trust them. I... I have no reason not to.)
"C'mon now, Bee Em!~ Let's go make a flower crown or two before you deliver this to your old man buddy!~"
(Why do I feel so... Off about this battle...? It's... Less than 50% odds, but... That's not THAT bad of odds, right? Right. Whoever's fighting Xivvy will be fine. They'll be fine, just... Trust in the statistics, build that flower crown~)
It received the iron ore, nodding in gratitude. It failed to notice the thoughts brewing in the mind of her other company. It nodded to Squig.
"Alright." It looked over Squig's avatar, following her. Tulips and Dandelions should fit nicely in the color palette.
Squig looked back at her friend. Daize seemed... Calm. Rational. Trustworthy. The opposite of a person like Squig... She tried thinking logically as Daize would.
(It didn't raise any REAL concern. And... They'll respawn anyway, whoever Xivvy's fighting~ So... I have no reason to be worried. I'm just gonna enjoy myself, have a fun time playing Minecraft with my friends, just like old times!~)
"OH! Daizey!~ I think I remember where a flower forest biome is!~ Follow me, we'll get the flowers there!~"
The duo exited stage left, onwards towards a false comfort.
Spacial Abnormality Detected in the Abaskantos Subject's Household.
Requests for more cameras to film additional locations within the trailer are pending approval.
Squig - @searchin4arealitythatdoesntexist
The Professor - @theprofessorshark
Peppermint - N/A
[Start of Video Transcription]
The Professor knocks on Squig's door.
"Hey, do you have a second? I realized I have your thing still in my lab and I am quite finished with it now. Took a bit longer than I anticipated with rescuing Pepper and all that so I am afraid it's a bit late for your birthday but..."
The knock startles Squig awake, who was taking a light nap. The previous night was somewhat sleepless due to the spider that she was unable to find in her room, so she was taking as many Zs as she could get.
"Whu - uh.... YES??? Um, hold... Hold on!!"
She had just returned home after visiting Magalie, so she was still fully dressed, but that didn't make scrambling together last minute upon someone wanting to enter your room any less embarrassing.
Especially after last night, where she tore her room apart in hopes of finding that spider.
She didn't find it.
After tossing some laundry around and brushing some objects under her bed, Squig opened the door with a sheepish smile, not opening it enough to see the extent of how messy her room was after last night.
"Uh. Howdy, Teach!~ Sorry, what did you want again?~"
"Oh, was I interrupting something? I just wanted to give you your birthday present - I know I am late with that - I seem to be late for a lot of things for a studied chronomancer..."
"Regardless, I got your backpack in my lab and I thought maybe you would want it back? Oh, and I would really like to show you the lab so you see you really do not have to worry about the perceived lack of space in here!"
"No! You weren't interrupting anything! Just.. Uh. Was taking a nap, but... I think I'd prefer to have my bag back than sleep..."
Squig scratches behind her head, stepping out of her room while avoiding eye contact.
The Professor squints a bit.
"You sure? Alright then, let me show you around!....Well, technically this is your place but um...I hope you like what I've done with it! Follow me, if you would?"
Squig blinks.
"Uh... Sure?" She says with a shaky half smile.
(You're saying this like we're touring a house and not the storage room of my shitty one bedroom trailer...)
"well, in that case...."
The Professor turns around, takes two-steps and opens the door to the storage room.
"Ah, I should warn you, it is a lot more...roomy than it was before."
Squig rolls her eyes.
"Yeah man, whatever you say - "
She cuts herself off as soon as she looks into where the storage room once was.
Instead of the anticipated storage room a new corridor came into view. Not a long one, long enough to logistically not fit in the trailer but short enough to see the end of it. At the end the corridor opens up, leading into a sizeable room with white walls.In the middle of the room is a pretty comfortable looking lounge area with a sofa and a few chairs, in the corner of the room (is it actually a corner? The room does not seem to be rectangular or square or triangular or...) are the boxes that used to be in the storage room before it became this. There are a number of further doors leading away from that room as well, one of which is very much locked.
"Ah, mind the step"
After the Professor enters the room, Squig, jaw agape, blinks. Then she blinks again. Then, she slowly begins closing the door leading to the atrium without another word.
"Come on in, come on in, make yourself at home...well, technically it is your home, I suppose. Or at least part of it....Ah, I'm sorry, I moved the boxes out of the storage room over there..." He points at the boxes in the corner(?). "If you need anything from them, feel free to grab it. Ah, not that I would need to tell you to grab your own stuff but, you know? Anyway, over there..." He points at one of the doors, "Are Peppers and my living quarters...I think Pepper is resting right now, so I will not show them to you right now BUT if you ever need to sleep in a different room for whatever reason I have some spares - space is not exactly a problem in here, you see....This door over there is locked, and can only be opened with my own Dimensional Trace. Its contents are just a tiny bit dangerous so best do not worry about that room, alright? And over there is the workshop."
With an almost comedic timing, the door the Professor was pointing at opened, and from there, the small child came out.
..God, the similarities between them and the other adult were...far too much, given the Professor kept insisting they weren't blood related. It was almost uncomfortable, in a way.
"Ah..."
"Hello dad. And...Squig"
"Ah, speak of the devil, hm? Hi Pepper, I was just about to show Squig around the lounge and the workshop, do you want to join us? After you gave Squig your present it is time I gave her mine, don't you think?"
They gave a slight nod and scurried over to his side, away from Squig.
Squig continues to close the door, leaving the father and child duo alone in the place that was once her storage room.
She takes a few steps away from the door, inhales as much air as her lungs can take in, and before she can scream, she remembers how much that Peppermint kid flinched before at noises in the past, and instead of screaming, she lets out a very long, very loud exhale.
Squig reopens the door.
"Do I need to? Uh... You can just.... Get me the bag, right? If... You don't mind? I.... Am not really in the right headspace now to... Enter this... Virtual Reality Chamber you installed into my home."
"Virtual reality chamber? Honestly, that is not a bad comparison at all! Except not at all - so look at it this way: every door, every entrance and exit kinda connects 2 separate tiny microuniverses with each other – its still one world, mind, but with tiny gaps between each entrance and exit. Ever went into a room, crossed through a door and forgot why you entered the room in the first place? See, that's where that thought went – it got stuck like an insect in one of those nets you put in front of your windows in summer. So all I did was to reroute this entrance into a pocket universe in which the room is big enough for my laboratory. Its a simple trick really. BUT here is the fun part...if one were to knock down a wall from inside the pocket space, it would simply connect back into the trailer park outside, but if someone were to break in from the outside, it would not work – it would become an extra entrance to a microuniverse that is inhabiting the same space as the original room and that is where the dangerous part happens. Two places cannot exist in the same space at the same time so this may crash the laws of reality under the laws of astromancy. Now to combat that I have strengthened the walls of your trailer a bit and pulled up a barrier that should in case of spatial explosion turn it inside to just kinda implode instead…. Anyway, if you do not want to you don't have to go into my workshop although there are some very interesting tools in there...Ah, no matter I can always show them to you some other time! Come on, Pepper, let's go into the workshop and grab Squigs present, hm?"
As the Professor rambles, Squig get gets lower and lower to the ground until they are sitting in the doorway, watching the small family leave. She runs a hand through her hair and attempts to steady her breathing, muttering the whole while.
"It's... It's alright Shells.... It's just... It's not real. It's VR just like the Minecraft dream..."
Her hand reaches up to her scalp again. The inside of her head is pounding. (I have to stop it, I have to....) She flexes her fingers and feels her claws embedded in her skull, sharp sharp sharp pain hits her in the head and -
With a gasp, she lets go.
Squig grabs at her dominant hand to (STOP HERSELF) inspect it. No fur. No claws. No blood. She lets out a sigh of relief.
"I need more of my medication...."
Whilst listening to their father talk about...well, they didn't really know. It was nice listening to a safe voice, though.
..Ah, where were they?
Right.
Whilst listening to their father talk, they decided to turn back, given the footsteps behind them had stopped.
Not seeing Squig anywhere, they tug on the Professor's clothing to get his attention.
The Professor, feeling a little tug on his sleeve stops talking about the gravitational pull of a tiny black hole.
"Ah, you see, the gravity makes time move slower the closer you are to it which makes it a perfect engine for a perpetuum mobile with which... Hm? What is it?"
"Squig... She's not here."
The small child pointed to where they came from, proving their point of the woman not having followed along.
The Professor's gaze follows Pepper's stretched arm. "Oh, you are right...how did I not notice?" He sighs. "I really need to get better at paying attention...I hope she did not get lost in here that could have disastrous consequences....tell you what, mind grabbing the backpack from the workshop? You know your way around here almost as well as I do...I will try to find Squig and we meet up back at the lounge,okay? If you need me just give me a signal, alright?"
They nodded again, a small smile on their lips. Dad wants them to do something! That's good, they can help out!
"Mhm. Thank you!" They said, before skipping off into the workshop.
"Okay, see you in the lounge then!"
The Professor makes his way back through the corridors, hurrying back to the lounge, his steps getting faster. There is nothing dangerous in here...well...not in the places Squig can reach but if she got lost then finding her may become a problem and he sincerely doubts that Squig is equipped for an expedition into this void. She has to be alright, he cannot lose someone else to his irresponsibility.
He arrives back at the lounge. No one. No one at any of the doors leading outwards, no one at the sofas...
Then he spots Squig. Slumped over, shaking. "Hey, are you alright? I am so sorry, I didn't pay attention, do you need something? Water, food, anything?"
Squig flinches at the voice, but still barely looks up from her hand.
"No. I... I don't need anything... Just... More rest, I think. And my meds once I'm out of... Whatever this place is you installed in here. I'm sorry, I just..."
Unconsciously, her hand had already reached her head again. A motion so familiar, now made painful merely by the association of that movement and -
She inhales sharply before grabbing her hand and lowering it again. She spits out her words as if it would cure her of the phantom scratch marks.
"Do you have my bag yet? I, uh, don't wanna rush a gift, but...?"
(But what? But stop? But please uninstall this from my home? But please either take my trailer as your own or leave me be, the reality is fading fast, today already hasn't been good for my brain, this is making it SO MUCH WORSE AND - )
BONK.
Squig hits her head with her fist.
(Ah. Same instrument, different sound. I gotta start to use my fist for grounding more than my nails...)
Squig coughs. Quietly and quickly, she her voice returns and she reiterates her request.
"Can I have my backpack please?"
"Transdimensional sickness, of course...I got so overexcited to show you this that I forgot the proper procedures for interdimensional travel...And then I didn't pay attention that you would not get lost..."
"I'm afraid I was a terrible host. I am so sorry...tell you what. Pepper is fetching the backpack right now, what do you think of laying down and resting for a bit, we will bring it in the kitchen, hm?"
He stretches out his arm and offers Squig his hand.
The disheveled woman takes another deep breath in, then out, before reaching for his hand with a shaky one of her own. Her heartbeat still pounds through her chest, something the Professor could feel in her wrist, but she lets the hand offered to her help pull her up.
"Thank you."
Once Squig gets to her feet she adjusts her nearly fallen off glasses with an exhale.
"I... I think..." (I think I would never want to go elsewhere in your VR chamber. This alone was more than enough.) "I think I would like to go to the kitchen."
The last sentence is spit out in a single breath. Unable to bare the weight of existing in the presence of the atrium any longer, Squig let go of the Professor then walked into the kitchen. Away from the room that was neither circular nor square. Away from the so-called 'VR chamber' Squig claimed it was. Away from the place she knew for a fact must have a bed inside of, one large enough for the father and child... One she didn't feel or see in the room.
(It's... Maybe it's a futon. Or.. Some kind of sleeping bag. Yeah... Yeah that makes sense... That makes sense, that makes sense, that makes sense....... It has to be that. There's no other options...)
The Professor watches as Squig leaves the room. He closes the door after he made sure that Squig arrived safely in her trailer.
(I messed up. I messed up. I need to be better, I should be better, I HAVE TO be better.)
He leaves the entrance area and makes his way over to the lounge where he sits down. A gesture quite unusual for the Professor, who usually never stops talking or moving.
He starts muttering to himself.
Gentle footsteps sounded across the hall as Peppermint walked back inside, the backpack being held by their left hand.
Their footsteps came to a halt as they saw their dad sitting down.
That's weird.
(Is dad feeling okay?)
They tilted their head, akin to how a cat does, and blinked. Then, they wrapped their small arms around him, hugging as tightly as they could.
"Dad...Okay?"
The Professor stops his muttering.
"Ah, hello Pepper, I....did not notice you coming in...have you been here long? I'm alright, I'm alright it's just....I think I hurt Squig."
"I know that people can have bad reactions when they enter a new subspace, especially when they have never done that before and I didn't do any of the necessary precautions...I did not prepare her properly, I did not warn her, I did not consider what could wrong....I got too carried away by the thought of showing her what I built, I wanted to give her her present, to get some worries out of her mind and instead I did the opposite...."
"I didn't even manage to pay attention to whether or not she was still following us, if you had not pointed that out I do not know when or if I would have noticed - luckily she did not get lost but instead smartly went back to the entrance....There is no danger here in any of the freely accessible rooms, we both know that but if you get lost in here it is nigh impossible to be found....Ah, but I am sorry, I did not want to...
Anyway, thank you for bringing the backpack here, you did good. "
The Professor hugs Pepper back.
Peppermint closed their eyes, shaking their head to deny what their father had declared.
"..But you didn't know. Not your fault. She's the one who stopped."
They pulled back, getting a worried pout on their lips.
"Don't be mad at yourself..!"
"She is the one who stopped, yes but...I still should have paid better attention - if I bring someone into a place that may be dangerous for them, I have a duty of care, don't you think?"
"Look at it this way - the same way I promised to keep you safe, and already failed at that, I must try to keep those around me safe."
"But you're right. Being mad at myself does not help anyone....I'll just have to be better now, hm?"
The Professor pats Peppers head.
"Thank you..."
Peppermint kept looking at his face, then smiled. They tugged at his sleeve to pull him up from the chair.
Squig felt herself drop. There was motion, the feeling of things zooming past her, of gravity making its laws known…
(Oh… I’m falling.)
(OH. OH SHIT, I’M FALLING.)
Her limbs waved around wildly, scrambling to ground herself as she awoke with a start. The moment she sat up on her bed, she looked around., saw the familiar sight of her new Minecraft base, and then lied back down in her bed, comforted by the fact that she was safe.
….
(Wait….. My Minecraft base..?)
She was in a bed (not a sleeping bag), in a room that looked like the shitty Minecraft base she made yesterday while testing the new server, and…
(Is that a fucking tail..?)
She looked down at her body. She wore a tan cardigan over a pink t-shirt covered in a sprinkled pattern. Her jeans were a deep blue and covered in a bunch of little white stars that varied in size across the midnight sky denim.
But more importantly than the outfit, was the fur.
Squig’s entire body was covered in a soft gray fur and a tail of the same shade and fluffocity curled by her side. In awe, she moved her hand to touch it, but instead of seeing skin, she saw not only the same fur that coated her body, but the little pink toe beans of a kitty on the palm and fingers of her hand.
She moved the paw-hand to her face, lightly flinching as she brushed against some whiskers in the process. Squig boops her own nose, just to find the feeling of a slight muzzle and a tiny triangular feline nose. It twitched, making her glasses bounce upwards slightly. Glasses that she now felt the side of her face to discover were being held in place by the fluff of her cheeks as opposed to her ears. Said ears, instead of being on the sides of her head, twitched atop her cranium.
(Woah… Is this…)
Squig gasped and hopped up from the bed.
“ANOTHER VR GAME!~ Well, not ANOTHER VR game, but like. Another chance to play with this experimental technology!~”
The felid straightened her back before she moved over to the one odd chest out of the two dozen chests in her home. The one in the center of her base. She slowly opened it, hoping her hunch would come through before opening the first book she grabs from the pile of written books inside. And instead of the garbled junk text that was there when she copypasted the text files, she found the tell tell writing style of the letter writer.
“Alright you mysterious letter person… Let’s see what tasks you assigned to me this time~”
She paused.
"The fuck do you mean I need to go out into the savanna without torches?"
