Today at work, I was ringing up a sweet older Hispanic lady, when she noticed my necklace & excitedly asked me which Saint it was of. I told her it was Saint Jude, and she smiled at me, seeming pleased by this, and saying “Ah! The Saint of Impossible Things!”
I was given this medal a long time ago, by my Grandmother, who had purchased it for me on a whim because she had thought “it seemed like something [I] might like to have.” It’s worth noting that at that time, I had been openly identifying as an atheist for a few years. Even before that, I had never expressed much interest in the Saints at all, let alone taken any specific note of St. Jude.
I came back to my religious roots somewhat in college, and on a whim of my own, started wearing the medal I had been given ages ago & which I had never felt right getting rid of. It wasn’t really until later, though, during one of the most difficult, extended periods of depression in my life, that I consciously chose St. Jude as my patron.
I did it because I was sad, bitterly sarcastic, and dealing (rather poorly) with severe self-loathing, and because I had always heard St. Jude referred to as Patron Saint of Lost Causes. The part of me that wanted to hurt myself liked the idea of writing myself off as one such Lost Cause, and surrendering myself to the mercy of Something Else. Anything else, really; it didn’t matter, so long as I didn’t have to think or feel so much anymore.
After I started treating my depression in earnest, I stopped wanting to punish myself all the time. In the years following, the bitter, mean sentiments I associated with that necklace made it hard for me to wear, or even look at, despite having developed a genuine interest in the Saints.
Today was only the third time I’ve worn the medal since cleansing it on the night of the recent blue moon. I did my best to use that opportunity to break all of those old associations so that I could start over again, and I honestly believe it’s worked. I had never personally heard that interpretation of St. Jude’s area of patronage before, but I think hearing that today was exactly what I needed, and I am so grateful to that woman for engaging & actually having a conversation with me.
To the Patron Saint of Impossible Things! To moving forward and doing what I once believed I could not.
Out with the old, & in with the new.
