this was actually the first proper scene i wrote for this project, but i didn't feel comfortable posting it publicly until now.
the story and contents are subject to change, but i still thought it was something i'd like to share for now
i hope people enjoy it :)
[Tom is a medium height anthropomorphic black-furred tomcat. Ahead of him is a large anthropomorphic lion more than three times his size, radiating light like the sun or a star.]
Are you a God?
[The star lion looks down at him with a blank face.]
☆ No, I am simply the star of the show.
What does that mean?
☆ The show cannot go on without the star. The spotlight shines down on center stage and I perform unendingly for the audience. I observe the audience and ensure their reactions are that of pleasure and enjoyment. I remember my performances and I recall my memories of the audience's reactions.
Is that your job?
☆ It is my role.
Do you like your role?
☆ I am the star of the show. I am a performer. I am an observer. I am a recorder. If I did not do these tasks, there would be no more show. The audience would be disappointed.
That's not what I'm saying. I asked if you liked it.
☆ ...
Hello?
☆ There is no necessity to wonder whether or not I enjoy it. It is my role.
Don't you think that's a bit depressing? I mean, haven't you ever thought about what you actually want to do in your life?
☆ Ever since I was a child I observed the other stars and planets around me crashing into each other with such violence. Planets colliding and scraps of rock and molten metal shooting through space and destroying nearby beings. Stars corrupting and erupting and exploding into a million little sparkles of dust. They will never come back. They will never be whole again.
What are you trying to say...?
☆ What I am saying is that I watched all of this conflict take place, and I committed myself to the role of one who does not perpetuate violence. I exist to mitigate arguments and to bring comfort and pleasure to the audience so they do not behave in erratic ways and are always filled with at least a small remnant of joy after the performance. I am not permitted to feel emotions like 'rage,' nor to perform actions like 'destruction'. This is for the sake of the rest of the universe.
Don't you think that's putting a little too much pressure on yourself? I mean, sure, people are out there fighting and hurting each other, but that's not your responsibility.
☆ What do you mean?
Like, people are going to hurt each other no matter what. And even if you try to bring comfort and happiness to others, it's still going to happen. So the way I see it, it's not your responsibility.
☆ Do you mean to say that I should abandon my role? If I were to do so, don't you know how much more anguish and sadness there would be in the universe? I'm playing a very important role, I couldn't forgive myself if I were to ever step down from this stage. I'd be at fault for allowing the other beings of the universe to only continue their struggles and discontent without any relief.
Don't you think you should take a break from it sometimes at least?
☆ I must not abandon my role as I would only be allowing further sadness and suffering to permeate our world.
Why do you feel guilt for violence that you didn't even cause?
☆ ...
It's not your fault.
☆ ...
You've lived this way for a long time, haven't you.
☆ ...
Haven't you ever thought about what it could be like if you did something else? Played a role for yourself?
☆ How can I justify my existence if I am not performing to lessen the suffering in this world?
You know, most people never really think about stuff like that. We just exist, and live, because we do.
☆ What is the justification for your existence? What is your role?
I don't know. I often feel something similar, wondering why I'm alive. What I can do in this life to make it worth it. But that's not something easily answered.
☆ I don't think I could leave this stage if I tried. I couldn't bear the guilt of leaving the audience.
It'll probably take some time
☆ I don't want to leave! I don't want things to change! I don't want to take the time to slowly abandon those who depend on me!
...
☆ I don't want to leave this stage and this role! I don't know who I am without them!
[The star lion begins to cry]
Hey, it's okay. I didn't mean to upset you.
☆ I'm not upset by you! I'm upset by myself! Why can't I perform correctly! Why is there always someone in the audience who doesn't laugh no matter how grand the show is! Why can't I help people! Help this world! Help this universe!
[The star lion is crying profusely and slowly shrinking in size, hiding its face in its hands]
Hey, it's okay, it's okay.
☆ I'm sorry for crying.
Why would you be sorry? It's just an emotion.
[The star lion sniffles. It is still avoiding eye contact with Tom.]
☆ It is not convenient or helpful to anyone if I cry.
It doesn't need to be. Actually, I think it's helpful to yourself. That's why your body does it.
☆ ...
Sometimes we have things trapped inside our bodies that need to get out.
[The star lion looks up at Tom.]
☆ Why are you being so kind to me?
...
[It looks down again.]
☆ I don't understand why.
It's not a matter of 'why,' I just always... try to be kind to people in general, especially if they seem like they need it.
☆ Are you pitying me? Do you think I'm pathetic?
Hey, wait, I didn't say that.
☆ I'm sorry.
You really don't have to apologize.
☆ Okay.
I'm glad you shared your story with me.
☆ It is the least I can do. I hope it was entertaining and did not cause discomfort to you.
It doesn't matter if it did. We all have to live in discomfort sometimes.
☆ I wish it were not so. But maybe, in a way, I understand. The joy of a smile cannot be understood without the sorrow of a frown. It is why many clowns embody this dichotomy.
Yeah, there will always be both good and bad, fun and difficult things in the world.
☆ I am glad that the clowns can ensure the existence of fun and good things in this world.
[The star lion has stopped crying and started smiling slightly.]
It's great that the circus exists. But you have to remember that it's okay to be kind to yourself as well, and take a break from the stage every once in a while.
[The star lion looks into Tom's eyes.]
☆ I do not know if I know how to do that.
It's okay.
☆ ...
[Tom approaches the star lion and wraps it in a hug]
