#starkhammer

[bellamuertes]

#when you say the quiet part out loud (insp.) 

[wynnefic]

For fic title- may I ask for ~ First come, first serve~ Tony Stark/Justin Hammer?

Charity event! So I’m imagining them on the youngish side here, trying to clean up their images by personally taking part in an event that hands out toys to children during the holidays.

“I’m not wearing a Santa hat,” is the first thing Tony hears upon arrival.

He groans and looks up at the top of the nearest Christmas tree. The angel is rather odd-looking. “I didn’t think you would be here.”

“I was here first,” says Justin Hammer, turning around. He’s wearing the Santa hat. It looks perfectly fine on him, though it makes his ears look big. He turns to the lady who’s holding up the rest of the Santa costume and says, “It would be weird to have two Santas, right?”

“I don’t like where this is going,” Tony says.

He’s right.

There’s not even any alcohol to make up for being forced into an elf costume. For the children.

The children who are, admittedly, enjoying this.

While putting on a show for the kids, Tony discreetly spends half his time glaring at Justin and is disgusted by how few glares he gets in return. As always, the man just gets way too into big events, especially when the cameras are pointed his way. Several times he even drapes an arm over Tony’s shoulders as he boasts about the new line of toys Hammer Industries is selling.

Tony only barely manages not to roll his eyes. On camera, that is.

“You’re just jealous that Stark Industries can’t compete with us on this,” Justin tells him, smugly.

Tony considers spending the next year of his life ditching complex electronics and only working on toys. “We’re making serious technological advancements.”

“Are you out-competing Build-A-Bear?”

“We’re not trying to out-compete Build-A-Bear.”

“Mm. Sad.”

It’s by the barest hair that Tony manages not to take one of the oversized candy canes to hit him with. Especially when Justin’s next announcement for the camera is how this event has only deepened the great friendship between them.

“We’ll be doing these events all holiday season together,” Tony tells the camera, facing Justin, who looks briefly panicked. “In fact, I’ve rearranged my calendar with all this holiday spirit — no parties, no events, only charity work for the remainder of the year.”

“I too have… decided to cancel on all the parties of the year…” Justin barely manages to keep the disappointment out of his voice. But too soon, he manages to shake himself out of it. “What an inspiring idea from Tony Stark! He’s so eager to spend time with me, his dear friend. Why, we were just talking about how the gift of giving has brought us closer as friends—”

Tony tunes out the rest of the nonsense as he wonders what he’s gotten himself into.

[wynnefic]

Oh my gods I just want a movie of domestic Tony and Justin with their eldritch god of a fluffy baby is that too much to ask?! Also Vanko, and JARVIS. As a treat.

There’s an alien invasion, but it’s in the background while Justin and Tony plan their wedding. Everything is handled by JARVIS, the bots, and the chihuahua, with occasional help from Vanko when they need a human. Justin and Tony are just having romantic, domestic fun times while all sorts of ridiculousness happens around them. The chihuahua may or may not eat someone.

The aliens decide that invading Earth is too much of a hassle. The wedding goes off without a hitch and the chihuahua and the bots make it back in time to bear the rings. One ring may have a spot of alien goo, but the newlyweds are too in love to notice.

[wynnefic]

We were robbed of Justin and his little terror! ROBBED!

Is this the reason Fury doesn’t like Justin and Tony? Dog-Flerken? I think so haha.

The two types of flerkens are forever opposed to each other, therefore their owners have to be too out of loyalty 😂 I bet they’d fight like the cats and dogs they resemble most of the time, but when things get bad, they team up to get their favorite humans out of trouble

[wynnefic]

Lol Justin thinking chihuahua’s are just LIKE THAT! Having absolutely no clue “I’m a weapons dealer, not a vet!”.

There really isn’t enough ‘good’ Hammer fics out there ):

Long live JARVIS, long may he reign !

Justin is also under the impression that chihuahuas have extremely long lifespans. He’s had his dog forever and she still looks like she did the first day they met, so therefore his cutie has great genes. Everyone around him has no idea what’s happening. They only wish they could be as cheerfully oblivious.

There’s some great fics in the Justin/Tony tag, but yeah, not nearly enough! If only Justin had even just a small cameo in the later Marvel movies... I can dream 😂

[wynnefic]

Those are the best <3 I like fandom more then the movies. People are so damn talented and I’m very grateful A03 exists. There will never be enough timetravel fix it’s in the world.

I’m living for Justin’s dog being the scariest MF in the MCU !

If you ever come across a fic like that let me know! I haven’t found one yet. Maybe JARVIS takes over being Iron Man and Tony uses his big brain uninterrupted while a protective Iron Man smites his enemies in the background.

Ahaha that gif 🤣❤ That would totally be Justin’s chihuahua. Fluffy on the outside, terrifying on the inside. Justin either doesn’t know or he thinks that’s just how chihuahuas are and will not listen to any constructive criticism on the matter.

I’ll totally let you know! JARVIS focusing on space threats, Tony focusing on Earth well-being sounds like the perfect team-up. I have such a soft spot for JARVIS. I’m still not quite over his MCU death.

[wynnefic]

Hammer Time is one of those fics you always remember in the back of your head and I love it haha.

Most of the time I like to pretend nothing bad has ever and will ever happen to Tony after Afghanistan. Which is what I prefer in fanfics, or really really salty Team Iron Man fics. Civil War was the last one I saw and it broke my heart when JARVIS died. I’ve been immersed in fixit fics ever since.

I’m totally on board with Tony not joining SHIELDRA or the Avengers. SHIELD was so heavy handed in trying to manipulate Stark that I have trouble seeing how Tony could ever let it go. That and they messed with Jarvis. No one should mess with Jarvis and live. Tony may have gotten out of the weapons industry doesn’t mean he’s lost his teeth. Of course, I could see Hammer willing and able to beat them to death with lawsuits.

Lol! Oh gods. Steve and Justin first meeting would be WILD.

Hell yeah you go Tony! I’d definitely have a badge for Iron Man for President. Which means Jarvis will have so much extra work. Soon enough Jarvis will figure it would make his job easier to take over the world. I for one welcome our AI overlord.

Oh Vanko, Justin and Natasha is a team up of my dreams! Just this image of the most intimidating Vanko and deadly Nat, and somehow the human equivalent of a chihuahua is there egging them on in the background against Tony enemies is too awesome.

Is there a dog version of a Flerkin? Because the bots need manpower and it’s an epic team up of their own.

I know Harley more from fandom then canon, but I could see him taking Hammer/Stark Industries by storm.

I hated how Wanda was intruded into the MCU. She’s an interesting concept but bad execution.

I’ve always found superhero’s kinda weird. Like yes, there needs to be someone there to battle Alien Invasions and Doombots. But really, science is a beautiful thing. Tony would have saved more lives by creating something to clean the ocean, kickstarting other world colonisation, SmartCrops, clean water initiatives. Hell. Even giving out free mosquito nets would literally save thousands of lives. Iron Man is cool, but Tony Starks mind is a power all its own.

That's so nice to hear! I'm so glad you liked it ❤

I feel you, I read so much salt and fix-it for every movie Age of Ultron and onward. All the bad parts compounded on each other until I needed fix-its starting from the first movie and fixing every single thing 😂

Justin's chihuahua being the dog version of a Flerkin is cracking me up so much. Just, it being an absolute terrifying menace to everyone and then running into Justin's arms and licking his cheek. People try to convince Justin his dog is the devil while Justin's all "excuse you this is my innocent darling" and the dog is all :)))))))).

Tony Stark's mind is totally a superpower. I wonder if, had there not been battle after battle after invasion, he might have put his mind more toward problems on Earth other than supervillains. By the time the plot of the MCU got rolling, saving the Earth from destruction was more important than improving the quality of life on Earth. I would read the hell out of a fic where Tony just decided he was going to save the oceans.

[wynnefic]

I just reread Hammer Time and I’m still so curious how the movies went with these two in a committed relationship. Was Hammer another thing Steve sneered at about Tony? Did they get married and combine their businesses? Did Vanko ever go work for Justin and they end up surprise friends? Totally see an epic team up/friendship between Natasha, Vanko and Justin. Would be hilarious. I’d like to think JARVIS somehow survived because of Hammers involvement. Hopefully Justin wouldn’t let the Avengers use Tony as such a doormat. Does the couple bicker about who Peter and Harley will one day work for/be their heir? Does Hammer completely flip out when Wanda starts her blame game? Does Justin convince Tony that focusing so much on a team of 6 Avengers to save the world is folly ?

Enquiring minds must know!

In order to properly answer this ask, I reread Hammer Time too! I’d forgotten just how much I loved this fic.

At one point I did have thoughts of continuing it as a series, but I scrapped the idea because the further down the MCU the plot gets, the more issues I have with everything 😂 I loved the early movies but man my opinion of the MCU took a hard nosedive with Age of Ultron and Civil War and I never recovered. I would find it hard to write a plotty story in a fandom with so many characters I don’t like. I’m not really a salt/bashing/etc writer; I like liking characters, and when I don’t, I get frustrated. That’s one thing I loved about writing a story set during IM2: I didn’t have to deal with the Avengers at all. There’s no drama yet, no accords, no undelivered found family. But as for a possible future...

Avengers: I can totally see Tony helping out during big invasions, but not properly joining. Maybe he has his own Iron superteam with those he trusts with his suits (”stop calling us the Ironettes, Tony”) and he has a whole rivalry going with Steve’s team

Steve: does not get Tony and Justin’s relationship. It’s not the gay thing, it’s the Hammer thing. He finds Justin deeply annoying and Tony’s all “haha right? 😍🥰” to which Steve is all “?????”

Marriage: yes, definitely. Tony decides he wants to get married and basically takes on US politics to get gay marriage legalized early so that they can have a huge, all-out, absolutely ridiculous celebrity wedding

Vanko: goes to work for Justin and is very pissed when Hammer and Stark Industries eventually merge. No more weapons for either of them. Also, at some point Justin decides he’s his best friend and Vanko gets stuck with him. Possibly dates Nat, who also doesn’t know how she got here but is kinda into it. I can see all three of them having meetings and plotting against people together

JARVIS: totally survived because I hate the thought of him dying 😢 also friendship between Justin & JARVIS, the bots & Justin’s chihuahua

Harley: actually I haven’t seen IM3, but they can totally bicker over him!

Wanda: I like to think that with the world going sideways (multiple superhero teams, less centralized Avengers concept, canon going all wonky and everything playing out differently), she and her brother are able to have a better life that doesn’t involve threatening my faves

Really I just want Justin and Tony to be alive and in love and disgustingly happy, however they get there 💖