#startupbullshit

[totalgarb]

Manager: "There's no politics here"

Translation: Although there are political struggles in every organization you've ever come into contact with, this one doesn't have any. All of our interests are in perfect alignment, and everyone agrees on everything. Furthermore, we wouldn't dream of hiring one of those awful, dirty, self-interested people you find literally everywhere, except here, of course.

[totalgarb]

big-shot ex-trader: you can be my new CTO

me: ok, let's talk about compensation

big-shot ex-trader: look, do you want to be CTO or not??

[startupbs]

No Milestones, is that a problem?

“I see you included a note to provide our product milestones for the investor deck. We don’t have any milestones, is that a problem?”

[aleberry]

StartupBullshit.com

We’ve been squatting on this URL for over a year. Finally turned it into our first Aleberry Side-Op. More ops coming soon.

Enjoy!

http://startupbullshit.com/index.html

[totalgarb]

bootstrapping (verb)

A bullshit startup way to describe using money that you have to make a product that you sell. syn: Business.

[startupbs]

“Our value proposition is the only thing left to figure out before we start pitching…”

[startupbs]

#HockeyStickGrowth

(Reviewing new presentation slides, founder and designer)

Founder: I don’t like the way you'vre done this traction graph, it looks too flat.

Designer: I made the graph using your excel data, it is accurate.

Founder: It looks like we aren’t really gaining users, it needs to be going up and to the right.

Designer: Do you have the numbers to make a graph like that?

Founder: No not yet, but just make it look like a hockey stick.

[startupbs]

“Sure, I’d be happy to give you my opinion on the industry. I’ll need some shares in exchange for that.”