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the Programming Problem Zone is when ALL your knowledge that would be REMOTELY applicable to the issue at hand is either from 1) those last few weeks of the high school year when everyone in algebra II was dead and stopped trying or 2) those last few weeks of the college semester when everyone in c++ class was dead and stopped trying.

#why was that the time they tried to teach us how to write sorts in c++? it was like two weeks before summer. we weren't gonna learn it.#someday i have to actually learn how to use/write sorts lol #it's one of those things kind of like php class-extension structure where every once in a while i go #'hm that's probably what i should be doing here. uh. oh well.'#AS LONG AS IT DOES THE THING IT'S SUPPOSED TO I LEAVE IT ALONE.#startupland #dot txt #data structures for assholes

however, here in the Home Office Business Matrix Terminal, the dress code is sweatpants.

#i can never get a picture that shows how cool the monitor robot arm setup is #like what would be IDEAL is the other monitor also being on a robot arm but like #i feel i should limit the number of giant bolts i attach to the structural framework of a rental house #if somehow i'm ever able to own a house i'm going full matrix terminal office #startupland #a hideous pile or a textile factory

quoth me to boss re: an initial project proposal to a new client, for whom we will just be doing social media management because they don’t want to pay us to redo their whole terrible site:

“..so i don’t want to include this IN the proposal, but i feel like some future opportunities could arise from pointing out the fact that their testimonial slider just has one placeholder testimonial from a fake person.”

#it's true. they need help.#dot txt #startupland

a real life part of a literal job i get paid american dollars to do: sitting at the computer staring at a sheet of vector illustrations thinking “ok which one of these office buildings looks like the biggest asshole.”

#(long story short it's in the interest of these diagrams to make insurance company execs look a liiittle shitty)#(so you can't just choose a non-assholeish office building icon)#(there was actually an obvious choice in the icon sheet. this is a job i am a professional.)#dot txt #startupland #dashboard only

meanwhile in continued insurance-related-stock-photo adventures...

#LIVE INSURANCE #excuse me is your insurance sentient #startupland

protip: googling “can you get the illustrator brush in photoshop” will get you only results about how you can’t use photoshop brushes in illustrator.

no internet u misunderstand: i don’t want illustrator to understand pixels, i want that thing where i draw an ugly line and illustrator makes it better, except like, without having to use illustrator.

#look i know it was a long shot but i had to ask!#i gotta draw insurance diagrams for work all fuckin day #or rather i need to make nice versions of some insurance diagrams i drew on a whiteboard on thursday #while boss explained more shit about insurance yet again + verified i was drawing a thing that made sense lol #dot txt #startupland

like i’ve definitely done more technically impressive stuff, but i’m still most proud of that giant-ass tequila banner that took me like 30 hours and pissed off everyone involved.

#i painted like a third of it in photoshop and NOBODY WILL KNOW #there is no real wall in the final version and no real lighting under the lamps! b/c it looked like crap and i gave way too many fucks!#(originally we were just going to use one photo but the restaurant layout makes it impossible)#(you can't get the whole bar in the frame at eye level b/c there's a wall in the way)#(so i photographed all the major elements head-on and basically painted in everything that involved perspective)#(there was a lot of my boss being annoyed at me and me yelling THIS IS WHO I AM THIS IS WHY YOU HIRED ME)#dot txt #startupland #(i liveblogged this whole process at the time so sorry to those of you who were here for that lol)

me @ boss just now: “ok this is a weird question but did [client] revamp their business model recently or did i literally just dream that?”

#yup. i did.#(i used to build the main deathworkblitz site in my sleep and then wake up and be like GOD DAMMIT I HAVE TO MAKE THE SITE AGAIN)#startupland #dot txt

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