#std stigma

[somethingpositive4positivepeople]

Episode 19: Taking Away the Power of Herpes Stigma

Cassie, 29 year old St. Louis resident, food service working, heterosexual HPV & HSV2 Positive female . . . . There, I think I covered it all in a half-assed sentence (lol) shares her personal experience living with HSV2 after being diagnosed at age 17.

IT, the Clown, is a perfect analogy for what stigma does to us. In IT, the clown was most powerful when the children were alone dealing with IT. Let's Replace the word IT with stigma. The stigma attacked the kids and caused physical harm UNTIL they began to talk to one another about it. When they realized they weren't alone, the stigma fought harder. The kids knew they had to hold strong and stick together. They went down there and kicked that stigma's ass! Next time you get down about herpes, just talk to someone about it. It wants us to feel alone because it draws power from that fear that comes from loneliness. The stigma loses it's power when we find ours in community (when we are ready). Let's kick this clown ass stigma's ass!!!

We talk about our experiences disclosing (and sometimes not), the false sense of security condoms bring people who think that the use alone protects them from stds. Cassie has had repeated successful disclosures and often made the decision for the other person not to move forward intimately because they don't fully recognize the risks. Oftentimes because we have an std, we feel an overwhelming sense of relief when we are accepted by someone for our condition. However, we KNOW our status and don't often think to have the other person recognize the risks involved or fully understand what their own status is.

The thing I found most interesting that Cassie shared with us is that in her experience, she's known women decide not to have children because of their herpes diagnosis in fear of the risks that can occur. Cassie has two healthy children she birthed vaginally and they have yet to experience any visible symptoms of HSV.

The takeaway here is to REALLY find a safe place to talk about it. By safe place I mean blogs, forums, online communitiies, close friends and relatives too. 

I also said Fucking a LOT. Cassie and I really clicked and I felt comfortable enough to have the free flowing conversation we had. Apologies for the offenses.

Please subscribe to the podcast for new episode updates. Rate and review us on your podcast player to help more people find this content. I can be found on Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr @HonMyChest

I am not a medical professional and please understand this content is experience based. If you have any concerns about your medical health, please seek guidance from a licensed medical professional.

[herpessupport]

To those who chose to reject someone simply because they disclosed their herpes status

You are entitled to leave if you want. But keep this in mind:

80-90% of the population has herpes. Of those, 85% of people who have herpes have no idea. Of those who are aware they have herpes only half will actually tell you. Edit: to be more specific roughly 1/4 people under the age of 50 have hsv 1 and 1/6 have hsv 2. 

So, when you reject someone who is honest enough to tell you they have herpes because you don’t want to take that risk, just remember you are, in fact, taking a much larger risk with all the other people out there who may not know their status or be honest. Statistically speaking you are safer with someone who knows their status and is honest with you than with anyone else. And even those who claim they get tested regularly, herpes is not included in most STD panels unless you specifically ask.

So just keep that in mind when making your decision.

[kodyshivblog]

You ARE NOT less desirable because you are HIV-Positive

There comes a point after diagnosis – either immediately or in the moments thereafter – where you begin to think of all the things that will change about your life now that you are HIV-positive. The first, naturally, goes to your health. What’ll happen to me, you wonder, in the future? The second, from my experience, then goes to those you may encounter in the future. What will my friends and family think?

Then, shortly thereafter, there comes the big ‘what-if’ question:

What will my future partner think?

Since the rise of the AIDs epidemic, HIV-positive people have been viewed by some as ‘dirty.’ Check out any of the gay dating apps and you’ll find guys looking for people who are DDF (otherwise known as drug and disease free) and stating that ‘they’re clean, so you should be too.’ It’s almost impossible to escape this in a world where we’ve been conditioned to believe that someone infected with an STD is ‘bad,’ ‘wrong,’ ‘dirty’ or somehow ‘unclean.’

Which leads me to the point of this post:

When I originally was diagnosed, it took two days to hit me fully. This was in part due to my PTSD (the ‘delayed response’ algorithm my brain has put into place to protect me in the moment of crucial stressors,’) but also because I was more fixated on the events that were transpiring in the moment than on those that could occur in the future. The phone calls, the interviews, the visits with doctors and state officials – all consumed my time. But when it finally DID hit, I felt it: that sheer, unadulterated sense that I had done something wrong. I’d soiled myself – made myself unclean, undesirable, ugly. Who, I wondered, would want me, someone diseased and unwell?

It took weeks for me to shake this conclusion, and even longer for me to come to the realization the following realization:

People will love you for who you are, not what your disease is.

HIV, in our modern day, is like diabetes. You take a pill (or two, or three) daily to keep your viral load undetectable and your chances of infecting someone else are reduced drastically. You live, eat, breathe, and sleep as you normally would (albeit with a few minor problems here and there depending on your body,) and go on living life as you do before. It’s just a minor inconvenience that you have to address at certain times, particularly when it comes to your partners.

Which leads me to another point:

A good partner – a good, loving partner – will not care about your HIV status. They will care about your health, yes, and whether or not you are taking care of yourself, but they will not care if you are HIV-positive. They will love you for who you are, not for what your disease is. There’s an important distinction that must be drawn there, especially when confronting your self and crippling doubt.

This isn’t to say that you won’t be rejected. It’s bound to happen. People will still be ignorant, consider you unclean, consider you to be something less than human. But do those people deserve your time? No. They don’t. Because at the end of the day, those people don’t matter. It’s unfortunate that they think the way they do, but it’s an unavoidable aspect of the world. You’re going to run into people who will hate or dislike you for what you are, what you represent or what you are affected by.

So remember: regardless of your HIV status – regardless of if you’re detectable, undetectable or negative – someone will still find you desirable. And that, in the end, is all that matters.

[herpessupport]

Let's end the stigma!!!

[herpessupport]

I turned my quote into a picture!

[kodyshivblog]

Herpes Stigma

A quick sex-ed lesson (since I saw this come up on my Facebook feed):

Most of the population has herpes -- and for most people, it's not a big deal. Most who have it are completely asymptomatic, and doctors rarely test for it.

Why?

There's a history rooted in it. 

It goes back to a singular article that was published (in a non-medical journal) about herpes being the "most infectious, incurable disease," which sparked panic throughout modern American culture and continues to do damage to this day. This, combined with the fact that it doesn't affect most people adversely, makes it so doctors rarely test for it. It's not even included in most STD screenings because of that.

Fact of the matter is:

- A good deal of people have oral herpes (about 65% in America.)

- 1 out of 6 people have genital herpes (in America) and rarely know it.

- Both forms are extremely contagious.

- The stigma of herpes is far more deadly (in most cases) than the actual virus is.

So... yeah. 

Just thought I'd pass this information along, because as someone who DOES have the virus (both variations of it, which was likely a comorbidity of my bipolar disorder,) it's rather sad to see people joke about it like it's a "dirty thing," when in reality their joking about contributes to the stigma. 

[logismoi]

It sucks this needs to be said but having an STD doesn't make a person bad, disgusting, or less worthy of love and healthy relationships. If you have an STD, you aren't less of a person. You're not tainted. You still deserve love and happiness.

Take care of yourself and stay healthy. <3

[theslackersmethod]

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