Been wanting to work on some studies of Derek for the next part of Room to Breathe and I finally had some time tonight. In particular, I wanted to try my hand at a subtler, more vulnerable expression. As I worked through first the rough sketch and then the painting, I felt myself reaching for something that could be read as both “lost” and “hopeful,” hence the title.
Hope you like it! This is very fluffy with some minor references to Christmas that can be skipped over.
-
Stiles stares blankly at the ceiling as he waits for the cookies to cool off. The night so far had been exhausting, but worth it, using the break to spend time with Scott and his dad, sometimes with Lydia when she wasn’t busy doing more Christmas shopping. The fridge is already full of food that would last maybe two weeks with the werewolves around.
"So, Derek?"
Stiles jerks his head up to spin in Scott’s direction. He has a disturbingly smirky expression.
"Derek what?"
Scott rolled his eyes and gestured vaguely.
"Dude, I’m not fluent in any sign languages, I have no idea what you’re trying to say." Scott laughs at him, and Stiles shoves at his ridiculous werewolf best friend with his shoulder. They had more time to spend together than usual, even with all of the supernatural shenanigans that were happening despite the time of year.
Scott finally sobered up when the oven beeped obnoxiously. As they were standing, he nudges Stiles with his elbow. “I was just wondering if you had, you know. Not that, but that other thing.” Scott grins when Stiles makes a face into the cookie he slipped off the cooling racks. “I was just wondering if you invited him over like Kira and Isaac. You’ve been spending-“
”-an awful lot of time together, I know, my dad reminds me daily especially when I don’t mention him or werewolves at all.”
They pack the cookies away into containers, which are mostly Christmas colored tins. Scott quirks an eyebrow as he seals the last one.
"Why? Does he still not like Derek?"
Stiles frowns and shrugs. “You know what he’s like Scott, about the Werewolf stuff.” He claws at the air for emphasis.
Scott snorts and stacks up the tins Stiles hands off to him.Stiles’ dad had been trying to understand and deal with the supernatural, and he was dealing better than Stiles had expected, but he didn’t like the topic. One that he associated with Derek no matter how many times they had talked.
"You should invite Derek anyway."
Stiles narrows his eyes at Scott retreating with all the cookies to the hallway. “Why would I invite Derek?”
"Invite me where?" a voice says behind him, and crap. Stiles jerks around and manages to knock the spatula onto the floor, and burn the palm of his hand on the cookie sheet. In between Stiles profanity and trying to inspect the wound, Derek manages to get his hand under the faucet.
Stiles cleans himself up fast, knowing that Supernatural Business is probably the only reason he would be here.
"What’s up man? I thought you were in New York." Stiles doesn’t see Derek in any obvious mortal peril, but he still feels compelled to assess him even though Derek doesn’t do injury by halfsies.
"I came back because I needed a favor from the pack."
He doesn’t question it too much, and gets in the car after scribbling a note to his dad.
When they finally finish walking there, Stiles whistles. “Some favor.”
It’s a giant fuzzy elephant sitting on Hale property, with the larger one- probably the mom- wrapped around the baby nestled up beside her. She doesn’t seem all that dangerous, but so doesn’t Scott.
"So what did you bring me here for?" Stiles asks.
"I have no idea why they haven’t migrated. If they’re sick or … " He cocks his head at the baby who waves their trunk in their direction, flinging snow. Stiles squints, trying to see what could be wrong with the mother. Even at this distance, they seem agitated with them there. Stiles would be too with a Werewolf that could probably eat him for lunch, but he didn’t want to try and test out how close he could get on his own either.
"Do they ever try to call for others?"
Derek shrugs and shoves his hands in his pockets. The thick sweater he’s wearing is probably warmer than the three layers Stiles had on combined. “I don’t think so.”
"Have they moved at all?"
"I couldn’t smell any track past this area. They’ve stayed in this spot for weeks, since before I left."
Stiles tilts his head in the direction of the snow covered hill and Derek silently agrees to follow him.
"I’ve never heard of anything like this, except for woolly mammoths, not even in any bestiary that we’ve translated. I think we’re going to have to call …" Stiles looks up from the snow to see the massive trap clamped on the back leg of the mother, thick chain spiderwebbing down the hill. He feels a little sick. "Maybe Scott should see this first."
Derek nods and backs up just as the mother trumpets at the both of them. Stiles scrambles back and trips into the snow. Then he turns around to start crawling back.
"Stiles!" Derek hisses. "What the hell are you doing?"
"We can’t just leave her! What if whoever set that comes back and kills her or the baby!" Stiles whispers and waves Derek forward. He doesn’t seem to excited about it if the scrunched together eyebrows meant anything besides Derek’s default expression.
They end up building an igloo out of the the very little snow that Beacon Hills gets, and it looks more like a pile of dirt than snow. Derek is listening for anyone in the area while Stiles talks with Lydia, and then Chris Argent, and then Lydia and Chris.
"How can you be sure this isn’t a trap for you? Mammoths haven’t been seen in-"
"Forever. What do you want me to do? Take a picture and send it to you? I’m pretty sure the massive furred elephant I’m seeing and Derek’s hearing right now is real."
Even though they couldn’t see it, Derek nods, and tilts his head to tell Stiles to look outside. The baby is sleeping, and the mother seems fine, though restlessly pulling at the chains. It’s starting to snow.
"Stiles, I think they’re waiting for one of them to die. If it’s a big as you say …"
"Then we keep it alive. That’s not so complicated, right? Food, water, maybe a blanket." Stiles wasn’t going to let them die, not like that.
Derek turns to him and he notices that his eyes are blue. “Stiles, we don’t have any of those things.”
"Semantics." They could get them there somehow. Louder he says, "Have you heard from Scott yet?"
"Not yet. He told us he would be awhile, he’s securing the entire county with Isaac. He won’t have to do any of that during Christmas. You should be home now too, Stiles." He glanced at Derek but he didn’t seem to be paying attention anymore.
"You called me for a reason, and it’s getting late."
"Right." Lydia seems to switch to interrogation mode. "Have you heard of hunters going after things like this?"
"I’ve told you a dozen times, no one tells me anything anymore."
Chris sighs into the receiver. “The Calaveras did know a group that would hunt down supernatural creatures for their body parts. They were very good at what they did, and everyone eventually lost track of them. That’s all I know. I’m sorry I don’t know any more; goodnight.”
Before Lydia can speak up they hear a click and Chris has hung up on them. Stiles sighs. “Everyone caught that right?”
The stony silence he gets with the quiet trumpeting of the baby mammoth in the distance doesn’t surprise him.
Later, Stiles wakes up disoriented and nearly cold all over. It takes him a couple of seconds to realize Derek’s arms are wrapped around him, with warm air heating the back of his neck. Even though he feels cold, he doesn’t think he has frostbite, and there are thick blankets thrown over them. Stiles shifts so that his back isn’t pressed to the cold surface of the vet table.
Scott and Stiles had brought the chains back to Deaton’s to stare until Derek could scrap them, after releasing the woolly mammoths and patching up the mother. Scott would run with them for a few days to another group of Werewolves that agreed to help them escape the hunters. By the time everything was planned, he hadn’t wanted to go home and Derek had stayed. He might have asked him to, in a sleep deprived moment with a lacking filter. Stiles didn’t know how long they had slept like that. Derek was too heavy to move more than he already, and Stile eventually fell back asleep and decided to think about it later.
He woke up a second time to dry lips against his cheek, but it was only a moment and he was only mostly sure it wasn’t a dream.
-
"Stiles? What are you doing here?"
Derek’s new loft is nice, better than it was before. Cora made him move in, and surprisingly, so did Isaac. Stiles had just been glad his dad wasn’t giving him concerned looks every time they had to meet up there as a pack, and hadn’t thought more about it. Maybe he should have. Stiles takes a deep breath before he dares to look Derek in the eyes. He looks comfortable, for once.
"Can we talk? About what happened."
Stiles almost regrets even knocking when he sees the twinge of panic in his expression, but follows Derek in when he leads him into the loft. It’s sparse but there’s decoration and actual furniture, so Stiles thinks about using it as a topic of small talk before deciding to skip ahead. He keeps a careful eye on Derek’s reaction.
"What was that?"
There’s a muscle twitching in Derek’s jaw for a long measure of time.
"It was- I don’t know Stiles." Derek sighs, and looks him in the eye, and the subtle rejection to even acknowledge it hurts a little more than he expected it to.
"I can go if you want me to, I just thought since we hadn’t talked in weeks that I- don’t know. Something."
Stiles should have planned what he was going to say instead of showing up on New Years on a just barely thought out whim.
"I just want to know if I what I thought happened really did, and if maybe you’d want to try again? With me awake this time."
Stiles feels like even if Derek wasn’t a Werewolf he would be able to tell how nervous he was from his heartbeat rapidly beating in his chest. A second before deciding to take back his offer, he sees Derek’s mouth turn up in a private smile and his hands guiding his mouth into a light kiss.
"It might be a little early to ask, but are you available next year to celebrate Christmas?"
They have to stop kissing after, because Stiles is smiling to wide at Derek’s easy “yes.”
When he’s trying to convince Scott that he hadn’t been keeping Derek a secret from him, really, he realizes this was nearly exactly midnight and it was the best way to start his new year. But for some weird reason, his dad is acting like he knew this would happen all along. Stiles doesn’t ask.
Derek Hales Casual Sexcapades or
the five times derek tries having a casual hookup and everything goes horribly wrong and the one time it doesnt (but except it kind of does)
[this isn't really fic but uhh dubcon warning regardless]
Wherein Derek was never a casual sex kind of guy but he figures his life is a little too messed up to really try dating anyone but he’s also getting tired of his solo a mano sex life so he heads to the nearest big city for a weekend to try to find someone to spend it with and everything is going great until he realizes post sex that he’s this person’s first and theyre totally chill about it you know - virginity is a social construct, after all - but derek just doesnt see it that way and he tries to keep in touch with them, asking for their number and they get really put off by him and leave and derek just is not happy about it.
And then its a few months later and derek decides to give it another shot so he finds someone older this time - has a couple drinks with an exec from some big company back east - and they head back to his hotel room but the morning after they start talking and the exec casually mentions their family and derek is just awash with guilt and he cant believe someone would do that to their spouse/that he HELPED someone do that to their spouse and he kicks them out and is just FURIOUS.
The third time derek tries casual sex is totally unplanned. He’s just roaming around town keeping an eye out for shady goings on but he finds himself outside of Jungle and he decides he might as well. So he’s had a couple of drinks (not that they do much for him) and he’s danced a couple of songs and hes been eyeing one guy in particular. So they do the whole ‘watching each other from across the dance floor’ thing, steadily getting closer as the song goes on and they end up outside in the side alley. Its quick and messy and afterwards derek feels dirty and unsatisfied. He decides that its the last time and for a long time it is.
The fourth time derek decides to have a casual hookup its with DANNY of all people. Its spring and the pack is mostly away for college, but dannys back because he has two weeks off for spring break and he’s going to spend one week at home and one week in puerto vallarta. By now dannys been filled in on everything, hes officially pack, and - just like the rest of the pack - the majority of his free time in beacon hills is spent at dereks house. They talk and danny sets up dereks new router and then as theyre sitting on the couch watching netflix danny asks if derek wants to have sex. Derek agrees because danny is handsome and fit and good natured and he wants to have a positive sex experience for once dammit.
Everything is going great - they both agreed that it was a one week only kind of deal and the week is nearly coming to a close and derek isnt feeling remorseful. He likes danny - i mean, who doesnt like danny - but he’s not feeling too attached. Everything is going perfectly until the last night before danny leaves where right as dannys about to come he moans out “miguel” and that just puts a damper on everything. Dannys super embarrrassed and tbh so is derek, but he says he understands and theres no hard feelings. They decide it will probably be best if they NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN so they dont.
The fifth time it happens is not too long after the whole thing with danny. it's nearly summer and dereks out and about in san francisco picking up some stuff for the summer. he's excited because everyone is coming back (coming home) and he's buying lots of useless junk that the pack will love when he catches someone watching him, giving him the look. derek's in such a good mood that he doesn't immediately disregard them the way he usually would and after he spots them at a couple more shops he decides why not? they find a cheap motel and do their thing but then derek catches a whiff of something not quite human from his partner. turns out derek just banged a succubus/incubus. he escapes back to beacon hills and eventually defeats them with the help of the pack.
"derek sucks at having casual sex" stiles says repeatedly for a week. derek corners him one night and offers to prove him wrong and stiles grins, willing to take that bet. "win/win" he mutters under his breath.
and then basically this happens, and at the end of the day stiles gets to keep on saying that derek sucks at having casual sex.
I won't spoil you, but there are just several mentions of Stiles not being able to sleep without his pillow in the episode. And I was thinking what if kiddie!sterek had a sleepover and little derek is jealous of the pillow because Stiles keeps hugging it because it's his pillow and derek wants to be the one getting hugs? :D
sdkfujkghjgkgh squee (my face right now seriously)
"Be a good boy, Stiles!" Claudia calls as she walks back to the car, watching her baby son clutching his pillow and waving enthusiastically at her.
Talia is standing behind him, gesturing at her to rest assured, that her son is in good hands and mouthing to enjoy her quiet night with her husband, wink wink.
Derek is standing in the doorway, already in this gangly phase when the body doesn't know in which direction to go, but his face still has a layer of baby fat as he smiles at her and waves her goodbye too.
Claudia drives away with a fond smile on her face - God she loves the Hales.
---
The pillow is on the inflatable mattress Laura had accepted to lent for Stiles, and Derek is eyeing it suspiciously.
"Why do you need a pillow from home anyway?" he asks and Stiles looks up from the truly fascinating fish bowl on Derek's desk. "We have plenty of those."
"It's my pillow," Stiles replies simply, even if his missing teeth makes it sound like "piwow".
"And you can't sleep without it?" Derek insists, trying to make fun of Stiles but failing miserably.
Stiles' mouth stretches into a thin, sutbborn line as he shakes his head firmly.
"Okay, okay, dropping it," Derek finally says and they go back to play with Asena and Sirius, his two goldfishes.
---
As they settle to watch "Balto" before going to sleep, Stiles fidgets until he gets up to clutch the pillow to himself and watches the movie peacefully.
Derek looks at the fluffy thing in Stiles' arms and he feels a wave of something he can't name go through him, making his ears go hotter.
For a moment, he feels like he wants to be the one Stiles clutches to himself while they watch the movie.
Oh, he knows that if he could fully transform like Mama, Stiles would definitely hug his wolfish form. And then Derek could wrap himself around the little boy who makes him feel like he's home, his tail tickling him and providing a fluffy shelter to sleep on.
"Can i hug it too?" he finally asks, and Stiles looks at him over the edge of his pillow, his big brown eyes looking even bigger in the room's semi-darkness.
"You don't have a piwow?" he asks, and then Derek understands that the "piwow" is Stiles' equivalent of a blankie. And he does have one, except his blankie is a bunny plush toy with proeminent teeth made out of felt.
Roo is not supposed to come out when there is a guest, though.
"I do - want to exchange?" he offers, if only to get a proxy of a hug from Stiles.
"Not fo'ever," Stiles says with a frown, but his hold on the pillow loosens while Derek skips to his bed to pull Roo from his hiding place.
"This is Roo," he says softly, brushing a floppy ear away from his best friend's face. Stiles looks at the toy with wide eyes filled with wonder.
He turns his eyes to Derek and there is something that passes in his eyes. "I p'efer a g'oup hug," he finally says, holding his arms open with the "piwow" in his hand.
As Derek closes his arms around Stiles, his hands bringing Roo in front of the little boy over the pillow as they sit to watch the rest of the movie, he breathes in that scent of home.
As Stiles puts his little hands on top of Derek's and rests his head against Derek's shoulder, Derek feels like maybe he was just a little bit silly.
Even if Stiles can't sleep without Piwow, he'll always choose Derek.
