Sterek Week 2016 - Day Seven (October 30th)
↪ Song Lyrics [Closer, by The Chainsmokers]
Again, I’m a terrible human being because this isn’t finished either but I really didn’t want to rush the sex scene so once it’s completed it will be uploaded to ao3
I know it breaks your heart
Moved to the city in a broke-down car
And four years, no call
Now I'm looking pretty in a hotel bar
So, baby, pull me closer
In the back seat of your Rover
That I know you can't afford
Bite that tattoo on your shoulder
Stiles always had a feeling he'd follow in his father’s footsteps one way or another even if he didn't know exactly how so when the college acceptance letters started flowing in and Harvard - Harvard - was offering him a full ride there was no way he could say no.
He didn’t want to leave his father, his pack, his… whatever Derek was to him. He didn’t do well by himself, too restless, too constant, he couldn’t stand to be stuck with himself for too long, he needed company to stop him going insane. How Derek handled him, Stiles had no idea, but over the years the two had become close, as close as any of the other couples within the pack but without the title. They never put a name to what they were doing and they kept it quiet from the others that they’d been sleeping together for months. He didn’t really know how to describe what he and Derek were but he knew that the wolf made him feel like he never had before, he knew that he’d never connected with someone on that same level that he’d connected with Derek and it was possible he never would again.
Even without a label, even with the confusing emotions and unspoken bond, Stiles just knew and it made everything that much harder to leave. The confusion though, the constant anxiety that things would just end one day, the continual worry that Derek didn’t feel as deeply as Stiles did… it made it so much simpler to just run away. The news of Lydia’s acceptance to MIT also made things easier; it was automatically assumed they would move together, but Stiles still felt a pang in his chest knowing that he would be leaving his childhood home.
He and Derek didn’t really talk about it. Stiles told him he’d been accepted into Harvard, of course he did, but he just kissed Stiles softly against the back of his neck, whispered a ‘Congratulations’ and snuggled in closer as the pair fell asleep. It was never mentioned again after that. The need to be near each other intensified as Stiles and Lydia’s moving date approached; Stiles snuck away to spend some time with Derek whenever he could find the time amongst packing and preparing for college life. The sex changed too, it was no longer hurried or rough - it became gentler, more intense (though with Derek the sex was never not intense) and somehow it still made everything simultaneously easier and harder for Stiles to leave.
When the day finally came they hired a moving van to help move most of their stuff to Cambridge, but Lydia and Stiles followed in his old, beat-up, blue Jeep, the car struggling through the journey across the country but Stiles refused to give up on his baby.
It was a quiet few years, the pair adapted to College life, finding a new group of friends who didn’t quite fill the gap the pack had left, but they Stiles and Lydia became closer than they had ever been. Scott was already pretty horrible at being an active participant in this friendship with Stiles, so consumed with the things that had happened to him and his undying love for Allison, and Lydia quickly filled the role of best friend. They were both busy with their studies but they did everything together, hanging out when the workload just become too much, studying til 3am the night before an exam, bringing each other food when they had an essay due at 9am that they had only started the day before. They became almost inseparable and it helped Stiles miss Derek and home that little bit less.
Four years later and they decide to spend their spring break in NYC for a few days before heading to The Hamptons. Stiles is sitting alone in the hotel bar waiting for the rest of the group to join him. The girls, but Lydia in particular, had taken hours to get ready and Stiles had gotten sick of hanging around the hotel room so he’d head downstairs. Lydia had messaged him 10 minutes ago saying they were almost ready, and yet he was still sitting alone, getting restless where he’s leaning against the bar, sipping a rum and coke.
The room is dim, the dark setting a mood of mystery and freedom, encouraging patrons to consume copious amounts of alcohol. Stiles turns to lean back against the bar, resting on his elbows as he surveys the room. It’s becoming increasingly busy as he waits for the others, his eyes darting between patrons, people-watching to give his mind something to focus on.
He keeps glancing towards the entry, just waiting for the others to arrive, and it’s by pure chance that he looks up just as a familiar figure enters alone, looking not a day older than he had four years ago.
Stiles almost wants to run. It’s been years since he even spoke with Derek, their conversations had been awkward and heavy when he’d first left and had tapered out quickly after that. There was too much between them for things to stay as naturally easy as they had been. But now, seeing Derek with his own two eyes has his heart thumping erratically inside his chest, his breath struggling to stay even.
Derek’s head shoots up immediately, his eyes frantic for a few moments before they lock with Stiles’ across the room. He hesitates only a moment and Stiles honestly thought his heart couldn’t race any faster but when Derek steps towards him and begins approaching him from across the bar, Stiles’ body shocks him even further. The pounding inside his chest is so intense Stiles swears he can almost hear it and he knows that Derek most definitely can. He’d always said that Stiles’ heartbeat was his favourite sound.
Derek stops only a few steps in front of him, looking Stiles over as he does the same in return. Derek looks good. At first glance he looks almost the same as all those years ago but on closer inspection Stiles can see the differences. Derek’s brows aren’t quite as creased now, his shoulders are less tense and his smile is easier; he looks comfortable in his skin in a way that he never quite was in Beacon Hills and Stiles can’t help but grin in response. He’s honestly missed this man so much.
It hits him then, how much he really has missed Derek. While the move was difficult he’s never completely regretted it. He’s missed his dad and Scott and the sense of unity that comes with pack, but time and space has given him a greater perspective and he can see now that they were all broken in their own ways and they needed to be able to go their separate ways and allow themselves to grow up a little bit. Stiles knows that he hurt Derek by doing it – is was obvious in the way he became just the little bit clingy, that little bit quieter just before Stiles had left - and Stiles and Lydia’s decision to move away had been the beginning of the pack leaving; Stiles has always felt responsible for the rest of them splitting up after that.
Scott, Erica and Boyd remained in Beacon Hills – doing what, Stiles isn’t really sure anymore, he hasn’t really kept in contact with any of them – but Allison and Isaac made the decision to move the four or so hours to Santa Cruz to also complete further study. Isaac has been accepted to the California Institute of Art and Allison had followed him there to study something else more aligned with her interests (in truth she could have studied anywhere, Stiles is sure she just moved away because she needed to get away from her crazy family). Scott and Allison are still together – Stiles knows that much, but not much more. He only ever returns to Beacon Hills when both Scott and his father will be free and Stiles is guaranteed to be able to spend some quality time with them (if Scott is in Santa Cruz visiting Allison then John will visit Stiles in Cambridge). Stiles is both thankful and disappointed he never encountered Derek during his few visits back home.
The pair are still staring at each other, Stiles is aware that it’s probably turned a little weird by now, the fact that they’re not speaking to one another, are only staring and trying not to get too close. Stiles can’t stop thinking about how they had been back in the day, the on-and-off-again situation that they never really told anyone about (even though Stiles is sure the whole pack had known; surely they could smell it) and how different things may have turned if only they spoken about it, if only Derek and Stiles had admitted to be a real couple and had actually discussed their obvious feelings for each other. It could have never happened though, not with how they were back then, and that’s part of the reason why Stiles knew he had to leave Beacon Hills – if he hadn’t left he would have been stuck there forever, in the same unfulfilling relationship (because really, he could never say no to Derek) and he would have always been left wanting something more, something corporeal and meaningful.
Now though, now he shakes it off, he focuses on Derek, and he focuses on the feeling of content that settles happily in his chest.
“Derek.”
“Stiles.”
“I didn’t expect to see you here.”
Derek stays quiet, the same old smirk crossing his features, and Stiles feels hopeless all over again.
Stiles knows Derek understood, that he’s obviously just feeling mischievous and messing with Stiles like he had become prone to doing, so Stiles speaks again, outright asking this time, “What are you doing in New York?”
“I could ask the same of you.”
Stiles simultaneously hates and has missed the teasing. He huffs and is about to start ranting, and given Derek’s suddenly quick answer, they both know it.
“I moved here a couple of months ago. I needed to get away from Beacon Hills, sort some things out. I still have friends and connections here from when I lived here with Laura so I figured it was as good a place as any. New York reminds me of her.”
Stiles isn’t sure how to react. He’s sure he’s gaping like a fish, blinking stupidly at Derek with no idea of what to say. How does he respond to that? Derek was open with him in the past, more so than anyone else in the pack, but he still never opened up to him about Laura; it was like anything that happened before they met had been taboo. But here Derek is, mentioning her casually like he does it all the time and it occurs to Stiles that maybe he does now. He still doesn’t know how to response.
Lucky he’s saved by the arrival of his friends.
Their entrance is loud; boisterous and obnoxious where Derek’s was quiet and understated. He hears them before he sees them, cackling wildly and yelling to one another and Stiles can pinpoint the exact moment Derek recognises Lydia’s voice, the wolf tensing slightly, his shoulders straightening.
When they reach them Stiles isn’t really sure what to say. At first a few of his friends ignore them completely, instead ordering drinks, but it doesn’t take them long to notice Derek standing with Stiles – it’s not as if he’s hard to notice, not with his size and his good looks. Stiles notices nearly all of them look Derek up and down, blatantly checking him out, and a spike of jealous surges through Stiles, unlike anything he’s felt in years.
“Guys, this is Derek.” Stiles’ voice doesn’t shake, it doesn’t, “He’s an old friend from back in California.”
Stiles isn’t exactly sure ‘old friend’ was really the most accurate description but he isn’t willing to go into details, definitely not here and now, quite possibly not ever.
Lydia sidles up to Stiles, standing closer than strictly necessary, obviously staking her claim on him, challenging the werewolf standing opposite them.
“Derek.” Lydia says, her smirk twisting her bright red lips into something almost intimidating and almost threatening.
“Lydia.” Derek nods in response, almost minutely, the pair having a silent conversation between themselves.
They always had that ability and back in Beacon Hills Stiles almost resented them for it. He’s glad he’s finally grown up a little bit now and it no longer affects him in the same way. He has his own special relationship with both Derek and Lydia and he’s glad for what he has, he realises now he doesn’t have to be jealous over either of them.
The group get through their drinks quickly, chattering amongst themselves, content to lean against the bar as they do so. They never planned on staying here long, Lydia has a long list of clubs they want to visit, and so when they begin to finish up their drinks, they all begin to grow restless. Stiles is anxious that one of them will speak up – he’s too nervous with the others around to really talk to Derek properly, but he also doesn’t want to leave him here, the little time they’ve had together really hasn’t been long enough. So when one of them finally does, when they announce it’s time to move on to another bar, Stiles isn’t sure what to do with himself.
His heartbeat flutters erratically, embarrassing because Stiles knows Derek can hear it, and he desperately just doesn’t want to leave. He wants to stay with Derek, he wants a chance to talk to him, to reconnect, to just spend time with the wolf who he’s missed so damn much, but he’s so unsure. He doesn’t know if Derek plans on sticking around, if he even wants to spend his night talking with Stiles – he had come to the bar with some sort of motive to begin with – but he also doesn’t know how to communicate this to the group or how to even ask Derek what he wants to do.
“Uhh…’’ Stiles looks between Derek and Lydia, not really sure how to speak up.
Luckily Lydia is his best friend and she knows him almost better than anyone else in the world. She looks at him only for a few second, but she knows and she does it for him.
“You stay here, catch up with Derek. I’ll text you tomorrow and see what you’re up to.”
There’s no question asked, no room for doubt left at all, and for that Stiles is thankful.
“Okay, that sounds…” Stiles trails off to lock eyes with Derek, who again gives a small nod, before Stiles turns back to his friends, “That sounds good. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
The group exchange hugs and Lydia leaves a smacking red kiss on Stiles’ cheek before giving Derek some weird mix of a wink and a death stare and heading towards the door. The group bid their goodbyes to Derek as well as Stiles and when Derek responds with a “It was nice to meet you” Stiles rolls his eyes; he knows that’s essentially code for ‘I hope I never see you again.’
Silence follows the departure of the group and Stiles is overly aware of the thundering of his heartbeat and its increasing pace as he becomes more anxious. This shouldn’t be hard, it’s only Derek after all, he’s known Derek for years, and yet his heart is racing and butterflies are using his stomach like a dancefloor.
“You look good.”
It’s not what Stiles expected Derek to say. He doesn’t know exactly what he had been expecting but it definitely wasn’t that.
“Uh, so do you.” Stiles swallows and then reaches for his drink again, desperate to calm himself down a little, and because he’s Stiles and calm isn’t exactly in his vocabulary, he can’t help the flood of words that pour from his mouth without permission, “Better actually. Than when I last saw you. How is it that you look better? You were fucking heaven to begin with.”
Derek’s body pressing close to his own stuns Stiles enough that the words cease, that he freezes slightly in shock for a few moments before melting into the warm body against his own.
Derek apparently takes it for the silent permission that it is and leans even closer, his mouth just inches away from Stiles’ ear, tracing over his hairline and the edges of his jawline.
“I’ve missed you, Stiles.” It’s so quiet Stiles is almost sure he imagined it, except the lingering trace of Derek’s lips against his skin is tingling and Stiles could never imagine anything as perfect as that.
“I’ve missed you too. I don’t know why I ever left.” He whispers in return, careful to keep his voice quiet, knowing that Derek can still hear him but conscious of not ruining the mood, of allowing reality to crash back in.
Derek pulls back slightly and Stiles wants to whimper, suddenly regretting his choice of words if they’re what made Derek pull away from him. It’s not far though, the older man doesn’t go anywhere, he only retreats far enough to be able to look Stiles in the eye when he speaks.
“You needed to, though. We all needed some time and space to figure ourselves out.”
“But four years is a long time. I could have called.”
“I could have too. We found each other anyway.”
Derek’s blasé acceptance doesn’t make any sense to Stiles, he can’t imagine why Derek isn’t mad at him. He was the first to break up the pack, he was the one who moved across the country without much thought for how it would affect anyone else, and he was the one who let the communication die. Derek should be mad at him.
It’s almost like Derek can read his thoughts, an ability that has always made Stiles simultaneously uneasy and incredibly grateful.
“I don’t blame you for any of it.”
“You should though.” The sudden onslaught of droplets threatening to spill from his eyes surprises him. Stiles wipes them away quickly, angrily, turning his head in the hope that Derek doesn’t see them. Never mind that he can probably smell them.
“Stiles.” The brush of Derek’s fingers under Stiles’ chin is soft, demanding, and Stiles has never been able to say no to Derek. He turns his gaze back towards the wolf, eyes shining with unshed tears, hoping beyond hope that Derek understands where Stiles is coming from, that he hasn’t let himself think about them for years and the guilt is finally catching up with him. “Maybe we should talk about this somewhere else?”
If it were anyone else Stiles would probably think it was a pick-up line and would snort at the absurdity of it, and despite that it probably is some sort of pick-up line, it still feels right and he’s hopeless to do anything but nod and follow Derek out of the bar. The warmth of Derek’s fingers curled around his own feels almost like no time has passed at all.
Sterek Week 2016 - Day Seven (October 30th)
↪ Song Lyrics [Fifteen, by Taylor Swift]
Late and still a wip - I apologise profusely, but this is gonna turn into something pretty long eventually.
It’s your freshman year and you're gonna be here
For the next four years in this town
Hoping one of those senior boys will wink at you and say
“You know, I haven't seen you around before”
‘Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You’re gonna believe them
Stiles never expected starting high school to be a walk in the park. He knew he was an outsider, even in middle school, and he knew it was only going to get worse as he got older, when high school really began.
The first few weeks went by surprisingly smoothly, Stiles kind of felt like he was just waiting for the storm to hit, a thrumming anxiety making him more unsettled than usual because it felt almost too easy. He and Scott had stuck together, staying out of everyone’s way – just keeping their heads down, spending their lunches together, and getting through each and every day.
It all changes the day Scott tries out for the lacrosse team. He had begged and begged Stiles to try out alongside him, trying to convince him how fun it would be, how they could do something actually cool together and maybe even start to pick up chicks. Every single aspect of that had sounded horrid to Stiles. No matter what Scott said, he couldn’t persuade Stiles to get out on the field with him, but Stiles had agreed to come along as a spectator, to cheer Scott on.
It didn’t occur to Stiles how possibly awkward the scenario could potentially be until he’s approaching the bleachers. Will he be the only one there watching? If he is, will it be weird? He considers turning tail and running but he knows Scott would never forgive him so Stiles holds his head high and keeps trekking forward towards the seating. While he’s climbing, eyes searching, trying to find the perfect place to sit, he finally notices a few others also gathered. It relieves the tension in his body somewhat but he’s still unsure as to where he should sit. It’s then that the stunning redhead sitting just ahead of him turns and smiles at him shyly, tilting her head slightly like she’s indicating Stiles to sit next to her.
Surely he’s reading this wrong. Surely.
But regardless, he approaches her and takes the seat beside her, trying to be friendly in his smile, not wanting to weird her out too much.
“You’re Stiles.”
Okay, if she already knows who he is then she definitely knows how odd the other students find him. There is no way this is going to end well for him.
“I’m Lydia Martin.” She holds her hand out firmly for a shake, the gesture miraculously seeming like a natural thing for a teenager to do to another.
“I know who you are.”
Her smirk is self-satisfied as she turns her attention back towards the field where the players are still warming up.
“Question is - why do you know who I am?” Stiles did never know when to keep his mouth shut.
“Everyone knows who you are, Stiles.” The swish of her hair as she turned back to face him was mesmerising.
“I don’t think that’s a good thing.”
“I don’t care too much for what other people thing. Gossip is for small-minded individuals.”
The inflection of disapproval in her voice – at others, not at him – has him considering her words more profoundly. He’d heard rumours about Lydia Martin, of course he had – stuck up rich girl whose parents would buy her whatever she liked. It was also said that Lydia thought herself too good for most other people and Stiles had often take the words at face value, not stopping to really consider whether people were spreading truth or lies. He decided then and there it was time he started thinking for himself – Lydia didn’t seem so bad to him after all.
They fall into silence as the guys on the field finally begin to settle and ready themselves for drills and mock games. Scott does surprisingly well (better than Stiles thought he would anyway), he holds his own against the others and even manages to make a few ultra-impressive moves. It’s when Stiles gets bored of watching Scott and flicks his gaze to the other players that he feels his stomach bottom out and his skin start to feel slightly too small.
“Who is that?”
He doesn’t even have to point, it’s quite obvious where his gaze is focused. The guy is tall with olive skin, jet black hair flattened onto his forehead with a mixture of sweat and water, his uniform clinging to his muscles in all the right ways. His technique is perfect and somehow still the least impressive thing about him.
“That is Derek Hale. He’s the team captain.”
The smirk on Lydia’s face – when Stiles can finally drag his eyes away from Derek’s form – tells him everything he needs to know. She seems amused, her eyes sparkling, dangerous and playful, and Stiles really hopes beyond anything else that he can actually trust her.
“So I take it you’re not here because you enjoy the sport for its athletic prowess.”
“I’m here because my best friend asked me to be.”
“And you just happen to be getting something a little extra out of it.”
Stiles notices the way her eyes don’t quite stay locked on his own, but instead follow another particular player is quick, sharp motions.
“And I don’t think I’m the only one.”
The jersey reads ‘Whittemore’ across the back and Stiles just manages to make his groan internal and hardly audible to Lydia’s ears. He’s heard about Jackson Whittemore and they haven’t been positive things.
“Oh shush.” Lydia nudges him playfully, smile shy and gentle and Stiles thinks he could potentially love this side of her. “They’re both Seniors.”
“Lydia, I think you could get any guy in the school that you wanted.”
Her cheeks blaze to match her hair but the smile is confident and impressed and Stiles knows she already has her sights set on Jackson Whittemore and he’s not going to know what’s hit him.
Stiles looks up to take another glance at Jackson, trying to find the appeal of the boy and failing miserably, before letting his eyes sweep the field again. His body jolts, almost like an electric shock when he finds Derek Hale to be looking back at him. The dark and stoic features break into the tiniest of smiles for only a fraction of a second before Derek is focused on the game once more.
“I don’t think I’m the only one getting what I want.”
+++++
“So do you think you’re going to make a move?”
Stiles and Lydia are walking away from the bleachers after the try-outs had ended. Coach Finstock is still talking to the players on the field but both know that they’re probably going to be there for a while and Stiles had told Scott he’d wait for him by the jeep, so the two take a walk together.
However, Lydia’s words stop Stiles in his tracks.
“What?”
“On Derek. Are you going to ask him out?”
“Why would I ask out Derek?”
Lydia seems stunned for a few moments, like she can’t comprehend the idiocy of the boy in front of her, “… because you think he’s cute.”
Stiles is stunned, words stuck in his throat like he can’t quite work out what to say. It’s a surreal sensation for him, usually so used to spurting out words unbidden, regardless of the consequences.
“I… I’m not…”
“Into guys? Yeah, right.”
Stiles had honestly never considered it before but with the way Lydia was staring at him now, like it was so goddamn obvious, he feels that maybe he should have. It’s true that he’d spent most of the last hour staring at Derek Hale, watching the slide and stretch of his muscles as he moved gracefully and powerfully across the field. It was obvious he was the star athlete and Stiles hadn’t been able to take his eyes off him.
“But I like girls!” He hadn’t meant to say it but it’s the only rebuttal he was able to even produce.
“Okay… So you’re bisexual. It’s not a problem, Stiles.”
“I just never thought about it before, it’s just how I am.”
“I don’t care, Stiles. It doesn’t change anything.”
Stiles is considering the power of that statement, the apparent unwavering support he’s getting from such a new friend, something he didn’t think he’d even be lucky enough to get from Scott – not so blindingly. He’s lost in that thought, unable to even conceive a response, when they’re interrupted.
The entire lacrosse team starts bustling by them, Jackson shooting Lydia a wide grin as he passes on the way to the locker room. Stiles is startled by someone suddenly appeasring beside them. He expected it to be Scott but when he glances to the sudden figure his pulse starts to race, heart thumping wildly beneath his ribcage, his breathing suddenly restricted and his stomach dancing uncontrollably.
Derek Hale is even more attractive up close; those sparkling green eyes captivating and his bunny teeth adorable and incredibly distracting. He graces Lydia a quick glance before giving Stiles his full attention.
“Hey. Haven’t seen you around before.”
Stiles looks to Lydia for guidance, for some idea of what to say with minimal chance of rambling and embarrassing himself, but all she does is smirk at him, unhelpful and self-satisfied.
“I’m a freshman.”
It’s obvious, a stupid thing to point out, but Stiles is still thankful because it could have been so much worse; he could have started spouting poetic about how outright distracting he is finding Derek to be.
“Must be. Would have noticed you before, otherwise.”
Stiles, captivated as he is with Derek Hale of all people standing in front of him, still manages to notice Scott walking past them. His eyes are screaming questions at Stiles, wondering exactly why he’s talking to the lacrosse captain.
Derek notices the stare as well and backs up just a step, his eyes unsure for only the briefest moment before his megawatt smile returns. He winks at Stiles, speaking as he turns to go, following the others into the locker room, “See you around, Stiles.”
+++++
Stiles is leaning against his jeep, lost in thought about Derek and his sudden enlightened understanding about his own sexual identity, when Scott exits the school, approaching Stiles with an unimpressed frown. Stiles thinks that maybe try-outs didn’t go as well as Scott had hoped (and honestly he had no idea, he’d been too busy watching Derek the entire time) but Stiles get an unpleasant feeling dropping deep in his gut telling him that maybe Scott’s displeasure was directed at him.
“Hey buddy, how’d it go?” Stiles asks when Scott’s close enough, trying for bright and enthusiastic, hoping Scott lets go of whatever his apparent problem is.
Scott looks like he almost wants to flat out ignore Stiles, his gaze withering and sharp when he locks eyes with Stiles. He seems to deflate suddenly and Stiles wonders exactly what is going through his best friend’s brain.
“I think it was fine. Coach seemed impressed. I hope I make the team.”
Stiles nods in response and the pair are quiet as they climb into the jeep. There’s a tension between them that Stiles hasn’t felt in years. It’s awkward and too quiet and Stiles can’t stop himself from shifting restlessly in his seat as he drives.
“Why were you talking to Derek Hale?”
Stiles is startled by both the sudden noise and Scott’s harsh tone. He still can’t figure out why Scott’s apparently so angry with him. “He just came up to me.”
“Derek Hale did? Derek Hale just came up and talked to you?”
That makes Stiles bristle. What is that supposed to mean? He knows it’s unbelievable, that people who look like Derek Hale don’t often approach people who look and act like Stiles, but it still hurts that Scott of all people would address him with such hostile disbelief.
“What did he want?”
Scott’s frowning, face inscrutable, and Stiles’ restlessness becomes that little bit worse.
“I don’t know. I mean, he just came up and said hi and asked why he hadn’t seen me around before. But he knew my name. He called me Stiles. I don’t know how he knew that.”
Scott’s face is suddenly an unpleasant mix of scepticism and outrage and he opens his mouth to speak before snapping it shut abruptly, the pair falling into silence once again. Stiles wants to ask Scott what his problem is but instead he lets it slide and instead turns his thoughts to the epiphany Lydia had helped him come to that afternoon.
They’re just pulling up to Scott’s house when Stiles can’t hold it in any longer. He feels like he’s going to explode with it, this needling pressure in his brain, this overpowering urge to just tell someone ever since Lydia helped him figure it out. He feels secure in the knowledge, like he’s finally figured out a piece to the puzzle that is his own identity, but he still feels the need to just tell.
“Scott, I’m bi.”
It comes out in a rush and Scott freezes suddenly where he’s half hanging out of the jeep, ready to climb down completely. His head whips around to face Stiles, eyes wide like he’s never actually seen Stiles before?
“You’re what?”
“Bi. Bisexual.”
“But you’re not gay!” The indignation seems slightly excessive and Stiles still can’t quite figure out what Scott’s deal is.
“No, I’m bi. I still like girls.” It’s agitating how many Stiles has to repeat himself. He didn’t figure it was a hard concept to really understand.
“But that… that means you like guys too?”
“Is that a problem, Scotty?” Stiles narrows his eyes, his face almost bursting with anger but his insides crippling under a sudden tremendous amount of fear. Maybe this really was a terrible idea.
Stiles words though seem to have some sort of effect. Scott seems to snap out of whatever confused trance he has slipped in to and gives Stiles an easy smile.
“Of course not, dude. All good. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He’s out of the jeep and inside his house before Stiles can even think of a response.
+++++
School the next day is weird. Scott greeted him quickly in the morning but otherwise seems as if he’s trying to ignore conversation with Stiles altogether. Second period Chemistry he shares with Lydia and he’s relieved to be greeted with an easy and genuine smile from her when he enters the room. He sits alongside her, hoping to be lab partners for as long as he can get away with, and her first words give him a little more reason to believe it may happen.
“Thank god there’s someone capable in this class, I couldn’t bear to be paired with some idiot who doesn’t know the difference between Magnesium and Manganese.”
Stiles smiles, wide and showing teeth, but settles into his usual restlessness when Harris walks into the room, frowning at Stiles for even existing. High school should not be this hard already.
After that Stiles and Lydia head to lunch together, Scott already sitting with another table (a table Stiles doesn’t particularly get along with) when they arrive. Stiles tries not to let the disappointment show but given Lydia’s reassuring nudge, he’s pretty sure he fails. Scott catches his eye but quickly looks away and steadily doesn’t look back in their direction.
The pair get their lunch and find a spare table together. Stares are locked on them, coming from all directions of the room. It’s rare to see someone as stunning as Lydia Martin – already one of the most popular girls within the school despite being a freshman – sitting with an ordinary no name like Stiles Stilinski. Stiles always imagined he’d be infamous when at high school, but not exactly for the right reasons, and he never confused infamous and popular as synonyms.
The stares only intensify when suddenly two chairs are scraping across the linoleum floor either side of them and Jackson Whittemore and Derek Hale are suddenly sitting with them at lunch.
“Mind if we join you?” Jackson’s grin is almost blinding, but cocky and too smug for Stiles’ liking. It sets him on edge unlike the way Derek’s self-satisfied smile seems to send butterflies fluttering in Stiles’ stomach.
There are so many (so many) things that you can Sterek (songs, quotes, and otherwise). Finally, I picked the song Come What May by The Scene Aesthetic. Setting wise, this pretty much the beginning of season four, but Erica, Boyd and Allison are alive (screw canon, I love them all okay), and the pack is whole.
———-
For the longest time, I’d thought I’d lost the best of me
But I’ll be damned if I quit now, and that’s for sure.
All I’ve ever wanted was for you to look at me,
And know I’m all yours.
Like the penguins need their wings for deep cold water dives,
Like the earth needs the moon to keep it on course,
When you touch me, I know there is purpose in my life;
Just know I’m all yours.
The purpose and importance of anchors had been drilled into Derek’s head since he was just a pup. When he was younger, his anchor was his mother. Not only was she his alpha, but he looked up to her and was captivated by her calm command. It made Laura tease him about being a Momma’s boy, but he didn’t ever think that that was a bad thing.
After, Laura was his anchor. Despite his grief and the overwhelming guilt that he felt, she was all that he had left. She was the alpha, but more than that, she was his sister.
And then he lost everything but his anger and his grief and his guilt. Of all these emotions, his guilt was the strongest. But it was anger and the need to avenge his sister that tethered his wolf.
When his anchor changed again, Derek didn’t even notice. He was too busy dealing with the shitstorm that was Beacon Hills to even recognize that all of his anger was gone. It had been replaced by his new pack, his new friends, and Stiles. Especially Stiles. After the younger man worked alongside Derek through the summer to find Erica and Boyd, the pair got closer. And even afterwards, their friendship stayed strong. While everyone else was busy falling in love and going on with life, Derek and Stiles learned how to open up about their guilt and their fears and their memories. They learned how to grow from their experience, and they learned it together.
And when Kate shows up and kidnaps Derek making things get bad again, Stiles is still there. That’s when Derek realizes that the younger man has become his anchor. But it isn’t when he realizes what exactly he feels for Stiles. The quickening of his pulse whenever the human is near began before the alpha pack showed up, before finding the betas, before knowing Cora was alive. Stiles challenged him in a way that he wasn’t used to, and he liked it immediately (okay, maybe not immediately. He was still an annoying brat after all). And after Julia’s love spell, after breaking it and finally realizing how artificial it tasted, Derek recognized just how real and pure his feelings for Stiles were.
But romance, even the fresh sprouts of love, don’t come close to how important, how intimate, it is to be someone’s anchor. Because the bond between two people has to be strong enough to tether the wolf, to make it want to be human. It is totally truth, complete confidence that this person won’t let you down. Derek knows firsthand how dangerous it can be to make someone your anchor; losing them means losing control. And unlike a family member, having someone else hold that role is risky; people can always walk away and leave you behind.
But waiting in that locker-room, sitting with dream Stiles and staring at his eleventh finger, Derek knows that his wolf isn’t wrong. He would follow Stiles anywhere, would do anything for the human. Hell, he was the one that broke Derek out of Julia’s curse. It just makes him want to get back to Stiles more, makes him want to stay by his side forever. Right there, in his dream-world, Derek vows to tell Stiles as soon as he can that he’s his anchor. That he’s more.
All this time I’ve spent without you by my side, I’ve been dreaming of you:
Saw you through the windows of my mind,
Carved a home for you deep inside my chest.
And I never want to lose such a big part of me again.
De-aged Derek doesn’t really remember Stiles, can’t even recognize that the human is his anchor. But after, after…
“Hey, can we talk for a second?” Derek feels unsteady pulling Stiles aside as the pack meeting breaks up, but his wolf has been restless since he got back to normal. And well, even if he can’t really tell if there’s something going on between Malia and Stiles or if his feelings could ever be returned, he just wants the human to know. He deserves to.
“Hey buddy,” Stiles says in response, flopping down on the couch. “How are you feeling? We haven’t really had a chance to catch up since you’ve turned back, with the dead pool and the berserkers and Braeden and everything else.”
Derek doesn’t know how the bounty hunter fits into Stiles’ explanation or why the boy’s scent turns sour at the mention of her name, but he lets it slide and sits on the couch beside him. “So, obviously, you know about anchors.”
Stiles snorts. “Obviously.”
He takes a deep breath. “Well, for a long time, anger was my anchor. But I’m not angry anymore.”
The human scrunches his nose up, then smiles. “That’s great! I did a lot of research, and emotions are hard to keep as anchors for a long time, seeing as they change so much! And not being angry all the time is great! So, what’s your anchor now?”
“Not what. Who.”
Derek thought that would be enough for Stiles to understand, but the boy’s expression crumbles. “Oh. Right. I-. I’m happy for you. She seems like a nice enough person. Okay, not really, but at least she hasn’t tried to kill you, so that’s a plus.”
“What?” Derek stares at Stiles, eyes wide in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
He throws his hands in the air. “Braeden! I mean, I know we haven’t really had time to hang out, but I’m not blind. You’re always with her these days.”
Derek can’t help but snort. “She was teaching me how to use a gun, that’s all.” Stiles’ eyebrows rise. “Nothing could ever happen between her and I, because I’m already hung up on someone else. My anchor. You.” He hadn’t really meant to admit to pining after the human, but when Stiles’ scent warms, he doesn’t regret it.
Stiles flails backwards. “Me? I’m your anchor? You like me? Wait, start from the beginning. When did, this happen?”
“I figured out that you were my anchor when Kate first took me, but the change happened before that. And I’ve liked you for a lot longer.”
He’s not prepared for Stiles to smack his chest and glare at him before taking his hand tightly. “You jerk. We could have been kissing this whole time, but instead I’ve been giving you space to be alone with Braeden because I thought you guys were together and-. Do you have any idea how long I’ve loved you?!”
Derek blushes. “You love me?”
That makes Stiles flair anew, though their hands stay clasped. “Well I mean, like-. I like you a lot. For a while.”
The werewolf leans close enough to rub their noses together. He hasn’t heard those words since Laura died. Not even Cora said it when she left. But coming from Stiles, “I love you too. Or like. Whatever.”
Stiles laughs, mesmerizing because Derek can feel it on his lips. Finally, finally, he closes the distance between them and seals the confession with a kiss.
I’m a mess, I confess, but I’m nothing without you.
And there’s nothing I can do to prove to you I’m being honest
Now I see everything, and yes I’ve known it all along.
I was so lost, but I’m back, and I finally know now where my heart belongs
sterek week (2016 edition) ▷ day 7: lyrics and quotes
This is a formal goodbye
to all our could have beens
if you stayed a little longer
(but you didn’t)
If you loved me a little harder
(but you didn’t)
If I held you a little tighter
(but I didn’t)
If you asked me to leave with you
(but you didn’t)
Now we are both missing a piece,
our hearts never quite broken
yet never quite fixed.
— I never knew how much I loved you until you left. // c.h.
