Apr 3
what if I'm not autistic and it's all ocd. what it's not ocd and i am autistic. what if it's neither and I've been thinking the wrong things. i want to get diagnosed so bad but what if they do it wrong and say i only have one and not the other how would i be able to trust that when they misdiagnose people all the time? do i want to have both? do I just want attention for it or do i need an explanation for why I'm like this??
ranting in tags
#i have to be the most special boy in the room and it's torture actually#i can't explain why but i would be upset if I really only had one or the other#no one respond to this I don't need my ego fed#buggytalkz#mental illness mention#i do want attention but I don't want to want attention because wanting attention means you're bad and problematic#apparently#i should delete all my accounts and throw away my phone#i must have autism because it doesn't feel like the POSSIBLE ocd affects me outwardly. i feel like I'm very ummm. chil. about it.#stonefaced#like distressing thoughts don't cause me to breakdown unless they're REEEEALLY bad usually I'm just standing there#talking to myself in my head. i can relate deeply to having autism but what if because I don't show some symptoms I don't have it at all and#it's just crossovers from ocd#not to self diagnose because that's also “not allowed” but idk i think I'm pretty solid on the idea of having ocd especially#relationship and contamination and magical thinking and shit like that#and i need to tell everyone what I'm thinking about. which would be an obsession right? i need to tell people I cant just write it down and#leave it#so i sound crazy#I'm not crazy#whatever i need to go to bed
