How can I tell my bf to slow down? It's not that he won't, or anything- in fact he's been really whenever I've not been okay with what was happening - it's just that when it comes to the moment, I can't work out what to say or how to tell him to stop. I normally end up saying nothing, and then properly panicking later, which makes both of us feel worse than if I'd just said something at the time. Are there any phrases or whatever tht I could try?
if it changes anything, I'm asexual and somewhat sex repulsed, so it can make my reactions to things a bit... unpredictable? I'll be fine with something one day and then a few days later won't like it at all, and that's a further complication
this is an excellent situation for SafeWords! my top suggestion (and personal favourite) is the Stoplight Method, which is using colours so you don’t have to figure out what to say in the moment:Green= good, keep goingYellow= slow down, pauseRed= stop instantly, end for the night
all you gotta go, is talk to him about this method and have him to use 'em during intimate times. he can repeatedly ask you “what’s your colour?” and act accordingly, or you can use them when you needed.
if, however, speech itself is too hard, there are other options. you can hold something in your hand tht squeaks, and squeeze when you need to stop/pause. you could use taps with your hands/fingers. like one for pause, two for quit, tht kind of thing.
i hope one of those methods work for you both, but there’s more types if you search for ‘safe words’. i wish you both good luck and loads of fun!
