This feels like a silly question but what makes a good safe word? Like I'd presume that obviously some are worse than others when they're longer or harder to pronounce but is there a definitive something that makes a good/bad safe word?
- a very inexperienced person trying to write kinky smut
I don't think it's a silly question! TBF, I also don't mind silly questions but I think this is a really good question!
If you're engaging in anything that might require a safeword, it's a good idea to have a good safeword. I assume we're talking about verbal safewords, though feel free to clarify if not.
But you're right, you definitely want a safeword that is easy for you to say if it's verbal. You also want it to be simple enough that you can remember it!
Sometimes people get a little too complicated when choosing safewords, making it an obscure reference/etc but you want something that you can remember easily if you're scared, or in pain, or extremely aroused.
You also want it to be something you're not going to regularly say during a scene/during sex so that y'all don't get confused!
And, admittedly I'm saying this because I'm HOH but you might want to make sure your word is easily understandable for whoever you're with too. Because some words rhyme or can get garbled when you're really in it and you still want whoever you're with to be able to understand it!
So, a safeword that might work just fine with one person might have a different person going, "can we use something simpler?" or "do you have a different one? I might have trouble hearing that?"
I think it's mostly up to who you're with and what works best for you (or, in the case of writing, your characters). Some people stick with the traffic light system and that's great for them because it's simple, familiar, and not generally related to most scenes/sex.
For others, some sort of in-joke might be their safewords, or they might have nonverbal safewords only, or verbal and nonverbal safewords.
It's a very adaptable tool. A good safeword for one person could be the fucking worst safeword for another, just keep in mind it's supposed to be accessible verbal shorthand to help partners' communicate and personalize it from there!
