genre: angst
word count: 1.7k
warnings: angst, breakup, swearing
request: yes (anon. prompt: “Don’t lie to me.”)
a/n: to the anon who said they needed some angst: i hope this suffices~
✧ masterlist & tag list info in bio ✧
↠↞
You sighed, resting your cheek against the cool tile of your bathroom wall. A shiver passed over you, and you hugged your knees closer to your chest. Your eyes felt dry and itchy from crying—even your throat was sore from holding back screams.
You should have known this was going to happen.
All the signs were there, after all. For years, you’d wished that you and Renjun could be more than just best friends, that you could date. You’d wanted it so fucking much that your desire consumed you, making it nearly impossible for you to feel anything else. At times, you felt like you were watching a different version of yourself walking around and talking with Renjun—a version that was entirely a lie. You had to be so careful not to let something slip about how you felt or else you were sure everything would fall apart. Worst of all, you’d thought he only loved you like a best friend or a sister for years; you just never saw the signs that it might be anything more.
When Renjun confessed to you, you were laying side-by-side on the grass of your high school’s baseball field. He’d insisted on taking your stargazing. He reached out and took your hand, placing it on his heart, and while holding hands was nothing new, you felt his heartbeat racing under the thin cotton of his t-shirt. Renjun had sounded so scared when he said he was in love with you, that you immediately rolled over and kissed him full on the mouth. Suffice to say, he was surprised but absolutely thrilled.
That had been the happiest day of your life. It was as if everything had fallen into place, all the stars had aligned, and the calamities of the world had been solved.
Renjun was the perfect boyfriend.
Since you’d been best friends your whole life, you didn’t have to worry about getting to know each other from the start. It was almost too easy to be a couple. Your dates were a lot like just hanging out, but with more casual touches and so, so many more kisses. Kissing Renjun was like the feeling you get on the first true day of spring when the sun is hot on your skin, like that first delicious bite of decadent chocolate cake, like falling asleep to the soft sound of rain. You could spend hours just kissing and never get bored.
The strangest part of actually dating was when you were intimate. You’d swum with Renjun more times than you could count, had definitely changed in front of each other, and you were pretty sure you’d seen everything he had. Well, almost everything. And then, you had seen, felt, and tasted everything that was Huang Renjun. But him bare before you felt almost wrong, like you were too close to knowing his soul. But, maybe that was just because this was the last thing between you and you nearly knew his soul anyway. Even with the strangeness, everything was perfect.
You should have listened to the stories in the books you grew up reading. Be careful what you wish for. Look for the worm at the heart of the perfect apple. Everything comes with a price.
Eleven months passed in bliss with Renjun before things began to change. You’d both started your third year of college and were busier than you’d ever imagined you could be. The time you spent together dwindled until you only saw each other two or three times a week instead of multiple times every day. Communication became almost strained, with you calling and messaging Renjun more than he ever did you.
But, you were still in love.
One day, Renjun seemed to disappear. You couldn’t get in touch with him no matter how hard you tried, and his friends wouldn’t give you a straight answer. As the sun set, you found yourself growing angrier and angrier at your boyfriend. Leaving you with no notion of where he was or what he was doing? Did he not know how much you’d worry? You didn’t have to spend every waking moment with him—in fact, you preferred if you didn’t—but at least knowing he was okay would be nice.
More than nice. Necessary.
Renjun was back the next day as if nothing had happened. He showered you with the usual affection, promising to take you out for a fantastic date that weekend.
When you asked where he’d been the day before, all he could say was “Around. I just needed a day to myself. Stop bothering me, Y/N.”
No matter how many times you asked, no matter how nicely you said you loved him, he wouldn’t say more. Two hours later, you were just as frustrated.
“Renjun, I’m gonna go home,” you grumbled, gathering your things. Renjun just continued reading silently. “If you ever decide that you’re going to tell me where the hell you were yesterday and why you’re now ignoring me, let me know. Until then, I’ll be at home, probably binge-watching a show.”
“Really?” you demanded. “That’s all you have to say right now?”
“What . . .”
“I’m going home. Call me tomorrow so we can talk.” You firmly closed the door to his apartment behind you, relishing the satisfying thunk the wood made.
When you got home, you practically ran to the bathroom to strip off your clothes and hurl yourself into the shower. The heat of the water always helped calm you. After what was probably too long in the shower, you put on your cat onesie and crawled into bed with your laptop. Just to spite Renjun, you watched a full two seasons of the show the two of you had been watching together. You didn’t care what he thought.
As you’d hoped, you and Renjun made up the next day and he did take you on that fantastic date. He’d said that he truly had just spent the day by himself—he’d gone on a hike in the nature preserve nearby, and even had pictures as proof. Although, to your slightly suspicious mind, they could’ve been taken anywhere. But, you had to think the best of your boyfriend, had to trust him.
Three weeks later, you couldn’t have guessed when you woke up that morning that it would be the last time you would ever say “I love you” to Huang Renjun.
It was the day after your one-year anniversary, and Renjun showed up at your door looking utterly bedraggled. He hadn’t even hugged or kissed you when you let him in, just shoved by you into the living room. Frowning, you walked into the room to see Renjun pacing back and forth along the length of your sofa.
“Ren, what’s wrong?” you asked, reaching out to touch his arm. Renjun flinched away, and you withdrew your hand to cross your arms as you stood in front of him. He didn’t answer.
“Renjun,” you tried again, trying to keep weeks of frustration and confusion out of your voice, “babe, just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll help or do anything I can! I love you. I hate seeing you like this. What happened? Please, just tell me.”
Renjun was silent for what seemed like a hundred years, finally coming to a stop so that the two of you were directly facing each other over the coffee table.
“You really want to know, Y/N? Do you really?” he spat. You’d never heard Renjun sound like this before: angry, despairing, and like he was at the end of his tether.
“Yes! Just tell me and then maybe we can fix it or I can help or something!”
Renjun let out a laugh that was mostly a sneer, and leaned across the intervening space between you. You had to stop yourself from stepping backward.
“I don’t love you anymore,” he said with deliberate care, the words coming out of his mouth like bullets fired at close range. “There. You asked what was wrong and I told you. I don’t love you anymore and haven’t for weeks.”
You felt hot tears begin to slide down your face as you stared numbly back at him. Didn’t love— No. No, no, no. NO!
“I don’t believe you,” you said, your voice barely audible but you knew your fury could be heard nonetheless. “You fucking bastard. I can’t believe it. What happened?” Your voice rose as you lost your grip on your anger. “Did you find someone else? Don’t lie to me. What the hell happened? Did I get boring? Could you just not take it anymore? What the fuck, Renjun?!”
He just stood there as you yelled. He didn’t try to defend himself, didn’t try to make excuses. Once you’d called him every name you could think of, Renjun raised his eyebrows.
“Are you done?” he said sardonically.
You spluttered.
Renjun rolled his eyes. “No, I didn’t find someone else. I just realized that I don’t love you anymore. We should’ve never tried to date, Y/N. It was a doomed relationship from the start.” Renjun tiredly ran a hand through his hair.
“I— Things were so good,” you said, sniffling. “How could you think it was doomed?”
“Grow up, Y/N. Not everything’s a fucking fairytale. Sometimes you don’t get everything you want and thinking otherwise just going to see you get hurt even more.” He huffed. “I can’t do this. Goodbye, Y/N.”
With that, he turned around and walked out your door.
So now here you were, curled up on your bathroom floor. You’d been sobbing for hours, feeling like your still-beating heart had been cut out of your chest with red-hot razors. Your head pounded from lack of air and water, and too much pressure from crying. All you wanted was to sleep but you couldn’t stop thinking about Renjun. He was your best friend and the love of your life. You’d talked to him nearly every day of your life since the time you were eight.
And now, he was just gone.
Completely gone.
You didn’t know if you’d ever see him again.
You felt utterly empty and alone, like an unmoored ship drifting out to sea. The world had lost its center.
You should have listened to the stories: Be careful what you wish for.
Hey, Kit!! Congratulations on auditioning for music college!!! Having gone through that exact same process myself, I know how overwhelming it can feel. Just the face that you got through the audition is already a huge step!! I’m sure you did wonderfully! What’s your instrument? In all of this, remember to breathe deeply and drink lots of water. Eating some yummy food might be good, too (your body will thank you!). If you ever need anything, let me know! You’ve got this!!!☺️😌🖤✨ — @straycozy
Thank you so much for this message it's rly wonderful :'))) ahhh you too??? Congrats also!!! I think the audition went well and he liked what I did so I'm hopeful!! How have yours gone?? The course I auditioned for is actually songwriting! It's like under commercial modern music so it's not classical or jazz. I play piano and guitar. I feel like I'm missing out not playing an orchestral instrument, that's a goal of mine!! What about you tho?? Thank you so much I will eat and drink loads! I'm also here if you need anything!!! :))
Hey Britt!! Just popping by to say that “Penny for Your Thoughts?” was absolutely incredible!!! I loved it so much and it was the perfect Changbin fluff I’ve been craving 😭💕 The story was well-planned, the characterisation was perfect✨, and oh myyyyy I’m such a fan of Hufflepuff Changbin!! I could go on gushing about this, but I’ll cut it short. Anyway, I just really loved the story and had to tell you!! You’re wonderful, darling! 💖 - straycozy
@straycozy sdkjfhdjksh thank u so much angel 😭💕 i remember telling you about it right when i changed the plot and everything hehe 🙇🏻♀️ and im glad you liked it !!! and same, i was such a huge fan of hufflepuff!changbin i changed my whole idea and im super happy with it 💌😊
“Channieeeeee,” you pouted as you tried to slide yourself onto your boyfriend’s lap.
Chan sat at his desk putting the last finishing touches on a verse he’d written for an upcoming song. You had one leg hooked over his and were about to swing the other up. He realized what you were trying to do and jiggled his leg to off-balance you.
“Babe, I promise I’ll cuddle with you in a moment,” he reassured you as you stood up. “Here, what do you think of this?” He pointed at the verse he’d just been working on.
So if you asked, I’d bring you the moon but want nothing in return.
And for but a smile or the touch of your hand,
I’d bring you all the stars that turn.
So tell me, baby, what can I do to earn
Your love
Your love
Your love
You carded your fingers through Chan’s hair as you read, a small smile curling around your lips. The lyrics were a few lines he’d sent you in the middle of the night when the two of you had just started dating—his love notes were in songs and scraps of lyrics written on everything from napkins to notebooks to the back of your hand. You’d saved every one you could.
“I remember this one, babe,” you said. “I’m sure it’s perfect.” You rested your forehead against his temple, and said in mock severity, “Now cuddles.”
“Alright, love, come here,” Chan laughed, and swiveled his chair around to face you, causing you to squeak as the chair nearly hit your legs. Chan gripped your hips and pulled you into his lap. You giggled happily and snuggled against your boyfriend’s chest as his arms encircled you.
“Fiiiiiiinally,” you sighed. “Aw, you’re so squishy today!”
“What?” Chan laughed, a little baffled as he craned his neck to look at you.
“You’re just soft, that’s all. I like how comfortable your muscles are when you’re not doing anything.”
Chan just looked down at you, an adoring smile on his face. “You’re such a goofball, but I still love you,” he chuckled, and kissed the crown of your head. Chan rested his head on yours, letting his eyes wander to the window across the room where he could just see the first stars appearing in the velvety dark sky. Even after all this time, he would still bring the moon and all the stars to you if you asked him to.
You and Hyunjin had fallen asleep together on the sofa while watching a movie. Curled toward you against your chest, your lanky boyfriend snuffled in his sleep and tried to cling to you even tighter. Sometimes he just needed to feel safe and secure, so you did your best by being the big spoon and stroking his hair. He was so, so cute when he got like this.
You wanted to stay curled up with your boyfriend, but you really needed some water—the salty popcorn you’d eaten had left your mouth dry as a bone. However, extricating yourself from your boyfriend’s clutches would require the utmost care and stealth. One end of the blanket you’d pulled around the two of you was still wedged between your back and the sofa, while the rest was wound around Hyunjin’s legs, effectively swaddling you against him. You took the blanket out from behind your back, slowly drew one leg out from beneath Hyunjin’s, and sat up. Well, tried to sit up, since the still sleeping Hyunjin had just thrown an arm around your waist. Sighing, you gently placed his arm at his side and sat up properly. You managed to get all the way off the sofa—after clambering over Hyunjin’s legs, of course—and halfway to the kitchen in the pre-dawn light before you tripped over something.
“Shit,” you whispered, looking down at one of Kkami’s chew toys. The small dog was always leaving them around just where you’d step on them.
Sucking in a deep breath at the ache in your foot, you finally got to the kitchen. And, just as you’d hoped it wouldn’t, the cabinet door squeaked when you went to get a glass. You filled your glass and drank down the water without any further incidents, then made your way back to the sofa.
Just as you were about to step up onto the sofa to somehow wriggle yourself down behind Hyunjin again, he turned over and looked at you, eyebrow raised.
“Ooooh, sorry I woke you,” you said, wincing.
“You know you’re not as quiet as you think you are, right?” he said sleepily. “Here, just lay down in front of me, babe.”
You laid down again and Hyunjin drew you close to his chest, kissing the top of your head. Just as you were drifting back off to sleep, you felt a weight on the sofa. Kkami had hopped up with you and settled on Hyunjin’s legs. When you raised your head slightly to look at the dog, you were sure the look in his eyes said, “He’s still mine, and don’t you forget it.” Smiling to yourself, you pressed your lips to your boyfriend’s hand and went back to sleep.
genre: boxer!jisung au, friends to lovers, action-ish
pairing: han jisung x femme reader
teaser word count: 274
fic warnings: description of fighting, blood, injuries, and mild concussion, suggestive, swearing, mention of potential assault (no description), alcohol consumption by characters of age, mild angst, oh and lots of pining and fluff
request: yes
✧ masterlist & tag list info in bio ✧
↠↞
The roar of the crowd was like nothing else Jisung had ever experienced. People screamed encouragement, jeers, threats, and love confessions from the bleachers surrounding the boxing ring in which he and his opponent would soon face off. He’d known it would be loud, but not this loud. This was Jisung’s first official match outside of practice, and even though he knew he was more than prepared with Changbin as his teacher, Jisung still felt a little nervous.
“You’ve got this, Ji,” Changbin said, patting Jisung’s shoulder as they waited for the referee’s signal to mount the platform. “Just remember what we planned. You’re quick and smaller than him, which gives you something to work with. You can come in under his reach more easily. You’re gonna be fine, I promise.”
“Yeah, okay,” Jisung muttered, trying to tear his eyes away from the man who’d just walked over to the other side of the ring. His opponent had on the customary red shorts to mark him as a higher rank than Jisung, who wore blue. The guy had even dyed his hair red, as if to say that no one was better than him.
“Just breathe—it’s only going to be three rounds,” Changbin continued. “You’ve gone six with Dan and still won, so this guy’s nothing to worry about. Plus, you’ve got Felix as your second.”
He was about to respond, but the referee motioned to both boxers to enter the ring. Jisung made sure the straps on his gloves were secure, squared his shoulders, and took a deep breath. And, he thought of you. After all, you were everything he was fighting for.
genre: angst
word count: 1k
warnings: mention of break-up, swearing, disappearance, arranged marriage
request: yes
✧ masterlist in bio ✧
All was silent as Y/N made her way into the kitchen for a snack; this sometimes happened when she had dinner so early that her body thought another meal was necessary. She’d just eased open the refrigerator when the loud blare of her phone ringing made her jump and nearly drop the container of curry she held. She put the container on the counter and picked up the phone. Damn, it was late.
“Y- Y/N?” came the slightly hoarse voice from the other end of the line.
Y/N sucked in a breath, having not expected to hear his voice ever again. A flood of memories came rushing back with more force than a thundering waterfall, nearly making her faint. She had to brace herself against the counter.
A bright smile, a light laugh, feeding each other mochi while watching movies, long walks in the park, cuddling in the morning, crying together at the loss of a friend, simply existing together day in and day out.
Jungwoo had all but disappeared from her life one day, not explaining why he left nor where he went. She’d been completely destroyed by the loss of her boyfriend. After trying what seemed like a hundred times every day to contact him, she finally gave up. He was never coming back, no matter how much she screamed for him in the middle of the night.
She’d tried to get in touch with his parents, his sister, his friends. No one would answer. It was as if all her time with him had been a dream and, now, she’d woken up to a hellscape. Y/N missed Jungwoo like it was a physical wound, and she was just beginning to heal; and, while she couldn’t forget him, at least she didn’t think about him every waking moment and in every dream these days.
Now, Y/N was confronted with his voice at the other end of the phone. She felt like she’d been dumped in a bucket of ice water. She tried to speak but all that came out was a croak. She tried again.
“Jungwoo?”
“Y/N,” he said in a whisper, exhaling her name like a prayer. “I— I’m sorry.”
Something snapped in Y/N. What right did he have to apologize? “Why the hell did you call me, Kim Jungwoo? What the fuck happened?”
“Y/N, I can explain. I promise,” Jungwoo blurted.
“No, don’t,” Y/N interrupted. “I don’t even know what to think. First you’re here for me every moment and everything’s completely fine, and then you’re gone. Just gone.” Y/N couldn’t believe she felt such anger to the man she’d loved so deeply, but she couldn’t help it. She hurt from months and months of loss. Y/N felt tears at the backs of her eyes, and swallowed. “Jungwoo, why?”
There was silence on the other end of the line, and then the sound of a deep breath.
“Please just listen, Y/N. Please?” Jungwoo began. “I had no choice. My parents . . . well, you know how they’re both from wealthy families? Like, really wealthy? They’d set up a marriage for me when I was four and never told me. Evidently that’s still a thing.
“I hadn’t exactly told them about you, either, though,” Jungwoo said ruefully, then hurried on. “So, the father of the woman I was supposed to marry died and she inherited everything—the family’s wealth, the company, everything. Um, while I was in class one day, my mom showed up to pack everything I own, and was waiting for me when I got back to my place. She kind of just bundled me into the car and, because she and Dad are insane, forced me to marry this woman the next day.”
Y/N didn’t know what to say, so just stayed silent. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Didn’t this kind of thing only happen in the movies?
“So, now I’m married and have inherited more wealth than I know what to do with,” Jungwoo finished.
“Wow,” Y/N said flatly. “That’s . . . that’s quite a story. I hope it’s true.” She rested her head on one hand as she held the phone in the other.
“It is. I promise!” Jungwoo all but wailed; he was beginning to cry.
“Fine. So, why did you call me? You’re married and insanely wealthy—what could be wrong?” Y/N’s tone was scornful.
“I called you at 2 am because— because I need you,” Jungwoo choked out. “Just the touch of your hand would do wonders. I feel like I’m going mad, Y/N.”
“Oh, Jungwoo,” Y/N said, sadness clouding her voice. “There’s no way we can . . . No, I’m not even going to think about it.”
“Please, just consider seeing me one more time? And maybe we can come to some sort of arrangement where we can be together? Y/N, please!”
“Jungwoo, it’s too late. It’s been too long.” Y/N could only whisper, not daring to speak any louder lest she scream.
“No,” Jungwoo stammered, “no, please no. We can do this, Y/N, I know we can.”
“You’ve given me one option, which is to be second to all else, to be your mistress. How can I agree to that, Jungwoo. How?” Y/N barked out. “You’ll divorce whoever this other woman is and be fully committed to me, or have nothing more to do with me. You can’t have both. You’ve hurt me way too much.”
Jungwoo was silent for a moment, then said, “Well, I guess this is goodbye, then, isn’t it. Too much depends on me being just how I am now. Too many lives would be ruined if I divorced her.”
“So you choose to ruin one person’s life completely and utterly just so you can say you did the right thing?” Y/N laughed derisively. “You’re an asshole, Kim Jungwoo, you really are.”
“I’m sorry, Y/N, I really am,” Jungwoo said.
“Goodbye, Jungwoo, I did love you,” Y/N managed to say before the tears overwhelmed her. She didn’t wait for his reply, ending the call before sinking onto the cold kitchen floor. The sobs shook her body and, for once, she was glad that she lived alone. No one would hear her crying and no would bother her. She could cry herself to sleep on the kitchen floor, and maybe dream of what could have been.
Waaaah??? Wow 😭 Thank you everyone so, so very much!!!! I know I’ve made other “thank you” posts, but this is a big one.
I really am simply amazed and delighted!!
Special thanks to my beta readers/editors/idea partners-in-crime: @jisungsjheekies, @ph0ebevix, @captainchrisbang, @hanniiesuckle17, and @pocketsizeddemon. You all are amazing💕
Thank you to the sweet people who consistently reblog my writing—you are noticed and loved💕
Lastly, thank you to my mutuals and all my lovely followers!!💕
