#studyblr communtiy

[myhoneststudyblr]

Tag Me in your Studyblr Posts!!!

I want to see a wider variety of studyblr posts and I need to build up my queue cause I’m going to be quiet busy in the next couple of weeks so please tag me using #myhoneststudyblr and I will like and reblog them (and I’ll probably follow a bunch of new people as well) 😊

[walkingintowalls]

rules: bold the statements that are true for you

tagged by @optomstudies

APPEARANCE:

I am 5′7″ or taller I wear glasses I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have or have had braces There is something I would change about the way I look

PERSONALITY: My Hogwarts house is: Gryffindor Hufflepuff Ravenclaw Slytherin I am an introvert I like meeting new people People tell me that I’m funny Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY: I can sing well I can play an instrument I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well I have a good memory I’m good at doing math in my head I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month I enjoy writing Fandoms are my #1 passion I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES: I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favourite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIP: I’m in a relationship I have a celebrity crush  I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE: I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend outside of school in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone

RANDOM: I have breakdanced I know a person named Jamie I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair I’m listening to one song on repeat right now (Lotto by EXO) I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages fluently I have made a new friend in the past year

tagging: @rafstudyblr @cardiacstvdies @psychologystudyspo @katrienstudies

[myhoneststudyblr]

Anxiety

So I don’t usually post about personal stuff. In fact I never post about actual personal stuff but I want to start doing it more because one of the best things about studyblr is the community but I think sometimes the reality of what it’s like to be a student today can sometimes get lost in all the aesthetic and self care and study tips. And anyway, my url is myhoneststudyblr so maybe I should be honest and share something with you guys.

***

With that in mind:

I just had a panic attack.

It came completely out of the blue and wasn’t even anything to do with studying or school or something like that. Or maybe it was. Maybe deep in my subconscious, I’m stressed about something or something upset me today in school and i just don’t fully realise it. Maybe it’s just school I general, I don’t know. But anyway the immediate cause of it wasn’t anything study related.

I had a panic attack because I couldn’t find my headphones.

I was getting ready for bed, listening to my Taylor Swift Playlist (aka my happy, nostalgia songs) and I looked at my bedside table and my headphones weren’t there.

Now this isn’t actually anything unusual, so I did what I usually do and go check my desk, where 90% of the time is exactly where I find them no problem.

They weren’t there.

So I looked in the next place they usually are, the place I find my headphones the remaining 9.9% of the time: the pockets of my blazer.

They weren’t there.

This is where I began to panic.

I frantically checked my ‘phone pocket’ again. And then I did it again just in case I missed it the last two times. And then I looked the the other two pockets in my blazer: I never usually put my headphones in either of those pockets but maybe - hopefully - I put them in there this time.

They weren’t there.

By this point, my breath is getting a little short. I’m telling myself to calm down, make a plan, deep breaths in and out, count to 10, you can solve this!!! But while one part of my brain - the logical part that has read and remembers all the self care posts that flit around the studyblr community - is telling me all these sensible things, the other part - the illogical one that’s making my breath short and my heart pound - is thinking about what it means if I can’t find my headphones.

I’m thinking about how if I can’t find my headphones then I can’t listen to music before I go to bed and if I ever do that I feel like I’ve not properly finished my day, like I’ve stopped halfway through a task. I hate it. And then if I can’t find my headphones tonight, I’m not going to be able find them tomorrow morning because I won’t have time. And if I don’t have them tomorrow morning, I won’t have them in school. And if I don’t have them in school, I won’t have them on the bus for my journey back home, which again feels like I’ve not done a task properly, like something is left incomplete somehow, and I’m going to have to sit in silence, looking every now and then at my phone and thinking and thinking about the fact that I don’t have my headphones. And then the cycle will continue to that evening when I can’t listen to music and to the next day on the bus. And it just repeats and repeats and repeats.

By this point I have looked in every draw in my desk, checked and rechecked my pencil case and school bag and almost completely unpacked all the clothes, makeup and other assorted items I’d only just packed in a big suitcase to go to my mum’s house. I have checked the laundry basket three times and every pocket in all the bags and still could not find my headphones.

I am now barely able to see cause I’m crying and my breaths are getting quicker and quicker. And my mind will just not stop thinking .

I can’t keep looking, I sit down on the edge of my bed and grab my phone. Through eyes blurry with tears I text my dad to come up to my room.

Then I realise, as soon as I press send, how stupid this problem sounds. I can’t find my headphones.

This just makes it worse.

My dad comes upstairs and talks me briefly through it. He tells me that he is sure he can find some of his headphones and anyway, he’ll go see if he can find them now. You just go finish getting ready for bed.

But I’m in such a state at this point that I can’t. So I check everything in my room again: all the pockets, the floor, mixed up with my clothes in my bag.

Finally, I recheck my laundry and I find my headphones, tucked away in the deep pocket of my skirt.

I cannot explain the relief I felt.

***

I was still feeling - am still feeling really - a bit shaky after it. And to be honest, now that I’ve blurted all this out, reached the end of my little story, I don’t really know what the point is.

I guess, I want people to remember that everyone experiences stress and anxiety and everybody experiences it in different ways and different severities. I want people to remember that all those self care posts are good and all (and tbh I’m probably going to keep reblogging them just in case somebody needs to read it) but in reality, if you’re panicking or you’re crying or anything like that, you’re probably not going to remember all that wonderful advice. Finally, I want people to remember that you are never truly alone. I always find this a bit patronising and, when I’m feeling really shit, I always think it’s wrong, but you really aren’t. Talk to your parents or those who you live with if you feel comfortable with that. Send a text to your best friend. Listen to music from your favourite singer at the loudest volume so it feels like they are right there with you. Message someone on tumblr (anyone can message me and I’ll try to help). Or maybe even write a tumblr post.

***

It is harder for me to think of people who haven’t had panic attacks, or breakdowns or anything similar in my own friend group in school than it is to think of people who haven’t. It’s so common and so accepted that it has almost become a joke- “oh last night I didn’t get much done, I had a breakdown while doing my chemistry homework- a levels! am I right?!??”

This is not okay.

But this not being the way education and teenagers mental health should be is not your fault

No matter what teachers, parents, friends or whoever else might say, you should never feel bad for the way you feel. You should never feel bad for feeling like you can’t cope or having a bad day. You should never feel bad for panicking, even for something as ‘stupid’ as losing your headphones.

Because if it makes you feel that way, then it’s not stupid. Not at all.

[myhoneststudyblr]

Day 6/30 of the Back to School Challenge

Day 6: Your Handwriting

Here’s my handwriting. I’ve always been very iffy about my handwriting and in the past year or so I’ve been trying to improve it. I’m not sure whether this is the best example cause I’m still getting back into it after a long break from it over summer but oh well 🤷🏻‍♀️

[problematicprocrastinator]

10/2/19

A lot of my stories start off as conversations written on post-it notes

🎶 Coldest Water - Walking On Cars