#studying struggles

[lostlibrariangirl]

April 23, 2024

114/366 Days of Growth

Reviewing my notes for the upcoming ISC2 CC Exam last weekend.

It is tomorrow (24.04) ... I am so nervous 🥹

[dailyarchean]

why do you exist

[lightofthemoon23]

04/02/21-There's no place like home, especially to heal 💚

[xunsue]

I can never say 'I tried my best' because I never do. It's less that I am incapable of doing so; rather, I have a deep fear of not meeting my own self-imposed expectations because, you see

For someone who has not achieved a lot, I sure have high standards for myself.

I think I'm this lazy genius who doesn't put any effort into anything they do, but once they lock in, great things will emerge from their blessed palms. Like magic that exists only when you will it to.

This is pure delusion btw, because I'll never know what I'm capable of until I try, in which I don't.

I'm terrified of pouring my all into a grade because I know getting anything less than extraordinary would destroy me. If I give everything, expect something, and get nothing, I will have deceived myself and unveiled my identity, my true self, and raw capabilities.

I will have to face who I really am: Nothing much. Mediocre. The worst of the worst.

What once stood sacred in my mind grows stale and sour, and I never want to swallow that fact, ever, so I never do, and I never try.

I probably should, though.

This mindset will never benefit me, not in the slightest. Standing still takes you nowhere. Even crawling brings you closer to a destination than staying frozen in place ever will.

So here's my prediction: I will try, and I will fail, again and again, but I think the courage it takes to get up on your bruised knees will teach you things walking never will.

Falling will teach you things flying never will. Losing will teach you things winning never will.

[rowanyourlocalarsonist]

Almost 40€ for a temporally access? Are you shitting me? Oxford Academic really overdestimates how badly I want to read a twenty-year old article.

I mean... On the one hand, I understands that scientists have to eat too. On the other hand, it's kinda annoying that I keep hitting dead ends every time I try to research information for my papers because all the interesting and usefull stuff seems to be hidden behind paywalls.

[lightofthemoon23]

[doriians]

ughhh this is such a vent but I’m very stressed and frustrated?? I have this huge test in two days on Wednesday to apply to Oxford University this year, and I,, haven’t studied for it. I’m a chronic procrastinator, and have mental health issues and am a big perfectionist, and as much as posts like “it’s okay if all you did today was get out of bed today!”, I can’t help but get angry at myself. Because for me, it’s not okay. It’s not enough because I have to do well at this test. I’m hardly working at all on practise for it, and even now I’m typing up this stupid vent instead of working on it.

I never really had to study in my younger years?? Because I was ‘gifted’ (don’t like that word lmao)??? But now I do and I have no idea how and I just feel so,,, lazy. If I don’t do well in this test and get in, I don’t know what I’ll do, because the thought of attending Oxford is my life, and as petty and childish as it sounds, I don’t know what I’ll do if and when I don’t get in. Despite that fear, I’m doing nothing to improve my chances. My test is in less than forty eight hours, and I’m on tumblr. It just feels like I can’t concentrate on it? I feel like I’m losing my mind every time I try and focus on just one thing for even a slightly lengthened period of time. It’s ridiculous, I just can’t do it, I dunno.

I don’t know why I’m making this other than out of sheer frustration because I think I’m about to start sobbing, so I’m sorry if you’ve read this at all. Probably delete later but I’m so so stressed and angry at myself for not studying.

I don’t know what to do at this point.

[arteachoke]

I need to stop hoarding notebooks that I probably will never fill