Pizzaparty related inc0rrect qu0tez cuz yeah. l0l
I l0ve thiz rand0m azz crackship i made, but uhh yeah anywayz have thiz.
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Pizza Guy: Hey, Subject_1, can you do the thing?
Subject_1: What thing?
Pizza Guy: The thing that makes me happy.
Subject_1: Oh. *Smiles*
Pizza Guy: Thank you.
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Pizza Guy: This year, I decided to get myself something beautiful and intellectual for my birthday.
Subject_1: This morning I woke up in a box.
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Subject_1: How much did you spend on this date?
Pizza Guy: $1400. But all of it's on credit cards, so it's like $5 a month for the next 2,000 years.
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Pizza Guy: Three words. Say them, and I'm yours.
Subject_1: Three words.
Pizza Guy:
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Subject_1: Do you want to know your gay name?
Pizza Guy: My... my gay name?
Subject_1: Yeah, it's your first name-
Pizza Guy: Haha. Very funny Subject_1-
Subject_1: *Gets down on one knee* And my last name.
Pizza Guy: Oh- oh my god.
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Pizza Guy: Look, last night was a mistake.
Subject_1: A sexy mistake.
Pizza Guy: No, just a regular mistake.
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Subject_1: Wow, Pizza Guy, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.
Pizza Guy: We literally slept together yesterday.
Subject_1: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.
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Subject_1: I made you a friendship bracelet!
Pizza Guy: Thanks, but you know I’m not the jewelry type.
Subject_1: Well, you don’t have to wear it-
Pizza Guy: No I’m wearing it forever. Back off.
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Pizza Guy: So you like cats?
Subject_1: Yeah.
Pizza Guy: *Tries to impress them by slowly pushing a glass off the table*
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Pizza Guy: God, give me a will to live.
*Subject_1 crashes into them*
Pizza Guy: Jesus Christ, OW.
Subject_1: IACCIDENTALLYFELLASLEEPONTHECEILINGIMSORRY!
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*Pizza Guy arguing with Subject_1*
Pizza Guy: Just take what’s yours and go!
Subject_1: Fine!
Subject_1: *Tries to pick up Pizza Guy*
Subject_1: Uh… Could you come with me?
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Subject_1: Relationships should be 50/50. Pizza Guy cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.
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Subject_1, pointing: May I sit there?
Pizza Guy: That's my lap
Subject_1: That doesn't answer my question.
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Pizza Guy: Guys, I’ve been meaning to tell you… Subject_1 and I are dating.
Everyone Else: *Gasp*
Pizza Guy: Subject_1, why did you gasp?!
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Pizza Guy: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO-
Subject_1: It was me.
Pizza Guy: ... be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance.
Drav: And you wonder why people think you're dating.
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Subject_3: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.
Pizza Guy: Screw that, I’m not kissing any of you.
*Subject_1 walks in*
Pizza Guy: Fine, I’ll do it. Rules are rules you know.
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Pizza Guy: I’m this close to falling in love with Subject_1.
Subject_3: Your fingertips are touching.
Pizza Guy: Exactly.
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Pizza Guy: Why doesn’t Subject_1 find me sexy when I bite my lip?
Drav: What do you look like when you bite your lip?
Pizza Guy: *Bites lip*
Drav: … Have you considered biting your bottom lip instead?
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Pizza Guy, trying to ask Subject_1 out: Would you like to stay for dinner?
Drav: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER?
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Subject_1: H-how do you ask someone out?
Subject_3: Well, first-
Pizza Guy: Don't ask them, they asked me out in a McDonald's parking lot.
Subject_1: ...And you said yes?
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Subject_1: Well, remember when Pizza Guy made a romantic dinner for me?
Subject_0: Subject_1, they microwaved you a pizza.
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Subject_1: Did Pizza Guy just tell me they loved me for the first time?
Subject_0: Yeah, they did.
Subject_1: And did I just do finger guns back?
Subject_0: Yeah, you did.
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Subject_3: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?
Pizza Guy: We're chopsticks!
Subject_3: Well... that's cute!
Subject_3: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?
Subject_1: No, it means that if you take one away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.
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Subject_3: *Finds a note* Hmm, what's this?
Subject_1: Hey, that's mine! *Tries to grab it*
Subject_3: Aww, it's a love note for Pizza Guy?
Subject_1: No-
Subject_3: *Opens it*
Subject_3:
Subject_1:
Subject_3: I can't read this.
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*Playing twister*
Subject_0: Right hand red.
Subject_1: *Ends up on top of Pizza Guy*
Pizza Guy: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?
Subject_0: I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice.
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Drav: So, what is Subject_1 to you?
Pizza Guy: The reason I wake up every morning.
Drav: ...That’s adorable.
Subject_1 earlier that morning, barging into Pizza Guy′s room, smacking pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!
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Subject_3: I really like this whole ‘good guy, bad guy’ thing you guys have going on.
Pizza Guy: It’s not an act, it’s just that I’m mean and Subject_1 isn’t
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Pizza Guy: Someone take me to art museums and make out with me.
Subject_1: But they said not to touch the masterpieces.
Pizza Guy: Well somebody's got to pin the artwork to the wall.
Phillip, on a walkie talkie: This is Phillip, those idiots are fucking around in the East wing again.
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Pizza Guy: Hi, sorry I’m late. I was doing a couple of things and got distracted.
Subject_1: I’m “a couple of things”.
Phillip: I’m “got distracted”.
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*Drav is reading a book next to Subject_1*
Subject_0: Why is Subject_1 crying on the floor?
Drav: They're drunk.
Subject_0: And..?
Drav: They saw a picture of Pizza Guy's partner.
Subject_0: But they are… Pizza Guy's partner.
Drav: I know.
Subject_0:
Drav: They don't.
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Subject_0: Truth or dare?
Pizza Guy: Dare.
Subject_0: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room.
Pizza Guy: Hey Phillip?
Phillip, blushing: Yeah?
Pizza Guy: Can you move? I'm trying to get to Subject_1.
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Subject_0: Subject_1, your turn. Tell us a secret.
Subject_1: Um…
Subject_1: I might have a crush on Pizza Guy.
Pizza Guy: *Leaves the room blushing*
Drav:
Drav: They said SECRET, Subject_1.
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Drav: *Sees Subject_1 and Pizza Guy together*
Drav: They're cute. I would put them on a boat.
Subject_0: You mean... you ship them?
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Subject_3: So are you gonna explain how the hell you crashed my car?
Subject_1: Well we were driving and there was a deer in the road, so I said "Pizza Guy, deer!"
Subject_3: ...And what did Pizza Guy do?
Subject_1: ...They said "Yes, Honey?"
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Phillip: ....Thou shalt not marry each other, for thy art both sinful...
Subject_1: I just wanna fucking marry Pizza Guy!!
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Phillip: Hey, Subject_1? Can I get some dating advice?
Subject_1: Just because I’m with Pizza Guy doesn’t mean I know how I did it.
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Subject_1: There's no way they like me back.
Subject_0: Pizza Guy would throw himself in front of a moving car for you.
Subject_1: Pizza Guy would throw himself in front of a moving car for fun.
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And that'z it. l0l I h0pe y0u enj0yed!
