In response to this ask!
Wearing Thin
A story about what it costs to survive—and the one person who refuses to let you lose yourself trying.
pairings: randall kirkland x softangelgirlfriend!reader
synopsis: When kindness starts to look like a liability, you learn how to survive—you take less risk, give less away, stop reaching for people who won’t reach back.
She learns.
Randall is the one who notices first.
What starts as irritation turns into something sharper when the softness he couldn’t stand is replaced by something colder, quieter—something that looks too much like everyone else.
The argument that follows isn’t really about survival.
It’s about what she’s willing to lose to stay alive—and why he can’t stand watching her become someone she’s not.
CONTENT WARNING: emotional distress, survival setting, loss of identity, behavioral change, being taken advantage of, self-sacrificing tendencies, moral ambiguity, arguments/conflict, harsh environment, implied violence/danger, anxiety, internal conflict, themes of survival, angst, soft randall (if you squint)
word count: 2.1k
a/n: thanks to the lovely anon who requested this!! i had so much fun writing this and love the idea of randall dating someone who’s like the complete opposite of him. love this concept and the idea of randall noticing her change before anyone else just stuck in my head. considering turning this into like a non plot series type thing, so think of this as like how they were before they got together type thing!
She says thank you too much.
Not in a way that draws attention, not in that bright, performative tone people use when they’re trying to be liked. It’s quieter than that. Automatic. Like it’s stitched into her, like she doesn’t know how to exist without softening everything around her.
“Thanks.”
“Thank you.”
“I appreciate it.”
It slips out of her without thinking. For everything. Someone hands her a cup of water, she thanks them. Someone barely spares her a glance, she thanks them anyway, like acknowledgment in itself is something she owes something back for. Half the time, the people she says it to don’t even register it. The other half, they take it and give nothing in return.
Randall notices before he realizes he’s watching her.
And it bugs him.
Not because it’s wrong—he doesn’t care about that, doesn’t even know if it is—but because it doesn’t fit. Not here. Not somewhere that eats through people until there’s nothing left but what’s necessary. Softness like that doesn’t last. It gets worn down, traded off piece by piece until there’s nothing left to take.
Or it gets you hurt.
“You always like that?” he asks one afternoon, voice cutting in without warning.
She’s sitting off to the side, splitting what little food she has into two uneven portions. The bigger half is already gone from her hands, passed quietly to someone who hadn’t even asked for it.
She glances up at him, and there’s no embarrassment in it. No defensiveness. Just that same open, unguarded look that makes it hard to tell whether she doesn’t understand what he’s saying or just doesn’t agree.
“Like what?”
He tips his chin toward the empty space in her hands. “That,” he says. “Giving your stuff out like it’s unlimited.”
“They needed it.”
“So do you.”
She shrugs easy, like it’s not even worth arguing. Like her own needs don’t carry the same weight in her head. “I’ll be okay.”
Randall lets out a short breath through his nose, something between a scoff and a laugh.
He shifts his weight against the doorframe, arms crossing loosely over his chest. “Yeah,” he mutters. “Heard that one before.”
There’s no real bite to it. Not like there usually is when he talks.
She watches him for a second, like she’s actually thinking about it, like she might take it seriously.
“Still,” she says after a second, “thank you.”
He frowns at her like she said something that doesn’t make sense.
“For what?”
She tilts her head slightly. “For saying something.” Then continues softer. “For looking out for me.”
That throws him off in a way he doesn’t like.
He hadn’t meant it like that. Hadn’t meant it as anything, really. It was just… a comment. An observation.
“I didn’t say anything,” he shoots back immediately. “I made a comment.”
“It counts.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
She smiles anyway.
That… irritates him more than it should.
He looks away first.
“Whatever,” he mutters.
It’s small, but it’s real, like his intention doesn’t change the outcome for her. Like it counts regardless.
And that should’ve been the end of it.
It isn’t.
He doesn’t notice the change right away.
Or maybe he does, and just doesn’t care enough to name it.
At first, it’s small.
She hesitates.
Someone asks for help, and she pauses instead of moving right away. Just a second—but it’s there. Like she’s thinking about it now, running it through a set of rules that didn’t exist before. Sometimes she still steps in. Sometimes she doesn’t.
Then she stops offering.
Stops hovering near people who look like they’re struggling. Stops splitting what she has. Keeps to herself more, stops inserting herself into situations that don’t directly involve her. It’s as if she’s learned where the invisible lines are and decided not to cross them anymore. Like she’s finally figuring out how things work.
Smart.
That’s what it is.
Smart.
Her voice changes too, a little. Less extra. Less… her.
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
“Fine.”
The extra words disappear. The softness that used to round everything out gets trimmed away, piece by piece, until what’s left is efficient. Careful. Distant.
And eventually, the thank yous stop.
That’s what Randall notices first.
Not in some big, dramatic way. It’s just… gone. A beat that used to exist, a rhythm he hadn’t realized he’d gotten used to until it wasn’t there anymore.
She hands him something one day—he doesn’t even remember what—and turns away like it’s nothing.
No pause. No acknowledgment. No “thanks.”
Nothing.
He waits for it without meaning to. It doesn’t come. He catches himself almost saying something.
Doesn’t
Just watches her walk off, something in his expression tightening for a second before it disappears. It shouldn’t matter. It doesn’t mean anything.
But it does.
Because once he sees it, he can’t stop seeing it.
It’s in everything she does. Or doesn’t do.
She doesn’t look at people the same way anymore. Doesn’t step in. Doesn’t react. Someone drops something right next to her and she just keeps walking like she didn’t hear it.
Someone asks for help, and she gestures vaguely toward someone else instead of stepping in herself. She keeps her food now—every bit of it—tucked away like she’s finally learned the lesson everyone else picked up years ago.
And maybe that’s a good thing.
Maybe that’s what she’s supposed to do.
But it doesn’t sit right.
Not because the behavior itself is wrong, but because it’s her doing it, and it looks… off. Like she’s wearing something that doesn’t quite fit, like it pulls in the wrong places.
Randall leans back against the wall one evening, arms crossed, watching her pass by like she doesn’t even register he’s there.
“Hey.”
“What?”
She pauses, but she doesn’t fully turn toward him. The distance is subtle, but it’s there now—something measured in the way she holds herself, in how much of her she allows anyone to see.
“When’d you start ignoring people?”
“I don’t.”
He lets out a quiet huff. “Yeah. You do,” he continues, flat. “Just watched you do it.”
“They’ll figure it out.”
“That’s new.”
There’s something different there. Not colder, exactly. Just… shut down in a way it wasn’t before.
“People said I needed to stop,” she says.
“Stop what?”
“Being stupid.”
The word sits wrong.
Randall’s expression shifts, something sharper creeping in.
“Who said that?”
She shrugs. “Doesn’t matter.”
“Yeah, it does.”
“No, it doesn’t,” she says, a little firmer now, though her voice stays level. “They weren’t wrong.”
He pushes off the wall then, uncrossing his arms.
“Right,” he says, tone flat. “So now you just don’t do anything.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“Could’ve fooled me.”
She exhales, already looking annoyed. “I’m just not making things harder for myself anymore.”
“By what—acting like you don’t see anything?” he cuts in.
“By not being an easy target.”
“So this is you fixing it?” he asks.
“Yes.”
“You call this better?”
“I call it necessary.”
There’s no softness left in it.
“Necessary,” he repeats, pushing off the wall as irritation sharpens into something more pointed. “No. This isn’t necessary. This is you turning into everyone else.”
“And what’s wrong with that?” she shoots back, and finally there’s some heat in her voice. “They’re still alive, aren’t they?”
“Barely.”
“But they are.”
“And you think this is why?” he presses, stepping closer now, frustration creeping in around the edges. “You think acting like you don’t care is what’s keeping them alive?”
“It’s part of it.”
“No,” he says, shaking his head. “It’s what’s left after everything else gets stripped away.”
She exhales sharply, already looking like she wants out of the conversation. “I’m not doing this with you.”
“Yeah, you are,” he counters, stepping into her path before she can move past him. “Because this isn’t you.”
“You don’t get to decide that.”
“I don’t have to. I saw who you were before.”
“Yeah?” she says, turning fully toward him now, something raw slipping through the cracks. “And where did that get me?”
It lands.
Not loud, not dramatic, but exactly where it needs to.
“Nowhere,” she continues, quieter but sharper. “It got me taken advantage of. It got me ignored. It almost got me hurt.”
“And this is better?”
“It’s safer.”
“Is it,” he asks, voice dropping, “or is it just easier?”
Her jaw tightens. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I know exactly what I’m talking about,” he shoots back, something deeper threading through the frustration now. “I’ve seen what this place does to people.”
“So have I.”
“Then you should know better.”
“Know better than to survive?”
“No,” he says, the word cutting clean. “Know better than to lose yourself doing it.”
She lets out a quiet, humorless breath. “That’s easy for you to say.”
That one sticks.
Because it’s not wrong.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asks, even though he already knows.
“It means you already know how to be like this,” she says, gesturing toward him. “You don’t hesitate. You don’t second-guess. You don’t care about people you shouldn’t. That’s how you survive here.”
Each word lands steady, deliberate.
“And I don’t,” she adds, softer now. “So I’m learning.”
Something twists in his chest, sharp and immediate.
“Yeah,” he mutters, jaw tightening, “and how’s that working out for you?”
“Better than before.”
“No, it’s not.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do,” he says, stepping closer again, voice rougher now. “Because you look miserable.”
That stops her.
Not completely, but enough to crack something in the surface she’s been holding together.
“I’m not—”
“You are,” he cuts in, not letting her pull away from it. “You don’t talk to anyone, you don’t help unless you have to, you don’t—” He exhales, shaking his head. “That’s not surviving. That’s just existing.”
She swallows, gaze dropping for a second before she forces it back up. “At least I’m still here.”
And that—
That’s it.
“This place already ruins people,” he says, quieter now, but heavier. “Don’t help it.”
He holds her gaze, something real breaking through the usual edge in his voice.
“Do you think I like being like this?” he adds. “You think this is something you should be aiming for?”
She doesn’t answer.
Because she doesn’t have one.
“I didn’t start like this,” he continues, dragging a hand over the back of his neck, pacing once like he needs to burn off the weight of it. “Nobody does. This place takes whatever you were and grinds it down until this is what’s left.”
He gestures to himself, something bitter flickering across his face.
“And you want to speed that up?” he asks, looking back at her. “You want to do that to yourself on purpose?”
Her expression shifts, just slightly.
“I’m just trying to survive,” she says, but it’s quieter now. Less certain.
“Yeah,” he replies. “So was I.”
The words settle between them, heavy.
“And look how that turned out.”
That’s what finally gets through.
She looks at him differently then, like she’s seeing past the surface of him for the first time, like she’s noticing what it cost him to get here.
“I don’t know what else to do,” she admits, and there’s something fragile in it now, something honest.
Randall exhales slowly, some of the tension easing out of his shoulders.
“You keep going,” he says. “The way you were.”
“That doesn’t work here.”
“It did,” he counters. “You’re still here, aren’t you?”
“Barely.”
“Barely counts.”
She lets out a small breath, shaking her head. “You don’t get it.”
“Then explain it to me.”
“I can’t keep being that person if it’s going to get me killed,” she says, voice tightening again, but not as defensive. “I can’t keep giving things away, trusting people, acting like things are normal when they’re not.”
“I’m not saying be stupid,” he says, more controlled now. “I’m saying don’t kill the only part of you that makes this place bearable.”
She goes still.
“Not just for you,” he adds, quieter.
Her gaze lifts back to his, something unspoken settling between them.
“You don’t have to be like me,” he says. “That’s not something you should want.”
A beat passes.
“Trust me.”
There’s something almost ironic about it, but neither of them acknowledges it.
Silence settles, but it’s different now. Less sharp. Less guarded.
She looks down at her hands, turning everything over, and for once he doesn’t interrupt it. He lets the quiet sit, lets her work through it without pushing.
After a moment, she exhales, her shoulders loosening just slightly.
“…Okay.”
It’s not a promise.
But it’s something.
It doesn’t fix everything, doesn’t magically undo the shift.
The next time someone asks for help, she still hesitates. It’s there, that pause, that instinct to pull back, to protect herself the way she’s been trying to.
Then, slowly, she steps in anyway.
Not like before. Not automatic.
But it’s hers.
Later, when she passes Randall in the hallway, she slows just enough to catch his attention, holding something out for him to take.
“Here.”
He takes it, glancing at her.
She starts to walk off.
There’s a pause.
It’s small. Uncertain.
“…Thanks,” she says, quieter than it used to be.
It’s quieter now. A little uncertain, like she’s still figuring out how much of herself she’s allowed to keep without it costing her.
Randall nods once, like it’s nothing.
“Yeah.” he mutters.
But he doesn’t look away as she walks off, watching her as she goes.
And this time, there’s no irritation in it.
Just something quieter.
Something that looks a lot like him making sure she doesn’t disappear into this place the way everyone else eventually does—even if he never says that part out loud.
It’s because he’s decided—quietly, without saying it out loud—that if the world tries to take that softness from her again, it’s going to have to go through him first.
dividers/borders by these lovely people: @dollywons @uzmacchiato @mieluno
