#success intelligence

[carthagebuckley]

New Post has been published on Coaching Positive Performance

New Post has been published on http://coachingpositiveperformance.com/11-characteristics-stress-free-living/

11 Characteristics of stress free living

There is plenty of talk about what stress is and how it affects people. The symptoms of stress; be they behavioural, physical, emotional, or psychological, are well documented. It is important that we have an understanding of the consequences and symptoms of stress so that we can recognise it at the first opportunity and make the necessary changes. However, just as we need to know what we are trying to avoid, we also need to know what it is that we are trying to create i.e. stress free living.

Stress free living is a common goal. Unfortunately, most people have little idea what stress free living would look like. Like any goal, if you want to achieve it, you need to know what the end result is going to look like. At the very least, you need to have a clear image of what you are trying to accomplish. The end result may differ slightly but having a clear image will serve to motivate you and give you something to measure your progress against. So what does stress free living look like?

11 Characteristics of stress free living

The following are 11 characteristics of stress free living. This is not meant to be an exhaustive list but it should present you with a good idea of what it would be like to live free from stress.

1. Flexible and open to options

Stress free living requires you to know all of the commitments that you have made; both to others and to yourself. When you have captured all of your commitments, you are able to make clear decisions whenever an opportunity presents itself. If you want to take that opportunity, you know the commitments that you need to renegotiate to make time for the new opportunity. This makes the decision a lot clearer.

 2. Effective and synergistic relationships

You find it easier to manage relationships as you are clear on what commitments you can and cannot make. When you need to renegotiate a commitment, you notice it quickly thus allowing you to give as much advance notice as possible. There is no need to compete or compare as you realise that each person has their own purpose and needs; and they are merely doing their best to fulfil them. Instead, you are able to identify opportunities to work together for mutual benefit.

 3. Continuous improvement

You are able to look ahead and see where you might need to improve your knowledge or skills. As you are skilled at productivity, you are able to view each learning assignment as its own project and work it seamlessly into your life.

 4. Extraordinary achievement

You do not major in minor things. You have an ability to determine what is truly important and focus your energy on that. With the ability to control your focus you can make the most of your intelligence and your creativity to create the most effective plan for completing your projects. With your productivity skills, you then make sure that the plan gets implemented, one action at a time.

 5. Psychological resilience

You can handle anything which is thrown at you and you are confident in your ability to do so. You have excellent problem solving skills and an innate ability to determine the appropriate level at which to discuss any issue.

 6. Clear boundaries

You do not just manage your work, you manage your life. Because you have a well structured system to ensure that everything which needs to get done gets done; you are able to switch from work to personal activities without bringing your work brain with you. Wherever you are at any moment; that’s where you are i.e. that activity has 100% of your focus. This approach leads to a more balanced life where all areas of focus get the attention they require.

 7. Live with confidence

You are in charge of your life and you have developed the personal productivity mindset to deal with whatever life throws at you. You know that there will be setbacks but when they arise, you just focus on what you would like to achieve, determine the next action and get back in the game.

 8. Integrity

You know your purpose, you have a clear vision and a plan to achieve each goal. Your system allows you to focus on completing the next action for each project. Your regular reviews help you to identify when you have strayed off track so that you can quickly make the adjustments to get back on track. Your entire self-management system allows you to maintain consistency between what you say you will do and what you actually do.

 9. You focus on what you can change

If you cannot control it or influence it, you are going to find it difficult to change it. Stress free living requires you to focus on that which you can change at that moment in time. If you would like to change something in the long-term, you will capture that thought and review it regularly but in the short-term, you know that results come from changing that which you change.

 10. Self-awareness

You take the time to know who you are and what you wish to achieve. Self-awareness and self-renewal are of great importance to you. You take time to nourish your spirit and put your true self at the centre of your life.

 11. A shining example of positivity

From the smile on your face to the boundless energy with which you move, you exemplify the positivity which most people can only dream of. You may occasionally have some bad moments, or a bad day or two, but in general you are an energetic, positive, happy human being who is eager to take on the challenges which life presents.

Stress free living is something which we all would like to achieve. There is a common myth in society that we need stress in order to achieve our best. I disagree with this theory. What is commonly thought of as ‘good stress’ is both psychologically and physiologically different to stress. That’s because it is not stress, it is pressure. Pressure helps you to perform to your best and the stress free individual thrives on it. Stress free living will have plenty of pressure and challenge which will help you to achieve extraordinary results; while enjoying the rewards of stress free living. Familiarising yourself with the 11 characteristics of stress free living, above, will help to motivate you and provide you with some criteria to measure your progress by. Enjoy the journey.

Image credit: Mara Denardo

[carthagebuckley]

New Post has been published on Coaching Positive Performance

New Post has been published on http://coachingpositiveperformance.com/effective-teams-4-essential-steps-working-better-togehter/

Effective teams. 4 essential steps for working better togehter.

Regardless of what it is that you want to achieve, it will be more difficult, if not impossible, to do so without the help of others. People help each other every minute of every day and it makes the world a more beautiful place. Every relationship you have is a team i.e. more than one person, coming together to achieve a common goal(s). When you build effective teams, you help each other to achieve your individual goals and both parties achieve more together than they ever could apart. Effective teams help people go further; faster.

When I take on new coaching clients, I am making a commitment to help them achieve their goals and they are helping me to grow my business, through payment. They also help me to learn more about my areas of expertise thus improving the quality of my service. I do not accept every client who makes an inquiry. There are 4 criteria which must be met before I can accept that we will make an effective team. These 4 criteria can be used to assess any team to ensure that it is an effective team.

4 Steps to effective teams

The 4 criteria which I use for to assess effective relationships have been adapted from an outstanding book called ‘Success Intelligence’ by Dr. Robert Holden.  Understanding these criteria will help you to understand what is needed for an effective relationship.

1. Sense of self

There is an old saying that there is no ‘I’ in team. This is meant to emphasise that there are no individuals in a team. The truth is that a team is full of individuals. Each individual has their own goals, values and beliefs. They also have unique knowledge, talents and skills.

The first successful step in building an effective team is for each member of the team to get to know each other. Knowing each other’s name is not enough. You need to get a good understanding of each other; from values and goals to talents and skills. This deeper level of understanding will help you to determine how best to work together.

 2. A clear vision of success

Every team is working together to achieve some form of success. Unfortunately, they are not always clear on what success is. Some members of the team may not have any vision of the end goal, while other members may have conflicting views of what makes a successful outcome. For a team to be successful there must be a clear, agreed definition of what success is. Clarity of vision will serve to motivate every team member and keep them focused on the successful outcome.

 3. A defined strategy

You now know every member’s talents and skills. You know their values, their beliefs and you have an understanding of how they work best. You have agreed a clear definition of success. Now it is time to devise a strategy for those people to work together, in the most effective way possible, to achieve that success.

When you fail to get to know your team and you do not ensure that each member is chasing the same goal, you have no option but to choose a strategy and force it upon the team. It may work well for some members but others are likely to find it problematic, for a variety of reasons, and this can lead to friction and conflict within the team. Friction and conflict makes for ineffective teams which perform poorly. Covering steps 1 and 2, before deciding on strategy is essential to prevent this from occuring.

 4. Synergy

We often think of synergy as something which must exist within teams so that they can achieve more together. However, as soon as we look outside the team, we forget the concept of synergy. This can be a critical mistake. Just as individuals work together for mutual benefit, teams can do the same. In some cases it is not obvious that you are in a relationship with another team e.g. when I coach a client via Skype, our team is in a synergistic relationship with Skype’s team.

The bigger the project, the less likely it is that your team will possess all of the required skills. As a team it is important that you take the time to identify potential synergistic relationships which can help to bridge the skill gap.

Effective teams are an essential part of life and business. Whenever two or more people come together to achieve a common goal, a team has been formed. With four simple steps, you can make sure that your teams are effective teams. When you have effective teams, everybody is happy to be on your team. They will give their all to achieve the agreed goal and they will achieve it faster than any one individual could have done on their own. Effective teams produce better results, keep members happy and reduce friction and conflict. It really is worth the effort to set your teams off on the right path.

Image credit: Adamophoto

[pearlwithin]

Success is not driving yourself harder; it is about letting go of what blocks your heart.

Robert Holden, Success Intelligence

[pearlwithin]

Is there a cure for destination addiction?

When we hear the word addiction, we usually think of drugs, or alcohol, or perhaps sex. But there is a whole range of addictions that may not be life-threatening but are far more commonplace. In fact, you might not even think of them as addictions, but try the following for size:

Addiction to caffeine Addiction to being right Addiction to watching television Addiction to neediness  (also known as codependence) Addiction to thinking (which means most of us in the Western world) Addiction to fear (another name for chronic anxiety, panic attacks or catastrophising)  

I could go on, but you get the picture. There’s another addiction to add, which I discovered courtesy of the inspirational author and speaker Robert Holden: destination addiction. Now, this doesn’t mean sitting in the back seat of a car and repeatedly saying, “Are we there yet?”, although it could be a symptom of this particular addiction.

No, people who have destination addiction are compulsively trying to get somewhere or something that’s perpetually in the future. As Holden says in his book Success Intelligence, they live in “the not now”. He continues: “They are addicted to the idea that the future is where success is, happiness is and heaven is. Each passing moment is simply a ticket to get to the future.”

It doesn’t help that destination addiction is written into the American constitution - and thus Western society - in the form of “the pursuit of happiness” - which implies happiness is something to be chased after, only we don’t ever seem to catch up with it.

How many of us go to work and spend all day wishing we could go home? How many people say “thank God it’s Friday”? How many of us are so busy that we don’t have time to appreciate what we actually have? How many of us want more without knowing or questioning why?

Rather than thinking, “When I have a better job/more money/bigger house/different partner, then I will be happy and feel successful,” why not stop the rushing around, be still and reflect on what there is to be grateful for right now in this moment. Then you might find you have enough, and you are enough.

We could all do with heeding the words of poet and philosopher Henry David Thoreau, who said: “You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.”

Perhaps then you can go into destination rehab and -  paraphrasing Thoreau - happiness will come and sit softly on your shoulder.

[pearlwithin]

Don't edit your truth

 “I pray for the courage to speak my unedited truth because I believe that otherwise I cannot be of true value to anyone else.” So speaks happiness expert Robert Holden in his book Success Intelligence. This is what he does before giving a talk - which he does about 100 times a year - when his mind is telling him stories about looking good and gaining acceptance from his audience. “Occasionally,” he adds, “I notice the temptation to edit myself for fear of disapproval.”

We all do this, don’t we? We often don’t say what we really mean or feel because we’re afraid of being rejected. Of course, there are times when it is better to keep our counsel, but more often than not we demean ourselves by holding back. We’ve all met people who don’t engage their brain before opening their mouth, but are they so wrong to be so honest? Is it more that we can’t bear to hear the truth?

The reason I identified so strongly with Holden’s prayer for courage is that, as well as a life coach, I am a writer and editor. For the past 30 years I have earned a living through editing other people’s words as well as my own. While I hope I have added some finesse along the way, the editing part of my brain has proved to be a mixed blessing - especially when it came to my own creativity.

More often than not, I would edit too early - in my head, before a word had emerged on to the page. I would dismiss much of what others may have deemed eminently publishable. I stopped creating and became a shadow worker - buffing up other people’s work, making them look as good as possible. Invisible mending, I liked to call it.

I’m over that now, and write freely and as honestly as I possibly can. The posts that I write here every day are as close to my unedited truth as I can get. My next challenge will be to do as Robert Holden does - get up in front of a group of people and respectfully speak my truth - without my inner editor or, indeed my inner people pleaser, getting in the way.

Before I do that, I’ll need to get some advice from those who have trodden this path before. What are my beliefs around this? Speak out and you’ll be noticed. Speak out and people may disagree with you. Speak out and put your head above the parapet. Speak out and turn up in the world. Speak your unedited truth and be of value to others. Some work to do there, then - but definitely no editing.

[pearlwithin]

What's so amazing about grace?

While charity shopping at the weekend I stumbled upon a copy of Success Intelligence, one of the few Robert Holden (www.robertholden.org) books I haven't read. That was a happy accident in itself. But when I flicked through it later I found that one section of the book is about grace. That's the very word that came to me in a visualisation I did the other night about aligning with your highest vision for 2012.

I didn't really know what it meant, but I let it be. When I found the book, I felt a tingle, smiled to myself and thanked the universe for unfolding as it should, yet again.

I love it when these little synchronicities occur. But back to grace. Robert Holden says grace has something to do with the universal dialogue between all things. "People who believe in grace believe that life is a collaborative adventure and a joint effort. Grace is the meeting point between an open-minded individual and the whole of creation. It is the experience of being moved or inspired by something bigger than your ego."

Many people would say it was pure chance that I found a copy of the book. But as Ben Renshaw, Holden's co-director at the Happiness Project, explains in his book Success But Something Missing, if we subscribe only to chance our standpoint must be "me against the world" as we have only our independence to rely on to navigate us through space. Whereas if we subscribe to grace, we make ourselves available to collective assistance and infinite possiblity. Grace is the realisation that we live in a friendly universe that wants us to succeed.

So grace can count on me to be a subscriber as I have experienced hundreds of these "chance occurrences" where something seems to be giving you a helping hand - from small up to life-changing. A recent example was when I was casting around for a life coaching course and a friend of mine, after asking a few contacts, told me about a "Dr Mark Atkins". I Googled the name but couldn't find any reference to life coaching so I let it go.

Days later I was flicking through a free magazine that I get through the post from a company that sells food supplements, and I saw an article written by a Dr Mark Atkinson. Several lightbulbs went off in my head and I thought this must be him.

It was another tingle moment - especially because I hardly ever looked at the magazine before putting it in the bin. After another Google search, I found Dr Atkinson's website, clicked on to the prospectus for training as a human potential coach, and decided to sign up almost immediately.

So that one "happenstance" was life-changing. But then I'm the sort of person who is always scanning for "signs" that I'm on the right track.

So I guess that I'm already open to grace, to that sense of infinite possibility. Look for the signs and you might find some amazing grace too.