Author’s Note: The thought of writing anything for this masterpiece of a Show by the great Jesse Armstrong, was never my initial intention. But damn! Kendall Roy really made me do this. And this is one of many. This is simply me trying out writing for another new fandom. Most importantly, just another fan finding in comfort on behalf of our sadboi and ourselves. I did my best. Enjoy! P.S: Special thanks to bestie @tammykelly for the constant encouragement. And Happy Succession Season 3 Soundtrack Release Day!
What could it mean?
If you could do anything and everything in all your power, on behalf of those your heart warmed for, what could it mean? If you could grab that possibility, just to catch a glimpse of the twinkle in their eyes again, what could it mean?
And when your heart ached deep when that possibility seemed impossible, what could it mean?
That query was all that you could wonder at that very moment, as you looked over your right shoulder. Just to glance upon him.
Kendall Roy.
Silence. In fairness, there was an ample load of it in the car between the two of you. In general, you were never bothered with it. Perhaps, your mind changed due to an accumulation. An accumulation of one too many silences, finally reaching a tipping point. Too many silences which were never intentional.
The silence was broken when the leather seat creaked as you re-crossed your legs. Feeling the viscose material of ribbed dress, you took a deep breath before looking out the window. Never forgetting he was there.
New York at Night, it always intrigued you. Passing skyscraper lights were all a glimmer. They were the false stars that replaced the barely visible real ones in the barely visible sky. Could it be that it was the actual sky that dared to glue itself into the landscape of this great city?
You smiled to yourself, and it was a sad one. It would be sad when you could not share it with him. It would be a pity when you did not hear him laugh at poetic you were at that moment, but then subsequently tell you how cool he thought it was.
Next Song! That’s your next song. Boom!
His imaginary jovial voice rang in your head with such clarity, the image of him flashed in your mind, on a rampant mission to convince and be present at your studio. Indulging in your music, he would wear that prideful look on being the first to listen. You imagined it all.
For he was far from it at that very moment.
Sighing, you looked back at him. Sitting across the other end of the car, there he was, silent. His expression unreadable, yet you sensed it to be somewhat familiar: broken. You shook your head. Broken, that was a term you despised using to describe him. Just the mere thought of it disappointed you. You were compelled to curse yourself. How dare you label your dear friend as such?
Yet, he certainly was getting comfortable with the concept of broken. How could one not be? With his own accumulation of unfortunate events of late: False Rumors of Drug Relapse, coupled with unreliable Business Deals gone awry, loss of Corporate partners, and not to mention a failed Acquisition deal that took place tonight. It was the final nail to the coffin that Logan Roy utilized to confirm his disappointment of his son, which was not anything unusual.
Sticking your nose into this business was never your intention. It was an innocent wish, to surprise him at his office that evening. Only then did you find out. The tiring attempt to hide the champagne bottle you bought from him would have been a failure if not for Jess. Thank goodness for her. For you did not have the heart to inquire what on earth had turned his face pale, and what caused him to look as if the earth had swallowed him whole.
Safe to say, you longed for nothing more than to disappear and leave him alone, without subjecting him to further embarrassment. Yet, here you were, accompanying him in his car as Fikret was driving you home.
You felt burdensome, even more so a responsibility. In truth, you felt useless. For there was Kendall, your trusted friend seemingly going through hell, and there you were, not doing anything about it. Sure, you may have befriended him only a few months back. Yet, it did not hold your heart back from feeling heavy, simply by the sight of him. Heavier it was tonight. Why? You took a deep breath:
“Hey..” you said, “…where you off to, Ken?” He looked at you. Sincere eyes meeting sincere eyes threw Kendall Roy off his pensive state.
“Oh...uh, I uh-” he chuckled in slight embarrassment, bowing his head slow.
And not answering any more. This, brought your concern.
“Hey, hey…” you inquired once more, “you sure you’re okay?”
“Uh, yeah yeah, sure” Kendall mumbled, averting his gaze by looking at the window.
“Hmm…” a thoughtful hum left your lips as you lifted yourself up, “Somehow I don’t believe that. But anyways…” Kendall appeared surprised when you cozied up next o him, , “Anyways, I’ll be here , okay?” you said, placing your head on his shoulders.
Hugging in a car was always awkward, thus wrapping your right hand around him seemed the valid option. A side-hug, more like.
And once again, silence took center stage for a few seconds.
Until you spoke:
“I know we never really got around to talk about the deeper shit going on in our lives ….” you murmured so that only Kendall could hear, “…maybe cause we didn’t need to till now but ...” you paused, “but seeing you like this, tsk!” sighing, you continued, “ I don’t feel good Ken. I hate seeing you like this-”
You froze.
When you felt his head rest over your own, finally. It did not take long for you to hear him sniff, possibly fighting tears. Thus, it did not take long for your own heart to break. Oh, Kendall! How much are you hiding inside? You wondered. When will you relieve yourself of this pain and be free? Impatient you were, yes. But patient was what you were willing to be. For him. But what could that mean?
Kendall sniffed once more.
“Oh Ken…” you whispered, your left hand reaching up high as your concern did. But instead of an embrace, your hand ended brushing against his shirt. Awkward.
“Oh-sorry-”
Only Kendall grabbed your hand, keeping it right over his chest. More importantly, over his heart. Why did something so simple, feel so intimate? It did not take long for both of you to gaze upon each other.
“Thank you. I-” pausing, Kendall took a deep breath “It means a lot coming from you”
A soft smile appeared on your face, “Of course…Anything for you”
“It’s just that, there’s lot of shit going on…between me and Dad, I-” He said, “It’ll mean- it’ll mean the world if I could- you know…” he paused once more, “…talk to someone…”
“Well…let me be that someone. You can definitely talk to me”
You said, with no hesitation, “anytime…always…” you whispered, just as your hand leaving his back to rest on his face. Your fingertips were as gentle as they could be, caressing his cheek. For in that moment, it was as if your fingers caressed flower petals. So gentle. You did it with the utmost care, the utmost focus, as if you’ve discovered the most precious being on earth. As if he was the most precious, to you.
Only then did it dawned on you. And that certainly was when it dawned on him.
The softness of his crisp, white Armani shirt stood furthest from your thought, when his heartbeat increased all the sudden, similar to yours. The air between you finally began to thicken.
“I-I…” you began taking your hand away, “I’m sorry-”
“Don’t…” Kendall begged, as he kept your hand back on his cheek once more. This brought you disbelief. This. This was true unfamiliarity. Something rare to take place between you both. So much so you could even hear your own own breath, out loud.
What mountain needed moving? You’d move it, if you could. Just to see him smile. Just to indulge in his eyes brighten and his face loosen. Oh! What would you do for him? What wouldn’t you do for him?-
But wait, why all the sudden did your cheeks heat up? When his eyes landed on yours, why did butterflies fill your stomach? When his hand never let go of yours-
HONK!
The car hit the brakes, suddenly coming to a stop. Loud horns of different keys erupted outside, invading the atmosphere.
“Looks like a jam” the chauffeur said, “Sorry, Mr. Roy. Sorry Miss. I’ll go check”
“Thanks, Fikret”
You muttered, hearing the door open and close. For your eyes could not bother to follow. Your eyes did not bother to notice the man swim his way through the lines of vehicles ahead, amidst the angry drivers cursing and waving their fists. No, your eyes did not bother.
Not when they were lost, completely lost in Kendall Roy. Looking deep in to his very own, you were certain you would be able to read him in time.
“How are you now?” You whispered, “Feeling better?”
“Uh huh…I am”
He whispered back, as his thumb rubbed against your hand, slow. You gulped when he had the audacity to sit up, bringing his face closer to yours. Less than a few centimeters. When breathing began to syncopate, you shivered. Was this the same man you would tease and joke about women and dating?
And now? Now look at you! Speechless! Like a damned fool.
This presence between you two, so magnetic. Why must it be so evident now? Why were you almost losing control of your limbs? Why were you burning up, about to burst into flames? Gazing upon his face, why did every inch of it deemed praiseworthy? Why was so beautiful like never before?
You gasped when his nose brushed against yours. Sending chills down your spine.
“Tell me if you want me to stop” he breathed, looking at your lips.
“What if I don’t want you to?”
That was all you could. utter, before Kendall swooped in for a kiss.
The soft union of your lips with Kendall’s, established a safe space. He was gentle, as if he was familiarizing himself around this new territory. When confidence was met, it provided you both with security to unveil it all. The seemingly pent up passion. The new found addiction. Goodness gracious! Kendall’s kisses proved you never knew was true addiction was, until then. It intoxicated you, it energized you. Boosting your senses to lift yourself up to straddle him. As you held him tight, kisses were permitted to cross the land of intensity. Leaving the lips to roam free, entrances to open and explore until tongues could couple up and dance. When soft moans erupted between the two of you, that was then you realized. This was all that you had longed for. Even the many times you shared with him. This was what you sacrificed by stowing it away for the sake of friendship. A desire you stowed with much strength every time you conversed. Every time he did not fail you by showing up almost every important event in your music career. A very strong desire that was stowed. To kiss him quick, to kiss him hard. To hold him tight, to hold him long. To open up your mind, body and soul-
The car door opened, forcing you to jump to your seat within half a second.
“Some fellas had gotten into a fight. All good now, Mr Roy” Fikret said, getting in.
“Thanks, Fikret” “Thank you, Fikret” Replying in sync, you both began to clear throats as the car began to move once again.
Jam cleared, ride smoothened. All seemed alright.
But not your mind.
What on earth just happened? Fingers began to drum on your lap in a mindless fashion, giving rhythm to your chaotic mind. Chaotic due to a clash of emotions: Outraged that time resumed to back normal speed. Devastated to break free from his arms. More importantly, starved out of your goddamned mind.
An unfinished song or a book? You could finally relate.
Shy, you stole a quick glance at Kendall. How was he handling this?
Only to find him stare back at you, ever so constant.
Chaotic, confused. But most of all, you were filled with embarrassment-
“We’re here, Miss”
Fikret announced, as soon as the car came to a stop. Staring at the tall apartment building, you were also staring at your reality. Along with a terrible realization.
Faking a smile, you leapt out of the car in a flash. And as the car started to move before you, that smile disappeared. And you felt the world crashing down. Turning away breathing deep, the New York chill got to you shivering more than ever.
Sure, you were home. Yet, you stood there before the building, lost in thought. To the point even the doorman was confused. Exhaling deep, you closed your eyes.
That moment with Kendall. Oh, it was a moment worth remembering for years to come. A moment you’d treasure in the depths of your heart.
Yet another part of you was enraged: What on earth were you thinking? Why did you let that happen? Could it be that you were taking advantage of this poor man’s vulnerability? Did you by chance stain his wonderful friendship? Were you to become just like the other women that had come and gone in his life, only to be a fading memory? Should you have thought wiser? And never let these feelings come to light.
The mere thought of never hearing from Kendall Roy caused your to take short breaths of concern. Tears almost began to well up, even that nose of yours began to itch.
Until you heard your name, called out loud. You spun around. To see Kendall running over to you.
The sight of him approaching you, brought you shivers. But simultaneously, it brought you warmth. Dear god, who was this man? And why did he hold you on the palm on his hand?
“Ken?-I-”
“WHY DID YOU LEAVE? I wanted to talk to you”
He panted, upset. As if the one and only thing that mattered, had slipped out his grip for life. For a second, you were simply speechless:
“I’m sorry but I-” you blurted out. Sighing, you began, “I didn’t want you to do anything you’d regret”. A scoff could not be helped, “Seeing you like that, there was nothing more that I wanted than to comfort you. To be there for you. And look what I did?” You shook your head, “Gosh! I’m such a terrible person-”
“Well, what if that was what I needed?”
Kendall said, making you pause, “And what if YOU were what I really needed? All this time? Why did you think I wanted to drop you home after all that happened?”
You were in complete disbelief of what was said. Yet, that did not change any of it. And this time Kendall scoffed, “With you, I could…I could breath normally, with you I could be myself. W-with you I cou-”
Your passionate kiss interrupted him, which he welcomed with open arms. Cupping his face, you kissed him as if to apologize, you kissed him as if to comfort him. As his hands wrapped around your waist and pulled you closer, you kissed him as if you wanted to confirm. That it was he who warmed you once more, that it was he who eliminated your starvation. With foreheads pressed against one another, the kiss was broken off with reluctance.
“This-” you breathed,
“Uh huh?”
“-is a lot to process” you said, running your hands through his hair, “For both of us, I think”
“Uh huh…Yeah” with a frantic nod, he agreed. Who knew a kiss could drug you?
“I mean, think about it” you scoffed, “Isn’t this crazy? One day we were trying to set up dates for each other, and not to mention me desperately trying to set you and Rava up again-and now…THIS? This is fucking nuts-why are you laughing?”
You could not help join in Kendall’s chuckle.
“Maybe…” Kendall began, as the chuckles died, “…this is what it is…An eventuality?”
“Maybe…Yeah” you nodded. Perhaps, no matter how much you both have attempted to get away, this would have followed you as a shadow would. When Kendall accidentally brushed his nose against yours, a hum of pleasure was all that you could release. To his silent delight.
“I know…” He said, holding your hands, “I know this is fast-”
“You mean “I know this is so-Kendall?”
“Fuck you!”
“Hahaha! Sorry..go on”
Opening his mouth, Kendall paused. Before he continued, “Whatever… this is…I-I don’t wanna lose this” he said, “This right here…This is good for me, ya know?”
You nodded, “And I’m not going anywhere” you whispered with a smile, as his eyes caught yours on hold, inaudible promises made to each other’s souls, before a soft kiss sealed it all. It happened, and all to your disbelief. Was this real euphoria?
Loud squeals of excitement, and hearty laughter erupted when Kendall scooped you in and spun you around with joy. Enough joy to infect the entire neighborhood.
What could it mean?
If you could do anything and everything in all your power, on behalf of those your heart warmed for. If you could grab that possibility, just to catch a glimpse of the twinkle in their eyes again. When your heart ached deep when that possibility seemed impossible.
By the end of the evening, it was crystal clear what it meant.
Simple. You were in love.
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A/N: Nothing canon specific mentioned cause that was not the main point here. I hope you all enjoyed it. Thanks so much for reading. Lemme know if you wanna see more.
So excited you’re back, I love your succession fics! Can I request Kendall and “do you think I’m a good person?” He needs so much reassurance on this 💕
here you gooo! thank you for the kind words and fun prompt. hope you enjoy xo
Kendall Roy x Reader
prompt: do you think I'm a good person?
When the cameras were on, he was mesmerizing. In the hushed silence, all eyes were on Kendall. The confidence he exuded in that moment was enough to captivate the world. Whether it was true or not, whether he had anything to back up his claims, none of that mattered. It was the sheer amount of self-assurance that it took for Kendall to tear down his father in front of the world that was so alluring.
But when the cameras were off, when he was sitting beside you in the company car after the press conference, it was a different story.
He couldn’t stay still. Buzzing with adrenaline, scrolling through his phone, fidgeting with his sunglasses, taking calls. Kendall was in his element. Finally, he had found an ounce of his own power.
"The tweets are good, guys. This is really happening."
He suddenly went silent, causing you to look over at him. He was staring at his phone.
"It's Dad," he said, breaking the silence. “This is a trap, right? Jess?”
Jess, who was sitting up front with the driver, turned around in her seat. He showed her the phone, waited for her advise. She only shrugged, looking slightly panic-stricken.
Finally, taking the plunge, he answered. He didn’t say a word, just listened. You could hear the muffled voice on the other end, Logan’s familiar tones. A darkness crept into Kendall’s eyes. That hollow look you knew all too well. The energy drained out of his face. He said “uh-huh” in a deadpan voice, then hung up.
Silence. The car hummed through the congested city streets. Jess peered at him, anticipating whatever was to come.
He laughed. A laugh derived of all joy.
“Wow. Just wow.”
He shook his head and slid his phone into his pocket. Then he stared out the window and didn’t speak for a full minute, the longest he had been silent since the press conference ended.
“Kendall,” you said softly.
“Yeah.”
“You okay?”
Again, a long silence.
“I’m great. This is the greatest moment of my life.”
But when he turned to look at you, to show you his winning smile, tears spilled out without warning.
“Hey, hey,” you said, reaching for him immediately. “Come here.”
It was typical of Logan to destroy his children with just a few words. You had seen it happen over and over. You didn’t know how they could withstand it. Kendall had been so ground down by it that you were amazed there was anything left of him.
“He said I'm not a good person,” he choked.
Jess craned around again, silently listening. Kendall held onto your hand for dear life.
“It’s funny. It’s really fucking funny for him to say that. Because he’s one of the worst people in the world.”
He laughed through his tears, torn between mania and total despair.
“I know,” you said, gripping his hand. “I know.”
“I don’t know, though. Maybe it’s true.”
“What’s true?”
“I’m a bad person. I’m as bad as him.”
He shook his head, unable to cope with the thoughts that had just flooded into him.
“I hurt people," he said. "I disappoint people. That’s all I do. What do people think when they look at me? I don’t think they see a good person. They see a failure who can’t live up to his father’s image.”
“Not everyone thinks that. And if they do, fuck them. They don’t matter.”
“I’ve tried,” he went on, tears still streaming. “I’ve tried so fucking hard. I thought I was doing what was right. But I don’t think anything I do matters. This fucking press conference. None of it.”
“You might have just changed the world, Kendall. Seriously.”
“I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. Am I just being selfish and attention-seeking? I feel like I’m constantly sabotaging myself and I don’t know how to break out of this cycle of self-destruction.”
Then he looked up at you, imploring, scared and confused, like a deeply wounded child.
“Do you think I’m a good person?”
Jess, silent until now, nearly leapt into the back seat.
“I do. I think you’re amazing. You’re the best boss I’ve ever had, and you’re my hero. I’ve never told you that. I should probably say it more.”
Kendall was speechless. Jess shrank back into her seat.
“Sorry. I’m sorry,” she said in a small voice.
“No, no,” he said with a weak laugh. “Thank you, Jess. That means a lot.”
You touched Kendall’s face lightly. He turned to you again, tears streaking his face. You kissed his cheek, the moisture from his tears lingering on your lips. Kendall went absolutely still, waiting and listening, totally rapt.
“You’re a good person, Kendall,” you said. “Don’t pay attention to what others think.”
“I care what you think,” he whispered. “I care what my kids think. My siblings…”
My dad, you finished for him silently.
You wrapped your arms around him gently, allowing him to fall into your shoulder. He held you tight, with a new desperation. The tears had subsided for now. There was a newfound strength brimming from him.
“Fuck the world,” he murmured into your shoulder. “I’m doing this for you.”
You ran your hands over his back. Jess cast him another worried glance. You reassured her with a slight nod. He would come out of this. He always did.
