#suchalonelythought

[suchalonelysunflower]

Do we all get the sudden need to bite Calum’s neck? Or am I having inappropriate thoughts at inappropriate times again?

[suchalonelysunflower]

I woke up with the thought: Michael Clifford is making someone happy today just by being himself.

And, if you ask me, that’s a really comforting thought ❤️🦋

[suchalonelysunflower]

Today was a bad day. A grey day. I thought I was getting better, yesterday was amazing. Thought that maybe I could be what I want to be, that I could actually make it.

But today was a bad day. A yellow day. Just like the sky before the storm.

Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe this week will be better and today’s just a bad day.

I just want to be okay again.

[suchalonelysunflower]

Tumblr is my feel good app. I’ve decided that I feel comfortable here because no one here knows me, no one here judges me based on what I like or what I defend. I can be free.

Here I’m not scared to say that I like boy bands. Here I’m not afraid to say that I fear death and my mental issues. Here I’m not afraid to be open about my feelings and hurting others because of that. I’m not scared to say that I’m questioning my sexuality because I only thought of myself as “straight” and now there might be a change and holy shit Im not ready to tell people that.

I can share my love without being told to “grow up” or “how can you like them/that? You’re an adult” I can write. Even though it might be shitty, I can do that and maybe some people will like it. I can talk to a complete stranger about whatever and they will welcome me without thinking I’m weird or a bother or just plain annoying. I can have my crackhead hours and be sad if I want to without bothering anybody. I can escape my reality and be the version of me I want to be, even if I don’t know who that person is yet, but I’m getting there.

Maybe someone will read this, maybe they won’t. But I don’t care. For the first time in my life I can say that I don’t really care what people think about me, and I know it sucks that I can only say that here. But I cannot wait for the day that I might say that out loud and mean it.

[suchalonelysunflower]

I was going to keep writing but a bottle of wine fell into my hands... oh no

[suchalonelysunflower]

Funny thing... if I think I went feral with this whole Calum thing... Imagine, just imagine what it would be like when Ashton post something

[suchalonelysunflower]

Colors is the first Halsey song I listened to and it just brings so many good memories bc it was really my coping song for all the shit I went through that year and I’m just 🥺🥺🥺🥺❤️ listening it Live is so amazing bc I know I might never get that opportunity and I’m just so happy she released this album. I can’t even begging to thank her for everything she’s done for me and now I’m just speechless and with so much to say 🥺❤️

[suchalonelysunflower]

Really no one but I just got my own laptop 🥺❤️ I don’t have to share with anyone and I can write without the need of hiding it in multiple folders or in my phone (it’s really annoying for me) I can have pictures of the boys and my other faves without being scared of someone making fun of it or judge me about it and I’m just so happy I can express myself without the fear of being ‘exposed’