Knowing You, Ch. 6: Research
When the door to her apartment building sticks, she nearly bursts into tears. Resting her forehead on the glass, she takes a steadying breath before trying to wrestle with the key again, keeping her eyes closed to fend off the increasing burning sensation behind them. She really shouldn't be this upset. It sticks each and every time. But today... Well, today had been...
The lock slides free and she tumbles into the lobby with a surprised yelp, effectively startling the old woman and her dog who are waiting for the elevator.
Her first day of freedom and she just wants to be alone, out of the way from judgemental stares and hushed whispers.
Not wanting to make any awkward eye contact, she glances to the superintendents office. Seeing that the lights are off, she lets herself breathe a slight sigh of relief; at least her landlord couldn't hound her about the vase today.
She really doesn't want to be stuck in an elevator with anyone. She already feels humiliated enough, and to top it all off she's dressed in... in whatever this is. Her hands pick at the pilled material her shirt seems to be made from. She can't tell if it's meant to be purple with pink swirls, or pink with purple swirls. Whatever it is, it's awful. How did she ever come to own anything like this?
And a better question... Where did Yuzuri even pull this from, the 90's?
She doesn't even want to think about the pants. Honestly, she'd forgotten about the polka-dot leggings she just had to have. Yikes.
She looks like a clown felt sorry for her and gave her his most fashionable attire. Once her phone was charged, Yuzuri was going to get an earful.
"Are you going up, dear?" The woman pokes her head out of the waiting elevator and gives a soft smile. An honest smile. One that doesn't make her feel like this woman is somehow sorry for her...
"Uhm..." Eyeing the stairwell, her hands grip her keys tightly.
If she takes the elevator, she'll be up to her apartment in no time. But, if she takes the stairs, maybe she can try and organize her thoughts a little more before being assaulted by the daunting tasks ahead of her; paying bills, cleaning out her fridge and tidying her apartment, finishing the laundry from three weeks ago... The list goes on and on.
Today was going to be all sorts of fun.
"No, thank you. I think I'll... I'm just going to..." She points awkwardly to the stairwell door and the woman nods in understanding before letting the doors rattle closed.
Guess that's that then. Sighing, she pushes open the creaky metal door and begins her ascent.
She can't remember the last time she had willingly taken the apartment stairs. Maybe never. The walls were painted a sickening yellow colour and the lights overhead buzzed horrendously, casting green shadows in the corners. The whole stairwell smells musty and forgotten.
The last time she had been in here, it had been 3am in the middle of a snowstorm, all because some idiot set off the fire alarm and the entire building was forced to wait out in the cold until the fire department came and inspected the building. Wearing shorts to bed that evening had been a mistake, but then again, she hadn't counted on spending over 2 hours standing knee-deep in snow. She'd been sick for two weeks after that.
That's why she always kept a pair of sweatpants beside her nightstand. When she told the story to Obi h-
Inhaling sharply, she tightens her grip on the railing and the world swims before her eyes. Her feet freeze in place and the walls seem to be slowly closing in. Before she can stop herself, she reaches out to that space behind her ear. The space where he should be. Only to find that it's vacant, as it has been since that night.
Her hand claps over her mouth to cut off a strangled sob and she forces her feet to move. She needs to get out of this stairwell. She needs to go home and start getting control over her life again. Only when she's alone in her apartment will she allow herself to think of him. To remember the pain. His voice as he asked her to forgive him.
If she breaks down here... No. She can't risk going back to that awful place.
Her mind still feels fuzzy from all the medication. Her heart still raw from the questions.
The only reason they'd even given her a clean bill of health, was because she'd started lying about everything. Well, that, and because her name is still tied closely to the Wistaria name. It didn't look good that the long-time-girlfriend of Zen Wistaria was spending time in an institute. Again.
On her first visit, Yuzuri had excitedly told her she'd made the front page; she even saved the newspaper clipping. She couldn't even be upset about it either. Curiosity was killer, and she wants to know what the town truly thought about poor charity-case Shirayuki. Though she's sure that it's been turned into basket-case by now.
As horrible as the situation is, at least she knew who she could still count on.
Yuzuri was the only one who hadn't started treating her differently. She'd stopped by almost daily, taking the time to complain about the new intern at work or just to let her know she'd dropped by her apartment to water her plants or pick up her mail.
Yuzuri knew she wasn't crazy. It had taken some convincing in the beginning, sure, but she knew that Obi had been real. That he is real.
Her other friends though...
Kiki had come to see her once, her smile was pitying and she couldn't even bring herself to look Shirayuki in the eyes. That hurt far more than she had anticipated.
Mitsuhide wasn't much better. He had been to see her three times, but she knew that two of those times was because Zen had asked him for an update on her condition.
And Zen... Well, he was the whole reason she had been locked up in that hell hole to begin with.
A stairwell door opening on one of the floors above her, draws her attention up from the gum-riddled concrete steps and the angry thoughts in her mind. The sound of heavy metal slamming back into place echoes down the flights, and she's seriously starting to wonder why taking the stairs seemed like a good idea. Her calves are screaming and she nearly curses at the giant black 4 painted on the door in front of her. Only 3 more flights.
Cheerful whistling fills the stairs and she wants to yell at them to be quiet, but she refrains. Just because she's in a terrible mood, doesn't mean she can take it out on others.
Dropping her gaze once more, she can only hope that whoever it is chooses to walk right past her. She had only taken the stairs to avoid running into anyone and be alone with her thoughts. As discomfort and shame flood her, her hands start tugging anxiously at the hem of the shirt. The footsteps and whistling grow louder.
The woman from the elevator hadn't recognized her though – she hadn't looked sorry for the crazy girl. The one the newspapers had talked about. The one who had single handedly ruined a Wistaria Gala. Maybe she would get lucky and-
"Shirayuki?" Her feet freeze between steps, her eyes widening in surprise.
Great.
"No, no, no... Okay. What about..." Her fingers fly across the keyboard, typing in another search. "Mind-link, shared emotions?"
She's not hopeful.
The page slowly loads, revealing a long list of everything she's not looking for. Groaning, she clears the search bar and reaches up to pull at her hair. She's been home for six days now and has hours of time logged into researching what was going on with her brain. Convincing herself that there's no way she imagined him. She had even started looking into how much flights across country were – roughly $251, one-way.
Unfortunately, hopping on a plane and asking strangers if they knew who Obi was, wasn't exactly a solid plan. And the only promising thing she's come to find in all of her searching has led to her having this stupid song stuck in her head. It’s been lodged there for most of the day.
She'd texted Yuzuri this afternoon asking for suggestions on what to research, but the only thing she got back was "Suzu says Reddit <3". Which, as it turns out, is a very strange and cruel website.
Excitement had made her wiggle up into a sitting position when she thought she had finally found something. But when she clicked on the chain "The voice in my head isn't mine, and he won't leave", Rick Astley began blasting out of her speakers, filling her living room with the catchy tune. It was so startling that she had nearly thrown her laptop across the room. After firing a quick "Reddit – never again" text to Yuzuri, she was back to aimlessly googling phrases and questions, while thoughtlessly humming Never Gonna Give You Up. It was maddening.
Rubbing at her eyes, she ignores the buzz against her thigh as her phone goes off for the umpteenth time this evening. Stomach rumbling, reminding her that the sun had dipped below the horizon and she had, once again, skipped dinner, she promises herself that if this next search doesn't turn up anything, she'll shut the laptop down for the night and grab food.
"Okay, Shirayuki. Make this one count..." Staring at the glowing keys, she cracks her fingers as they hover uncertainly above the humming computer. "Make it count."
Her phone goes off again, and she takes a moment to glance over at the backlit device – 19 missed messages. Rolling her eyes, she can't help the small smile working its way onto her face. She really needs to teach Yuzuri how to type full sentences instead of sending rapid fire texts like this.
"One more search and then you can call her... Okay. How about..." Fingers rest lightly on the keys as she scrapes her brain for something she hasn't searched yet. "Telepathic connection severed?"
Articles start flooding the page. Most are for psychic readings or how-to's on banishing a spirit from haunting your house. But one blog near the bottom of the result page catches her attention.
"Hmm... The day he came back into my mind – a connection through time..." Promising. The link changes to purple as her cursor clicks down on it and she's redirected to the loading page – the small beach-ball spinning, hard at work.
She's not fast enough.
~NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN, NEVER GONNA RUN ARO-~
"AGH. WHY!" Slamming her laptop shut to stop the music, she tosses the infuriating thing non-too-kindly onto the ottoman. Grabbing her phone, she angrily flops down on the couch in defeat. Twice. Twice in one day she was tricked by Rick Astley. Why is the internet a cruel place?
Unlocking her phone, she's stunned to see that not all of the messages are from Yuzuri. Curious.
It looks like only 12 are from Yuzu- Oh. No. Make that 13. Yuzuri's name flashes across the top of her screen again.
The others are from an unknown number? Brows pulling together, she clicks the thread. As the messages bubble up, she tries to bite back a surprised giggle.
6:19pm Shirayuki?
6:24pm I really hope this is the right # …
6:25pm I'm srry if this isn't right.
7:58pm Oh – this is Raj. I forgot that.
8:07pm Oops. Your upstairs neighbour. I dn't know if you know more than 1 Raj.
9:36pm Maybe this is the wrong #. Im sorry for bugging yo.
9:36pm *you.
She's a little amazed that he had actually texted her, but she's also happy that he did.
When they bumped into each other in the stairwell, things had been a little strange out first – of course he'd seen the newspapers. Heard the rumours. He had even come to shyly admit that his father was in attendance and had watched as she stumbled her way down the hall. Embarrassed, she’d moved to continue on her way, only to be stopped by his sudden fumbling of words. He didn't give her a pitying look or try to awkwardly pat her shoulder as so many had. Instead, he'd just told her that if she ever wanted to talk, he was there for her. That he knew what it was like to be alone on the outside, looking in.
She'd given him her number without much hesitation or thought, after that. Friends, it seemed, were a rarity.
You: 10:11pm Hey Raj, sorry, was distracted – you have the right number tho! :)
Sighing, she moves on to where Yuzuri's thread has acquired three more messages. The latest one typed in all caps.
10:10pm IF URE IGNRING ME I S2G, I WILL COME OVR + DRWN URE PLNTS.
You: 10:12pm Calm down. I was researching. Don't drown my plants pls :(
10:12pm Oh :) … How's rsrch?
Her phone vibrates again, and Raj's number floats across the top of her screen, she only catches the tail-end of it, but it looked like he was asking if she'd eaten yet. Her stomach grumbles eagerly.
You: 10:12pm Done for the night. Going to grab food.
The little dots start and stop a few times, which means Yuzuri is either putting a lot of thought into her response, or she's distracted by Suzu. The latter is more probable.
10:14pm Y?
Biting at her lip, she debates texting Raj to meet her in the lobby, setting her phone down and ignoring Yuzuri, but another message comes through before she can decide.
10:14pm Y U GIVE UP?
"Ahhhhh." Glaring at her phone, she curses her best friend. "I am never going to live this one down..."
You: 10:14pm I was defeated.
10:14pm BY?
Switching to Raj's thread, she tells him to meet her in the lobby in 10 minutes if he was serious about grabbing food. Even if he's not, she'll go grab food alone. Knowing Yuzuri, she's going to need to be away from the device for at least an hour, before it stops. Taking a deep breath, she hits send.
You: 10:16pm Rick Astley.
The reaction is instantaneous. Her phone starts blowing up before she even has a chance to put it down. Dropping it to the table like it's suddenly grown fangs and tried to bite, she stands and goes searching for a sweater and her wallet.
She can still hear the constant buzzing from her coffee table as her apartment door slides shut behind her.
AO3 Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9713603/chapters/21911897