#sueclearwater

[memyselfandi-12]

[blazingtheway]

Through Thick and Thin – Leah Solo

The scent of ma’s cooking filled my nose from down the street, making me ease off the gas on my baby. I wanted to take in the sounds of laughter coming from home, the way her and #Izzy’s footsteps moved around the kitchen as they both opened and close doors. I could hear #TheKid laughing, telling #Izzy all about the Bar and the changes we had made since he last spoke with her. She had seen pictures, videos, heard about the place, and gotten tearful when she first learnt the name of it. But she hadn’t stepped foot into the place even once.

#Seth cut off mid-sentence, telling me he’d picked up on the sound of my baby and even my scent coming up, but he didn’t say anything to the ladies until I was parked in the driveway. Only then did he jump up shouting ‘Sis is here.’ Then came the sound of rushed feet towards the front door before it was being swung open.

I sat there on my baby looking up towards the porch, the smiling faces of my kid brother, leaning back while the ladies rushed before him. They stood looking at me, my Ma’s eyes filled with thanks. She had been unsure if I would leave work to show up. And then my eyes landed on my Auntie.

She wasn’t an ‘Auntie’, by name. Even from afar she had been a part of this family through thick and thin. Her willingness to be on the end of the phone for my Ma, to be there when her sister-in-law missed her husband, sharing memories with one another, of a man they knew so well in their own special way. A way no-one else could understand.

She rushed down  the steps towards me, making me throw my leg over to sit on the bike facing her.  ‘Nahnai nasgi ageyv galuga!’ (There she comes!) #Izzy  threw her arms around me. The five-foot, three-inch woman was strong for her age. Clearly, she’d still been keeping up with her yoga classes.  ‘Nihi gesvgi unvdvgi, adageyudi.’ (You were missed, beloved.)

Ma and #Seth both froze their gaze stuck on my auntie and me. Stunted maybe because I hadn’t stepped out from the incoming hug, a move I could have done by standing up and stepping around to the far side of my baby. They were shocked that I had become entwined in her arms, not pushing myself away, letting her hold me for as long as she needed to. Then again, some part of them knew her as well as I did, there was no way to get around #ElizabethClearwater, when she wanted to hold you. But this was more than that. It was her scent… I’d never understood how or why… but the spirits had blessed #Izzy with the near perfect scent of my Da.  

I closed my eyes, feeling the burn behind my lids, the tension building at the top of the bridge of my nose, as those emotions came to the forefront. Clearing my throat before speaking. “Ulihelisdi owenvsv, elogi.” (Welcome home, auntie) Pulling back as she did to see my face, but only after kissing the top of her head, as I imagined the feeling of this action if Da was still with us. “Hilago nihi visvi?” (How was your journey?) I asked with a half-smile.

#Izzy cupped my face with her cool hands, her tear-filled gaze admiringly taking me in. ‘Such a carbon copy of my equa dinadanvtli. (Big brother)’ Wiping at her face she sniffled, shaking herself out of her memories she squeezed my cheeks, unaware of the turmoil she’d unleashed within me. It had been something she’d always said to me. that I reminded her of Da, that I’d taken after him. She saw him in me when I could not. ‘It was a horrible flight, delayed for over an hour… your poor mother and brother had to wait for me for so long.’ She’d started back up the steps to the house assuming I would follow, however I was planted in my spot until my Warrior pushed me to stand and follow her.  

‘Oh, it was no trouble, Seth bought us lunch and we had time to enjoy some mother and son time.’ Ma interjected into the conversation. I kissed Ma’s head as I ushered her indoors behind #Izzy letting the two of them take the lead in where their minds and words took us all. With #TheKid holding back to look me over.

His eyes took everything in, he was starting to see more than he once would have. But still not enough for him to read me. In a low voice for just my ears he said. ‘She’s already asked why you are still single; she thinks your beauty is frightening off all the men and women. Then she said you were better off because you could live your life freely.’ His smile grew. ‘It’s like she cannot make up her own mind.’

I shook my head, thanking him for the heads up. #TheKid had certainly been deflecting for me by the sounds of it. “Family dinner wouldn’t be the same without our sex life on the table.”

‘Nope, I am not ready to hear that word coming from your lips.’ This earnt him an elbow to his ribs and a laugh from me.

‘Come on you both, we have a lot of catching up to do. Ulisda, ulisda! (Hurry, hurry!) #Izzy shouted from the kitchen.

[blazingtheway]

Walk in Your Own Footsteps – Leah Solo

 “Always walk in your own footsteps. Because all the others are taken.” – Elizabeth Clearwater

‘Didn’t you say you were going to be in and out of the bar today? So, why are you still sat here in the office looking over the invoices?’ #Mac stood with his shoulder leaning on the office door frame, sipping on a cup of coffee.

“I did no such thing, that was Ma who called to say I best be in and out.” Nodding my chin over towards him. And what about you? Drinking coffee and not offering me any? Where is that chivalrous man I see making the townies swoon all over him in the evening?”

He smiled his sweet, crooked smile, padding himself across the office to hold his cup out to me. ‘Don’t ever say I don’t share.’

“I only speak the truth and you know it …” Taking the cup from him I sat back in the chair drinking a few sips after blowing on it. It wasn’t hot enough to burn me, but the human before me didn’t need to know that.

‘Slow down Lee, it’s hot.’ Waving him off, I gave the cup another blow. He flopped down into the other chair rolling his eyes at me. ‘So?’ pointing over his shoulder to the door behind him, ‘Why aren’t you rushing out of here?’

“Hmm….” I took another sip of the warm dark liquid in the cup. “Elizabeth Clearwater is coming onto the rez.” His eyes widened just enough, telling me he understood what this meant.

‘It’s been years since she came to visit, right?’ #Mac sat forward in the chair. I just nodded my head in reply. ‘But you’ve been to visit her in LA, haven’t you?’ I nodded again. ‘So, why are you hiding out here?’

How could I explain the whirlwind that was Elizabeth Clearwater to him? Everyone knew their own version of the story; but the truth wasn’t something they cared to learn.

Elizabeth Clearwater… Izzy to those who she chose to care for… was the youngest of three siblings. She had two overly protective older brothers in Michael and my Da Harry. They always said that they would do anything for her, however she was born to walk her own path. Strong minded, to the point of stubbornness, she never backed down from a fight. But  most of all, she was determined to make something of herself.

Izzy never married, this didn’t mean she didn’t fall madly in love, that “Love” just never seemed to last long. She knocked the men to the curb as fast as she fell for them, and there was never a way back for them. She’d tell a younger me. “Never read a book backwards Leah, they were written to move on to the next chapter with a dancing step of the ancestors.” And as a child I never really understood what that meant. The moving forward made sense of course. But the dancing steps of the ancestors? Didn’t that really mean that she was to a point looking back?

Izzy left the rez when I was young, at the time it had been kept hush, hush. Which is where all the rumour mill picked up speed. Everything from she had become pregnant with the baby of a townie, to she had fallen into bad habits with drugs. Because no one back then could imagine a woman wanting to leave to better herself.

Elizabeth had moved out to L.A to follow a dream, one no one had faith in. No-one other than my Da and Ma. He had driven his baby sister to the California coastline and helped her set up in a small apartment. She had a talent and Harry didn’t want to see her not try to make something of it for herself. Of course, her life hadn’t been perfect from the jump. She had to work hard, put in her blood, sweat and tears. But she got her break, when the head of a small indie movie studio, saw a local adaptation of The Wizard of Oz, where Izzy had single handily designed and created all the costumes on her own. He hired her there and then, and she began to live her dream.

At first, she hadn’t come to visit at all. Harry and Sue had taken short breaks to meet her in L.A, or they  would meet up at a half way mark. But when she did finally come to visit, she been a whirlwind. The woman I’d known as a baby had grown even more beautiful, her confidence made her walk into a room and heads turned. Which of course meant she had been made to feel uncomfortable and unwelcome by the women of the rez, worried about how their “men”, where drawn to Izzy. But my auntie wanted nothing to do with any of them.

The last time she visited… had been for my Da’s funeral. She had been a shadow of the woman I’d met before. Or it may have been the fact that at that time I was the shadow? Who really knew. She had left after having a fight with her older brother Michael, and without saying goodbye. And then I hadn’t heard a word from her. Not until I was set to leave for L.A to follow #RachelBlack.

Ma had given me Izzy’s address, telling me she was expecting to see me. She had helped #Rachel find her job in the music studios there, so would be the best person to help me find the right time to see the runaway imprint. This was when a lost relationship with my auntie had been rekindled. Now a grown woman myself, things from Lizzy’s life began to make sense. I could understand her choices, even if they weren’t choices I would make. But I could respect her and the life she’d made there.

Ma had told me when I returned from that trip that she and Da had a strong belief that Elizabeth Clearwater had been born to become a strong Imprint in her own right. But, unlike my ma and da…. Izzy hadn’t found her wolf soul mate, even if he hadn’t been called upon by the ancestors.

‘Lee? Earth to Lee? Come In Lee… Where did I lose you?’ #Mac clicked his fingers and waved his hands from across the desk.

“Hmm…” Shaking my head. “I’m not hiding. I am trying to give the sisters-in-law a little time to reminisce.” Pushing the chair back to stand, I set the cup down as I came around the desk. “Come on, make the most of having me here today. Let’s get the bar ready for opening.”

‘Sure, because I couldn’t do it on my own.’ he huffed joining me. ‘By the way there is a case of expensive Californian wine on todays delivery. A  Malbec, and I’m guessing it’s for Auntie Izzy.’ He wasn’t wrong, I didn’t have to reply, the two of us just got back to work.

[blazingtheway]

For Those Who Can’t be Here - Leah Solo

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❝ Just because you do not see them, doesn’t mean they aren’t with you. ❞        — #𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙂𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙒𝙤𝙡𝙛

»

Some days are harder than others, they have memories attached that not everyone is always aware of.

Some are passing days, just a Tuesday or Wednesday to others but with significance to you. And some are big days the whole world actually acknowledges.

Christmas Eve always ends the same way for #TheKid and me, we close up #HwH and drive over to Ma’s.

It’s the one night she stays up no matter how late we arrive, with a table full of snacks made, and Christmas movies lined up for us to pick. She always falls asleep on the couch curled up into  #TheKid’s side, and we always carry her upstairs to her bed.

A tradition which began with our Da, no matter where we were, what we were doing, Christmas Eve would be spent together.

Of course, I had been the only one to fight this night as a teenager, wanting to be out with my friends, to be with others my age and not two oldies, and the baby of the family who hung to my every word.

That is my sin now I had to live with. Because if I knew then that the number of Christmas Eves we would have as a family together were limited, I hoped I would have cherished each and every one of them.

Would the teenager Leah, understand the loss she would feel for the rest of her life? Would she stop herself from being such a brat when her Ma and Da asked her to come home early on those days? I knew now what my hope was for that Leah, however with my hand on my heart I didn’t know if she would appreciate that time as the Leah today would.

‘Where are you lost Sis? It’s your turn?’ #TheKid hands me the dice with a smile. Taking them, I messed my fingers into his hair while he laughed, letting me.

“Nowhere, I’m right here Kid. I’m right here with you.”

While he and Ma laughed, they teased and joked, my eyes went to the armchair that was missing a soul. The lump in my throat growing as I rolled my dice and sent a prayer to the spirits, I knew were watching me.

“Tell him, I have them. That I will always be here. That I will be the protector I know he would have been…”

‘I WIN!!!’ #TheKid jumped up with his smile making the room shine bright!

‘Sis you are going down the neck of that snake!!!’ He danced around the  living room as I sat back on the floor looking up at him.

“You win kid… you win.” Ma kissed the top of my head, telling him to win Gracefully, making him dance in front of us that much more.

As I watched, smirking up at him. Did he really win? If I had everything, I wanted here in one room with me? Was I not the bigger winner in this moment? Only time would tell. Only time would show me the truth.

(Music: For Those Who Can't Be Here - Tom Walker)

[blazingtheway]

In A Mothers Arms – Leah Solo

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❝ A mother is one who loves unconditionally, who protects with her all. Ad who will lay her life down for those in her world. ❞

-The Great Wolf

»

She came into the house with a big smile on her lips, her deep chocolate brown eyes upon me and her arms open. She didn’t reach for me, she waited by the inside of the door, knowing that I needed time and space.

Only when I took a step forward did she do the same. Still and patient are waiting my next move.

“Ma…” my small voice calls her and I finally will my foot to take me towards my mother.

‘Usdi… my love… my darling child.’ She lent down and I saw pain cross those beautiful eyes.

“Ma… ma!!!!” I ran into those still open arms. “Are you in pain?” I bury my face into her chest. and her arms close around me so tightly that I feel my comfort return.

‘Just a little Usdi, nothing your hugs can’t take away from me.’ She kisses the top of my head.

“I will take your pain away Ma. I will keep you safe.” I muffled into her clothes. The sound of her soft and sweet laughter warming my soul like a magic kiss. And her scent that I missed so much.

‘I know you will. You always do my darling.’ She holds me so tightly. This time her voice wasn’t sad. It was full of joy. Her eyes weren’t hiding away as they had been the last time. And yet she was here without…

“Ma..” I ask with a tentative thought. Last time Da said not to ask any questions. That she would tell me in her own time.

‘Hmm?’ Her arms tightened around me.

“Did this baby go to the spirits too?” I found my eyes prickly.

‘No! No… Usdi… this baby didn’t go to the spirits.’ But she was crying now.

“Ma?” I pull back to look up at her. Wiping away the tears rolling down her cheeks.

‘I wanted to see my darling girl, however if you are ready to meet the baby?’ She smiles and it’s warm, not like the last time. This was real, not hiding a terrible hurt.

“YES! Yes! I am ready.” I kiss her cheek, jumping until I remember my mother is in pain and hurting. She has just returned from the hospital after  three days.

‘Gvgeyui?’ (My Love) ‘she is ready.’ We both stood as Da came to the door.

He looked like the spirits, the sunlight came out in a dull afternoon in La Push, his arms carrying a bundle wrapped in a blanket, but it was his eyes that told me all I needed.

He was different this time too. Full of joy. Full of happiness. And the spirits didn’t sings to sooth him this time like the last. They sang with joy and happiness as soon as Da came in.

My father laughs seeing Ma still holding me tightly in her arms.

‘Come. Come see your baby brother Usdi.’

Ma took me into the living room, settling me in the couch, then stepping around to sit beside me.

‘Ready?’ She asked again.

And I nod with enthusiasm. Ma kissed my head and then let me go, but I didn’t move I stayed still where I sat. Da came into the house walking to me and bending down placing the blanket into my arms.

“He is so small.” Were the first words I thought and said to Ma and Da. Making them both laugh.

‘He is.’ They both said.

The baby opened his eyes for a second, seeing me and I fell in love. I saw the light of his heart. The love he brought into my home. How Ma and Da were so happy. And I knew. I knew for the way the spirits sang by the windows and the doors. This baby would be loved by me more than I could love anything in the world.

‘Leah. Darling. You remember the names we told you?’ Da asks me. And I nod. Not looking up from the face in my small arms.

‘Well, Da and I would like you to pick one of them for him.’ Ma kissed my head again.

“Me?” I exclaimed

‘Yes. You.’ Da laughed.

Without thinking, I blurted out “Kid… I want to call him Kid… he is my kid.. my baby… KID!” I whisper shout making them both laugh and the body shift in his blanket.

‘How about this, we call him kid at home, just us. For those who love him, and care for him. They are the ones who can use  that name. But the world. They need something else.’ Da kisses my head this time.

I sat looking at the baby, and my parents watched me. “Okay…” I finally say. “I am going. To call you kid.” I say to the baby. “But I will let the world have you as…” biting the inside of my cheek I smiled. “Seth…”

Two sets of arms came around #TheKid and I.

‘Hi Seth. Your sister picked a beautiful name my boy.’ Da said.

We sat there watching him. They didn’t take #TheKid from my arms, Da just placed a hand under my arms to support me. Ma whispered in my ear. ‘He is your baby Leah, you are his big sister, his second Ma, you have to protect him.’

Those words were chorused by the spirits. “I will. I will always protect you and love you.” I told the baby… the Kid… Seth!!!

[written-within-the-stars]

Look What the Spirits Brought Home. – Solo by Harper

"Family is more than just blood.."

I stood leaning on the side of my car looking up at the house before me. Two stories with the wood painted a light grey, with a small white deck porch surrounded by a well-maintained garden. A rose climber snaking its way up the trellis to one side with herbs in the large pots filling the air with a sweet scent. As I stood here I could imagine a young #Seth playing in the garden, laughing and joking, with an older #Leah telling him to behave himself. ‘The Spirits Kid, you are doing my head in.’ I smiled thinking of the happiness this home must have seen before it was taken away and it had all changed for my friend and his family. I wondered how Harry would have felt to know #Kenz. Sue had said that he would have loved her, and I truly did believe it to be true. How could anybody who had met my friend not have fallen in love with her? His son had followed her hundreds of miles after only knowing her for a few hours. That was how special she was.

The door flew open and the sound of it startled me, to the point that I was about to drop the bunch of flowers in my hands.

‘I can’t believe my eyes! Look what the spirits brought home. Well? Are you going to stand there all day, or are you planning on coming in from the cold?’ #LeahClearwater stood leaning on the wooden post, with her arms crossed over her chest. Her long black thick hair cascading down the side as she tilted her head to the side watching me closely.

She didn’t smile, never once had I witnessed it. #Seth had once told me that the world and its darkness had stolen his sisters beautiful smile. But he hoped that some day it would be returned to her because it was truly breath-taking to witness it. He said her smile was the one thing that used to make their Father’s Day. That she had stopped sharing it once he was no more, and that even the Spirits hadn’t been able to make her share it with them now.

‘Who is it Usdi?’ another voice came from inside the house as I pulled myself up off the car and smiled up to the two beautiful women now looking down at me. ‘Harper, is that you?’ #SueClearwater clapped her hands and came rushing out of her house.

‘You aren’t that old Ma, you can see it’s her. The Spirits know you haven’t stopped talking about her for months now.’ #Sue smacked #Leah on her arm as I walked up and stood at the bottom of their porch.

Holding out the flowers I’d brought for her. “Hi, I am so sorry it’s taken me this long to come and see you both.”

‘Hush Usdi, Harper Galutsv Hawinaditlv Ayoli’ (Come inside child) #Sue waved her hand towards the door.

#Leah rolled her eyes, but she was smirking now. ‘Ma she doesn’t— Oh forget it. Harper she’d telling you to get your arse indoors.’ Making us all laugh. #Sue placed her arm into mine and led me into her house and #Leah followed closely behind. ‘One more week Jenkins, that was all you were going to get. Then I was about to break into your office and kidnap you.’

I lowered my eyes. “I am so sorry, I don’t know what happened. One week turned into a month, into two and then.. I just—” I didn’t know how it happened, time just ran away from me before I knew it I hadn’t seen the closest thing to family I had in town at all.

‘We understand Harper dear. You are strong ayoli (child) and wanted to stand on your own two feet.’ #Leah’s lips parted and #Sue gave her a look. ‘She is not that different to you Usdi. You don’t like to ask for help too.’

#Leah pushed her hands into her pockets and shrugged her shoulders. ‘Yeah, sure. But she is here now.’ She nudged my shoulder. ‘Ma has been keeping tabs on you. She knows it all around here. You have been warned.’

I smiled, I had gotten a taste of the small town and the way news spread like wildfire.

‘I have not been keeping tabs.’ #Sue let go of my arm as soon as we stood in the kitchen and started to put the flowers into some water. #Leah moved around me and sat herself down on the dinner table and pushed a chair out for me to take which I did.

‘Harper is family, and it’s my responsibility to make sure she is safe. And I cannot help it if people are telling me how great a job you are doing on the Rez, John was saying you helped with the delivery of his calf and it was so dangerous for the cow.’ She was moving around her kitchen as we spoke. “And then Grace Walker was telling me you helped with their Guinea pig too and Kevin was so impressed with how you helped with Custard. The spirits know, that dog isn’t one to eat things unlike Little Nova.’

My eyes were wide, and my jaw was on the ground. #Leah leant in and closed my mouth. ‘Like I said, keeping tabs from the moment you stepped foot onto the Rez.’ She winked at me before sitting back.

The conversation with the two was so easy, #Sue prepared dinner as we spoke about all that had taken place over the last six months. I sat in her kitchen my eyes moving from Leah to Sue as their spoke and made me feel at home. And in that moment, I couldn’t remember what it had been that had kept me away from them for so long. It had been a foolish error in my judgement, one I never planned on repeating again.