I hope I never lose the bruises that you left behind
Ok so here is the second part of the YoongiXReader angst I wrote. The first part can also be read as a standalone, while this obv cannot. Here is the first part: Cause I cant take the weight of your love
Anyways, here‘s the second part.
He doesn’t make it far, pulling the car over on the side of the road as soon as he pulls into another street, as soon as he is out of view from her apartment.
He can’t breathe. His head in his hands, tears streaming down his face, his brain somehow still trying to compute what happened. He knew it was going to happen, she had always been way too good for him. He had always feared that his celebrity status would hurt her somehow, be too much for her. But this, this is so much worse. From the first time they met, he knew that she was the one. She felt safe, felt like home, no matter what. He could always text her, call her, and she had been there, sending him silly pictures of her beautiful face. She had no idea how much she helped him through the years. How much of the success of the band was partly her achievement. She had picked him up from where he didn’t think he would return. He had been in such dark mental spaces, had been doing so bad, both before and while they were together. And her smile, her eyes, her love, it had helped him so much.
One time, when not even Hoseok and Taehyung could make him smile, when nobody could get him out of bed for days, Namjoon had decided to fly her in, just for a day, to help them get Yoongi back. And she just cuddled up to him and listened, assured him all the voices were wrong. He had so many people that loved him, respected him, needed him. And when he was too depressed, too stubborn to listen to his brothers, his heart always listened to her. Took note of her words, her encouragements.
But that’s over now. She can’t take it. She can’t deal with the media, with the fans. Not just the idiots who claim him or whatever, she couldn’t take the love either.
He understands, he really does. His anxiety makes it hard to be around huge, loud groups of people, he has to try his hardest to turn it off for public appearances. And he has been doing this for years.
But as much as he tries to understand her, he can’t help but get angry, get hurt at the fact that she can’t do it for him. It’s ridiculous to ask this of her, but still…. He loves her so much, so.. So much. And she got overwhelmed so easily. Gave up so easily.
Catching himself thinking of her that way, he gets sick to his stomach. Of course she can’t take it. 0 to 100 of adoration and hate, who could? He got trained for it, grew up with it for years, she did not.
The tears won’t stop, he realizes, deciding to call Hoseok to help him get home. Explain this whole mess to the members and the managers. And then just go to bed, and hopefully never get up again. He doesn’t know how he could, knowing that she isn’t with him anymore.
So he does exactly that. A short explanation to everyone and then off to bed. The last thing he sees is Jimin, crying and fuming with anger at the same time as he says: “How could they do that to her? All she did was love him! How can they do that to her and still think they are ARMY? They broke her….”
He doesn’t come out of his room when he knows others are up. And they accept it. They know how much she means… meant to him, so they decide to let him grieve. Two weeks, he gets, before a manager comes into his room, asking him to get back out. “The fans have been worrying. They never see you out anymore. And there’s interviews coming up. The new album is coming soon. They want your green light on the production.”
Yoongi doesn’t even move, and with his voice hoarse from crying and not talking for weeks, he simply answers: “Let them worry. I love my fans, but I love her more. And right now, all I can think about is how they mistreated the love of my life.” He takes a deep breath “The others can easily do the interviews without me. Just say I’m sick or something... Fuck, I don’t care. Tell them I am heartbroken over what happened. Let them know what they did. And the production, they don’t need me either. They have my green light to do whatever the fuck they want. They are all way more capable than me, just let them do their jobs. And just leave me alone.”
Not caring about the resignation and sadness on the manager’s face, he waves him off, turns around and whispers under his breath “I am just so fucking tired. So tired of all this.”
Back alone in his room, he pulls the cover over his head, the tears he thought he had drained before already starting to come again.
Two months. He manages to hold them off for two whole months. But then the promotion for the new album starts, and he is contractually obligated to show up and look alive.
So he shows up. But no make up artist could make two months of heartbreak and depression, of crying, eating junk food and developing alcoholism look alive. They try their best, but in the end they still have to send him in with big sunglasses on. Nothing that makeup can do about eyes that are red from crying.
The interview goes fine, Namjoon taking the lead as per usual, Yoongi only has to contribute to one answer, as scripted. But in the end, the interviewer gets to ask one unscripted question. And about what else would he ask than what the news has been constantly talking about for over a year now. Yoongi’s now ex-girlfriend.
“What happened to your engagement? You two seemed on top of the world last year and now you just unceremoniously announce a breakup? We were rooting for you!” The interviewer even laughs, looking at the rapper.
Namjoon shoots Yoongi a look saying “Don’t answer, I’ll handle this.”, before saying out loud and with an earnest face “Oh come on. You heard it all in the press release. There’s nothing to add to it. We had said in advance that you were not to talk about this.” He adds, anger shining through as he speaks.
“No, no, no, I get it. They wanna know. They need to know everything. So I will tell them. But don’t get mad at me, cause you asked, we all heard you.” He doesn’t know where the energy and the anger suddenly came from. He is most definitely not supposed to talk like this. With a chuckle, he realizes he has finally snapped. He takes off the sunglasses and looks into the camera.
“Yes, we broke up. As you can see, I am not doing good. And yes, we were on top of the world last year. This girl, she was amazing for me, she helped me so much. She loved me even though I am always away, always busy and always tired. But she couldn’t take the mess you all made of our engagement. You made her feel like she wasn’t good enough, like she didn’t deserve me. You call yourself ARMY, call yourself fans, while you actively manipulated the love of my life and hurt her so much that she couldn’t take it anymore. And now, you know who I am talking about. You saw the fansites, the images, the stalkers. I don’t mean all of ARMY. So many of you were supportive and loving of us and our relationship. But your love was quiet, it was unfortunately easily overheard next to the many who screamed about how they loved me more. About how she was using me, cheating on me, whatever vile lies they made up about her. So now I am here. I am no longer engaged, I am no longer happy. I am thankful to be in this group, to have the members by my side as I go through this. But I am also angry. Because she didn’t deserve that. We don’t deserve that. We are also people, we also fall in love. Why aren’t we allowed to be happy? Why do we have to be only for your happiness. We sang so many songs about love, and yet when I experience it and want to celebrate it in the open you tear her apart. “
With a deep breath, he looks at the interviewer, pure shock written on his face. He doesn’t remember the last time an idol snapped like that.
Yoongi gets up, running his hands through his hair as he ignores everyone staring at him and just walks out. He shouldn’t have done that. But they can still cut it out before the interview airs….
He takes a taxi home and gets back in bed almost ripping off the clothes they put on him for the interview.
About an hour later, he wakes up to somebody crawling into bed with him. AGainst his better judgement, he wants to believe it’s her. But as he feels an all too familiar shape nestle against his back, small hands holding his, hugging him tightly, he can’t help but smile, for the first time in months, it feels like.
“Jimin… Thank you.” He doesn’t get an answer, his brother just squeezing a little tighter for a second.
They lie like that for hours, maybe asleep, maybe awake, they don’t care. Yoongi needed a hug, desperately. But he would never ask for it. So Jimin just acts, he hugs, he cuddles, he is there for him.
Their loving silence of support is interrupted by a low pling from yoongi’s phone. There’s only one person exempt from his “do-not-disturb” setting. It’s her. He scrambles for his phone, waking up the apparently napping Jimin.
“Leave it, hyung…” The sleepy man mumbles.
“It’s her. I don’t have a sound on for anybody else.”
“Why would she be texting you…. Wait, what time is it?” Suddenly they’re both very awake.
Nervously, the rapper opens the text:
*I saw the interview….. I’m sorry. I’m always here for you. I love you no matter what. I miss you… every day… so much. If you need me, if you still want to be friends, if there’s any way I can keep you in my life, Please. I want you in whatever way I can have you. I love you, Min Yoongi. Please take care of yourself. Text me… Or call me, if you want to see me, too. <3*
For what feels like an eternity, he just stares at the text, in complete disbelief about what he just read. When he finally speaks, Jimin is listening with big eyes, already half hugging him.
“She…. She saw the interview. But, didn’t they cut it out? I thought they would cut it out.”
He turns to face Jimin, tears welling up in his eyes. She saw him looking like a walking corpse. She saw him be hurt in a setting where normally he would’ve easily kept his cool. He saw him break down, break Out like he did.
And she wants to be there for him.
His spiraling is interrupted by a small voice: “I think… Namjoon was talking to the manager if they would leave it in. You know. To make a bigger statement about what happened not being okay. You know how vocal Joonie-hyung has been about Idols dating. And that now that we are allowed to, contractually, that the fans ruined it for you two. He might’ve asked them to keep it in. But, isn’t this good? If she texted you? She isn’t angry, right? You’re not angry, right?”
He doesn’t answer, just thinking for a second. If they left it in, ARMY must be going nuts right now. And the fact that She saw it and wasn’t angry, only concerned. That’s good, right?
He smiles, turning around to hug Jimin, pulling him close.
“Thank you, Jimin. I think it might be okay. If the managers were okay with this. She said she loves me. That she misses me and wants me in her life if it’s possible. If this is all still okay tomorrow, then I will text her and see her again.”
The two men get up, deciding to eat something, only to be confronted by the rest of the members, all assembled in Yoongi’s kitchen.
“Why, exactly are you all here?” the rapper says as he steps into the room.
“Uh.. emotional support. We didn’t realise how bad you were doing, we didn’t see you until this morning, remember? We’re sorry. We are here now. I talked to the managers, and they say it’s about time we took a stand about what happened. And what you said today expressed a lot of our feelings about the general attitude some fans seem to have towards us. So they decided to air the interview unchanged. It just aired, I think. But we haven’t checked social media yet.” Namjoon, of course answers. Looking around the room, Yoongi sees Tae and Jungkook sitting at the table, busy on their phones. Jin and Hoseok are rummaging through the kitchen, trying to find something to cook, it seems.
“I know they aired the interview unchanged. She just texted me. That’s why I got up. She still loves me. She is concerned and wants to be there for me. I might see her again. And since they aired the interview unchanged, maybe some people will realize they were in the wrong, maybe they will stop celebrating our breakup and instead see how viel their actions are.”
He looks at all the members, one by one and takes a deep breath. “I am sorry for concerning you. After what happened, you know. I kind of fell back into the black hole of my insecurities. I guess I snapped today. Thank you for being here for me, and for helping with this. For us. I am so lucky to have all of you by my side to support me with my messy brain. I don’t think I have any food left…. At least not for all of us. Let’s order something. While we wait we can check the reactions to the interview. If we have to, I can make an official statement telling them I wasn’t thinking right, apologizing for being a dick… anything really. I shouldn’t have spoken like that.”
Before he can continue, he is caught off guard by everyone crowding him, all the members hugging him tightly, each expressing their support and love. Now, his heart doesn’t feel as broken anymore. He has his brothers, and he might get to his fiance again. Spend time with her again.
So they order food, and as they wait, they check the different networks for the ARMY’s reactions.
