So I’ve written two fanfictions now, Star Child (which has chapter 5 back up, sorry about that) and this monstrosity (a TeruSuga one-shot that’s 100% self-indulgent, you should check it out, it’s awful and i love it)
and i think they really reflect how my relationship perspectives have changed.
with star child i was trying so hard to Do My Best, and saw relationships as equal to support in a way. i fed off of the positive feedback i received from that fic like nobody’s business. it took a lot of hard work, and i felt so rewarded for it just by the positive responses i got. now, though, it’s hard to look back at what i wrote and think positively about it, because it hurts to see myself trying so very hard for what is, objectively speaking, so very little (fanfiction writers, you know what i mean. kudos feels great, but it don’t pay the bills)
now, i’m more or less just doing what i feel like, i’ve been forced to pick and choose what to care about in order to preserve my mental health, and i don’t know what’s going on but I’m happy with it. i have a boyfriend, and he’s not perfect, but i like him very much and he likes me back. and we support each other, and we talk a lot, and that’s really enough for me. and i think i’ll be able to re-read my own fic like three years down the road and be like, omg cringe but damn did i have fun writing it.
i don’t know, i think i’m in a better place. idk that my writing has gotten any better though lol!!!
anyway, please read good boy, a short and spicy fuck-buddies-but-it-works-out story that appears to be a strange manifestation of my psyche















