"How has Santana been?" My mother asked as she checked on the turkey.
I quietly sighed to myself and clenched my jaw. I wondered if she would ask about you. Actually, I was worried she would. After having a baby in high school my mother and I had gotten closer. I told her everything. Except about you. Not that I was embarassed. I think I kept you to myself because you were special and I was afraid if I said it outloud to the person I trusted most in this world knew anything, you would vanish. But then again, you were gone either way.
"Umm," I hummed and ran my fingers through my hair and cleared my throat. "I guess she's good." I replied. I watched my mother close the oven door, stand straight and turn her head with a confused look on her face. "What?" I asked.
"Nothing, I just..." She fully turned towards me and slowly walked towards the table as she shrugged her shoulders. "Did something happen?" I rolled my eyes. More to myself. I shrugged too.
"She, uh, she just has been busy." I decided on and my mother tilted her head and she quirked an eyebrow. That's where I got it from. "She got back with Brittany so, they've been, ya know." I motioned my hands as if that explained it all. She nodded a few times as she rested a hand at the back of the chair across from me.
"Are you okay?" She asked with concern. My brow furrowed hard and my mouth opened slightly.
"What?" I kind of laughed out.
"Well, you two were together for such a long time. Now she up and left and is with Brittany. I'm sure you're-"
"We were never together." I waved my hands in front of me, shook my head and laughed again at her. Her head tilted to the side and stared at me confused.
"Quinn." She said softly.
"Mom." I responded with an arched eyebrow and semi confidence. She huffed and put her other hand on her hip.
"You know I will love you no matter what." She told me and I nodded.
"I know you were together." She said straight forwardly. I jerked my head back and tilted it to the side and stared back at her with confusion and surprise all at the same time.
"You two were something." She interupted me once again and her tone was all knowing. I took a moment. I studied her features, her eyes and the small tug at the corner of her mouth.
"How did you-" She interupted again.
"Honey, mothers always know." She told me and her voice was so sweet. It melted me. I bit my lip as I waited for more. "Plus," She sighed and gripped the chair harder. "The way you were when she was around and your voice on the phone... I had a feeling the last few months something had happened." My mother looked down at her hand on the chair for a moment before she pulled it out, sat down and then reached out for my hands. I let her take them. "Do you love her?" She asked.
It was a question I never anticipated coming out of my mother's mouth. Especially not in the way it came out. She was genuinely asking. It was soft, curious and worried. We stared at one another for what felt like forever as I let the question and the tone in which it was asked go through my mind, body and heart. My jaw tightened and my eyes closed for a moment. Once my jaw softened I bit and licked my lips. I looked down at our hands clasped so tightly yet gently. I nodded a few times. I could feel my nose crinkle as I took in a deep breath.
I could feel her hands tighten around mine. I couldn't look at her too quickly. I didn't want to do it yet. I hadn't done it yet. Cried. Or admitted it outloud. In that moment I tried so hard to swallow those tears but, when I chanced a glance at my mother they came streaming down. I choked on a small controlled sob. I nodded some more as I did my best to hold back emotion which I am sure only make me ugly cry more.
"Yes." I sobbed and then hung my head. I was more embarassed to show emotion than voice the admission. I was not embarassed to love you.
Within seconds my mother was kneeling by my side pulling my body against hers. She whispered into my ear that it was 'okay'. She told me she loved me and she rubber my back as she held my hands with one of hers.
"She's one of the good ones Quinnie." My mother whispered as I let more sobs escape and my body jerked into her. "You have got to tell her." She said. I shook my head fiercely and sniffled.
"I can't." I cried out and my hands flew to cover my face as I openly sobbed into them. I did not see Thanksgiving going like this.
"Sweetie, look at me." She begged and tugged at my wrists to free my face so she could look into my eyes. I let her and blinked my tears away best I could. She was blurry, but I looked at her. I could see the way her lower lip jut out and how her eyes were so filled with unshed tears and love. "These last three or four years," She shook her head and forced a smile of disbelief. "I have never seen you so happy and full of life." She expressed like it was a sigh of relief. She even let out an airy giggle. "Whenever we spoke on the phone, you were so full of joy and optimism. Hope and most importantly, love." She swallowed hard and took a breath. "I saw the two of you at the Lopez block party about three years ago." She tilted her head and did her best not to arch that ever knowing eyebrow. I stared back in confusion, shock and wonder. "You didn't know I had gotten there yet. But," She smiled. "I watched her bring you a plate of food from a neighbor. Nothing out of the ordinary from a regular friendship. But," She looked away as if remembering. "Then you held up a fork full of food for her and she took it glady. And then you tapped her nose with the tip of your finger and she made the sweetest face back at you." She shook her head and met my eyes again and I found myself no longer crying. "I can't speak for the now, but from the then, she loved you too."
"How?" I asked vaguely. My mother hugged me tightly, kissed my temple and shrugged.
"Like I said." She stood up and caressed the top of my head. "Mothers always know."
