i don't think that people really understand how mentally fucking draining it is to live with chronic illness. like, people talk about it a lot, sure. but i feel like it is constantly kind of a shrugged off thing that people don't understand the weight off.
how exhausting it is to have your body not be able to do things, while your brain carries on as if it can.
how exhausting and painful it is to try to do things and not fully be accommodated for your needs.
how exhausting goddamn brain fog is. it gets me every day it feels like and i'm still surprised.
how exhausting and frustrating it is to be ill and to think you're having a good day, but SURPRISE, here's a flare, or a bunch of symptoms, or whatever, and now you're in pain and can't do anything. you can't make the pain stop. you just have to feel it.
how exhausting it is to know that nothing will take the pain away. that you literally just have to live with it. and that people won't get it. they won't understand that you are constantly in pain, all the time, and just have to act like you aren't.
how exhausting it is to be exhausted. the fatigue is awful. it just catches me and i can't do anything. i can't move or speak or anything. i just have to exist in it.
it's so annoying and exhausting to see my body give up and to know that i can't really do anything to stop it or cure it. it's so exhausting. it makes me want to cry constantly. i feel so tired and worn down and angry and depressed.
and yet, i have to continue on, like a normal functioning member of society. i have people look at me like an imposition. i see people talk down on chronically ill or disabled people online all the time and complain about us ruining society or taking away resources or whatever the fuck bullshit.
and it makes me feel so shitty that society perceives my only worth as my physical ability to contribute to a fucked up system.
and yet, we carry on, day after day, in hopes it will get better.
