— suna thinks of what to say then save it for another day.
c&w: suna rintarō x f!reader — angst, fluff, texts included
keepsakes: lost (recap)
suna pushes you away before you can leave him, not realizing you never planned to.
the air in the gymnasium had curdled into something thick and toxic, a stagnant pool of resentment that tasted like iron at the back of the throat. four weeks had passed since the world ended in a bedroom bathed in lamplight, and the calendar felt less like a measurement of time and more like a tally of casualties. every morning was a fresh exercise in endurance, a ritual of waking up and remembering that the sun still rose even when the heart had been hollowed out by a tongue sharpened into a blade.
being the team manager was supposed to be a bridge between your lives, but now it was a torture chamber designed with exquisite precision.
he moved across the court with a lethargy that looked like boredom to anyone else, but you saw the truth in the way his shoulders stayed hunched, a permanent defensive crouch against a ghost only he could see. suna rintarō was a master of the invisible, a ghost haunting his own skin, and the distance between the two of you across the polished wood floor might as well have been a canyon filled with jagged glass.
you kept your eyes fixed on the clipboard, the ink blurring into illegible streaks. you handed out water bottles with a mechanical efficiency, your fingers careful to never brush against his, your gaze never rising above the level of his collarbone. the hoodie, the one you had cried into until the fibers were stiff with salt, remained folded in the deepest corner of your closet, a silken corpse you couldn’t bring yourself to bury.
the first week had been a fever dream of shock. you expected a text, a call, a half-hearted shove in the hallway to signal that the nightmare was over. it never came.
the second week was the hardening. the hurt had calcified into a protective shell, leaving you numb and efficient. you spoke to the twins with a forced cheer that made even atsumu flinch; you checked the inventory with a focus that bordered on manic. you were a ghost in a track jacket, haunting the sidelines of a life you no longer recognized.
by the third week, the silence began to scream.
“you’re making a mistake, suna,” kita said one afternoon, his voice a low, steady hum that cut through the squeak of sneakers. they were in the locker room, the air heavy with the scent of sweat and cooling adrenaline. suna was sitting on the bench, his head in his hands, his long fingers buried in his hair as if he were trying to hold his skull together.
“i didn’t ask for your input, kita,” suna replied, his voice a dry rasp.
“you didn’t have to,” aran added, leaning against the lockers with a heavy sigh. “the energy on the court is suffocating. you look at her like you’re starving, and then you treat her like she’s invisible. it’s cruel. to her, and to yourself.”
suna’s head snapped up, his eyes bloodshot and rimmed with a terrifying, hollowed-out exhaustion. “what do you want me to say? that i’m sorry? that i didn’t mean it when i told her she was a nuisance? i said those things to push her away because i was terrified of how much she mattered. if i go back now, if i admit i lied… then i have to admit i’m pathetic. i have to admit that i’m so far gone i can’t breathe without wondering where she is.”
he stood up, his locker door clattering shut with a violent bang that echoed through the room. “i ruined it. i broke the only good thing i had because i couldn’t stand the thought of her being the one to leave first. i’m not going to crawl back and ask her to pick up the pieces of a mess i made on purpose.”
his pride was a cage, and he was happy to starve inside it if it meant he didn’t have to face the wreckage of your expression. he was a coward wrapped in the skin of a cynic, a boy who would rather drown in his own sorrow than risk the vulnerability of an honest “i love you.”
week four arrived with a cold, grey drizzle that matched the internal weather of the gym.
you were standing by the equipment room, counting the volleyballs, when you felt the temperature shift. you didn’t need to look up to know he was there. the air always felt heavier when he approached, a localized gravity that pulled at your very bones.
suna stopped a few feet away, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. he looked terrible. there were dark crescents under his eyes, and his cheekbones looked sharper, as if his own regret were eating him from the inside out. he watched you work, his gaze tracing the movement of your hands with a desperate, frantic hunger. he wanted to reach out. he wanted to grab your wrist and pull you against him until the four weeks of silence evaporated into the heat of his skin.
he wanted to tell you that you were breathtaking, that every word he’d spat at you was a lie designed to protect a heart he didn’t think he deserved to keep. he wanted to confess that he had spent every night staring at the ceiling, imagining the scent of your hair and the way you used to look at him before he turned himself into a monster.
instead, he watched you reach for a ball that was tucked too high on the shelf.
your fingers brushed the leather, but it slipped, bouncing off the rim and rolling toward his feet. the silence that followed was deafening. it was a physical wall, thick and impenetrable, built from twenty-eight days of avoided glances and swallowed sobs.
suna looked down at the ball, then up at you. for a fleeting second, the mask shattered. you saw the ruin in his eyes, the raw, bleeding longing of a man who was watching his entire world walk away and was too paralyzed by fear to scream for it to stay. his throat worked as he tried to find a word, any word, that could bridge the distance.
“the inventory is almost done,” you said, your voice flat and devoid of the warmth that used to be his sanctuary. you didn’t look at him. you looked at the space six inches to the left of his head. “you should get back to practice. kita’s waiting.”
the rejection in your tone was a mirror of his own cruelty, a cold echo of the wall he had built. he felt the air leave his lungs in a sharp, painful hiss. he reached down, picked up the ball, and held it out to you.
as you took it, your pinky finger grazed his palm for a fraction of a second.
the contact was electric, a violent spark that threatened to set the entire building on fire. suna flinched, his fingers curling instinctively as if to trap the sensation, to keep that tiny bit of warmth forever. he looked at you, truly looked at you, and for the first time in a month, you saw the sheer, unadulterated terror of a man who realized he had finally succeeded in making you hate him.
“i…” he started, his voice cracking, a pathetic, broken sound that died before it could become a sentence.
you pulled the ball away, clutching it to your chest like a shield, and turned your back on him. you walked into the equipment room and closed the door, the click of the latch sounding like a gavel bringing a trial to an end.
suna stood alone in the hallway, his hand still outstretched in the empty air, the ghost of your touch the only thing he had left to hold onto.
๋࣭ ⭑⚝
the equipment room felt like a confessional, the air smelling of rubber and old floor wax, a small sanctuary where the heavy, thrumming pulse of the gymnasium was muffled into a dull roar. you leaned your forehead against the cool metal of the shelving unit, closing your eyes to the darkness. every nerve in your body was still vibrating from the ghost of his touch, that fleeting, accidental brush of skin that had felt more like a lightning strike than a mishap.
the door creaked open, admitting a sliver of harsh fluorescent light and the unmistakable, boisterous energy of the miya twins. they didn’t enter so much as they invaded, flanking you with a synchronized gravity that usually preceded trouble.
“he’s pathetic,” osamu said, his voice unusually soft as he leaned against the doorframe, his expression uncharacteristically somber. “you look like you’re ready to pass out or like you’re mourning a ghost.”
atsumu, however, lacked his brother’s restraint. he hovered in your peripheral vision, shifting from foot to foot with a nervous energy that suggested he was holding back a flood. “we can’t do it anymore. it’s been four weeks of him moping around like a kicked dog, and frankly, it’s ruining the set-up. i can’t play with a middle blocker who spends half the match staring at the back of your head like he’s trying to memorize your dna.”
“i don’t want to talk about him, atsumu,” you whispered, the words feeling dry and brittle. “he made himself very clear. i’m a nuisance. i’m a parasite. i’m ‘mediocre.’”
“he’s a liar,” osamu countered, his eyes narrowing. “a terrified, stupid liar who thinks that if he hurts you first, it won’t hurt as much when the world eventually takes you away.”
atsumu didn’t wait for your rebuttal. he shoved his phone into your line of sight, the screen bright and crowded with a chaotic stream of messages from their private group chat. “look. just look at this. because if i have to read one more of his 1:00 am existential crises, i’m going to shove a volleyball down his throat.”
your eyes scanned the screen, and the breath you’d been holding for twenty-eight days finally left your lungs in a jagged rush.
the scrolling stopped. you stared at the text, the blue light searing the words into your vision. ‘i’m drowning and i deserve it.’ a strange, light-headed clarity washed over you, a sudden realization that the terrifying predator who had torn your heart out in your bedroom was nothing more than a frightened boy hiding behind a wall of glass. suna rintarō wasn’t a monster, he was a coward of the highest order, a man so consumed by the sheer, terrifying scale of his devotion that he had tried to sabotage the very ground he stood on.
the anger that had been keeping you upright for a month began to dissolve, replaced by a weary, bittersweet understanding. he was waiting for you to hate him because he already hated himself. he was waiting for you to move on because he didn’t believe he was worth staying for. and yes, you’re going to ignore atsumu’s.. antics.
“he is pathetic,” you murmured, a small, involuntary smile tugging at the corner of your mouth, not out of malice, but out of a sudden, overwhelming sense of relief. the stone on your chest didn’t disappear, but it felt lighter, as if it had turned from granite into something porous.
“the most pathetic person i’ve ever met,” osamu agreed, reaching out to pat your shoulder. “but he’s a wreck. he’s a total wreck without you, and it’s getting embarrassing for the rest of us.”
atsumu snatched his phone back, his expression a mix of triumph and exhaustion. “so? you gonna put him out of his misery? or should i just book him a flight to antarctica so i can have my peace back?”
“i’m going to go home,” you said, your voice finally finding its melody again. “i have something of his. i think it’s time i figured out what to do with it.”
as you walked out of the gym, you didn’t look back at the court. you didn’t look at suna, though you felt his gaze follow you like a physical weight, burning a hole between your shoulder blades. the walk home felt shorter this time, the evening air crisp and promising rather than suffocating.
when you reached your room, you didn’t collapse. you didn’t cry. instead, you walked straight to your desk and opened the small wooden box where you’d hidden the onyx stud.
you sat on your bed, the earring resting in the center of your palm. it was so small, so deceptively simple, yet it held the weight of every unspoken word and every bridge he’d tried to burn. you stared at it for an hour, the silver catching the dim light of your lamp, reflecting a version of yourself that was finally ready to stop being a casualty.
you picked your phone up, your fingers steady as you opened your messages. you typed the words before you could talk yourself out of it.
you: hey… i think i accidentally stole your earring.
keepsakes: kept (preview)
the three dots appeared almost instantly.
rin: you didn’t steal it
a beat. another three dots.
rin: i left it there while i said those things so i’d have an excuse to see you again.
Sometimes, it takes losing someone to finally see them. He wished he knew this before, but Rintaro had to learn this the hard way.
Genre: Angst, Romance, Hurt/Comfort
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and in no way represents my views of the original anime/manga characters.
WARNINGS: fluff, angst, explicit smut (unprotected, rough sex) -> lmk if i missed anything
Word Count: 6k+
Finally, an update! Thank you for staying with this fic despite my very slow updates. There might be 2-3 parts left before the end; depends on your answer to my question at the end of this chapter! haha (wink, wink)
Kindly reblog, like, and/or leave a comment if you loved this chapter and let me know what you think! xoxo
part one ༘⋆ part two ༘⋆ part three ༘⋆ part four ༘⋆ part five
kofi for tips 💌 ~~
˚✧₊⁎⁎⁺˳✧༚ - - - ˚✧₊⁎⁎⁺˳✧༚
Twenty-five days.
Suna Rintarou swears he isn’t keeping track, but his stupid brain screams the number at him. It’s been twenty-five days of torture - his mind plagued with thoughts of wanting to kiss you.
Kiss you, kiss you, kiss you, kiss you, kiss you.
He’s had the urge in the past but all of those times were out of the haze of sexual intimacy. His current dilemma, which began 25 days ago, is something else.
It had been a mundane Saturday morning. The kids were already up and engrossed in the TV show they both loved so much. Suna was in the kitchen, trying to be of help as you prepared breakfast.
The menu for that day was sunny side-ups paired with hotdogs. You were trying to show him how to perfectly crack eggs open when he moved to stand beside you to look closer. Your hand slipped, spoon cracking against the egg and he laughed. You moved to chastise him and in turn, the egg white from the cracked shell plopped against him.
With widened eyes, you gasped and then, backed with a barely contained giggle, apologized to him. The sound of your laughter was sweet and the way your eyes turned into little crescents tugged at Suna’s heart.
At that moment, he badly wanted to kiss you - to feel your laughter through your lips.
Now, he finds himself at the balcony of your bedroom, eyes turned towards the moonless sky with a lollipop in his mouth. Through the open door, he can hear the faint sound of the shower and he groans, urging his mind to not stray towards other thoughts.
He feels foolish with these emotions that you’re bringing out of him. Granted, they’re not unfamiliar, but it’s been several years since he’s had these feelings. And truth be told, Suna never thought he’d feel this way again: wanting to love someone.
He knows what he’s feeling for you is more than just platonic. But Suna is also pretty sure that he isn’t in love with you.
Yet.
“Rin?” Your voice breaks him out of his thoughts. “Would you mind closing the door? The breeze is coming through.” He sees that you’re now done with your shower, robe wrapped around your body with a towel in your hand.
He bites off the remaining lollipop and chucks the stick at the small bin by the balcony. Shortly after, he joins you in the room but not before making sure the door is securely locked behind him.
The smell of your green-apple hair conditioner hits him almost immediately. It’s a scent he has ignored for years but now that he’s free from his pride to admire every little thing about you, he basks in the scent. He then makes his way to the vanity. “Do you need help drying your hair off?”
Your curious eyes meet his through the mirror and after a few slow blinks, you nod. He takes over the towel and you open a drawer to bring out the dryer.
For a few moments, your eyes watch him work with the towel, gently squeezing clumps of your hair for the last drops of water possible. Then, before passing the hair-blower to him, you say, “You’re gonna end up with cavities given all the candies and lollipops you’ve been having.”
“They’re working, though,” he replies. “I haven’t smoked in over a month.”
You smile at him. “I’m so proud of you.” And then, as if deciding on what to say next, you add, “I wish there is another alternative so you won’t have to take too much sweets.”
Maybe it’s the proud look on your face. Maybe it’s the way your lips pucker out in a cute pout. Or maybe, he’s just so tired of counting the days.
Finally, Suna says, “What about a kiss?”
The way your eyes immediately widen is almost comical. “W-what?”
Suna only laughs as he takes the hair dryer from you, the brief skin contact making you blush. He shakes his head, smiling. “Nothing.”
“Huh?” you try to turn around so you’re face to face but he places a hand on your shoulder.
“Stay still.”
“But…”
“Y/N. Let’s dry your hair first, okay?”
˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚ ˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚
Drying one’s hair is supposed to take around five to ten minutes only, but after Rintarou’s question, it feels like it’s taking an hour. It’s not helping that he’s standing so close to you, hands gently drying your hair, warmth radiating from his body.
Once finished, you immediately turn on the seat. “Rin.”
“Y/N.”
The question comes to the tip of your tongue but never leaves your mouth. You bite your lip instead and avoid eye contact. “N-nevermind.”
As you try to stand, Rintarou stops you. “You’re cute when you blush, did you know that?”
You don’t answer, knowing full well that his remark only made your already flushing cheeks redden even more.
Suna sighs before cupping your cheek tenderly, urging you to look at him. Once your eyes meet his, he rubs a gentle circle on your skin. “I want to kiss you.”
It feels like your heart is beating a hundred miles per minute. Did you hear him correctly? He wants to kiss you? Suna Rintarou, the man who never kissed you in the five years you’ve been married? Suna Rintarou, the man who didn’t bother to kiss you on your wedding day?
I want to kiss you.
A lot of things have changed in the past months but still, Suna manages to surprise you. You feel like a teenager navigating romance for the first time again.
Another gentle rub on your cheek brings you back to the present, where Suna is saying he wants to kiss you. “Well? Are you going to allow me to kiss you, Y/N?”
Your only response is a meek nod to which Suna shakes his head. “I want you to say it. Tell me that you want me to kiss you.”
He never once breaks eye contact as he says those words. The urge to look away is so strong, for you feel like the longer you stare into Suna’s eyes, all the emotions inside of you will break out. Burst into a bubble that would consume you. It’s going to be cool, but suffocating.
Instead, your eyes remain on him, trying to decipher if there’s any ill-intentions in them.
You only see sincerity… and pained longing. As if every minute you’re not asking him to kiss you is bringing him immense pain.
But kissing him… it’s going to be a big step in your relationship. Granted, the two of you have been sleeping with each other again. But kissing is an entire thing different from sex. You’ve never kissed during sex before. Kissing him now would mean…
Rin doesn’t speak with words, but the way his thumb grazes your cheek once more tells you that he’s waiting. Finally, you decide to pocket the fears you have about kissing him. “Kiss me, Rin.”
He exhales in relief as he leans down and the distance between your lips get smaller and smaller and smaller and you get the sweet taste of his strawberry lollipop from earlier.
˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚ ˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚
Goodbye, 25 days. Suna thinks to himself that night, as you lay sleeping beside him.
It’s just a kiss, but he can’t stop himself from feeling warm at the memory of your lips against his.
It’s just a kiss, but he feels like he’s on top of the world.
It’s just a kiss, but when he finally falls asleep that night, a stupid smile is on his face.
˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚ ˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚
In the following days, Suna learns that he has found a new addiction.
Waking up in the morning? A kiss on your lips.
Thanking you after finishing a meal? A kiss on your lips.
Saying goodbye before leaving for work? A kiss on your lips.
Seeing you after arriving at home? A kiss on your lips.
It’s not just even the feeling of your lips against his that makes him addicted to it - he’s also enamored by your reaction every time you kiss.
The way your breath hitches a little as your lips meet, and the soft sigh you let out once you part almost always bring a flood of warmth to his chest.
“Are you going out today or staying home for work?” Since you’ve been getting better, you have started to resume working again.
If it were up to Suna, he wouldn’t want you to work at all. Your current job is not demanding at all, minimal reports needed. He remembers helping you get it five years ago, when you had opened up to him about the missed opportunity after your graduation. Still, he knows you enjoy what little you do at work, so he can’t ask you to leave it.
“I’ll stay in today,” he hears your response. “I’ll visit the office on Friday.”
He makes a mental note to himself. “Okay.” And then, “Do we have any plans this weekend?”
He adjusts the cuffs of his long-sleeved shirt as he hears you hum in contemplation. “Ah! Hajime invited us for Kenta’s birthday party this coming Saturday, right?”
Of course. Suna remembers the conversation two weeks before. He remembers trying to tame the jealousy brewing deep within him as the older man talked to you. He knows he has nothing to be jealous about. You’re just naturally sweet and friendly while Iwaizumi apparently started seeing someone.
“I almost forgot,” he confesses as he approaches you to where you’re lounging at the sofa. You’re currently waiting for your laptop to finish installing its update before you start work. “Do we have a gift already?”
“I actually ordered something but it’s stuck in one of the sorting hubs. If it doesn’t arrive by Friday, maybe we can drop by the mall or something?”
“Okay. I’ll go now, then. See you later.” He crosses the short distance between you, hand already cupping your face as he kisses you goodbye.
And if Suna is smiling while driving on the way to work, thinking about your goodbye kiss, then no one has to know.
˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚ ˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚
Express delivery, as is turns out, do not always live up to its name. It’s now Friday and the package carrying your gift for Kenta has made no movement from the sorting hub. You’re at your table at work, waiting for Rin to pick you up after you texted him that you would need to drop by the mall first.
The children are at their grandparents since this morning and you’ll be picking them up when you and Rin go to their house for breakfast tomorrow. You look at the picture on your phone. Rintarou is splayed on the bed with the twins all over him. It’s from last weekend, when your kids had come to wake the two of you up.
Your heart is instantly flooded with warmth and joy. You didn’t think it’s going to be possible, but years later, here you are with a happy family despite of the circumstances. You couldn’t ask for more.
The notification on your phone alerts you that Rin is almost at your office building. You bid goodbye to your colleagues. As the door to the elevator begins to close, you see a woman rushing towards it. Luckily, you’re able to press the ‘hold door’ button immediately.
“Thank you,” the woman sighs in relief as she shoots you a grateful, sweet smile. She’s an unfamiliar face, which is not a surprise to you since you rarely visit the office and interact with people outside of your core department.
“No problem,” you reply while mirroring her smile, before turning your gaze ahead.
You’re about to settle on that elevator silence between strangers when the woman speaks. “For a building with over 30 floors, you’d think they have more than three working elevators.”
You hum in agreement. “The ‘under construction’ signs at the other two elevators have been there forever, right?”
“Oh, really? I wouldn’t know.” She lets out a small laugh. “I’ve only been here for two weeks. I’m in a contractual project, actually.”
The elevator doors open and you two walk out, still conversing. “Ah, may I ask what project?”
“Hitomi-chan’s passion project,” the woman replies with a smile. “I’m in-charge of photography.”
You feel foolish only noticing the camera bag slung on her left shoulder. “I see. You must be very good, then. Hitomi knows to pick partners well.”
A sweet laughter spills from her again, her cheeks blushing a little. “You’re too kind…”
“Y/N,” you reply, as you both approach the exit.
The woman extends a hand. “Nice to meet you, Y/N. You can call me Serin.”
“It’s nice to meet you as well, Serin.”
A security staff of the building approaches the two of you. “Your husband’s car just pulled up at the parking area, Mrs. Suna.”
Serin’s grasp on your handshake falters a little. “Oh, you need to go?”
“Yes. See you around the office, Serin.”
She gives you one last smile before waving goodbye. “See you around!”
˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚ ˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚
You’re only supposed to buy a gift for Kenta but two hours at the mall later, you and Suna are pushing one big cart of shopping carts each. You don’t talk as you navigate the parking space, but the exchange of smiles and grins speaks a lot.
“Why did we buy so much?” You ask as you watch Rin load the bags into the car. “We’re such impulsive buyers, oh god.”
“Hey, don’t feel bad splurging sometimes. We all deserve to spoil ourselves once in a while.”
“Is that why you bought a large fox plushie?” Your voice is laced with teasing. “I didn’t know you’re into stuffed toys.”
Suna loads the last bags before closing the door. “I bought that for you, though.” He takes your hand and leads you to the front passenger seat, opening its door. “And don’t act as if you weren’t looking at it with heart eyes when I showed it to you.”
You make yourself comfortable in the seat. “Sure.”
Suna scoffs playfully before shaking his head as he swats your hand away and puts the belt on you himself. “Okay, you’re never allowed to hold it ever, then.”
You fake gasp. “Really? Then that makes me sad.”
He leans in and kisses against the pout on your lips. “You’re so cute, Y/N,” he says once he pulls away.
“And you’re so silly, Rin.” This time, you’re the one who leans in and pecks his lips. As you’re about to pull away, you feel Suna’s hand on your head before he tries to deepen the kiss.
A small whine leaves your lips and gets swallowed by Suna immediately before he finally pulls away.
“Rin…”
You’re breathing heavily and he’s in no better situation. His eyes have darkened and the way he looks at you makes you squirm on the seat. You avert your gaze. “L-let’s go home.”
It takes him a beat to answer. “Yeah. Okay, sure.” He pulls back, squeezes your upper thigh, and then closes the door for you. You’re still not looking at him when he gets in the driver’s seat and maneuvers the car outside of the parking lot.
Once you’re on the road, one of his hands lets go of the wheel and reaches for you blindly before landing on your thigh. It stays there for a whole minute before you remove it. You lace your fingers together and place it on your lap instead.
Suna hums in contentment as he continues to drive, but not before squeezing your hand. You don’t even notice that he’s driving at the fastest allowable speed limit.
˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚ ˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚
You’re glad that your children are at your in-laws’ house as you hear the incessant and loud creaking sound of the bed, paired with the headboard’s rhythmic slamming against the wall. Rintarou is groaning against your lips as his hips are working overtime in thrusting against yours.
“Fuck,” he whispers before capturing your lips in another frenzied kiss. “You feel so damn good, shit.” He’s heavily breathing and making lots of noise than usual.
You would have called him out for it if you were doing any better. “Ah, Rin, ah… right there.” Your words are cut off as he kisses you again.
Tonight’s sex feels different. It’s not only because it’s the first time you two are kissing during the deed. Right now, it feels as if Rintarou wants to tell you something through his actions.
His unforgiving thrusts continue, the onslaught of pleasure throughout your body unending. You already know you’re going to be sore tomorrow, but you can’t bring yourself to ask him to be less rough. He’s hitting all the right spots and all the sounds that you’re both making are only adding heat to the room.
“It feels like your pussy wants to swallow me whole.” He pulls back slightly so he can see the probably messed up and fucked out expression on your face. “I love the way it pulls me in. Fuck, you’re so tight. Feels so fucking good!”
His words bring you to an unexpected orgasm and you whine with volume. It doesn’t deter him as he continues his hips’ movements. His lips are quick to silence you as he begins to move inside of you faster.
You should probably feel embarrassed with the sloppy, wet noises that your bodies are creating but it just feels so good. Your head is empty and all your mind can do is chant his name repeatedly.
Rintarou. Rin. Rintarou. Rin. Rin. Rintarou. So good.
“Louder,” his word snaps you out of your daze. It’s when you realize that you’re now moaning his name out loud. Ironically, you feel flustered and look away from him.
His hand starts roaming around your body and settles on your left breast before he pinches on the nipple. “Look at me, I want to see you come.”
He guides your face towards him and you two meet eye-to-eye. The room feels too hot but you ignore it, trapped in your bubble of intimacy with your husband. You’re stuck with letting out little whimpers and small exclaims of “ah, ah, ah”s as Rintarou continues to move inside you.
Unlike his earlier kisses, he plants a sweet peck on the side of your lips before pulling back. “Do you feel good? Are you okay?” His voice is now soft, a stark contrast to his rough thrusts.
You can only nod before a gasp of pleasure leaves you again.
He chuckles against your lips before aiming a single hard thrust, forcing a louder moan out of you. “Am I making you feel good, Y/N?”
You nod repeatedly, hands gripping him harder. The dig of your fingers on his skin makes him groan sexily. “Fuck, answer me. Do I feel good inside you, wife?” Another well-aimed thrust.
“Y-yes, yes!” you finally let out. A sniffle. “It’s so good. More please, Rin. I need more.”
Rintarou doesn’t deny you and quickens his pace, giving you what you want.
And everything feels right. This is what things should have been. The both of you giving and taking. The both of you feeling good and taken care of. You and Rintarou. Rintarou and you. Under a happy spell.
˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚ ˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚
The last time you were at a party setting with Hajime, things didn’t end well. However, you feel like today is a good one. For starters, you don’t have the underlying pressure of making sure everything goes smoothly. And to make things better, your husband has not left your side ever since your family arrived at the venue.
Risa and Ryuu are happily playing with all the other kids while you’re at the parents’ table, making small talk with the other guests. An older couple - Hajime’s relatives, you think - comments on how you and Rin look good together.
You thank them, turning to your husband’s shoulder to hide your blush. Instead, you see him smirk teasingly, an arm wrapping around your waist and pulling you closer to him.
The party goes well. Food, games, gift-giving…
Hajime finally sits next to you with a small sigh, the two of you barely exchanging more than a few words within the past hour. “This is tiring but very rewarding.” He’s staring at the direction of his son. “All for Kenta’s happiness.”
As if feeling his father’s eyes on him, the boy turns to your direction and waves, a toothy grin on his face.
“You know, in his earlier years, I only felt resentment towards his mother.” Hajime’s voice is tender. He rarely talks about the mother of his son, her being a touchy subject. “But now, all I feel is gratefulness and pity. I’m thankful because without her, I wouldn’t have Kenta. I pity her, because she’s missing out so much on how wonderful and amazing my son is.”
You can’t say you truly understand what he’s feeling. Still, you acknowledge to yourself that your children do seem to be merrier ever since Rintarou joined the three of you, bonding all the time. “Did she ever try to reach out?”
Hajime shakes his head. “No. And my attempts to talk to her were all futile.” The sad look on his face passes quickly. “You know, Y/N, I never considered dating again. Not until Kenta’s much older. But I’m glad I took the leap recently. She already adores Kenta and he likes her a lot, too.”
You perk up at the mention of his new lover. “I’m glad to hear that. Speaking of, I thought she was coming today?”
“She said she’ll catch up because something came up with the project she’s working on.” Just then, a notification pings on Hajime’s phone. “And now we’ve summoned her. I’ll go meet her at the door.”
You watch as your friend eagerly makes his way through the crowd. It’s then that you decide to go on a powder room break to freshen up. On the way, you bump into your husband who’s returning from the restroom. He tucks a hair behind your ear. “You good?”
You look up at him, smiling. “Yes.” It’s crazy, really, how a simple gesture from Rintarou makes your heart flood with happiness.
He mirrors your smile, a bit of mischief laced in it. Rin leans closer to you and asks, “You’re not too sore anymore?”
Blood rushes to your face and you swat at him. “Please, don’t.”
Through his arms around your side, you feel his body shake in laughter. “Okay, okay. Don’t be a blushing mess. We’re in public, Y/N.” He pulls you closer to him and plants a quick kiss on your temple. “Let’s behave from now on.”
You murmur chastising words as events from last night come back to you.
Suna had just forced you to finish drinking a glass of water, mumbling something about you needing to re-hydrate. You’re already washed up, dressed in a pair of fluffy cotton pajamas.
“Good girl,” he murmured before placing the empty glass on the bedside table. He then propped himself up against the headboard, making sure the blankets are covering you.
The praise made you smile like a shy young girl and Rin opened his arm. You didn’t allow yourself a moment of hesitation, immediately going towards his warmth. He squeezed the side of your waist as you snuggled against him.
The post-sex bliss was still surrounding you both. “What are you thinking?”
The sound of his heartbeat was calming, and you didn’t realize it had been slowly lulling you to sleep until Rin repeated his question. It’s been happening a lot lately - him initiating conversation, wanting the two of you to build good communication.
Maybe it’s the domesticity of snuggling in bed with your husband, or the way his hand had traveled upwards to where it’s rubbing softly against your back. You weren’t exactly sure what spurred you to answer candidly. “I’m thinking that I really like you, Rin. A lot. But I guess you already knew that.”
He hummed in confirmation. You weren’t expecting anything back, you knew it’s only been a few months. But much like he’s been doing, Rintarou surprises you. “I’m thinking I’m starting to care about you. A lot. Though it may take me a lot more moments of introspection for me to truly know what I feel. But, really, Y/N, I care about you and I want you to know it, in case I haven’t been clear.”
The hesitation in his voice almost made you melt. He didn’t need to say it, to be honest. You’ve noticed it in all the ways he had been changing in the past several weeks. Trying to quit smoking, spending more time with you and your kids. Opening more communication between you two.
Still, the verbal affirmation is welcomed.
“Thank you, Rin,” you murmured sleepily against him. “For all your efforts.”
You vaguely heard him whisper the words back to you before you drifted off to sleep.
You pull back from hiding your face against your husband’s body and crane your head back. He inspects your face briefly before saying, “All good, you no longer look like a ripe tomato.”
You fake glare at him and remember where you two are. You look around and see Hajime introducing someone to his guests. Beside you, Rintarou pulls out his phone after it pings. He begins typing his reply with one hand, the other reaching for yours.
One of the things you have learned about your husband in the past months is that he can be clingy. You grasp his hand and intertwine your fingers together.
As Hajime approaches you with his new guest, your eyes widen. “Serin?”
Two distinct sounds reach your ear.
Serin’s gasp.
And the sound of a phone crashing on the floor.
Rintarou lets go of your hand as he bends down to pick his phone up.
“Y/N? What a lovely surprise. You’re friends with Hajime?” Serin is quick to give you a hug. “Such a small world!”
You smile at her and then your at friend. “This is… wow.” You turn to Rintarou who’s now back on his feet. You reach for his hand back but he puts both his hands inside his pockets.
The look on his face tells you that his phone must have experienced serious damage.
“Serin, this is my husband, Rintarou. Rin, I met Serin at work yesterday, I didn’t know she’s the girlfriend that Hajime has been talking about. This is a nice coincidence! Don’t you think so?”
The woman blinks slowly before she smiles slightly at your husband. “Nice to meet you.”
To your surprise, Rintarou ignores her extended hand. Instead, he gives her a curt nod before promptly excusing himself outside.
You mask your concern and turn apologetically to Serin and Hajime. “Um, I’m sorry about that. Maybe he’s upset about his phone.”
Serin purses her lips in a small pout. “No worries, Y/N. Let’s talk again later, I want to go to the birthday boy now.” She shoots you a dazzling smile before dragging Hajime by the hand towards Kenta’s direction.
You sigh. As much as you’re delighted that Hajime’s girlfriend is the same nice woman you met yesterday, you can’t help but worry about Rintarou.
After a quick glance at your kids who are engrossed playing with their friends, you follow your husband outside.
Rintarou is restlessly pacing back and forth and though you’re not that physically close, you can see his brows knotted in worry.
“Rin?” He pauses at your voice and looks at you with slightly wide eyes. He doesn’t offer any words.
“Are you okay?”
He blinks a few times. “Yeah.” And then, “Just needed space to breathe.”
There’s a moment of hesitation - as if he wants to say more but decides against it. He resumes his pacing and you quietly slip back inside.
The rest of the party goes relatively well and you’re glad that you’re able to spend time and converse with the other parents from the playground. Moreover, the happy giggles and wide smiles of your children filled your heart with love.
Soon enough, Rin’s earlier actions get pushed to the back of your mind.
˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚ ˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚
It wasn’t particularly a long day but as soon as you got Risa and Ryuu to fall asleep, your body starts demanding you to rest.
You barely make it through showering. Once you’re done for the night, you move to settle on your shared bed with Rintarou to see him all quiet. He’s sitting on the bed, leg impatiently tapping on the floor.
“Rin, what’s the matter?”
He looks up, your eyes meeting briefly before he turns away. “Nothing.”
In the past, you would have let it go, afraid that you’d push the wrong buttons to set him off against you. But now, given how things have changed between the two of you, you want to talk.
“You’ve been awfully quiet since we left Kenta’s party. Is something bothering you?”
It takes Rintarou a very long time to respond. When he does, it makes you think you may have misheard him.
“Sorry? What did you say?” You ask, your voice gentle despite the tremors and dread building inside you.
His response comes again, louder and clearer this time. “You.”
“Rin?”
He looks you in the eye this time as he stands up. It’s only then that you noticed he hasn’t changed out of his clothes yet. “You. The one that’s bothering me.”
You shake your head as you begin to step closer to him. “I don’t understand.”
Rintarou scoffs. “Of course you don’t.” He swats away the hand that tries to touch him and it leaves you freeze in surprise.
He then makes his way towards the balcony. And you’re still standing there, left alone in the room, dumbfounded and confused.
Oddly enough, this feels like a deja vu.
˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚ ˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚
At the beginning of your forced marriage to Suna, you knew there was a slim chance that you two would get along. He hated you, and deep down, though you never voiced it out loud, you also resented him for taking advantage of you and getting you pregnant.
But now, looking back at the past few months, you think that your relationship might actually work. He’s no longer treating you horribly. In fact, he’d been extremely nice, getting involved in preparing for your kids’ arrival, being supportive and caring, and overall acting friendly.
For this night, you decided to cook him a simple dinner. He had texted you earlier in the day that he’d drop by Osamu’s newly-opened restaurant to give his congratulations. You had told him it’s okay if he wanted to celebrate with his friends but Rintarou insisted that he’d much rather spend the evening with you.
You knew not to get your hopes up, that he’s just being a responsible father and husband. Still, your traitorous heart beat wildly at his last message, looking forward to seeing him come home.
Four hours later, however, the dinner you prepared is cold and you’re seated alone at the living room couch. Waiting for Rintarou who never came home at the time he promised.
Your eyes were drooping, drowsiness almost winning the long battle you’ve been having against it. Finally, the door opened and Rintarou came in.
He looked utterly wasted.
You stood up in the fastest way possible for a heavily-pregnant person. “Rin, what happened? You weren’t answering my texts and calls. I was so worried.”
He looked up from tossing his shoes to the side. His hair was disheveled and his face was flushed, probably from drinking. “Fuck off.”
The words surprised you, the venom in them strong enough to make you take a step back. You were able to regain your stance nonetheless and moved closer to him, placing a gentle hand on his arm. “Huh? Are you okay, Rin?”
“Don’t call me that.” He glared at you before swatting your hand away. “You ruined everything. Everything.”
Tears welled up in your eyes. “What? Rin, I’m confused. What happened?”
He didn’t answer you and instead began walking towards the stairs. You were hurt and confused but you didn’t want the night to end with him ignoring you.
Being pregnant, it took you longer to arrive at your now shared room. When you opened the door, you saw that it was already a mess. Broken things everywhere, confirming your suspicions from the sounds you heard on the way to the room.
“Rintarou, stop!” You tried to tell him but he whipped so fast to face you that your feet froze on the spot. “Leave me the fuck alone! You ruined my life, my everything!”
You remained unmoving, fists clenched at the sides. “I don’t understand. Can you calm down, please?”
He grabbed an ornamental vase that you had placed on the dresser and threw it on the floor.
You stared at the flowers from your garden. Lying, broken, and mangled. “Rin, I’m getting scared. Please, let’s talk about what’s wrong?”
“You,” he finally responded. “You’re the most wrong thing in my life.”
His words felt like dagger to your heart. You couldn’t understand what was happening. Things have been going well…
“I hate your existence in my life. I hate this. I hate that I had to marry you. I hate that you’re pregnant. I hate-”
“Please don’t say that,” you begged, tears flowing down your face. “Don’t.”
Rintarou laughed emptily. It pained you to see how angry and sad he looked like. “Isn’t this what you wanted? To talk about what’s wrong? It’s you. So here’s what’s going to happen: since you’re adamant about keeping the babies, then fine, go ahead.
“But I want you to know that this marriage will only be words on a paper. Do not expect anything from me. I will never be your husband. I will never be your friend. You will never mean anything to me. I will never love you. Understood?”
You could barely see him through the stream of your tears. You wished this was just a bad dream and that you’d wake up soon.
“Answer me!” Rintarou yelled. “Do you understand?”
“Y-yes.”
He kicked at the broken vase by his foot. “Now leave me the fuck alone.”
˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚ ˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚
The memory claws at your heart and you clutch at your chest. It seems like everything from the past is repeating but this time, the pain is multiplied ten-fold.
You can’t help but ask yourself as you stare at the fox plushie on your hands.
What really happened?
Can you really not be happy with Rintarou?
You lift a hand to wipe at your eyes. The other loses its grip on the toy and it drops onto the floor. You wipe your tears one more time before leaning over the bed to reach for it. It bounces against your strained grip, going further out of your reach.
It seems like the fox plush is mocking you.
You tiredly go down the bed to pick it up. However, once it’s back in your hands, you decide to just lean your back against the bed’s side instead of climbing back onto the bed.
You haven’t felt this tired in a long time. Not even during your recent fight with Rintarou months ago.
You close your eyes to fight off the tears that have resurfaced, tears that never really stopped forming in your eyes. To your dismay, you’re unable to ward them off, so you’re left crying, tears escaping your closed eyes.
And as you succumb to the darkness brought by your closed lids, you wish for the pain to be gone the moment you open your eyes.
˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚ ˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚
Outside, Suna shuts the balcony door behind him before he leans against the railing. He can hear the faint sounds of your crying but wills himself to ignore them.
Instead, he stares ahead at nothing, hoping something can drown out your sounds of sorrow. He curses under his breath until he reaches into his pocket, hand clenching tightly on the item.
Not long after, with the backdrop of the dark sky devoid of moon and any stars, the tip of a lit cigarette burns bright like a blaze.
to be continued.
˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚ ˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚
I hope you liked this update hehehe. Question! Do we resolve things quickly or go down the hard path (and curse Suna along the way?) LET ME KNOW!
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this is luke 🥰 he fell asleep but he’s waiting for his haikyuu angst
Hey baby boy 🥰 sorry that you had to wait, sleep well and hope you enjoy this story about sunarin! Check the author and let's hope they didn't steal anything from anyone!
suna never had the heart to accept his feelings, now you’re drifting further apart.
c&w: suna rintarō x f!reader — angst
the silence in the room didn’t feel like peace; it felt like the breath before a plunge, heavy and humid with the things neither of you were brave enough to name.
he was slouched at the edge of your bed, the familiar curve of his spine cutting a sharp silhouette against the dim light of your desk lamp. suna always looked like he was vibrating on a different frequency—detached, observant, a predator disguised as a bored teenager. but tonight, the stillness was jagged. it was the kind of quiet that precedes a landslide.
“atsumu talks too much,” he said, his voice a low, clinical rasp that made the hair on your arms stand up. he didn’t look at you. he was staring at his own hands, his long fingers twitching against the fabric of his jeans.
“he was just being a friend, rin,” you replied softly, twisting the hem of your oversized hoodie—his hoodie, though you’d worn it so often the scent of his detergent had long since blended with yours. “i’m your friend, too. i just… i wanted you to know i’m happy for you. if there’s someone you’re falling for, you don’t have to hide it from me. i can help. i can support you.”
you meant it to be a bridge. you meant it to be the ultimate sacrifice—offering to hold the hand of the man you loved while he chased someone else. instead, it was the spark that hit the kerosene.
suna’s head snapped up. his eyes, usually hooded and lazy, were wide and burning with a terrifying, sickly intensity. there was no boredom there now. there was only a raw, bleeding frustration that looked suspiciously like grief.
“support me?” he let out a sharp, ugly laugh that felt like a slap. “you want to support me? you think this is some high school drama where you give me advice on how to win someone over? you’re so incredibly naive that it’s actually exhausting.”
the shift in his tone was so abrupt your breath hitched. “i was just trying to be nice—”
“that’s the problem.” he spat, standing up so quickly the bed frame groaned. he paced the small distance of your room like a caged animal, his shadows stretching long and distorted across the walls. “you’re always so ‘nice.’ you’re so predictably, suffocatingly kind. do you have any idea how grating that is? to have you hovering around, smiling, acting like you understand everything when you don’t understand a single goddamn thing?”
you recoiled as if he’d physically struck you. “rin, what are you talking about? i’ve stayed by you for years. i’ve been the one you call—”
“and that’s the mistake,” he interrupted, his voice dropping to a lethal, flat hiss. he stepped into your personal space, looming over you until the air felt thin. “i let you get too close. i let you think you were some essential part of my life. but looking at you right now? seeing you stand there with that pathetic, concerned look on your face? it’s infuriating. you’re becoming a nuisance. you’re a distraction i never asked for and a burden i’m tired of carrying.”
the words were like needles, precise and meant to draw blood. you felt the sting in your throat, the familiar burn of tears you refused to let fall. “if i’m such a burden, why are you here? why do you come over every night? why do you let me wear your clothes?”
suna’s expression flickered. for a second, the mask of cruelty slipped, and you saw something devastating underneath—a desperate, starving sort of longing. he reached out, his hand hovering near your face, his thumb grazing the line of your jaw with a tenderness that felt like a betrayal.
“because you’re so fucking beautiful, it’s painful.” he whispered, the compliment sounding more like a curse. his eyes traced your features with a hunger that made your stomach flip. “because when the sun hits your hair, i lose my train of thought. because you have this way of looking at me that makes me feel like i’m the only person in the world, and i hate it. i hate that i notice the way you breathe when you’re falling asleep. i hate that i know exactly how you take your coffee. it’s a sickness.”
he pulled his hand back as if he’d been burned, his face contorting into a sneer of self-loathing.
“but don’t flatter yourself,” he snapped, the venom returning. “don’t mistake my words for love. all it is, is annoyance. you’ve worked your way under my skin like a parasite, and now i can’t even think straight. you’re so busy playing the ‘best friend’ that you don’t even see how much you’re ruining me. you’re a shallow, mediocre girl who happens to have a face i can’t stop looking at, and i’m disgusted by how much time i’ve wasted on you.”
the room went cold. the ‘crush’ atsumu had mentioned—the one suna was so terrified of, the one that was ruining his composure—it wasn’t some stranger. it was the person he was currently trying to tear to pieces. he was so terrified of the depth of his own devotion that he was choosing to burn the garden down rather than let anything grow.
“get out, rintarō.” you whispered. your voice was small, cracked.
“gladly,” suna said, his eyes hard as flint. “i should have done this months ago. you’re not special. you’re just a habit i need to break. stop wearing my things. stop looking for me in the halls. i’m done pretending this friendship is worth the effort.”
he turned on his heel and walked out, the door clicking shut with a finality that echoed in the hollow of your chest.
you didn’t move for a long time. you simply stood in the center of your room, the silence now a physical weight pressing against your lungs. eventually, the adrenaline faded, leaving only a cold, numbing ache. you sank to the floor, pulling the sleeves of the hoodie over your hands, burying your face in the fabric that still smelled like him—like cedarwood and the sharp tang of mint.
you cried until your eyes were swollen and your throat was raw. you cried for the friendship that had been a lie, and for the love that was apparently a weapon.
hours later, as the moon began to dip below the horizon, you went to wipe your face with a tissue inside the pocket of your hoodie. something sharp caught against your skin.
you reached into the seam of the hoodie pocket, your fingers brushing against something small and cold. you pulled it out.
it was a small, onyx stud—suna’s earring. the one he always wore in his left ear. it must have fallen out while he was lounging on your bed earlier, or he left it, or perhaps it had snagged on the fabric during his frantic pacing. it sat in the palm of your hand, glittering mockingly in the moonlight.
it was a piece of him. an anchor to a man who had just told you that you were a parasite.
the realization hit you then, sharper than his words. he had been so close. he had been right there, wearing this hoodie, breathing your air, hating you for how much he needed you. he was drowning in his own obsession, and he had decided to take you down with him.
you clutched the earring so hard the post pierced your skin, a tiny drop of red blooming against the earring.
the hoodie wasn’t yours. the feelings weren’t safe. and as you looked at the closed door, you realized the person who had walked out wasn’t the suna you knew, but the version of him that would rather destroy you than admit he was already yours.
the earring felt heavy, a cold promise of a debt that would never be settled.
๋࣭ ⭑⚝
the walk home was a blur of static and freezing air that did nothing to cool the fever behind suna’s eyes.
every step away from your door felt like a limb being stretched to the point of snapping, a physical resistance that made his muscles ache. he had reached his front door, walked up the stairs, and retreated into the darkness of his own bedroom before the silence finally caught up to him. it wasn’t the peaceful quiet he usually thrived in; it was a vacuum, sucking the oxygen out of his lungs until he was left gasping in the center of the room.
he didn’t turn on the light. he didn’t want to see his own reflection—didn’t want to see the face of the man who had just systematically dismantled the only thing in his life that felt like home.
he collapsed onto his bed, his back hitting the mattress with a dull thud, staring up at the ceiling where the shadows danced like the ghosts of the things he’d said. naive. nuisance. burden.
the words tasted like copper in his mouth. they were lies, every single one of them, crafted with the surgical precision of a coward. he had seen the way your expression had fractured—the way your light had dimmed until you were just a hollowed-out version of yourself standing in that hoodie, his hoodie.
he rolled onto his side, curling into himself as a jagged, dry sob hitched in his chest. he wasn’t a man who cried, but the pressure behind his ribs was becoming unbearable. it was an agonizing, slow-motion realization: he had tried to protect the friendship by murdering it.
the irony was a blade twisting in his gut. he had been so terrified of a future where you eventually grew tired of him, or where a confession might make things awkward, that he had chosen to preemptively burn the bridge while you were still standing on it. he had looked at your face—that breathtaking, radiant face that haunted his dreams—and he had told you it was mediocre. he had told you that your kindness, the very thing that kept him tethered to his own humanity, was a parasite.
“god, why? why did i—” he choked out, the sound muffled by his pillow.
he could still feel the phantom sensation of your skin against his thumb from those few seconds of weakness. you were so soft, so impossibly real, and he was a jagged edge that only knew how to cut. he closed his eyes, and all he could see was the way you looked at him before the screaming started—with that open, devastatingly honest support. you had offered him your heart on a silver platter, asking for nothing but the truth, and he had spat on it because he couldn’t handle the weight of how much he adored you.
he hated himself for it. not with a fleeting flicker of guilt, but with a profound, soul-deep loathing that made him want to claw the skin off his bones. he was obsessed with the way you laughed, the way you hummed when you were focused, the way you always knew exactly when he needed a break without him saying a word. you were his north star, and he had just smashed the compass.
the room felt too big. the air felt too thin.
he reached out instinctively to grab the edge of his hoodie, wanting to bury his face in the fabric that usually held your scent, only to realize his hands were empty. he was shivering, the cold seeping into his marrow, but it wasn’t the temperature of the room. it was the sudden, violent realization of what his life was going to look like tomorrow. and the day after.
he wouldn’t see you in the halls. he wouldn’t hear your voice calling his name. he had demanded that you stop looking for him, and knowing you—knowing how much his words must have gutted you—you would listen. you would disappear from his orbit, and he would be left drifting in this dark, cold space he had built for himself.
he rolled onto his back again, his breath coming in shallow, ragged hitches. his chest felt like it had been hollowed out with a rusted spoon. he was a genius on the court, a master of reading people’s movements, yet he had been so blindingly stupid when it came to the one person who mattered.
he had tried to save himself from the pain of a potential rejection, but in doing so, he had guaranteed a lifetime of mourning.
the silence of his room screamed your name back at him, a relentless reminder of the catastrophe he had authored. he lay there, paralyzed by the weight of his own cruelty, wondering how someone could be so desperately in love and so catastrophically cruel all in the same breath.
he already misses his pretty girl.
keepsakes: found (preview)
four weeks, you and suna drift further apart. you were sitting near the equipment room enjoying your peace and quiet until a voice speaks up.
“he’s pathetic.”
n: first time writing angst, kinda nervous. no one torch me, please.
extra, extra, read all about it.
suna’s in his feelings and he can’t get out of it.
suna rintarō x f!reader
c&w: angst, fluff
being suna’s best friend and having a crush on him is already hard enough. and when you find out from atsumu that he has a crush on someone, you decided to ask him who it was. which is, apparently, the worst decision you’ve ever made.
keepsakes: (indefinite updates)
1. lost
2. found
3. kept
— suna never had the heart to accept his feelings, now you’re drifting further apart.
Sometimes, it takes losing someone to finally see them. He wished he knew this before, but Rintaro had to learn this the hard way.
Genre: Angst, Romance, Hurt/Comfort
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and in no way represents my views of the original anime/manga characters.
WARNINGS: nothing, just fluff, and OH, did not go through proofreading lols
Word Count: 1.6k
Surprise quick update! I know I said in the last part that things are about to get downhill starting from this chapter. However, I really enjoyed writing this one that I had to cut out the angst portion. So... this is also quite a short read. Happy reading, though!
Kindly reblog, like, and/or leave a comment if you loved this chapter and let me know what you think! xoxo
part one part two part three part four
kofi ~~
˚✧₊⁎⁎⁺˳✧༚ - - - ˚✧₊⁎⁎⁺˳✧༚
“I’m very happy, Y/N,” Dr. Hirai says in front of you as she examines the papers. “These results look good. You haven’t been stressed much lately?”
You beam at the woman. “I guess so. My headaches have rarely occurred as well.”
”Great.” She smiles as she picks up her pen and starts to write. “I’m going to prescribe you some vitamins and supplements. But remember, rest and sleep is top priority, okay?”
You respond with a nod, akin to a child receiving instructions from their parent on the first day of school.
As you wait for Dr. Hirai to finish writing the prescription, a knock comes on the door. After the doctor’s “Come in”, your husband’s head peeks inside.
”Hi, Doc.” He greets before looking at you. “Hey. Something came up at the company and I have to go there. Would you want to wait for me at the cafe across the street?”
Other times you would have felt disappointed about his need to leave, but the mere fact that he’s informing you - through a cute peek at the door nonetheless - makes your heart flutter instead.
“Okay, sure.”
Rin shoots you a smile that almost melts your heart. “Great. I’ll keep you posted.”
And just like that, the door closes again. You turn to Dr. Hirai to see her looking at you. “Anything’s the matter, Doc?”
The woman just smiles before handing you the prescription. “Oh, nothing, Y/N. Nothing.”
˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚ ˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚
You watch the busy street through the window, your hand tapping a pen against your journal. You’re not one to miss writing daily but these past several weeks, you have been too preoccupied to jot down your thoughts.
Then, there’s also the matter of an irrational fear.
Truth be told, you’ve been happy since that night Rintarou admitted his attraction to you; the night he asked you to give him a chance and for you two to get to know each other.
You’d love to pen down those memories but there’s a voice at the back of your head telling you that it’s a bad idea. That it’s a prelude to something terrible happening.
You place your pen on the table and flip through the older entries on your journal, only to remember the entries you are looking for are no longer in the notebook’s binder. You had them removed and placed in a box the day before you asked Rin for divorce, thinking that it's time to give up on trying to make things work for both of you.
But then, things have changed now.
Or have they really changed? That voice in your head asks in skepticism.
What if, just like before, this “peace” is a fluke? What if Rin ends up hurting you again?
You close your eyes tightly and rub at your temples. You shouldn’t be entertaining this kind of thoughts. Overthinking and worrying about things from five years ago…
”Hey, Y/N? Is that you?” A familiar voice brings you out of your thoughts and you open your eyes only to be met by a friendly smile.
”Oh,” you say in pleasant surprise, “Hi, Hajime. What an unexpected meeting.”
The older guy's smile widens as he gestures for the seat across you. You nod in reply, closing your journal and putting it at the side.
”What brings you here?”
”I had a check-up with my doctor at the hospital across the street. How about you?”
At your question, Hajime scratches his nape. You notice his ears redden and you try not to smile at how boyishly embarrassed he looks. “Um, I’m visiting someone.”
”A friend?”
He locks eyes with you and groans at the teasing look that you know is visible on your face. “Okay, okay. She’s not technically a friend. I… met her one night through an accident, my motorcycle bumped into her. Thankfully, her injuries are not serious.”
”Oh my god,” you cover your mouth in reflex. You compose yourself before continuing, “I’m assuming she’s okay, though?”
Hajime waves his hand in front of you. “No worries! She’s fine and getting better. In fact, she’s about to get discharged tomorrow.” He suddenly clicks his tongue. “Am I bad to feel sad about her being discharged? I won’t have a reason to see her anymore.”
This time, you’re not able to stop yourself from laughing. “Hajime, that’s silly! Why won’t you just ask her out? Or her family and friends, maybe? You probably have met some of them, right?”
He smiles sheepishly and it’s a contrast to his usual demeanor when in the playground with his son. “I’m nervous to ask. Also, her family’s not here. She very recently moved back to the country from living abroad several years before. She also mentioned she has yet to reconnect with any of her old friends.”
”Oh, I see. But isn’t that reason enough to ask her out, if you’re really interested in her?”
”I guess so…”
Seeing the flush on your friend’s face makes you smile. “Who would have thought you’d get yourself in a classic meet-cute scenario?”
”Ugh, Y/N, please stop teasing me.” You know he means to reprimand, but Hajime still joins you in your laughter.
˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚ ˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚
“Fuck.” Suna resists the urge to throw his phone after the screen died on him. The battery had been on the verge of dying and he couldn’t find his charger anywhere. So, he’s on the way to the cafe, hoping that you didn’t decide to go somewhere else.
As he approaches the entrance, it amazes him how he’s quick to spot you in a crowd now. He sees the baby pink dress you’re wearing, your cardigan looking soft and comfortable over it. He also notes that you had tied your hair into a bun, a few strands framing your face.
And then he notices you’re not alone. To his dismay, he recognizes the person you’re currently with. Before he knows it, Suna is already brisk-walking the short distance from the entrance to your table.
You notice his presence as you look up at him and smile. That very sweet and innocent smile instantly calms him down a notch. He takes a deep breath. “Hey. I wasn’t able to send you a message, my phone died on me.”
”That’s okay.” Then, gesturing to your companion, you ask, “Rin, you remember Hajime?”
Suna tries to sound as nonchalant as possible as he faces the man. “Yeah. What brings you here?”
Hajime gives him what he assumes to be a friendly smile and Suna reminds himself that there’s no acceptable reason why he should give in to the urge to punch the smile out of the man’s face. “I was gonna visit someone at the hospital.”
Before Suna can respond, the man quickly checks his watch as if suddenly remembering and curses under his breath. “Oh, shoot. Uh, I should go.” He gives a wave before going over to the counter to make his purchase.
Suna shakes his head, a small scoff leaving his mouth. “Rin,” you call his attention. “Let’s go?” He watches you zip your bag close and before you can put the strap on your shoulder, he swiftly grabs to carry it for you.
If he didn’t turn his back as soon as he does so, he wouldn’t have missed your blush and smile.
˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚ ˚₊⁎⁎⁺˳༚
Once you reach Rintarou’s car, he asks if you have your phone charger with you. As you say yes, he asks again if you would plug it in the car’s charging port as he maneuvers the car out of parking.
You do as he asks and, as you place his phone on the console, notice some things that spark your concern.
”Rin?”
”Yeah?” He responds, eyes ahead.
”I know we both have sweet tooth, but didn’t we agree not to give Risa and Ryuu too much candy?”
”Huh?”
”Lollipops and gums,” you answer, finally tearing your eyes away from the items that had caught your attention. You turn to Rin and watch as the confusion leaves his face.
To your surprise, he only chuckles in response. “Those aren’t for the kids, Y/N. They’re mine.”
Now, it’s your turn to feel lost. “Huh?”
Rintarou bites his lips. “I’m trying to quit smoking. I heard those are nice alternatives.”
”Oh.” You’re at a loss of words for a moment, remembering the many times you have told him in the past that smoking is bad for the health. As you struggle to find what to say, Rin continues.
”It’s gonna take a while though. To be honest, this isn’t the first time I’m trying and it’s really hard.” A small laugh. “I’ve been smoking even before I was legally allowed to. But god, I do hope I can finally quit this time.” He shoots you a quick smile. “I don’t want my wife to leave me because of nicotine problems.”
And just like that, whatever response you’ve been able to come up with in your mind gets forgotten, chased away by the butterflies in your stomach.
Rintarou has been doing this a lot lately: calling you his wife.
Of course he had done so in the past, but they were all said in mockery, with the intent to spite and hurt you. It’s the very opposite now. He knows he makes you flustered and you know he enjoys seeing you blush.
You turn your head to look out the window, hoping he can’t see your very red face. Behind you, he laughs a little. It does not help in calming the beating of your heart. “What’s the matter, Y/N?”
”Shut up, Rin!"
to be continued.
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Sometimes, it takes losing someone to finally see them. He wished he knew this before, but Rintarou had to learn this the hard way.
WARNINGS: descriptive smut, foul language, implied multiple rounds of sex
WC: 2.7k
Genre: Angst, Romance, Hurt/Comfort
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and in no way represents my views of the original anime/manga characters.
Here's part 4! As usual, thank you for waiting for the update. This is quite a short chapter and you can treat it as an extended calm before the storm.
Spoiler alert for the next part: that's where all hell breaks loose HAHA (okay, maybe an exaggeration).
Kindly reblog and/or leave a comment if you liked this short update!
part one part two part three
kofi ~
MINORS DO NOT INTERACT ‼️
˚✧₊⁎⁎⁺˳✧༚
If someone told you a few months ago that one morning you’d wake up to the sight of your husband watching you intently while you slept, you would have laughed at their face and dismissed them.
But alas, here you are, slowly blinking the sleep away from your eyes as you make out Rintarou’s face. You half expect him to turn away and pretend he wasn’t watching you but to your surprise, he only raises an eyebrow at you. “Morning”.
You try to sit up but immediately groan as your body protests in pain. Rintarou chuckles a little as he offers help. “Too sore?”
“And whose fault is that?” You retort as you let him help you while at the same time trying to hide your blushing face, knowing that you’re miserably failing.
Rin hums before replying with a smirk. “I definitely wasn’t the one who sugggested for more…”
Your eyes widen before you playfully swat his hands away. He laughs again, the sound foreign to your ears not but unwelcome. You silently hope you’ll be able to hear it a lot more often soon. “Rintarou!”
The two of you are interrupted by the sound of incessant knocking on your bedroom door. It prompts you to look at the clock. “Oh my god, it’s late!”
Rintarou tilts his head to the side. “It’s Saturday though?”
Before you can answer, the sound of your kids’ concerned voices rings through the door. “Mom? Dad? Where are you… We’re scared.”
You hear a muffled groan from your husband as he pulls away from you and you hastily get yourself prepared.
~~~
Suna watches as you cook pancakes for breakfast. He can hear the kids playing in the living room, the sound of the cartoons they had insisted to “watch” playing in the background.
“Is it not tiring?”
You send him a curious glance before returning your attention to the pan. “Cooking?”
“All the house work,” he clarifies as he moves from the kitchen island to join you near the stove. “You never tried to ask if we could hire a new helper when Jiri left.”
He feels you tense a bit once he’s standing close to you. “I like doing all the work.”
“Still, a little help would have been nice, right?”
He’s surprised when you turn to him, an outstretched hand holding a spatula. With a smile, you tell him, “Not from a stranger.
Suna reluctantly takes the tool from you and you laugh a liittle. “You don’t know how to cook?” He feels sheepish as he nods. You purse your lips. “Okay. Maybe you can help with other chores.”
As you try to take the spatula back from him, Suna softly grasps your hand. The action surprises even him.
“What?” He tries to conceal a smirk as he notices the faint blush beginning to color your face.
“I’d like it if we spend a few hours every week where you teach me the ways around the kitchen.”
“I’m not really good at cooking. Why don’t you ask Osamu instead?”
Suna gives you a rather mischievous smile as he maneuvers your hands so that the spatula is placed on the counter. Your fingers are intertwined, his wedding ring digging into yours “I’m not married to Osamu, why would I want to spend time in the kitchen with him?”
~~~
“Grandpa, Grandma, Mommy and Dad almost burned the kitchen!” You watch as Risa. runs towards her grandmother’s open arms while Ryuu runs to his grandfather.
Rintarou’s mother sends you a curious look and before you can respond, he goes to her and kisses her on the cheek. “We just got pre-occupied.”
The statement makes Rintarou’s mother let out an excited squeal as she beams at you. “Are we going to expect some good news soon?”
You instantly blush, realizing what she was implying. “T-That’s not…"
“Honey,” Your father-in-law says as your husband hands him the kids’ bags. “Don’t embarrass them like that.”
The statement reminds you that over the past years, the two of you have somehow managed to convince Suna’s parents that after the forced marriage, you were able to actually work out together as a couple. Though you wonder how stories of Rin’s numerous affairs manage to evade them.
You go and give goodbye hugs to your children. “You two behave, okay?”
Ryuu nods and smiles at you, his smile very similar to his father’s. “Yes, Mommy. Risa is the one who doesn’t behave.”
Your daughter’s protests die down as you plant a kiss on the top of her head. “Shh, Risa. Don’t listen to your brother’s teasing.”
Rintarou laughs a little as he ruffles the kids’ hairs one after the other. “Don’t give your grandma and grandpa headaches, okay?”
“Okay, Dad!"
As soon as Rin’s parents and the kids drive off, you’re left alone with him. “I should probably go do laundry…”
“Do you need help?” He asks as he shuts the front door.
“Not really…”
“But…?"
A small smile finds its way to your lips. “But if you want to help, I’m not gonna stop you.”
~~~
When you let Rintarou help you in doing the laundry, you weren’t expecting that it wouldn’t be the only thing he’d be… doing. You can barely recall the things leading to your current predicament: you seated on top of the washing machine as Rin slowly thrusts into you.
“Shit,” he curses against your ear hotly. “This feels so good.”
Your grip on his bicep tightens at the pleasure coursing through your body. “Rin, I’m almost there.”
At your words, his movements speed up. His heavy pants not helping you hold back your release. You tighten around him and just as you reach your orgasm, Rin thrusts harder. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! I’m gonna cum.”
Groans and heavy breathing reverberate in the laundry room as you’re both trying to recover from your orgasms.
He’s the one who catches his breath first. “I’m gonna pull out, okay?”
Too exhausted to come up with a reply, you only nod your head. However, the drag of his cock as he pulls out makes you whine in sensitivity and you reach out to his arm to try to slow him down.
“Fuck, sorry.” You close your eyes as you feel your mixed liquids beginning to slip out. Neither of you try to wipe them.
Rin breaks the silence before it can fully take place. “I have a question.”
“Hmm?”
“How come you never got pregnant despite the times I fucked you in the last four years?”
Despite your current position, his question still makes you blush. You only mutter one word. “Contraceptives.”
He’s quiet for a while. “I see.”
~~~
For the rest of the day, Rintarou helped you in doing the house chores. But for every time you finish one task, you somehow find yourself doing some sort of… intimate act with him.
“Listen, I’m happy to hear that you’re both spending more time together,” Sacha says over the phone. “But it’s concerning me that all you do is have sex. Do you two even talk?”
You’re currently propped against your bed while Rin is in the shower. You look at the door to the bathroom before turning back to your phone screen, where Sacha is currently doing her night skincare routine. “We do talk… just about regular stuff.”
Even through Facetime, you can hear the deep sigh from your friend. “That’s not good. At all.”
You know it as well but truth be told, you’re scared to initiate deep or serious talks with your husband, the last time being when you asked him for divorce. “I’m aware but I don’t know how to bring it up. What if he decides to block me out again?”
Sacha gently taps the moisturizing cream on her cheek for better absorption. “Then this resolve of him trying to make your marriage work is a big fucking joke. Make sure to call him out.”
It’s your turn to let out a deep sigh. “Okay. I’ll try to find the perfect time to bring it up.”
In the background, you hear the shower turning off. “I’ll be hanging up now, ‘Cha. Talk to you again soon.”
“Sure, dear. And see you soon?”
“Yeah, see you soon.”
Sacha waves through the screen and makes a kissy face. “Bye! Love you!” You smile at your friend as you faintly hear the sound of the bathroom door opening.
“Love you too, bye!”
As the call ends, you feel Rintarou looking at you. You meet his gaze. “What is it?”
He blinks, as if only now realizing that he was staring. “Nothing,” he replies as he makes his way across the room to retrieve clothes.
Just like the night before, you try your hardest not to watch him, ignoring the way droplets of water slide from the tips of his hair down to his nape.
You try to break the silence that was starting to take over the room. “How was today? Doing chores with me?”
You can tell your question surprises him and you can’t even blame him. In your attempt to make small talk, that was the first thing that popped into your mind.
Suna pulls a gray tank top over his head as he wears sweats. He walks over to you after he drapes his towel against the chair by the vanity. “Fun, I guess.”
He stops at the edge of the bed, still standing, and cocks his head to the side as if daring you to ask him more questions. You decide to take the challenge. “Which parts were fun?”
Rintarou’s answer is immediate. “Spending time with you.”
In response, you can already feel the blood rushing to your cheeks, especially since the next question is already leaving your mouth. “You mean the part where we have sex?”
You half expect him to laugh, his lips curving into his signature smirk. Instead, he looks into your eyes seriously. “No. I meant the part where you were telling me what you usually do and showing me how I can help. I liked watching the way your brows furrow in concentration and the way your lips pout when you’re trying to think of how to explain stuff to me.”
He retains the eye contact as he finishes talking. When you don’t respond, he finally moves again and joins you on the bed. “Y/N.”
Your breath hitches as Suna comes closer. “Y-Yes?”
“We need to talk.”
You nod slowly, still processing what’s currently happening.
Rin shakes his head. “That’s not talking.”
You clear your throat. “Okay.” A long inhale. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Us.” His hand moves to hold yours but at the last second, he pulls back, putting it at his side instead. “I meant it when I told you weeks ago that I want to make our marriage work. But it’s not just about us not fighting anymore and being on good terms. It’s not just about me stopping with my cruel treatment of you from before.
“Do you know what the hardest part was for me for the past years? Fighting my attraction to you. What I’m trying to say is, I actually want a relationship with you, not just have marriage as merely a label.”
You open your mouth to speak but he puts a finger against it. “Let me finish, please?” The pleading look in his eyes, partnered with the gentleness with which he put his finger against your lips, urges you to nod in agreement.
“I know I was a horrible person to you. I took advantage of you when you were drunk because I was young and stupid and rebellious. Actually, I think I’m still stupid because when we were forced to get married, I threw away the chance of making it up to you and still treated you harshly. Instead of apologizing, I resented you because I thought you were taking away from me my freedom.
“And that’s fucked up because I was the one who took everything away from you. So, really. I don’t think I can ever apologize enough for everything I put you through. In fact, I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But if you ever decide to forgive me and give me a chance to make it up to you, I would cherish it.
“You’re beautiful, Y/N, and I’m not just pertaining to your physical appearance. You have a beautiful heart and soul, you’re a beautiful person who does not deserve everything that happened to you because of me. I’m sorry, I don’t think I will ever stop apologizing to you. But still, I want to have another real chance with you.
“I’ve been denying my attraction to you for years and I’m now tired of running away. I want to know you more, Y/N. And in return, I want you to know me as well. Will you give us a chance?”
Surely, he must be able to hear the loud thumping of your heart. You’re at a loss of words. This is the most he has ever spoken to you.
Suna looks at you gently. “You don’t have to answer right away.”
You know that, but still, you reach for his hand on the bed. “When I was younger and read stories of people giving second chances, I always got frustrated. Why would they risk getting hurt by the same person again? I told myself I would never make the same decisions as them.”
He adjusts your hands so that he can rub his thumb against your palm. His eyes do the talking for him. “Go on.”
“Yet, look at me. Weeks ago, I agreed to give our marriage a chance. And just now… I want to tell you that I feel the same about wanting to start over again. I want us to get to know each other more.
“I don’t know what’s next to come, if we’ll even have a happy ending. But I want to take the risk with you, Rin.”
Your eyes meet his and the sincerity in them almost makes you tear up. You remain with locked eyes until finally, he says, “I’m glad. Thank you, Y/N.”
What he does next makes your heart pound against your chest. He leans forward, his breath warm against your face as he squeezes your still intertwined hands. You feel your cheeks heat up as his lips touch your forehead.
Rintarou leans back and gives you a soft smile. “Let’s go to sleep?”
Still flustered from his sudden forehead kiss, you can only respond with a nod.
~~~
Suna has always been an early riser. As a student, the habit paid off a lot as it allowed him to have ample time for academics and volleyball. As a young adult, it was useful when it came to escaping from awkward morning-after conversations with his one night stands.
Now, he’s beginning to discover another appreciation for his body clock. Similar to the day before, waking up before you gives him time to observe your features.
You look peaceful when asleep.
Now that the denial of his attraction to you is thrown out the window, it seems to Suna that he can’t get enough of you. Your soft, steady breathing and the serene look on your face tugs at his heart.
The feeling of wanting to protect you from anything that can potentially hurt you almost makes him scoff at himself. After all, he was the one that hurt you in the past few years.
If he wants to protect you from pain, he really should just distance himself from you. But Suna knows that he’s a selfish person. So, he’ll take another route instead: change and improve himself. Be someone who won’t hurt you; someone worthy to stay at your side.
It’s the determination that came to him last night, when he had closed his eyes trying to go to sleep, basking in the warmth of your body beside him.
For all the years of taking you for granted, Suna vowed to himself that from now on, he’s going to cherish every moment he spends with you.
TO BE CONTINUED.
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