Why am I somehow Saba? Why is Saba somehow me?
I saw her, growing and transforming into different versions of her self. I saw her childlike aura, her unconditional love for Irtiza, and her stubbornness and her fall.
I’ve never related this deep to any character.
Being delusional in the beginnings, thinking that things will remain the same forever. Being in love. Being indifferent to the rules of the world. And then, a sudden bolt of lightning strikes and your world changed forever. The way she was in love with him, and she saw, him, gradually fall in love with someone else. Those helpless expressions. That feeling when you know you can’t do anything about it. Her delusion slowly fades into reality.
Jealousy, angst and stubbornness fill your soul, all the while the endless guilt building up inside you. You watch him fall for her. You start to realise that he never really loved you, he never did. You realise he loves her. Those pain filled eyes and that little smile. You teach yourself to be happy for them. You watch him drift away and away from you. You distance yourself from him. You can’t be the same anymore. Nothing is the same anymore. Your world shatters down in front of your eyes and your hands are tied. You start comparing yourself with her and how she’s better than you in every aspect. The world around you calls you improper and childish. You feel this lump in your throat. The world suddenly is not in favour of you. And also, your own sister whom you love so much, being your subconscious rival, and your obligation towards her not to dislike her. What was her fault at falling in love with a man who loved her?
I somehow felt every emotion saba must’ve felt. Idk how. But I did. She’s the only real character in this world. She’s imperfect and I love her for that.