The Soldier Of Death (12)- Murderer
Natasha Romanoff X Super Soldier Reader 18+
Summary: Soldat Smerti. The Soldier of Death. You were the perfect weapon: loyal, obedient, and merciless, or so Hydra thought. What happens when these traits are put to the test? Your captivity in the Avenger's tower and the presence of a redhead makes you realise you didn't have to be a monster. The question was though; Did Hydra make you the monster or were you always one?
This fic will contains dark themes. Please read these warnings before starting any of these chapters: graphic descriptions of murder, violence, gore and torture, heavy angst, mental issues.
Please consider these warnings before reading
Word Count: 4.2k
General Masterlist | The Soldier Of Death Masterlist
Chapter Warning: Dark thoughts, Vivid Flashbacks to Violence and Torture, Graphic descriptions of Violence, PTSD Triggers/Anxiety.
The graphic scene will be in the large body of italics in case anyone wishes to skip it.
Rolling your shoulders back, you grimaced at the feeling of the rough suit pressed against your body, the stealthy black suit that haunted you clinging to your body once more. With how rushed this mission seemed to be, there wasn't enough time for Tony to make you a new suit, meaning you had to wear the old one from Hydra, the vile badge branded on your sleeve, something Steve seemingly couldn't take his eyes off. You felt sick wearing the suit, just the feeling of it enough to bring back unpleasant memories, a constant low, malicious chuckle sounding around your head.
You were made for this Soldat. We were made for this. We can show them how powerful we truly are.
The darkness relentlessly gnaws away at your thoughts but you try your best to zone them out, too busy hyper focusing on the feeling of the rough fabric scratching at your skin, making you feel claustrophobic and irritated.
You didn't want to go back to this base, flashes of your time there resurfacing as you sat at the back of the Quinjet, seemingly lost in thought to others as animalistic screams rang painfully in your head during the memories. You wanted it to stop. You needed it all to just stop.
I'll never stop. I need you to see how we're better than them. We don't need to be controlled. We should be the one in control.
Lolling your head back against the wall a littler harsher than intended, the sound drew Natasha's attention away from Clint who was muttering complaints about the mission, not happy with how many Hydra bases seemed to be in Siberia as he was not a fan of the climate there. The redhead merely murmured in response, her eyes trained on you as she read your body language, the tension that was evident in your posture and your furrowed brows as you seemed to shake your head out of a thought, her curiosity and worry only growing. Only when you opened your eyes, the life seemingly gone out of them, did Natasha cut off Clint's ramble, moving back to sit with you and check up on you.
"Hey," she softly greets, taking the seat next to you and noticing how your fingers press into your thighs, grounding yourself as you see the familiar sight of snow out of the window.
"Hey," you mirror back, tone not as soft as hers but still trying to be gentle, your smile barely visible but the action was enough for Natasha as she saw you trying to fight the battle in your mind.
"It's a simple mission," she tries to reassure, "We're just gathering intel and looking for the hard drive, ok? Nothing complicated," her tone stays calm and comforting but you can't stop the muffled dread nibbling at the back of your mind.
"Yeah," you sigh out, looking at her once more before flickering your gaze back down to the ground. "I just... Something doesn't feel right," you mutter, turning your gaze to witness the base coming into view, terror seeming to crawl up your spine. "It sounds too simple, too easy," you explain, eventually tearing your gaze away from the concrete building, meeting curious green.
"I agree," she whispers, seeming to look over at Steve momentarily who tries to subtly watch the two of you, her gaze swiftly returning to you, "It just means we have to be on guard and stick to the plan," she says before Steve interrupts her from saying anymore, informing everyone that they were about to land.
I'll show them who we truly are.
***
Stick to the plan. That was the one thing you had to do but you couldn't even do that, the darkness overpowering you and forcing you into wandering down the west wing where your old cell was. You were ordered to stick to the north section of the base to search for the hard drive, but you couldn't stop yourself from taking the other corridor, leading you to the stairs that lead you to the place that haunted you every night.
Your boots echoed down the concrete, the flickering light adding to the eerie atmosphere of the corridor as you ventured further down, searching for a specific room. All you could hear was your boots thudding against the ground with each step you took, reminding you of the guards that once walked this corridor, the boots that once thudded through here. The sound repeated in your head; one thud, two thuds, the sound of boots hitting your body, the sound of boots snapping bones, it was overwhelming and you needed it to stop.
You blinked your eyes, shocked at where you had ended up, that terror from earlier resurfacing and taking over your entire body as you stood in front of the thing you feared most.
Look at how powerful we were when I was in control.
Look what I did.
The voice sneers, making your head snap to the side of the room where the large, one-way mirror was placed, your reflection sitting in the chair that you were just looking at. You saw their sinister smirk, their cocky expression as they admired the destruction of the torture device, the large metal frames that hovered over their temples, perfectly fitting where the scars were littered against your head.
You couldn't help but let your gaze wander around the room properly, the stone grey walls coated with dried blood, a nauseous feeling arising within you as the memory started to come back, proving how much of a monster you were.
Your reflection pushed themselves off the chair, walking closer to where you were standing, their darkened eyes full of rage and malice as they taunted you.
Remember it.
"No," you croak out at them, a low chuckle leaving them as they step even closer to the glass.
Remember. It.
Their fist bangs against the glass, your body flinching at the sheer anger in their movements, unable to stop yourself as the memory took over your mind.
An animalistic scream is torn out of you, voice raw with agony as you convulse with pain in the chair, the electric currents being forced into your mind relentlessly as you struggle against the restraints. The metal placed against your temples burns into your skin with how merciless they were being with your punishment, another primal noise being ripped out of you when they upped the voltage, truly breaking your mind into pieces.
"Again," your general commanded through the speakers in the room, watching from behind the safety of the glass, the material manufactured to be able to withstand your abilities.
Another needle was stabbed into your arm as they halted the current through your mind, a whimper leaving you as you slumped in your metal confinement, panting desperately for breath. Your rest didn't last long as the blue serum glowed in your veins, burning you from the inside as your body tried to heal against the constant searing of flesh, remarkably able to keep up with the damage to your body and able to heal it swiftly.
As soon as the next wave of electricity was sent through you, your mind fragmenting into more pieces, you snapped and gave into the darkness that was buried deep within you, eyes going distant.
Fear took over all the doctors and guards in the room with you when your hand snapped out of the restraints with a newfound strength, their wildly beating hearts ringing in your ears as your other arm is set free, denting the metal that was in the way before crumpling it as if it were nothing.
With all the force you could, you tore the metal structures off your head, throwing them to the ground and staggering to your feet, barely able to stand and see through the pure rage clouding your mind.
'Kill them all' was the only thought in your mind as you watched them cower behind the guards holding guns, wanting to fire but hesitating as the General asked them to hold their fire.
"Sare!(Sir!)" One of them begged as you took a step closer to them, a sadistic and violent look in your eyes as you fed off their terror, the general curious as to what you were going to do, not giving the order to fire.
You continued to prowl towards them as if they were prey ready to be torn apart, the need to hurt them overwhelming as you took one more step closer, one of the guards disobeying his command.
As soon as he pulled the trigger, you used your enhanced speed and moved out of the way and closer to him, hands ripping the gun out of his grasp and turning his body around in your hold. His attempts to fight back were futile as you placed the barrel of the gun against the underside of his jaw and held down on the trigger, multiple bullets slicing through his skull, splattering blood against you and the nearby wall as no one could do anything but watch in pure fear.
A disturbing chuckle left your lips as you carelessly threw his body to the ground, the other guards aiming their guns at you, both of their hands trembling as the doctors panicked behind them, knowing they had no escape from the room.
"Оdin (One)," You mocked before the other two guards pulled the triggers to their guns, your movements too quick for them to comprehend as you pounced at the first one, fist brutally colliding with his face as your other hands tore the weapon from his hands, discarding it somewhere in the room as you didn't need it to kill them. You were the weapon that would kill them.
Your hands gripped his hair, fingers digging into his skull before you forced it against the concrete wall with a staggering amount of strength, the sound of it cracking into two echoing around the room. The life drained out of his eyes as you forced his skull against the wall again, and again, and again, unable to control yourself. You didn't stop, not even when you heard another deafening crack, not when a few bullets pierced through your skin in multiple places, but only when your hand went completely through his head, blood and brain coating you as you dropped the mangled head to the ground.
The warm crimson coated your hand as you turned to the other guard, annoyance evident in your eyes as you felt the dull pain of the bullets, the serum from before temporarily boosting your abilities and helping you heal quicker.
"Dva (Two)," You grit out while you focus your attention on the last guard, eager to make an example out of him.
Your hand roughly grasps the end of the firearm, snapping it off like it was nothing before throwing it to the doctors who desperately tried to open the door, the eyes of the guard widening as you smirk at him.
His boot bravely kicks at your knee, knocking you down a little before he tries again, his hand deftly sliding out a knife from his pocket to swing at you. Your reaction is far quicker than his, your hand grabbing his flying boot and twisting his entire leg, practically dislocating the entire limb as you force him down to the ground, the knife clattering to the ground as he cries in pain.
"Tree (Three)," You sneer out at him while picking up the blade with one hand, threading your fingers through his hair with the other and tugging his body up into a standing position as you both stagger to your feet, dragging him over to where the mirror was, stopping just before it.
The man whimpered as you forced him to put pressure on his injured leg, the blood coating your hands smearing all over him as your fingers gripped his chin, making him look forward at his own reflection and at the people behind the glass before tipping his head back, placing the knife against the column of his throat.
"I'll kill anyone that gets in my way of killing you Sare," your voice is void of emotion as you stare straight ahead of you, knowing that was where your General was standing, the beating of his heart just about audible through the glass. You didn't need to scare him with more threats, to unnerve him with sinister descriptions of what you wanted to do to him. You just needed to make a statement to him and you were certainly doing that.
Dragging the blade across the man's throat, you made them watch the blood seep out of the gaping wound, the life following the crimson liquid out of the guard until you carelessly let his body drop. As soon as his corpse hit the ground, you heard the large, bolted door open, various other experiments entering the room with one command floating around their minds, unaware of the slaughtering that was about to happen.
They needed to kill you.
At the feeling of a hand touching your shoulder, your body reacted instinctively and roughly grabbed their arm, forcing their body into the glass in front of you. At the sound of a pained noise and a sharp intake of breath, your mind cleared as panic and guilt uncomfortably stirred in the pit of your stomach.
Worried green with an underlying glint of fear in them gazed into your eyes, your shoulders slumping in realisation as Natasha stared back at you, her wrist most likely bruised at your grip as you stagger back, lost and confused at what was going on.
"Y/n?" Her tone is laced with concern as you release her from your hold, creating a distance between you as you hurt her, something you never wanted to do. It felt like something pierced your heart when she let out the pained groan, the way her eyes seemed to desperately search yours for some sort of hint of life as she... she seemed scared of you. Part of you.
That's it. Show her the real you. Show her me.
"I'm sorry," you croak out, ashamed at how weak you sounded, various emotions flooding through you. Guilt, resentment, disgust and others coursed through you at the knowledge of what you had done, hands shaking as you cover your face and turn away from the redhead, palms hitting your head aimlessly to try and knock some sense into you.
Show her the monster that we are.
"Stop, just stop," you mutter, walking further away from her, your hands still hitting the side of your head, needing the voice to stop its torment.
"Y/n? Y/n, listen to me," she tries, noticing how your chest seemed to rise and fall in a panicked rhythm, the tremble of your hands visible as you muttered Russian to yourself, pacing as other flashes of memories seem to resurface, the massacre of the other experiments vivid in your mind. "Listen to me," she repeats, her tone becoming authoritative.
It's like something clicks inside you at her commanding tone, your body pausing in its tracks as you still try to regulate your breathing, throat feeling coarse as you try to breath in fresh air, struggling to. You needed to listen to her. You needed to obey her.
"Look at me," she commands next, noticing how the switch in tone seemed to have worked, your body reluctantly turning around to look at her, nothing but fear and hurt in your eyes making her heart clench painfully at the sight of you. Cautiously, she takes a step closer to you, your fingers twitching by your side as she gradually moves towards you, her features softening at the sheer look of panic consuming your face, wanting to calm you down. "It's ok," she whispers in the softest voice you've ever heard, her emerald eyes staring up at you gently, conveying nothing but calmness and comfort to try and reassure you. "I'm ok," she murmurs again, seeing the conflicting emotions hidden behind your eyes.
She's scared of you. Can't you hear her heart? She's terrified right now.
"I- I hurt you," is all you can manage out in a broken voice, turning your head away from her, desperate to listen to anything but the wildly beating heart in her chest, confirming what the darkness was taunting you about.
"I'm ok, I'm not hurt," she says but you ignore it, trying to listen to anything else, a ticking catching your attention, "We've got the hard drive, the mission was successful, everything's alright." Your head snaps over to where the large mirror is, Natasha's face pulling into confusion at the sudden switch in demeanour, your features hardening at the incessant ticking until realisation dawns on you. There was a bomb.
Using your body as a shield, you take the brunt of the impact as glass splinters and shatters across the room, hand cradling the back of her head protectively as the force of the explosion knocks you over. Your hand roughly collides with the concrete floor littered with shards instead of her head, your body braced above hers as you grimace at the feeling of glass stabbing into your hands, her green eyes blown wide due to adrenaline, hands clutching at your waist.
"Are you okay?" you whisper with how close the two of you were, her eyes searching yours as she's a little shocked at how composed you suddenly were. It was as if a switch was flicked in your mind and you were back to focussing on the mission.
"Yeah," she replies a little dazed and you assume it's from the sudden explosion, not your sudden switch in persona. "Y/n-" The sounds of gunshots from upstairs echo down the corridor, both your heads snapping up at the noise before tilting back to look at each other, an odd feeling stirring in the pit of your stomach at being so close to her.
You notice the specks of darker green in her eyes, beautifully mixed with the vivid emerald, eyes seemingly getting lost in hers before another loud gunshot snaps you both out of the lingering stare.
Pushing your body off hers, the two of you swiftly navigate out of the room and up the stairs to where the chaos was. So much for the mission being successful.
Hydra agents attacked various Avengers in the hallways, bullets whizzing through the air and into the concrete walls, your eyes scanning the scene. Steve had two agents fighting him at the same time, the agents working together to try and overpower the super soldier, timing their punches to catch him off guard. Clint was engaged in a brawl with another agent further down in the hallway, his bow being used as a weapon as the enemy threw kicks at him, the metal being used to parry the attacks. You could see trails of Wanda's magic creeping from around the corner, the sound of Tony's blasters also nearby as another swarm of Hydra agents filtered in through the various corridors that lead into this open space, your eyes flickering to Natasha.
She offered you a small, reassuring smile before running at an agent, lowering her body swiftly to swipe at his legs and knock him over, easily able to disarm the man. You switched your attention towards your own target, the large brute that towered over your body, his enormous fist aiming towards your face. Your body dodged his incoming attack, leg roughly colliding with his knee to knock him down, your fist then catching his face. You watched as his head swung to the side with the force of your hit, a few teeth being knocked out of his mouth, your leg kicking him again until another agent kicked at your supporting leg from behind, knocking you off balance.
The large brute staggered back to his feet as the other agent attacked you, a knife being slipped out of his pocket as he swung it at you with all the strength he could muster. The blade caught your suit, tearing into the old fabric and your skin making you grimace with pain, the darkness raging inside you.
With more strength than necessary, you launched yourself at the man, tackling his body to the ground, hands naturally going to his head. Your thumbs pressed into his temples, the eyes of the agent widening at what you were about to do, his hands clawing at your forearms to make you stop. You lost control for a moment, thumbs digging in harder so that you could feel the bone straining under your grip, the only thing stopping you from crushing his skull being the brute from before. His fist crashed into the side of your head, knocking you back to reality as you rolled off the agent, boot kicking out into his face and rendering him unconscious.
The brute used the size of his body to his advantage, the man significantly taller and heavy than you, prompting him to barge his body against yours as you tried to make it back to your feet. You were knocked back into the wall, back roughly colliding with it making you groan in pain, head banging against it awkwardly adding to the discomfort you felt. His knuckles hit exactly where your head was a split second ago, crumbling away a small part of the concrete as you just about dodged it in time, throwing a punch at his side to wind him.
Moving with agility, you used the time of his stiffness productively, wrapping your body around his from behind, arms locked around his head and pulling him backwards towards the ground. You tightened your grip until you could see his complexion turning red from the lack of oxygen, gritting your teeth together as his body hit behind at you, taking the brunt of the hits as he eventually grew limp in your arms. With a heavy breath, you pushed him to the ground, picking up the knife that the other unconscious agent had dropped and spinning it between your fingers as you observed what else was happening.
You noticed immediately the sight of an agent aiming a gun straight at Steve who was busy with another agent, unaware of the other threat. Without thinking, you launched the blade in your hand at the man with accuracy, the metal slicing through his suit and chest. The man fell to the ground, gasping for breath as the knife fatally hit him, Steve turning around after defeating the agents swarming him, witnessing the life leave the man you murdered.
Your face paled as realisation dawned on you at what you just did. You couldn't tear your eyes of the dying man, annoyance rising within you as this wasn't what you wanted to be like. You wanted to prove to them you could be good, that you could be more than the monster you were made into being but you just couldn't control yourself. Maybe Steve was right, you're too dangerous to be a hero.
"What did you just do?" he snaps at you, the tone of voice merging into a familiar voice of your General in your mind, your face flickering between various emotions.
"I... I saved you," you manage back, moving onto the next agent and ducking under his swinging arm to upper cut him, his inexperienced form stumbling to the floor, dazed and unable to get back up. You turn back to Steve, watching as he knocks out the last agent, the rest of the group catching their breaths after the strenuous activity, observing you and the super soldier closely as he steps closer to you.
"You're not cut out for this," he spits out, moving his arm to wipe the sweat off his face, his other arm slotting the shield onto the clasps on his back. "We don't murder people, we aren't like that," his tone conveying his disapproval of your actions, the darkness resurfacing at his obvious insult.
"Like what?" you snap back, Natasha moving closer to you, ready to intervene.
"Like Hydra," he argues back, eyes flickering to your shoulder where the logo of the organisation was branded on your shoulder, disgust filling you regained control of your body, his words feeding your insecurities and doubts. You didn't want to be like them anymore, you just weren't sure how. Killing was all you knew.
"Steve-" Natasha tries but the super soldier cuts her off, not understanding why she was so protective of you.
"No, Natasha," he interrupts, "She's not right for us. She had an order, stick to the north area of the base and did she?" The blonde talks as if you're not there, your eyes flicking down to the ground in shame as he was right, you didn't stick to the plan. "Guess where all the Hydra agents infiltrated from?" he asks sarcastically while walking up to the redhead, his blue eyes showing his disappointment as he walks past her straight back to the jet, the rest of the team unsure of what to do as you remain frozen on the spot, various thoughts flooding through your mind.
You disobeyed an order. You deserved punishment.
