Every day, I feel like giving up
I don’t, because I have an obligation to my soulbonds. All they want is to see me happy. All they want is to see me thrive. For them, I am going to thrive.
I don’t, because no one understands those two beautiful cats I share my life with like I do. They deserve that understanding. I know that without me, their care will be sub-par, and they don’t deserve that.
I don’t, because no one knows how to keep those seven plants out in the garden thriving until winter, and they deserve to bloom for as long as they’re going to. I know that without me, they’ll never bloom again. They’ll end up in the garbage can, and they don’t deserve that.
I don’t, because Yooka-Laylee isn’t out yet and I need to play it. I haven’t gotten to play Shovel Knight yet. I haven’t even gotten to play most of the Final Fantasies. I need to see what FF15 is going to be like. I want to see what Gen 7 of Pokemon will be.
I don’t, because I haven’t finished my stories yet. And I haven’t even started so many of them yet.
I don’t, because the autistic community needs me to thrive. I need to set an example, that no matter how difficult is to live in such a world where everything seems to be set against you, you need to thrive. You cannot give up. You must find your own reasons to keep on keeping on. You deserve your life. You deserve this world, which is for everybody. I need to show them that it’s possible to keep on fighting and that it won’t be in vain.
I don’t, because neurotypical people need to realize what exactly is going on in the mind of an autistic person. The people who see me, who look at me with raised brows and judgemental eyes, who regard me with avoidance, ought to know what is really going on inside this mind. The people who try their hardest but their hardest is not enough need to realize why even their hardest may not be enough.
I don’t, because ever since I was 16 years old, I’ve wanted to be a superhero. And ever since I was 16 years old, I have blundered, faltered, and failed at that task until I realized that maybe I wasn’t the kind of superhero that the world would need. And now I realize, that when the opportunity has arisen to be a REAL superhero, to show the world that no matter how hard it beats me down, I will always rise from the ashes, to show other people who are in my position that they need to fight every day to be able to do the same thing...well, I couldn’t rightfully call myself a superhero if I didn’t grab that opportunity by the horns.
Every day, I want to give up. Some days, I’ve even come close. But no matter how much the world wants to push me down, I will be fighting against it. And I will never give up, even when I don’t come out victorious.