5 F*ckin' Years
I honestly don't know where to start when I look back at the last five years of my life. All I know is that I was completely out of it.
It felt like an endless cycle of surviving. Moving on from things I never really got the chance to process. Trying to stay sane while life kept happening all at once. There were days when getting through the day was already an achievement.
It was exhausting. Quietly exhausting.
But somehow, there were things and people that kept me sane through all of it.
Kpop, definitely. Super Junior, 2PM, and Got7. Their music became a safe place for me during the days I didn't know how to deal with my own thoughts. Sometimes it wasn't even about the music itself. Them simply existing gave me something to look forward to. Something familiar. Something safe.
K-dramas too. Mostly from my non-negotiable actors who unknowingly carried me through some of the hardest seasons of my life Seonho, Taecyeon, Hae In, Chang Wook, Joo Won, Je Hoon, Bo Gum, Kim Bum, Jinyoung, Junho, and the list honestly just goes on. Their stories became my temporary escape whenever reality felt too much.
Then there were my friends. Probably the hardest part of all of this. Losing people, outgrowing connections, and realizing not everyone stays when life gets ugly. But the people who chose to stay despite seeing me at my worst? Those are the people I hold onto tightly these days. The ones who never made me feel like I was too much during my darkest moments.
My relationship with God changed too. I thought before that I was already in a good place with Him. But somewhere along the way, I became complacent. I ignored the signs. I let too many things consume my time and take me away from Him without even realizing it. Even during the moments I felt farthest, He still found ways to pull me back gently.
And of course, my family. My father, for always keeping me grounded whenever my emotions became too loud. My mother, for constantly pushing me beyond what I thought I was capable of, even during the times I wanted to give up on myself completely.
Five years later, I can honestly say I'm still healing. Still trying to figure life out. Still carrying scars from everything I had to survive. But at least now, I no longer feel as lost as I used to.
And maybe that's enough for now.
