i thought long and hard before deciding to write this. it’s about jongdae, the fandom and kpop in general. it is also about the cancel culture i see everywhere. these are my views on it, for what is worth.
first, i want to say that i fully sport jongdae (or any artist!) in their personal pursuits of happiness. my love for them does not entail controlling their life, romantic or not! being their fan doesn’t give me the right to demand their celibacy. they aren’t catholic priest or devoted monks. they never swore on something sacred that they wouldn’t love another human on a romantic level and fans shouldn’t expect that kind of commitment from any artist.
second, the industry does sell the artists as virtual boyfriends and girlfriends. the targeted marketing at lonely people and the way the idols themselves sometimes act towards their fans is misleading at best. I wish they’d stop that. I wish fans were more careful on how they put their love and interest too. because they are the ones who ultimately suffer more, in this one sided relationship.
third, i understand being hurt by unexpected news from our loved artists. abruptly things changed and right now it all seems like a betrayal. but it was not! how was jongdae suppose to tell his fans that he had a girlfriend, when that would make his fans go crazy like this? he had to wait. he had to wait for us to be understanding enough. he waited for us to mature. well, a baby came a long… and that is an unavoidable deadline to his coming clean to the fans! and he did it, brilliantly! he was the most honest and most humble person on earth. he apologised (even when he didn’t have to!) for he knew how much the news would hurt his beloved fans. he was strong and bared all the hate that he knew was coming. he did not apologised for loving someone or for starting a family. he apologised for creating pain and he thanked all the love he always felt.
now, as fans, fans who loved him dearly, can you honestly say you hate him? isn’t it just hurt and pain and shock on top of the love you always felt? there is a fine line between love and hate, yet i can honestly say i never hated a single soul. can you look back into yourself? can you look into those feelings and face that hurting jongdae won’t make your hurt smaller? think of this tiny life that is about to come. don’t you want to be part of the worlds greatest godmothers/godfathers and be happy that a flower born out of love is gonna meet us soon? don’t you see that the rest of the boys will be loving this baby possibly as much as they love their fans, if not even more? don’t you want to share their love too? we are one, and i want to be part of this infinite one of love.
finally, i don’t agree with the “if you don’t agree with me unfollow” hate wave. i think the only way we have to became better is to listen to each other. so come talk to me me, even if you don’t agree with me. specially if you don’t. i’m not saying i support people who are actively planing hate demonstrations on jongdae or that promote exo as 8 or 7 members only. all i’m saying is i will talk to you, even if you do. i want to understand what is hurting you so much that makes you use hate to express yourself, instead of love.
please everyone, let’s be more open, let’s lead by example! let’s not exclude each other because we can’t seem to agree. let’s try to put ourselves in the others shoes, let’s talk more! please, see that the world isn’t made out of rigid boxes of things we are and are not. it’s a much more diluted gradient of definitions, where we can exist without hate towards differences and less fear of change.
