Anticonception, Part 3: Is there a doctor in the house?
Let's look at the big guns. The 'get your butt down to the doctor and stay there for a week talking about this' kind of anticonception.
The smallest gun of these is an intrauterine device (IUD). It’s a principle that’s been known about for centuries, but only recently been turned into a mostly medically safe form of anticonception. It’s a very sure form of anticonception, however. The uterus is the only organ in the human body that does not want to reject anything growing in or on it with a different genetical or chemical structure. It doesn’t have its own brain however, so it doesn’t know the difference between a baby and a medical device. Long story short? Once the uterus registers anything inside of it, ovulation (and usually menstruation) stops. Baby, IUD, the uterus doesn’t judge, but embraces its occupant warmly. The downside to this is that it’s not very confortable to get and can be expensive. In young women who haven’t given birth, some doctors will not place it because it could be too painful to do so without full anaesthesia (There may be medical reasons do so, however. Diseases/medication that make pregnancy life-threatening for either mother or child or conditions which make menstruation just another something that makes life harder.) It has to be replaced every three or so years and because of this, a tiny piece sticks out. This piece is trimmed down to its tiny state by a human being, so there’s a chance that your partner might notice a sharp ‘stabby’ sensation if it’s too long. If it’s too short, removal will be unpleasant. If it’s not removed, or if the uterus is damaged while having one, there is a risk of the IUD growing into the uterus. As before, it’s a medical solution and anyone practising medicine on you should be informed that you have one.
A slightly more permanent solution is clamping down the seminal tract (in a man) or the fallopian tube (in a woman). This works the same way that standing on a garden hose does: if the supply line is disrupted, delivery gets cancelled. Very high safety rating on the anticonception totem pole. This has to be done operatively, however, and every operation has risks. Also, there’s a risk that this might not be reversible.
Then there’s cutting through the previously mentioned organs. Same principle, slightly safer for those unwilling to ever get pregnant, similar risks. It is possible in some cases that this is reversible, but mostly, it’s not. Egg cells and sperm cells still get made in both cases, however, so pregnancy is possible, with sufficient funds and medical help.
The surest way to never have any responsibility in a pregnancy? Remove the important bits. Now, I’m not talking about taking hedge clippers to a penis. I’m talking about removing the ovaries, testicles and/or uterus. If half of the equation is missing, the result will never come. This has drastic side effects, however. It’s completely irreversible, for one. No going back. It’s a surgical procedure, and not a small one if you’re a woman. And it influences your hormone levels. A lot. These parts of the human body tell your brain to make hormones that regulate hair growth, bone density, skin structure… The list goes on. You will need hormone replacement therapy, dietary supplements and regular check-ups of basically everything about you.
