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Something something I will never get to experience the things I idolized as a child as it is both too pricy and I experience things fundamentally differently. I will never get that experience of “girlhood” because people see me as Offputting and Annoying
Saturday I went to a BBQ to celebrate that a dear friend survived cancer.
He beat the cancer that killed my first husband.
He wore the same shirt for every single chemo treatment. And had us cut pieces off of it to burn before burning the last of it himself.
I couldn't make words when I hugged him. But one of my besties is married to him and another is his GF. So he knew that I loved him and wanted to support him (and knew I was supporting his partners) but that I was also struggling with his diagnosis in ways I had not anticipated.
When I hugged him later, when it was just us, I sobbed. I'm so glad he's still here. So fucking happy.
These people, they are my chosen family, my leather family, my best friends, and my greatest supports.
He knew why I was crying. He knew what I'd been through. He knew I loved him and wanted nothing but the best for him.
He hugged me tightly and just thanked me for being there for his girls. He had had plenty of support. And was more worried about them.
The asshole ex also made peace with him, which is good. They fell out years ago which sucked because they were once closer than brothers.
I've known this chosen family for nearly 13 years. And I've known his GF for years, but not well.
She and I became much closer when I spent a bunch of time with her before Christmas. And yesterday she was falling apart. She could finally relax, and everything hit her all at once. I happened to be sitting next to her smoking. And I was glad to be able to support her. She's also in the middle of divorcing her husband and we've bonded over that.
She's the only person I've ever witnessed who could be completely alone in a room full of people who love and care about her, but at the same time, don't see her.
No wonder we've become so close.
It is terrible to watch your partner hurt to be able to do nothing about it. It is terrible to watch them suffer from far away. It's terrible to know that the birthday present you gave them is wasted because someone else canceled their trip
For the lil asks :) ☘️ and 💖
Oooh. Thank you @lokisgoodgirl !
💖 something you love about yourself?
I love being generous. I will freely and happily give of myself for the people I care about, whether it's time or money or effort or some specific kind of help. I'm happy to do it. It makes me happy and I love when it surprises people.
🍀 meaningful life-lesson or quote you vibe to?
I'm picking a meaningful life-lesson.
Making time for myself isn't selfish. Taking care of myself isn't selfish. Removing people from my life that can't respect those two things also isn't selfish.
Yes. Yes. Thank you tarot deck for reminding me that no matter what the ex says, he's the wrong choice.
I spent 6 hours folding laundry today and I want to cry. But it's done and I have 3 bags to donate and I should be done washing everything I'm not currently wearing tomorrow.
Fuck. Never again.
I need to be better at this. I hate laundry. But no more ex-husband means no more splitting shores like this.
So my dear recently returned friend has become a definitely important part of my life. Two weekends ago we went on vacation together for 4 days. We're going to do it again in two weeks.
That vacation is why I'm sick as shit now. I will be better prepared next time.
(dehydration and x-rated activities are poor bedfellows.)
There's nothing better than a partner who wants you as you are and respects your motherfucking pronouns!
I need this in my life. And I'm grateful to have them in my life.
Fuck.
I'm sick as shit and completely forgot that the med that took me 6 months to get on, yeah. It's an immunosuppressant.
So now I'm on a fuck ton of antibiotics and thanks to that immune condition #2, which was a gift from the gods for trying to treat immune condition #1, has kicked into high gear.
So. My. Entire. Fucking. Body. Itches.
I worked from home today because I can't put on a fucking bra without screaming.
Fuuuuuuck.
Can this please just be over?
