A Falling Angel's Last Case
Summary: A story of a doting guardian angel, who learned to love and pity the dying human he was watching over.
Characters: Julian Devorak, Susanne Bauer (Fanapprentice) Other appearances: Portia Devorak, Susanne’s family, various villagers
Genre: Angst, Alternative Universe, Rating: Mature Warnings: Mention of death, Mention of Blood, Mention of Body Horror (growing wings), Hints towards violent acts
**IMPORTANT INFORMATION**
This is an homage to @jyuukichannart ‘s Angel!AU. Thank you so much for creating the AU! As spiritualist this AU means everything to me, and I was looking into it for other projects of mine already, though this gave me a chance to apply it to my sweeties Susanne & Julian too!
Angel Disease (Tenshibyou) is a fictional disease NOT created by me! I found this post on twitter and it inspired me to write this story! (It’s a very interesting read!)
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A/N: These damn 13 pages really washed out my eyes and gave me a real good cry about them. I hope you guys will like it just as much as I did! Please don’t cry too much if you do!
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Julian knew she was dying. From the moment he met her, he knew her days were accounted for, and it made him look at her differently than he ever looked at his protegees before her. Angels always managed to keep themselves at a certain distance to human emotions, but they were no monsters. Even formidable guardians, like Julian was, knew how happiness could leave bubbles in one's stomach, and sadness burned in one's eyes. He could feel anger if someone acted against better judgment, and he could feel compassion for someone's grief.
But until he met Susanne, he never knew what pity was.
However she managed to attract such an awful disease, something so vile and ugly, even his feathers turned upwards at the thought of it, was a mystery to him. When she was handed to him as a case to clear, his superior said it would be easy and quick. An efficient, straightforward work, that's all it was supposed to be. But as he began to dig deeper through her file, Julian gulped, feeling as if a stone just bashed into his stomach.
"Diagnosis: Angel Disease", her file read, and Julian's eyes widened in surprise.
It was a name too pretty for something so deadly and unholy as it was. Against the better belief, it didn't turn a human - the species that commonly attracted it - into a being as beautiful as Julian and his peers were. No, it didn't even turn them into anything remarkable like a living being, it just slowly consumed its host until the human no longer had the strength to withstand the callings of death. Julian could be happy to not have experienced a case before where one of his fosterlings had to live through this. Even in the endless flow of time, it was something rare for guardians to encounter, but it wasn't something he had never heard about before either.
Setting out the same day he got his new case, Julian remembered Portia seeing him off, asking him to not do anything stupid as she knew her brother was prone to. He promised her. He promised he'd take good care of himself, return home immediately once the job was done, and also not bring back any delicacies from the human world. She gave his side a playful punch for this, telling him she expected at least cake as compensation. Laughing, he gave her his usual smile and waved into her direction as he flew off. After all, if he wanted to honor the promise of coming back, he needed to be gone first, right?
Had he known he wouldn't make it back in the same way that he left in, maybe he wouldn't have left that day at all. Perhaps, he'd stayed with Portia, refused the job and gotten some cleaning duties for his refusal. But would it have been the same? Would the experience he made, be worth not making, just for the sake of staying as the same angel he was then?
With the blood on his hand, Julian wasn't sure anymore. He wasn't sure if what he did was wrong or right, bad or good. Not even his feathers turning colors from the soft, creamy white to ashen, pitch-black helped him understand the extent of what he did. All he knew was that she was still breathing, cradled in his arms, and smeared with the mixture of her own blood and the one of an angel, but she was alive.
Who could tell him he made a mistake if he did everything he could to save the person entrusted to him?
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Susanne's life expectance, as noted in her life file, was chipper 27 years. People died early in the age Julian currently worked in. There were many things like catastrophes, illness, the occasional war taking place. Humans always found a way to shorten their life expectancy to the bare minimum for the sake of exploring and satisfying their hunger for knowledge and power. Julian had seen it all, tended to all those souls who eventually lost their mortal shells, and guided them back to where they belonged.
Still, considering that her life was mostly blessed, except for the occasional cold, she could have lived a lot longer than that, Julian noted in his first report back to the realm. It must have happened somewhere in her twenties that she attracted what would be her doom, and now it was his job to look out and not have an evil befall her already lost soul. Devils and demons alike inched closer to souls they felt were doomed already, trying to gain as much from the humans as possible. It would be Julian's protection that would keep Susanne from making a deal with those entities, even if she would not be able to return to a greater cause as other humans did in the end. What befell her was going to destroy and drain her life force from inside out, and it was Julian's duty to make sure it could not spread once it had achieved what it wanted from her.
Angel's couldn't kill. Yes, it would have been mercy not to let her suffer any longer, but it was out of any angel's hand to do so. Much less, because at least for the last few moments of her life, Susanne was doomed to become what a mortal should never try to turn into - an angel. Neither their souls nor bodies were able to maintain something as great as the power that came from being one, so with their dying breaths, they'd taste it before completely disappearing from the universe.
However, killing another angel was deemed the worst crime one could do, just like ripping out another angel's wings. For angels to even consider doing these acts, there must have been an immense amount of disconnecting from their original beings prior to the act, and they would be punished harder than anyone else, considering they doomed two entities for all eternity.
Despite it all, Julian was surprised to see that between her attracting the Angel Disease and her now presumed death laid years. Perhaps, the first year of her illness could have gone unnoticed by the Watchers; angels, who studied the humans day and day out. There must have been a certain amount of time before the higher-ups grew suspicious of the change in her soul and started to surveil her. Otherwise, someone else would have already been doing Julian's job - for a long time nonetheless. From what he knew from his academy years, the disease was a devastating momentum and unavoidably deathly for humans. An old, fallen entity had brought it over the humans under the protection of the rulers of the world, in the entity's last wish to wreak havoc. Luckily it could be mostly contained with only spurts of outbreaks. But for a human to carry it for such a long time without succumbing to it, that certainly was an extraordinary deed to fulfill. Julian would have lied to say he had high expectations of this job; however, his curiosity grew about his new protegee, her being so different from all his jobs before.
And Susanne did not disappoint.
From the moment he landed in the calm, small village she called her home, to when he'd leave it again, Susanne would be the first and the last thing his eyes caught onto. A ray of sunshine beneath what seemed like a body that could do no wrong, that's what she was. A person to like, someone to cherish, to keep around for fun times and exciting conversations. A human not worthy of dying just because some old god decided he wanted to punish his own peers.
Being a guardian angel could be tedious at times. A human only got assigned a guardian for a reason and said guardian had to follow their everyday lives until the moment they were sent for came around. It wasn't always a pretty job and not always just 'giving divine advice' to their human. Sometimes it was making sure the human wasn't dying before their inevitable end, sometimes it was making sure they got a push in the right direction and keeping evils away from their valuable souls.
Sometimes it was making sure a walking tragedy wasn't followed by another one, like it was in Susanne's case.
Susanne was a wonderful human, Julian decided after only one day. He described her as "good and diligent" in the report. In one day, he saw her help the people in her village, interact with creatures and humans alike in a tender way, and she even had the fortitude to try and knit a scarf, despite failing and giving up eventually. Julian saw many people giving up when the end of their days came closer, but she was almost too busy to seem struck by a disease. At that time, he still wondered if she was aware about slowly dying, but he found out about it soon enough.
In the middle of the night, Julian watched as she fell out of bed, coughing up bits of blood. What he presumed were feathers from her pillow and blanket, turned out to come from her insides, and by the time she was finished, she looked as if she had just seen hell and decided to come back for a little while longer. She didn't sleep for the rest of the night. Instead, she managed to knit the scarf after hours of doing her best to master the art, handing it to her little sister first thing in the morning.
Julian understood the gesture, even though the tiny human that her sister still was, probably didn't. If anything, the present was something Susanne would be remembered by even though Susanne knew that by the time her sister would use it in the cold winter days, she'd be long gone.
He couldn't be sure if she knew what she was dying off, but Julian believed it might be better for her to just think it was an illness coming from the lungs or stomach, instead of knowing it was something as awful as the Angel Disease. She didn't need to know something that would throw her into misery if she was aware.
The following day was spent the same as the day before. She was a diligent lass, getting up early to take care of her siblings and help her mother in the kitchen before going out to see to the animals with her father. Two more times did she have those episodes of coughing up blood and feathers before it was time to return home for lunch. No matter how long she had endured the disease, she was dying now, and it grew worse as time passed on mercilessly.
Every day he experienced with her was like the one before, except, Susanne never gave up. She'd come up with something new every morning, like baking pies, riding a cow, going fishing with her younger siblings. Even on the days, Julian watched her barely able to get out of bed after another sleepless night, she would eventually be carried out of sheets by her father or mother, who couldn't watch their eldest daughter wither away, and who would nurture her again to give her back her strength to face the rest of the day.
Two weeks after his arrival, Julian noticed that everyone was aware. The old ladies who she carried the groceries for and who gave her candy as thanks. The baker who always gave her the biggest loaf of the day when she came to buy bread, and even the bards made an effort to raise their tunes to accommodate her smile. It was when he began to wonder if they did all these nice things because they felt for her, wanted to give her some good last moments on earth, or thank her for helping and doing her best despite the circumstances. From the way they talked about her behind her back once she was gone, however, Julian learned it was very different from that. All of them looked at her just as 'the one dying', even if she did her best to be alive.
They pitied her, and his heart too began to throb in sympathy to their feelings.
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The thing about writing reports back to his superiors was that if he didn't write about something in it, there was a good - not absolute, just good - chance they would never find out about it. He was no newbie to bending his rules and practices, after all, certain situations called for certain measurements. Still, he was pretty sure that taking on a human form and meeting his protegee was not something that his realm looked kindly upon. However, only observing, never interacting, didn't make Julian any wiser.
So clad in a humble shirt and trousers, donned by a jacket and cape, Julian visited the village on the back of a hay cart. Many people lifted their eyes on the beautiful, young traveler, but they were undoubtedly skeptical about his intentions as he just strolled into town without a care in the world.
"Pretty," he noted, nodding towards the sun setting on the horizon.
"Yup!" Susanne chimed, proudly even. "That's why it's my favorite place in the whole wide world!"
Her fingers weaved through the grass around her, picking on all the tiny flowers that she needed for her flower crown. Susanne was everything he expected from watching her. Kind, helpful, sweet. Though he had been frowned upon by the villagers - apparently, strangers had a hard time connecting in tight-knit communities - Susanne didn't waste a breath to introduce herself as he caught his eyes. How long would he stay? Was he just traveling through? Did he have a bed for the night?
"Do you want to see something pretty?" she had asked him after a million other questions which Julian all too happily answered, enjoying their conversation more than just the simple his observation of her. They ended up on the sheep pasture, up the hill, watching the sunset. Hadn't he known about her health, she would even be able to hide it very well, but her curt excuses to go somewhere didn't stay unnoticed by him after all.
"Whole wide world, huh?" he mused, letting his eyes shift from her face to her hands, watching her lace the flowers together. "But you haven't seen the whole world yet, how can you be so sure?"
With a contemplating hum, Susanne took her time to answer his question, finishing the task in her hands before she had a reply to Julian's curiosity. He wasn't afraid to ask her these questions. In fact, he didn't even mind waiting for the answer, almost seeking it out. Though they officially only knew each other since that morning, it felt almost as if she was a friend he had known forever. Someone was easy to talk to and comfortable with him around too. They spoke freely to each other, without anything holding either of them back. "Even if I'd get to see the whole wide world, this is where I feel most at peace. I think it would still be my favorite place, even if I saw it all," she laughed, holding out the flower crown towards him.
Julian smiled back, leaning down so she could put the crown on his hand. Her smile seemed to widen even more as the countless flowers decorated his head, blending in surprisingly well with the deep shade of red of his hair. It was addicting to see her so happy, even about something so simple as the crown she made on a stranger's head. But despite that brief moment of happiness, for the first time, they must have had the same thought, as Susanne's smile faltered, and she turned back forward, muttering quietly, "It's too bad I'll never get to see anything beyond this hill."
Biting his lip, he followed her gaze, watching as the sun gave away the space for the night sky, slowly leaving behind a row of mountains in the far distance. It really was unfortunate, he thought to himself, feeling almost as if the sunset was taunting him. After all, he had the knowledge that not many more sunrises would follow for her after this one.
Knowing more definitely was more painful, he decided, almost relieved that Susanne still seemed entirely unaware of how fast her time was approaching.
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The thing with angel wings was that they were attached by the shoulder blades. Once there, they never disappeared, if not removed. But trained angels could hide them if they wanted to, though they were never gone entirely. Humans couldn't see them; humans couldn't see what they didn't believe in. And someone looking human with wings wasn't exactly what they thought about on the daily. That was the reason they also missed Susanne's first pair of wings when they started to grow.
It was time, Julian knew. His 'job' was taking longer than it should already. Susanne was just that kind of girl. Persistent. Resistant. Her coughs brought her to her knees, but she stood up again afterwards, struggling for air. The wings were still there when he left her to change into his humanoid form, but when he collected her from her home, they were gone. They had been so small, barely noticeable, consisting of just a bump in her skin and feathers growing from it, but they had been there. Probably subconsciously, she must have scratched them away, plucked the feathers. Still, she could barely hide that her back hurt, he noticed that as they spent the day together.
There were whispers in the town that the good-looking stranger had taken a liking to the farmer's daughter. That he'd take her away, show her the world. If only those people had known the truth, and how right, yet, wrong their assumptions were.
Indeed, he had come to like her. Appreciate her. Admire her.
Had she been an angel like him, he was sure she would have been a nurturing soul or a beloved guardian. There was no bad thing Julian could say about her, and he didn't want it any other way. She may have had her faults too, but they were human, spiked with a growing dissatisfaction that came from her condition. But he could forgive her for them.
That evening, she wouldn't roll in the grass with him. For the first time, she just sat there, staring towards the horizon, thinking. Julian had a lot to say, and share with her, but he couldn't bring it over him to open his mouth. "Do you think about death sometimes?" she asked him, nonchalantly, as he watched the stars above.
"Mhm, occasional." It wasn't a lie, yet, his situation couldn't be explained to her. Death was just another part of a routine for him, just a fact like humans having five fingers on each hand. "How about you?"
"Yeah," she muttered, probably without thinking too much about it. His eyes fell onto the back of her head, which was turned to him, as he propped himself up on his elbows to see above the grass. "Do you want to talk about it?" Julian asked her, and without hesitation, Susanne shook her head.
"No. Better not."
She turned to him, but for the first time that he had known her, her smile wasn't sincere. A farce, put up to not having to go through something that was too painful to talk about. He gave her an understanding nod before lying down again, staring back into the sky, feeling a weird, icky feeling in his chest. It felt oppressive, weighing it down. It almost hurt. But despite Julian fighting his own feelings, Susanne caught herself again, looking back forward once more and taking a deep breath. She was endlessly strong, despite feeling the sand trickling through her hourglass of life faster now. And Julian so admired her for it, knowing there was nothing good coming out of her death.
"Do you believe in angels?" he asked, and Susanne nodded. "I do. Do you?"
Julian couldn't help but smile at her prompt answer. Sincere, honest, trusting - but not naive. His hand brushed through the grass towards hers, with which she held her balance on the ground. And with his fingers dancing over her knuckles, it felt almost bearable again. The whole oppressive feeling seemed to lift as Susanne turned her hand over to accept his fingers in her palm, lacing hers into his.
"Now I do."
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Julian had seen a few funerals already. Depending on the tradition, they varied, but at least someone was always left feeling sad. It hurt that this time, it was the person to be mourned over later. Susanne had to welcome people of her family, traveling to her farm to see her one last time as they feared her passing every day from now on. She stopped leaving the farm, so the village came to her. Some greeted him, gave him their condolences as if he was part of the family already. Others, he didn't even know existed before, and they couldn't care less about the unusual taciturn red-head standing close by.
In his report the night before, Julian had written about the village. About how, despite not knowing what she had attracted, they knew that something was soon going to change in their community. Of how the angels might have underestimated how much humans can perceive even without all the heightened senses, immense knowledge, and interesting gimmicks that angels had at their disposal. It was the first time he ever uttered something close to a critic to the ways of his life. Almost as if he was angry about something, Julian wasn't even aware of.
Quite the opposite to him, Susanne was remarkably calm. For someone withering in pain, screaming her lungs out as she tried to touch the open wounds on her back, she was so quiet now, smiling as she exchanged her final words with everyone. None of them noticed the - by now third - pair of wings on her back still. None of them, except for maybe her little siblings, which spend a good portion of the day sending weird looks at her back and wondering what the fuss was all about.
One after the other greeted her, patted her shoulders, thanked her for all she had done, and helped around the village. And Susanne returned their thanks, asked them to do good in her stead. They said they'd pray for her, hope she could ascend to a more meaningful place and left with tears in their eyes.
All throughout the day, Susanne's father was not home. Whether he couldn't stand the parade of goodbye's or put his head into work to forget about his daughter dying, Julian wasn't sure. But her mother did well in keeping the three little children busy with having them serve the guest sandwiches and milk, while she received a good portion of condolences herself, which she took with a smile and a sincere 'Thank you!'. She was almost as strong as she gave herself in front of the people, but she still cried whenever she went back into the kitchen to prepare more food.
Last to leave was the village priest. Where Julian hadn't been sure if the village knew about the disease, he had it almost confirmed that the priest did. So everyone knowing the news and being so aware might as well have come from a devoted priest. Perhaps, he even recognized Julian, but aside from a soft bow, they didn't have any interaction. "My Child, no matter what awaits you, make sure you receive it with open arms," he told her, and Susanne nodded, even if she might not have understood it's meaning yet.
From all the funerals Julian had ever seen, he found this one unbearable. And it only got worse, when her father finally arrived back home, putting away a dirty shovel before anyone else but Julian could see. Everything was prepared. They only lacked a corpse to bury, but at least for that day, Susanne lived.
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"I'm sorry," she whispered into the darkness. She couldn't have known if Julian slept or was still awake, but she still said it, presumably, not even wanting to be heard. But it wasn't like he needed sleep, nor could sleep, so he replied to her in the same whispering manner, not wanting to wake anyone up. "For what?" Julian asked, and she shrugged, only visible to his eyes.
"This all." A deep sigh fell off her lips, though she didn't cry. What she felt was regret, yet not sadness. "I am sure you didn't come here to make a friend who's dying… Probably didn't come here to make a friend at all."
Julian kept silent as he thought about his option. No matter what, he couldn't reveal his true nature and intentions, even if by now, he felt like she would have deserved it. "No, but I don't regret it."
It was the first time that her hand searched for his. Like a child searching for its parent's comfort as she closed the distance between the two of them. If it had been any other circumstance, this would have been highly inappropriate, starting with Julian sneaking into her room at night. But not in this case. Not when she laid in his arms shivering, hot tears wetting his shirt, sobs muttered into his shoulders. You couldn't tell a person her behavior was inappropriate when she knew that it didn't matter anymore. She wouldn't be there the next morning to get scolded for it.
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That night, it was tranquil around the hill up the sheep pasture.
No cicadas outside, no sound coming from the stables. The town laid in complete darkness, which was not surprising, considering it was late into the night. People sleeping peacefully had a serenity to it that Julian found quite relaxing, but not this time. This time it felt like they were hiding from the death that hung over their heads, ignoring that it came to reap what was rightfully Death's.
But the full moon illuminated their path, even if it couldn't keep Susanne from stumbling after Julian, who led her by her hand. More than once did she lose her balance, only able to remain standing because he held her up, urging her to take another step and another one. The monstrosity that were her wings fell off her back, pulsating as they grew feather after feather. They had no proportions, no form. A few were bigger than the others, and she had to drag them over the ground, as they weren't well-fitted to her body at all. Standing in all directions, they almost took her over, and it was a struggle to even stand up straight for her.
He knew better than to call them a spawn of evil, but damn, did they look like it. Julian never believed he had seen it all, but it wasn't a sight he ever thought he wanted to see. And the worst thing about them was the color. They were the purest white. A white so mesmerizing and beautiful, only the highest-ranking angels could achieve it. It was blinding and elegant, while the wings itself were disgusting in their own way, taunting the what could have been.
In a matter of hours, her one pair had turned into three. She went from the lowest rank to highest between the wingbearers, and it grew worse by the second. Susanne couldn't move them, couldn't shift. She could only hug herself with her free arm, hoping to gain some stability from it, though it was an effort in vain. The immense pain must have begun numbing the feeling of growing more feathers, more wings, otherwise, she could have never made it even one step out of her bed. Yet, she still persisted in going 'there'. The place that made her the happiest in the whole wide world.
When they finally reached it, Julian had carried her the last hundred steps to the top. Her legs had started to lose their strength, breaking in under the additional weight of the six uneven wings. No angel could fly with those, even if Susanne tried to make the impossible possible. As careful as he could, he set her down into the grass, already flat from the countless times she had sat in it. Her breathing was ragged as if she had just run a marathon, but Julian was no better. Still, he had done everything to fulfill her last wish, no matter what.
He watched her shoulders lift and lower again as she tried to breathe, brushing some strands of hair behind her ear so she could see better again. There was no other possibility than to lay her on her chest, so her view was already decreased, but at least at him, she could still look. "Julian," she croaked, her arm sorely lifting from the ground and up to him. He bowed down to her, so she could touch his cheek, thumb wiping away a tear on his face.
For the first time, he found himself in a state of tears. Helpless, fragile. It wasn't like his heart could burst from frustration and pain, but whatever the feeling was he was experiencing, it was unlike any he had before. He had known it from the start, he knew she was dying, so why now. Why was he pitying her death now?
Why did it hurt so much? Why was it so damn painful to let her go?
Was it because he knew she wouldn't return? That there was no way he'd ever get to meet her again, despite her not recognizing him even if she would have been able to begin a new cycle of life? Was it because she was such a remarkable person, one that deserved more than what was given to her? How was it fair that he had to watch over so many people do bad things and learn from them and redeem themselves, but her life would completely perish any minute now? What was he even doing watching her die?
Or was it because he caught feelings for her, feelings that no angel should harbor for just one human soul?
"Julian," she called out to him again, grunting under the pain while her wings started to pull at her body, ready to break free of the useless shell that had hosted them. He looked at her with a vision so blurry, he couldn't even discern her features anymore, but her words made him flinch and blink the tears away to look down at himself.
"Julian, look at you. You're beautiful," Susanne mumbled, and it was then that he knew it was over for her. In the reflection of her eyes, he could see himself. See his own wings. If she could see his celestial form, see how he truly looked behind the human mask he wore for her, then she was already in her last moments of life, only now able to see what others couldn't. "I think, I know now," she sobbed, eyes widening as the power of an angel overtook her. At least for a second, she'd understand what was going on, realize what overcame her. A treat for a dying soul. "And, I am grateful."
"Grateful," he laughed, but it wasn't a sound of happiness. "You're grateful for those wings that are killing you?"
"Yes."
Her answer surprised him, and he shook his head in disbelieve. "Because they allowed me to meet you."
More tears collected in his eyes as Julian couldn't help himself from feeling another new emotion dwelling in his stomach. As admirable as her thinking was, Julian couldn't see eye to eye with her. He clutched on to her hand, breathing heavily, unable to even cry anymore. "I am not grateful," he admitted. "I hate them, Susanne. I really do."
Her brows furrowed as she let out a pained groan. "Julian, don't ---"
"I hate them so much, you deserve none of this. You deserve to live and laugh. You deserve to… to see the world and to fall in love, and all they do- They--"
All they do is kill you! was what he wanted to say, but he couldn't speak these words out loud even if they were nothing but the truth. Instead, he cowered closer to her head as he cupped her face gently in his hands. "I can't let them do this, Susanne," he whispered and closed his eyes, unable to bear to look at her as she sobbed louder. There were many emotions mixed in the cries she let out. Feelings of pain, of sadness. But also self-pity and mourning.
It was the most selfish she would ever be, but he knew she didn't want to die either as she clutched his hand tightly. She couldn't have know what consequences this thinking would have, all she was in the very end, was human. And Julian? Julian didn't think about what would happen afterwards as his fingers wrapped around the first wing rooting from her back, apologizing to her with a last kiss to her forehead before he started to pull.
He didn't acknowledge his actions until he was done. Like in a frenzy, it was all hazy to him, but all he knew was that the blood on his hands wasn't his, and the body in his arms wasn't dead. Weak, destroyed, and unconscious, yes, but not dead. With the last bit of his power, he managed one last miracle, closing the six open holes in her back one after another that would have endangered her well-being had they stayed open. It was hard to, but he ignored the wings that laid all around the two of them, occasionally flinching but broken by his own hands. With them, he had taken out that damn disease that sprouted them in the first place.
As his own wings grew ashen, he ignored the pain in his back, burning him like hellfire, branding, and announcing the end of an angel. Instead, he focused on her warmth in his arms, Susanne's body slowly filling back with life that his miracle gave her. Julian knew he didn't need to cry anymore, as he had accomplished an unspeakable dead. He had saved what shouldn't have been saved.
And for once, he really felt like a guardian angel.
Finally, he felt like he did something right. His previous jobs had always left him with more questions than answers and other angels telling him to forget rather than investigate what else he could have done differently. He felt like he actually made an impact with those mediocre abilities of his, no matter the cost, and he realized there and then how dissatisfying his life had been up to this point, just fulfilling the inevitable. In the end, he wasn't just good for divine advice and gentle pushes into the right direction, he really did something that would leave a remarkable impact.
Kissing her forehead for the final time, Julian knew that from the trauma of having her wings ripped out one after the other, she probably wouldn't remember him. It wouldn't need more magic, the loss of a disease that had eaten away on her would surely make her forget. But it was worth it. Even if she never knew what happened, Susanne would be fine, he was sure.
He left her there, on the sheep pasture, needing a few tries before he could distance himself. Even though he was bursting of happiness, he could barely contain himself, knowing he had to leave her now, for better or for worse. Secretly, he wished to not be forgotten by her, but Julian decided it was better this way for their both's sake.
Collecting the broken wings, he was almost in love with how soft they felt. They were her wings, at least for a moment, she became the angel he always saw in her. And in contrast to his black ones, her's shone even brighter in the light of the sun as the day slowly began. Ironic, he thought, that only know he was able to see the sunrise too. The same sunrise, he thought Susanne wouldn't survive to see.
The wind changed as Julian lifted himself into the air. For as long as possible did he look down at his protegee, safely sleeping beneath him, until he was too far away, the clouds hiding her from him as he had to face upwards, seeing the brigade that was sent out after his realm received the message of her 'passing' and his Falling. They were only the prettiest angels, clad in golden armor, with their spears in their hand, looking at him with the equivalent of pity that an angel could feel. But they would never see his reasons, and they could never experience the feelings he did. That was the real pity in the situation. His peers would never know these extraordinary feelings of sadness, determination, and happiness for all of their eternal life. At least not to the extend that Julian was allowed to experience them. And he pitied them for it.
They'd also never have wings as pretty as Susanne's, which he handed over with only a brief moment of hesitation, knowing he was in no position to refuse anything they ordered. His hands, ankles, wings were shackled before the count of three, and four strong guards carried him away, back home, where he belonged. But at least once more did he manage to look down on earth, through a crack in the clouds, seeing Susanne, surrounded by her family who had followed the wind he had sent them with his wings.
Below him, she awoke, tears spilling from her eyes the moment she opened them, and loud sobs falling from her mouth. Confused, shaken, but so loved by the people around her, Susanne struggled to understand what was happening, feeling as if something big had just happened that she just didn't seem to recall. For the most part of her awakening, she could only cry, feeling as if she just lost something very important to her.
Julian lost a lot on this day. His job, his status, his belonging under his own peers. But he also lost a friend, a love, just luckily, not to Death. Susanne, too, lost someone unknown to her that day, but she also won the fight against an incurable disease like no one ever before had. She lost her wings, but never her will to fly.
But at least one thing was left for her to commend these happenings, and she clutched the single, black feather in her hands as if her life depended on it, even though she didn't even remember who it belonged to.