Hey what’s up? I’m having my first session this Friday (I’ll be the ler), and I’m nervous. Do you have any advice for me? Since you seem like a pretty good dom/ler, I thought I’d ask you
Great ask, and appreciate the courage it takes to reach out for advice. So, pull up a chair and let's chat about it.
First: the nerves are good. A little anxiety means you're taking it seriously. You should. Being in a Ler/Top/Dom role comes with responsibility but can also be a lot of fun. So, where do you start?
Talk before you touch. I'm sure you know this, but I mean really talk. Not just safewords and limits, though these are critical conversations to have, I'm going to assume you've got this covered. Rather, talk about what are they hoping to feel. What don't they want to feel. Ask if there are spots, or tools, or even "moods" they want to avoid. Some people have complicated relationships with certain things and some headspaces may be best avoided for first sessions. You won't know unless you ask.
Start slower than you think you need to. Every new Ler I've ever heard from goes too fast, too much, too intense, too soon — because the energy is high and the urge to do something is overwhelming. Resist it. The buildup is half the session. You're in control, so act like it. The anticipation you create in the first ten minutes will do more work than your fingers ever will.
Watch them, not yourself. This is the one most people miss. You'll be in your head — am I doing this right, is this working, what do I do next — meanwhile the person in front of you is giving you every answer you need. Their breathing. Their reactions. Where they clench and relax. A certain twitch as you accidentally brush a certain spot. The session lives in their body. Pay attention to it.
Don't be afraid to talk. Check in. Not a clinical "on a scale of 1–10" but just — "still good?", "stoplight?", "how's that feel?" — and wait for the answer. It doesn't break the scene. It actually deepens it, because it shows you're present and paying attention, which is exactly what a good Ler is.
My best kept secret (lees look away) ... Don't overthink verbal teasing; anything goes a long way. Remember — they're already laughing, squirming, head spinning. Something as simple as "that really tickles, huh?" will send them. The bar is low. The impact is not.
You will not be perfect. You'll hit a spot that doesn't land, go too long on something, lose the thread for a second. That's fine. It's your first one. The goal isn't a flawless performance — it's a good experience for both of you and a foundation to build on.
And one last thing: After it's over, sit with them for a minute. Don't immediately debrief or start analyzing. Just be there. Stay present. Then, when the moment settles, ask how they're doing and what they need. And actually listen. Actually listen.
The session doesn't end when the tickling stops.
The best sessions aren't remembered for what you did. They're remembered for how you made them feel.
