Swan and Sulfur ; Chapter 9
Everything felt like a dream, or a highlight reel in a very cheesy romcom. I was finally in a state of bliss that constantly threatened to be destroyed.
For starters, after the night in the rain, Paul and I became attached at the hip. I had never felt such immense love so quickly. While the feeling flooded me with butterflies, dread seemed to take over when I realized we tip toed around for each other so long. We could've been doing this month's ago.
Another highlight was moving into the yellow house in La Push. Initially, it sparked a huge fight with Bella. She couldn't understand why I'd leave our father or move from Forks. She claims she couldn't understand while setting ready to do the same thing. The only difference was I wasn't faking my death or marrying a blood sucker. My heart ached knowing the rest of Bella's human adult life would be spent knowing we have an un-repairable relationship. Strained.
The distance from the constant drama Bella and Edward brought was a nice change of pace. My house was my own safe place, and for once, I finally felt like me. I wasn't Bella's weird older sister and I wasn't Charlie's oldest daughter, I was just Rory.
Paul is always over when he's not patrolling or when we're not with the pack. I loved having him around and knew I'd do this for the rest of my life if I could. Live in this safe little bubble of safety and bliss, that was until a knock sounded at the door.
I closed the journal I was writing in and stalked to the door. The creaking wood underneath my feet was cold, the house seemed cold this morning without Paul. Whomever was at the door was inpatient, rapidly knocking.
"I'M COMING" The knocking stopped as I unlocked the door. Bella stood on the concrete slab, staring at me. Without words being said, she pushed pasted me and made her way into the house.
"Nice to see you too, please come in." Closing the door, I could hear Bella's converse pacing the wood floor before I even turned around. Bella and I were both anxious by heart, but had different habits. "I can't do this."
Turning towards her, I met her wet eyes.
"Bella, what are you talking about?" Her pale skin was blotchy red, and her eyes were puffy. "I can't get married. Not like this, not without you."
I walked to the couch, nudging her to follow silently. She followed suit while also talking. "It's so hard doing all of this without you, and Jake. I know he's mad, but Canada? Lone wolf? I can't...it's really hard."
This wouldn't be the first time Bella had knocked down my door to rant. When we lived together before college, she seemed to be in my room more than I was. "What's so hard about it? Are you having second thoughts?"
"About Edward? No, never. About after. Turning, leaving you, and dad, and Jake. Don't get me started on Jake. I don't know how to stop or slow it down."
I stood from the couch, walking towards the kitchen island and started to prep the tea kettle for the stove. "You want to get married? Yes? Why don't you wait it out a bit? You're so young." I stared at the back of Bella's head as she sat and pondered. Standing abruptly, scaring me, she muttered "I have to go."
"Bella, wai-" The door slammed behind her and silence engulfed the room. Setting the kettle back down on the counter, I stared at the door for a good long second before sighing.
The silence weighed heavy on me as I busied myself, waiting for Paul to come home. He didn't live here, but most nights he'd be here, occupying the space. I loved knowing he was safe here. I love how domestic it all felt at the end of the day.
This was my safe space, our safe space. I've grown attached to Paul in a way that makes me feel empty when he's gone. Even though in my heart I know he's coming home, I can't shake the feeling of never seeing him again. There was so many unknowns in this world I know nearly nothing about.
The ache in my heart didn't seem to settle, it never did when I was too far from Paul, especially for a certain amount of time. I started pulling out food for dinner, silently preparing a shared meal for two while I patiently waited for my lovers return. I wondered what conversations would be had during dinner, what movie we'd watch after, and how we'd finish the night. We were as close as we could get to being married, minus the rings.
"Smells good, what are you making?" A voice says while a strong arm wraps around my waist. Paul, he's home. I could feel myself melting into his warm, strong, embrace, and for once in my life, I wanted to weep. "Fajitas." I could hear my voice breaking. The arm not around me turns off the stove in front of me. Slowly turning in the arm that held me, I saw Paul's face, filled with worry.
"What's wrong, lovely?" I could feel my eyes welling with tears and my bottom lip wobbling. "Bella stopped by today." That was all it seemed to take before I was being pulled into his arms and led to the couch. Paul was a listener. He'd constantly listen to me yap. Sometimes it was a blessing, other times, a curse.
"How was that?" Paul asked. My legs now sat bent over his thick thighs, me facing the side of his head. "It went as good as you could imagine. She talked about her wedding and Jake." His brown eyes bore into mine as I talked. I knew he wanted an elaboration, he wanted more detail so he could further assess, but ther wasn't really much to say.
"Do you ever think about getting married?" The question caught him off guard, eyes softening at the question. "Of course, always, want the elopement or the wedding, want forever with you, as long as you'll have me." The words seemed genuine. It made all the feelings I had justifiable. Knowing he wanted it to meant a lot to me, even though we were soul bonded.
The rest of the night was slow, just Paul and I in this little bubble of life we created. Sleep came quick when I was sleeping next to my person. I knew I would only get numbered days before Bella's wedding.
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The following days seemed to knock the fairytale fog right out of the sky. It started with my mom making her appearance in Forks. It started with nitpicky comments here and there. I felt like i was constantly on edge.
At first, it was comments about Bella's wedding.
"I just don't understand why you didn't play a bigger role planning your sister's wedding, is all." A bit of me wanted to scream. Bella didn't want that, Bella wanted her new found family's help, and that was fine, but she could've at least told our mom.
Then, the comments turned more personal.
"This is the house you bought? I thought it'd be bigger." I'd never forget the look Paul shot me when she said that. Us, having invited my mom and Phil over for dinner, never expected the comments.
That night, when we were brushing our teeth, I remember Paul standing against the counter.
"She's a real piece of work." I fought back a smile before saying "You're telling me." Her words would continue to echo in my head even though I claimed I was fine, stating they didn't mean much to me.
In the coming days, Bella, our mom, and I would do very little bridal things while being accompanied by Alice, Rosalie, and Esme. Paul hated the idea and I hated that I felt like I didn't fit in. Sure, it was Bella's event, but it didn't hurt less that our mother chose to dot on Bella. She never did any wrong in our mom's eyes, even though she was marrying a vampire and seemingly selling her life away.
Those nights, I'd come home drained, scrub my skin raw, and lay in bed. Paul worried, he always worried, but I'd assure him I was fine.
The day of the wedding was a relief. Renee would be going home, Bella would be on her honeymoon, and for just a little bit of time, my life would be peaceful. Paul and I got ready, met with my parents and Phil, and walked into the wedding. It truly was beautiful. So beautiful in fact that I was envious. I wanted this for myself, selfishly enough.
Meeting up with 2 of the 3 Clearwaters and the Uley's, we watched the reception, and then the speeches, really only mingling when we needed to. I never strayed too far from Paul. I didn't trust the amount of blood suckers who attended, and a lot of them didn't trust the wolves or the human who seemed to roam with them.
"This is going to be us one day, you know?" The comment caught me off guard as Paul pulled me up to dance. Some random slow song played through the forest. The night brought a chill as the wind rippled. "I really hope so. I'd want nothing more as long as I'm with you."
We seemed to sway back and forth forever, I'd never leave this spot if I could. Just me and him, in our own world. That was until Seth came up to us.
"Paul, Sam needs you." Seth said, bright smile beaming on his face. If I didn't lift my head from Paul's chest, I would've missed it. "Sam can wait." At his response, I laid my head back on his chest and closed my eyes.
"It's Jake. He's in the woods dancing with Bella. Sam wants you there incase." Both of us slowed to a stop. Paul grumbled something out of frustration before pulling away from me. "Come on, Rors."
I followed closely behind the two, feeling multiple eyes boring into my skin as I did so. Edward stood at the treeline, watching the scene before him. Bella in her white gown, Jacob in a pair of khakis and a button down, spinning his new wife around. I couldn't hear what they were saying to each other, nor did I want to. Like clockwork, Jacob's voice rose and Bella became frantic. Bella always seemed to be reactive to Jacob and his emotions. Seth, Paul, and Sam stepped in, shooing Jacob away.
It was after the situation was solved I decided it would be time to go home. I gave Bella one last hug in her human body and bid the Cullen's and my parents a good bye.
The ride home was quiet, and for once, I didn't hate it. I wasn't scared. There wasn't anything waiting to get me, no one was expecting something out of me. It was just Paul and I, in our bubble, just the way I enjoyed it.