𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑪𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕 𓆩♡𓆪 1649
𝑪𝑾 𓆩♡𓆪 loving!simon, depressed!reader, gn!reader, mega fluff!! no angst, gore, smut, hinted potential/ideas of suicide/sh, simon takes care of you after being gone for too long, he really does love you.
youre tired- no, youre exhausted. simon has been gone for two months this time, the days passing as if a snail has control of the seconds. during that time you took care of yourself less than you should have, opting to take a shower every other night, then every other-other night, neglecting your hair to the point of it knotting itself into a disastrous situation. food has become something mighty scarce in your stomach, which honestly isnt a huge change from before.
you had always been depressed, reliant on only yourself of course to get you through the sickening greed of that darkness. nothing was something that you were not able to handle, your self-reliance shining brightly as a fluorescent light in a white room. yet, when simon riley stepped into your life, you became the most codependent person on the planet. he had turned you into a mush of reliance and need, your ability to push through that depression by yourself dwindling into pure ash.
now, you sit on the couch, hands tucked between your thighs as your eyes lazily watch the TV in front of you. you arent even sure whats on, nor do you really care, being as though you spend most of your days sleeping anyway and will probably fall back asleep soon. knotted hair falls in front of your face as you shift, nose crinkling as you catch a whiff of yourself. not like youll take any actual actions to take care of that issue though. it isnt as if you dont want to of course, but your body is a brick that has been thrown into water. you cannot get up.
simon has never been gone this long before, of course a week or two at a time but never longer than that. he had warned you, and you thought you understood, but you didnt. you truly didnt until he couldn't contact you anymore until the mission was over, which was a month ago, when your mental health truly spiraled. one moment he had messaged you that he loved you, not shy to put his love on display, the next he had stopped responding completely. panic had truly sunk its fangs into you after that, spitting burning venom into your veins.
part of you truly fears that he might be gone, but the rational part of you understands that he has a job that requires him to make sacrifices. sacrifices that you have decided to take on as well now that you are with simon. but that doesnt stop you from falling into a mental disparity that cannot stop itself from clawing into your tender throat, bringing forth tears that bear no need to fall when around your lover. it is terrifying to potentially lose someone so prominent in your life.
the sound of keys unlocking the door turns your attention away from the blurry television, tired eyes watching as the door creaks open. of course had you been your typical self, youd have jumped to the door within seconds, knowing your lover is the one there. yet you just sit and stare as he walks in, dropping his bag onto the floor with a loud thud. a confused look around from the man you love that ends once his tired gaze fills with you. releif floods you knowing that simon riley is okay, but it is still much overshadowed by your clouded thoughts.
tears well up as you reach out heavy arms, sobs once stuck in your throat now echo around you both as he scoops you up gently. metallic smells fill your nose as you push your face deep into simon, his body shielding you from the outside world- from the dangers of yourself. soft kisses are placed atop your head as the tired man leans back against the couch, his first actual seat in months- but one hed give up now and forever just so you would smile that pretty smile for him.
"fuckin' gutted seein' ya like this love, missed you sum'thin' fierce", deep rumbles leave his chest as he peels off his mask, your head instantly popping up to look at the man infront of you through tearfilled eyes. simon chuckles of course, bright eyes with deep dark eyebags staring down at you with the tenderness of a dove- not a gun. youve never really understood how such a harsh man, one raised by hate and rejection, could be so gentle and kind. it isnt like anything youve ever experienced, nor is it something youll be giving up anytime soon.
"not ev'n a peep outta ya love", simon sighs, disappointment at himself pricking his skin like needles as he stares down at you, a need to take care of you filling up a pit in his stomach. it isnt as though you are truly his responsibility, nor does he see you as one, but if you were one he would take it within a heartbeat. no arguments or stilled responses would fall from his lips- no, only soft blessings and sweet names. you are forever greatful for this fact, even if you speak on it less than you should.
without another word, simon has you fully in his arms, carrying you towards the bathroom, his nose softly on your neck taking in your scent. you cannot help but cringe, pulling away as you are disgustingly aware of how rank your body odor is. simon doesnt seem to care, pulling you closer as he shoves open the bathroom door, taking in one deep sniff before setting you on the toilet. his eyes linger on you for a moment before placing a soft kiss between your brows, his breath settling a familiar feeling of safety in your bones.
although you still sit with an uncomfortable silence, one that drags up the feelings simon spends so much time pushing down. the lost child that is him now finding himself holding your hand as you break apart. he cannot leave you like this again, never again. the next time he comes home he fears you may be in a state that he cannot simply fix. simon riley fears the death of his lover more than the death of his men, a fact he can not hide. yet it isnt as if simon has never been capable of loving someone so, there just hasnt been anyone worthy of such emotions in his life- before you that is.
swirling thoughts and doubts fill your mind, ones that you become stuck on, forcing your brain to shut out everything around you. but not simon riley, never him, youre still keenly aware of his presence, his warmth. there is a an unsettling trust between you two that makes even his comrades a bit out of sorts. one that shows as he stands you up, undressing your body from clothes that havent been changed in days. the clothes are disguarded as he attempts to take the elastic out of your hair as well. your eyes drift to your stomach as he does, a frown appearing as you realized youve lost much more weight than you thought.
simon also notices, a tick in his jaw appearing and disapearing before you even see it. he had spent the better part of his time home attempting to put some weight on you. his realization that your body image is horrifcally distorted from reality had solidified that need for you to eat more as well. sure you arent underweight, but simon riley doesnt even want you close to a 'normal weight'- no he wants you fed and happy. your frown deepens as your eyes catch his pained stare, tears flooding out of your eyes as you cry. knees give out under you, simon catching you just in time before the floor did.
"'tis okay love, let'er out", gentle words and gentle hands set you in the tub, hands still on you as you curl up towards him. warm water sloshes around you, onto the floor, and onto him, but it doesnt phase simon in the slightest. unbeknownst to you, simon riley is setting up a course of action on how to take care of you. listing everything you need from finishing your bath to getting food and water. even planning cleaning up the apartment if he can get you to bed after. everything must be perfect for you, it must be done. if it isnt perfect for you, then it isnt what you need.
the idea of quitting the military itches at him as you grip into his shirt, almost pulling him into the bath as you start to hyperventilate. it isnt your fault, but you blame yourself oh so much for the state you are in. doubt rips out whats left of your sanity, and simon sees this. the military man only has a moment to slip off his pants before he is slipping behind you. soaked underwear and a shirt stick to his skin but simon riley doesnt notice, he is too engrossed on you curling up against his chest. the sight is one that solidifies his louder decisions, ones that he almost certainly knew the answer to.
simon riley will be retiring. he will be staying by your side, loving you, caring for you- making sure that you are okay. this is his final mission, one that he will drag with him into death may he die before you. even if he dies after, he would spend every day tending to your grave, loving you as he did before. yes, he would give up everything for you, and so he will now. you dont know that though, no, all you know is that you are safe. you have someone who will take care of you when you have no will, who will love you when you have no love to give.
you have found simon riley. your soulmate.
a/n this started as a blurb and then I actually fell in love with such a sweet simon who just takes care of you without letting his trauma or fears get in the way !!
