#syllabus anon

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - August 22

syllabus anon, school curriculum anon, ellie anon, india anon, stokholm syndrome anon (new)

syllabus anon

hey cas, syllabus anon here! yeah, you're right. when we talked about it later, he also said the same thing — that he also could have come up to me to talk. But also, I was with the adults almost the whole time, so yeah😬 He did apologize to me afterwards if what he said made me upset, but I'm honestly a little proud that he actually has started communicating, because that was a problem in our relationship before. Instead of keeping it inside, he told me what was bothering him. So, that's a start, i guess. And also, no, I'm not going to tell him I took advice😂😂 I just wanted to think about it a little more, so I talked to you and my best friend, and both of you said the same thing. Well, it's still a bit awkward now, to talk, and we're working on that. It might take a few days. I still feel so genuinely bad, and I keep thinking about why I didn't just talk to him then, though there's no point thinking about it now😬 Hopefully, things will get better soon. We're both still so young, and I think this might be a way of figuring things out. Thank you cas, for listening ❤

Hi!

I'm glad he apologized too and you guys were able to communicate! I'm always happy to listen <3

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school curriculum anon

Hi Cas!

I can officially say, it is all very much over.

I managed to apparently do really well in the placement test, I left my honest review about my courses I took on their website (which they said they’d publish and “take into consideration” on the form but I don’t think they’ll post anything about my experience lol), my teachers received my transcript, and I am officially taking precalc this year!

I feel rather stupid and silly for being upset at all, and crying, and making it everyone’s problem, and I’m sorry for all the times I came here and complained.

Thank you for being so so supportive and understanding, even when I made it difficult

Bye bye! 🫶✨

—School curriculum anon

OMG that's amazing! I'm so proud of you!! I'm also EXTRA proud of you for leaving an honest review

You definitely shouldn't feel stupid. Emotions are always valid and I think you definitely had a right to feel upset about all of this. PLEASE don't feel bad about coming to me, it was no problem at all. I hope precalc goes well, and feel free to inbox me whenever! <3

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ellie anon

Hi hon <3

I am SO sorry for everything you're going through and I am EXTRA sorry that your parents aren't being kind or supportive about it. reading what you wrote broke my heart.

Do you have any other adults in your life who you feel safe talking to about it? Maybe a family member, a teacher, or a therapist? I really just want you to have a safe person <3

Sending you love <3

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india anon

hi cas :) how's it going??? its india anon again (the one with the first crush, that too on a girl if u dont remember)

so, as much fun as it is to finally have a crush, i am absolutely not having fun. cause like, i know she's straight. and i'm fine with it (or so i tell myself). but like, my mind decides to randomly remind me when im doing anything, ANYTHING, that even if i manage to become a good friend of hers, i can't do anything more than that. CAUSE SHE'S STRAIGHT!! and im just like bro??? to my mind because why'd u remind me that when im trying to study 😭😭😭 and on top of that, my best friend is also going through a crisis in her love life at the same time, so we're both simultaneously ranting to each other and weeping about why we end up in this situation, but atleast its together this time. but also, i do have one thing to look up to :) so im in 11th grade. and in india, you get to choose what subjects you want to study in 11th based on what you want to do in the future. so i chose science subjects, with computer science with it. and my mom's an income tax officer and extremely experienced with economics, and she loves economics too, and she kept trying to convince me to take it except CS. and i wanted to take CS for like years so i didn't listen (thank god for my dad supporting me). but even like 2 months after choosing, and uptil like just one month ago she was like, you can still change to economics, and she'd randomly send me news articles about how economics is extremely important in today's world and al, and try to convince me, which, ok, i understand its important, but i dont have interest in it- not as much as CS. so frankly it was sort of irritating, but mostly disheartening that she doesn't understand i dont want economics and that i was actually enjoing CS. but like, its been maybe a month or so since i dont remember her bringing up me taking economics as a subject and IM SO HAPPY!!! maybe she's finally accepting??? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (happy scream :) )

anyways thats it :) sorry for the long ass rant, i didn't expect it to be that long hope you have a great day cas!!! stay safe and stay kickin!

Hi!

Ugh, well I'm glad at least you and your friend can be there for each other? It's much better to go through those things with another person instead of alone. I hope it gets easier soon </3

As far as your classes and your mom...I'm so glad she's accepting what you want! Computer Science is such a cool choice, and I mean...it's definitely a well-paid, highly-sought-after career, so it's not like she should be worried about your future, you know? I hope you enjoy the classes, it sounds like fun!

<3

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stokholm syndrome anon

hello!

i’m not normally one to do these sorts of things, but im trying my best to bear with me!

so i know this girl. she’s genuinely beyond lovely and i am falling hard. like, face first off a cliff. anyways, we had a very rough start. to summarize, we met about a year ago in june, where we both came to mutually like each other, then i confessed in july. things were good until i made a bit of a shit choice to leave in october (not sure why, i had (and still have) both avoidant attachment issues and BPD, which i think contributed). afterwards, i asked to get back with her sometime in…december i think?? (pretty sure that was a dickhead move) and then both of us had a bit of a mental health plummet (i wont disclose her reasons but mine were a few problems with friends and just a bit of an episode overall) and when i asked her to breakup then we both came to a mutual agreement that it would be good because we couldn’t focus on and put our all into a relationship at that moment.

anyways, now i’m here. i spent most of february being confused as hell and then in march i met one of our mutual friends who i had sort of been developing stockholm syndrome with over a few months (they did some crazy shit) and almost got into a pseudo relationship with before i snapped out of it (not important). anyways, after that i was pretty much absolutely sure i was falling for her (my ex) again. i think i always had been there had just been that hiccup. so essentially what happened over the past few months was we (my ex, a mutual friend, and the stockholm syndrome person) all ended up meeting up in person, which kind of like…sparked something?? anyways after that we all kind of started talking again which made me fall for my ex harder.

basically, i feel really guilty about liking her still since i left both times, i don’t know if she reciprocates (though i have seen some things that look like flirting if you squint that i might be reading too much into), and overall its really confusing with the add on of the stockholm syndrome person who i know most DEFINITELY has a crush on me (they’re getting weirder btw, like obsessed and obsessive levels, and im trying not to engage both because i find it weird and i don’t want my ex to think i like them back because she knows a bit about the pseudo relationship thing (not a lot) anyways thats not important), overall its just a big mess and im confused as hell.

Hi!

Yeah this definitely sounds confusing and overwhelming. I think, especially because of your history with this person, my advice would be to take your time. Don't jump in. Maybe take a few weeks to feel out your feelings, talk with your ex, just see how things go. You seem to be getting into a pattern of on-again-off-again and you don't want to continue that, you know? I know it feels like you should DO something, but sometimes the best action is inaction, especially when there's a lot riding on something. It doesn't hurt to go slow and feel things out.

Keep me updated if you want! <3

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - August 19

student teacher anon, rainbow hearts anon, syllabus anon, midnights anon, reg kin anon

student teacher anon

Hi cas!

I reached out before and I was "student Teacher anon" and you helped me to see a place as a teacher.

as the school year, and my first year twaching, nears I am once again struggling, this time less with my fitting in and more with teaching and my school as a whole.

Some things im struggling with are:

1. My school is "embracing" ai, but encouraging stuff to use ai to make lesson plans, lesson materials, ieps, everything. and in the spring they want to have kids use ai as tutors to help them with work. I am very anti-ai and I want nothing to do with this program but they are requiring us to use ai in our classroom and planning

2. I have an our commute both ways (son2 hrs round trip) and they are all telling me how much of a mistake this is. I've done this so I can live in a bigger town instead of a small Midwest town. I was comfortable with the idea, but they make me feel like its a mistake amd its leading to my not wanted to be working at this school at all

3. the rest of my middle school team is very over bearing and clingy. if I don't eat lunch with them they get weird about it, they keep telling me my priorities are wrong and that I won't get anything done, and also tell me repeatedly that talking to my sister (also first year teacher) about the stresses and annoyances of the day is a horrible idea

I guess im just wondering if you have any advice or can help me want to be there. I was excited for this position but the last week has taken all that excitement away

Thabsk cas!

Hi! Congrats on getting a job, that's so exciting!

I have to wonder about using ai for IEPs as far as privacy is concerned? Also as tutors?? that sounds AWFUL. Kids need humans to care about and help them! I think...honestly, one thing I've noticed as a teacher for a long time now is that schools try to embrace the new, 'cool' thing, but they rarely keep up with it. If I was you, I would let them talk about it, but don't stress until they actually force you to use it. and if they do...I'd ask about how much freedom you have with it. Do you HAVE to use it for all the things they're suggesting, or no? Are you being evaluated on it? How? Be careful not to be too negative because even though I think you have a right to be, you don't want to make people mad when you don't have professional status but yeah like I said...i think you'll find a lot of times, initiatives like this are a lot of talk and not a lot of action <3

Honestly, I think the preferred time of a commute depends on the teacher. For a while, I taught in my town, and I loved only having to drive for five minutes, but I didn't like seeing students when I went out to the store. Not that i don't love my students but when I go to the store, I am not looking cute, and I don't want to have a parent-teacher conference, you know? I commute about 45 mins now and I think the advantage is, I get time to decompress after a long day, make phone calls I need to make, etc. Don't let people tell you what to like or not like, you know? Feel it out for yourself <3

yeah so....teachers can be VERY cliquey and judgmental. I think another thing I've learned after teaching for a while is like...you want to be on GOOD terms with everyone, but there are very few people you can really trust when teaching because teachers LOVE to gossip. So that being said, don't eat lunch with them if you don't want to! I usually eat lunch by myself or with my students and I love it. Just make sure to stay on good terms with people because yeah...especially the older teachers can be so gossipy. And talking to your sister...don't let them tell you not to. It's GREAT to have someone you can vent to and trust! I think what they mean by that is like...don't let your exhaustion and your bad days turn into just bitching, you know? Because sometimes that happens with teachers and it can get toxic.

The thing to remember is you only have to do this job for one year. As much as they're watching to see how you do, you're watching to see how everyone else does. If you don't like the vibe, interview elsewhere! Teachers are a commodity right now and you don't HAVE to stay anywhere.

Feel free to dm me if you're ever are unsure about anything <3 Teaching is NOT an easy job and it can be a lot sometimes. I'm always here to help!

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rainbow hearts anon

Cas it's me rainbow hearts anon and I have the biggest new ever that I will ever say in my entire life ever. IM GOING TO SEE CONAN GRAY LIVE!!!!!!!! Its tommorow and I'm like freaking out so seriously like I shake just thinking about it. I haven't been stressing too much which has felt really nice like really nice. I start school in two weeks and I've bought all my clothes+shoes+supplies and hung out with my friends a fair bit so I feel kinda prepared for school. Before he- who-will-not-be-mentioned took over DC I went with my mom to the space museum as like a goodbye to DC because we've been going there since forever since it really close but we had a feeling the museums would not be same anymore we took a trip and enjoyed its sendoff. WISHBONE IS SOOOOOO GOOOD OMG!!! I felt so happy listening to it and I see a lot of people giving it so much love which I love.I watched all the non animated marvel movies so I've successfully infiltrated a new fandom and it's been great 😃 except I think they hate happiness more than the marauders fandom so it's been awesome.I have no big updates really apart from my cousin picking me to be on her quince court but I knew that was going to happen so really just excited for tomorrow because CONAN GRAY THE CONAN GRAY WILL BE IN THE SAME RADIUS AS ME LIKE 😧😧😧😧😧 I WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS!!!! I hope you have an amazing day/night and having such a good time with wishbone🩷💛💚🩶🩵🤍💙❤️💜🤎🧡🖤

Hi!

Ahhh that's so exciting! I'm going to see him in a few weeks and I'm so pumped, too! How was it, was it amazing?? I'm DYING to know what will be on the wishbone setlist...the whole album is SO GOOD! What's your favorite song on it?

Good luck at school! <3

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syllabus anon

hey cas, syllabus anon here! hope you're doing well!

my boyfriend and i had a huge argument in June, and in the subsequent making up we talked over and solved almost all our problems, and it's been like heaven since. of course, there was the problem of us not being able to meet like, at all, but we pushed through that, and it was fine. we even met some weeks ago and sat down together talked and everything.

until yesterday.

when I fucked up.

so, I think I've told you before that our families are close? so he got into the college that he wanted to go to, and class starts next week so his parents invited us over (my family+my mom's sister's family) for dinner. there were in total like, almost 8-10 people in that house, so I was a bit nervous about talking to him (since no one is supposed to know about us), and also I was sitting with the adults so I got caught up in a conversation with them, and ended up ignoring him. all night.

we didn't get to talk to each other at all. deep down I knew this was happening but I didn't really register until I got home and texted him and he was acting off. then when I understood I asked him if that was the reason he was upset, he said he had been looking forward to seeing me and talking to me all day and everything had been ruined. and also that next time if some gathering like this came up, he'd reduce his expectations.

fuck.

I apologized, obviously, and I told him everything I just told you, but he's still upset. but yeah, I can understand him because I am clearly in the wrong here, I should have talked to him. I would have been upset too if this happened to me. I just hope we can move past this soon. Nothing I say seems to be helping, and everything feels like an excuse even to me, and I feel so bad about it. Ughh😑😑

Hi! <3

okay so while I think this is somewhat on you, I don't think it's completely your fault.

First of all...could he not have come to talk to you? If he didn't, then this is equally his fault, right? If he did...then yeah, you're a bit more to blame, but I still think there's more to it.

I think BOTH of you should have talked about expectations beforehand. You've been dating for at least a little while and you knew this event was coming. I think that you guys probably should have texted each other and been like "Hey, this thing is coming up, we know not everyone knows we're dating, how are we gonna handle this?" and...I think that lack of communication is on both of you, too.

Now...I don't think you should text him and be like "Cas actually says it's also somewhat your fault, so.." because that's not going to make things any better. But I think once he cools off a bit, I would be like "hey, clearly we need to talk about how we want to act next time this happens. What do you need from me next time?" and that will open the conversation to sharing what you both need and expect.

But yeah, I don't think you should beat yourself up. This isn't completely on you, either way. We all make mistakes, and the best thing you can do now is communicate about it <3

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midnights anon

Hi Cas! I might have already sent in an ask recently, I’m not fully sure though, but I have a question about like, coping with mental health issues and off days?

There are so many things and boundaries I want to have with myself because they’re genuinely good for me, and they help manage my mental health (like, reducing overstimulation, helping me stay focused, helping me do the things I like/enjoy), but a lot of times I have days where I just, can’t? I usually call them Bad Days, where I wake up and know my brain won’t cooperate. It won’t do what makes it better. It won’t take its medicine. It won’t eat. And when I have to do anything it fights me the entire way

And I’m not sure if it’s good or bad

Everyone says take it easy, but they also say that “all I have is my word” and that if I can’t trust myself what even am I?

My best guess is that subconsciously I know that I’m doing things to bully myself into being “better” and working more “neurotypically”, so that part of being is rebelling, but then another part of me is making me angry at myself for rebelling therefore causing the original part to rebel even more, leaving me completely miserable

How do I make these days stop? How do I trust myself and do The Good Things? How do I learn to want to be better for my own sake and not for masking myself?

-midnights anon

Hi <3

Well, maybe this is oversimplifying it a bit, but most living things respond better to positive things rather than negative, right? So when you get down on yourself for not doing The Good Things, it's not going to go as well as if you reward yourself for the times you DO do The Good Things.

What (preferably free or cheap) rewards motivate you? For me, I like making a checklist and checking things off. Some people like stickers, or some screentime. Whatever it is, try to reframe it as "okay, after I do one Good Thing I get x" instead of "I didn't do ten of the Good Things I wanted to do today." Because then, even if you only do one thing, you feel accomplished instead of crushed, and you're more likely to want to do it again.

When you have Bad Days, don't focus on the fifteen things you should be doing. Instead, say 'If I do one Good Thing, I can x' and go from there. It'll make you more likely to do ANOTHER Good Thing.

I hope that makes sense? It's not a foolproof strategy bit it might help?

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reg kin anon

hi! reg kin anon here :)

so, NO. i am NOT living with M next year, thank you god. shes from the city we go to uni in anyway so shes still living with her parents. i have a feeling shes going to end up spending a fair few nights on our sofa though, which is... fine. im telling myself its fine because i know nobody else wants her to be around for more than a night - maybe two - and because i know her parents wouldnt let her stay more than a night or two either, soooo

but no, thankfully im not living with M next year. i think id actually go crazy if i was ahaha <3

Oh good, I was like...that MIGHT not be a good idea, lol! One or two nights is bearable but a whole year is a LOT

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - May 19

movie project anon (new), champagne problems anon, outed anon, syllabus anon, friend crush anon (new)

movie project anon

Hi! I’ve never asked for advice before, but I feel like I really need it 😭 recently me and this guy that is in my friend group (but we don’t really interact too much) had to work together on a project shooting a movie, and throughout the process I realized he’s actually a really cool guy, and I like him… more than I should

I’ve never had this problem before, but I like a boy and I don’t know what to do… I graduate high school literally next week and idk if I’ll see him much after that, so if I say anything it has to be now

I messaged him in insta after he gave me a ride home saying I had fun shooting with him and we should hang out more, and he replied yes and that he had fun too, but I don’t know if the yes was to the fun or the hanging out

just typing this makes me realize how invested I am omg I want that cookie so bad

also, do you know what this face :> means?

love you lots, 🎬

Hi!

I mean I think the GOOD news is, if you ask him out and he says no, you only have to suffer through a bit of awkwardness before you graduate and you're unlikely to see him again. I think you should message him again and ask him to hang out. If you don;t try, you'll never know, and you'll always wonder 'what if,' you know? And like I said, if it doesn't go well, it's not like you have to sit next to him in class for years after.

:> is just a smile, right?

Sending love!

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champagne problems anon

hello it’s champagne problems anon again

i just got officially told that he’s going to community college (we were pretty sure before but now it’s official) and he will be graduating that at the same time i’ll be graduating high school

ok this REALLY sounds like champagne problems now, and possibly a little bratty but i feel like people are going to be so focused on him graduating community college that they won’t really be focused on me graduating high school?

this seems like a weird thing to complain about but it kind of seems like my moment and it feels like people are just going to be focusing on him

hope this doesn’t sound too bad lmao

Hi! This doesn't sound bad at all. You have a right to want recognition for your accomplishments! One of my brothers and I are 4 years apart, so the year I graduated college, he graduated high school. My mom attended his graduation, but not mine, so I understand the desire to want to be recognized. You deserve your moment!!!

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syllabus anon

Hey Cas, syllabus anon here! Your last response comforted me so much, thank you! But I think the root of the problem here is that I just like him so much. I was the one who liked him first, and it's been like, 4 years now (there were ons and offs in my crush, yes, but from start to now it's been 4 years). So it's kind of hard for me to let go like that. And there's also the fact that he IS nice to me. We met up last week, a few days after my ask, and he was very nice to me, though we didn't get to talk that much. Like, the problem is that it keeps switching up. Sometimes he's all nice and sometimes, it's so frustrating. I know that people can't be the same all the time, but, it really tires me out.

I can't help but think that maybe it is kind of my fault too? I don't call him much or anything like that because my family is almost always home and I don't want to get caught with this now. He has 2 or 3 friends who are girls, and he has told me multiple times about how they text him or how they call him often, and though he doesn't say that in an accusing way, I feel very bad about it. I'm the sort of person that feels everything extremely, and still does not understand my own feelings completely. So if I get upset about this it's constantly in the back of my mind.

It's like, everything goes really well and happy for three days, then crashes down on the fourth. Then again, and again this goes, like a cycle. My best friend is the only one I can talk about this to properly, and though she's completely happy about helping me understand my feelings, I feel embarrassed because I can't even handle the emotional weight of my own relationship. It's like all I'm good for is studying anyway.

I just want everything to be peaceful. I hope everything can figure itself out somehow.

Hi! <3

Here's the thing, a relationship that has cycles like that isn't healthy. You have to be able to talk about the causes of them...and it sounds like he doesnt really want to do that. You say that you're happy for three days, and then the fourth day comes crashing down....are those three days of happy worth the fourth day of sad?

I ask because I have BEEN in a relationship like this. I told myself those cycles were worth it. But after I left, I realized they weren't. And it SUCKS to leave someone you love. I get that. It's not simple, and it takes a lot of work and strength. But you deserve a relationship that has love on the fourth day as well.

Also you're NOT childish, and congrats on your amazing test scores!

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outed anon

Hello, its outed anon here.

Now this is really reddit post ahh ask but i honestly just need someones honest opinion.

My friend A has really strict parents. Like helicopter parents not regular strict parents. We're both in the schools drama club and we'll be preforming in a theathre soon so nobody from the cast can just sign out. Like posters with the names of the actors are printed and everything is on the official site so theres really no way of backing out.

Now A got her role recently, about two months ago (she doesn't even know what it is and she doesnt have much lines (JUST ONE)) so she's a bit stressed. I get it - i mean i already preformed infront of a big crowd so it's not that terrifying for me but ik how it felt like for the first time. Everyone has been really supporting and they were helping her out if she needed help or wanted to ask about something so it's also not like she's been bullied or anything. Yet she doesnt even try to learn her role, she doesnt ask anyone what her role is even tho we asked multiple times if she needs help, and generallyy doesnt try much. The teacher asked who could make the clubs instagram account ASAP, she said she could. That was a week ago and the teacher needed to get someone else to do it (the meetings are once a week and everyone else is like super extra busy). It wasnt really nice of her and the fact she didnt bother with telling the teacher she's not able to do it is also not very cool.

Now few days ago she told us that she got grounded for a month and she can't play. Mind you she was well aware the posters with HER NAME are already printed and cannot be changed. Apparently she got grounded for accidentally choosing the wrong bus. That's - in my opinion - a bit fucked up reason to ground your kid (excuse the language). Me and our other friend told her that she needs to tell the theather teacher ASAP so that she can maybe do something about it. A said that its not possible and that her mom made her mind up. Since we were aware that the teacher needs to know soon because she doesnt need to show at the rehelsals with her role, but being grounded meant she wouldn't show up to and ACTUALL show. Anyway we told the teacher and she said she will ask A parents nicely to let their child go to rehelsals (A knew we were telling the teacher) . Later A told me that me calling the reason she got grounded for 'stupid' wasn't smart because I don't know the whole picture and that I'm overreacting. I told her that im judging her parents decision based on what i hear, see and what she tells us about them. Once when i was in mcdonalds with her, her mom was calling every 15 minutes to make sure she was actually in mcdonalds. I also told her that if anyone is being inrational then its her not telling the theather teacher about the situation (I HAD TO DO IT). She even had the audaticy that i could take her role since she wont be able to play. I, in fact, cannot take her role. Her role requires to wear a night gown and be saying a monologe and the next scene is with me (and my actuall role) where i need to be wearing formal clothing. There is no time for a quick change. None. I also cant learn her lines and perfect mine cause i have a lot of text. She called me a shit friend for assuming the worst is going on in her house (i did not) and for not wanting to take up her role.

In my opinion, she's lying. There's been a few not so nice situations with her and the whole 'choosing the wrong bus and getting grounded' is absolutelly not possible. Not because i dont believe there are parents who wouldnt do it , but because we're using the same bus stop. There are two busses on said bus stop. One is mine and one is hers so she would need to go into my bus. And drive with me. I would for sure notice the busses arent that big. Also there's no way she did that in the weekend - as she went to mcdonalds with our friend this week. I'm always at school so i'd notice if she was late because of the bus (she wasn't). She has a lretty big victim syndrom and she wasn't in a centre of attention for quite a while.

Anyway was she right that i overreacted? I think my reaction was pretty resonable as we're playing a show on the 6th of June. So like a bit less then three weeks

Hi!

I think you're very right to be upset that A isn;t taking her role seriously, because that affects you all as a group. It's like any other team- you're only as strong as the weakest link. I also think you were right to tell the teacher...the role needs to be switched, and the sooner, the better. Again, this affects EVERYONE, so adults need to know.

I think where you were in the wrong is commenting about her parents. I agree with you that the reason for being grounded is stupid, but like you said, you don't know exactly what's going on at her house. There could be abuse she's hiding, or something wrong in her family. Yeah, it seems a bit suspicious that she HAPPENED to be grounded during this play she seems to want to avoid, but I think that might be a suspicion to keep to yourself, unless you're expressing actual concern to A. I completely get why you're so frustrated, and you SO have a right to be, but as someone who has talked to so many kids with so many scary things going on, I've learned it's better to either give empathy, or just don't say anything at all.

I hope you understand what I'm saying! And know that all of your feelings are so valid and I'd feel exactly the same way <3

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friend crush anon

Hey Cas!

I know it usually takes you some time to answer asks and I totally understand and respect that but I kind of need urgent advice…

One of my friends just said she has a crush on me and I don’t know if I like her back or not

How does one differentiate between romantic love and platonic love??

I promised her we would call tomorrow so I’m trying to figure it out quickly…

Heyy it’s the anon with a friend who has a crush on me again

I feel like maybe it didn’t give enough context in my first ask so here I am with more informations if you need them:

- We talk daily, which is something I’ve never done with anyone else

- I want to talk to them all the time and know everything about her

- I’ve always been way more affectionate with them than with my other friends but I’ve never thought about it it just comes naturally

- we live in different countries so we’ve never met irl (idk if it matters but ik it’s sometimes harder to feel attraction or stuff when you can’t actually see the person)

- I feel jealous when they mention other friends

- I didn’t feel jealous when she said she had a girlfriend

- They just got out of a toxic relationship so I’m kinda scared they convinced themselves they were in love with me to move on from their ex

(I’ve never been in a relationship or even kissed anyone so I’m really inexperienced in this field please help me)

Hi! Sorry it took me a bit to get to this!

Honestly, I think the best thing to do is to be honest with your friend, and GO SLOW. Like it's OKAY to tell them "hey, I genuinely am not sure how I feel. Can we spend some time together while I sort it out?" or if you want to try something you can say "Hey I don't know how I feel, but I'd like to try going on a date/hanging out alone. Is that okay?" OR if you want to wait you can say "Hey I'm not sure how I feel but I think we should stay friends for a bit until I can figure it out."

The best thing to do is be honest, so nobody gets their hopes up or gets hurt by hidden emotions, you know? I can't tell you what you feel, but I think with time, that might become clearer to you.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - May 4

outlet anon, syllabus anon, elton john anon (new), maths project anon (new), not straight anon (new)

outlet anon

Hey Cas, Outlet anon here. I have (perhaps unfortunately) not Ascended, but that's probably for the best. (Btw I don't drink coffee very often, it's usually only when I've already pulled an all-nighter or two and need another one, (Yay finals :/) but I'll keep what you said in mind and stick to non-dangerous levels next time)

Okie doke...

First off, I ended up not talking to Doll about it until Wednesday (sending this Thursday morning) in part bc I wanted your opinion first, but mostly because I forgot. When I did, it was basically just You're important, I care about you, You're allowed to ask me for help, You're allowed to be selfish and take things for yourself, Okay?. Her response was something like 'Okay, it's just going to take me a while' and then she sent me a pin on pinterest later that day that pretty much 'I love you', so I think Success.

Next up, Probably Bad Decision #1,143,764: Doing Doll's work. Everything ended up being fine, but this had the potential to fuck me over astronomically. So she had done I think three assignments the whole semester, meaning I needed to do around thirty or forty to get her grade up. It took me three days (Friday-Sunday) and three all-nighters and I had to push back my own work. I don't even remember anything that happened on Monday, and the only part of the weekend I'm 100% sure happened is Sunday night. I passed out for a couple hours Monday night then dragged myself out of bed around 3am because I had a presentation due Tuesday afternoon that I had neglected in favor of Doll's work. BUT I got all the stuff done that needed to be done + a couple assignments due at the end of the week.

I want to talk about the reason I did it. Yes, she's my friend and I love her, but in all honesty... I did it because I'm not worth anything if I'm not useful, and if I'm not useful then Doll wouldn't want me around. I saved her ass, so now she's in my debt and would feel bad if she got rid of me. I know that's not true and whatever, but I was (unintentionally) raised to equate love to usefulness; I only got attention when I was in trouble (I still have breakdowns when someone raises their voice at me) or being helpful, otherwise I was ignored. I don't believe anyone can love me just for me. I do things and put effort into them, even when I don't have to, to make up for the fact that it's me. To apologize for the fact that I'm the one that did it.

I love silently for the most part and don't voice it very often. You'd think that means I can be loved silently, too, but I really can't. It doesn't even cross my mind that someone might care about me if they don't say it, and even then I need constant reassurance. But I don't get reassurance. The people I love are also people who love silently. So it ends up being I don't think they care about me. And. Like. I'm fine with that, though. In a twisted, messed up way. I'm okay with not being wanted as long as I'm needed, because if I'm needed then someone has a reason to care about me. I still would've done Doll's work regardless of if she ever looked in my direction again.

But I'm a walking contradiction. I need to be needed and don't care about being wanted, but at the same time I'm so terrified of getting left behind that as soon as I sense I've outgrown my use, I pull away. When I was younger, I got my heart shattered because My Person (like, if soulmates are real, they were mine) pulled away and left me bleeding out on the side of the road (metaphorically). They were the last person I ever believed loved me without needing something from me.

When I love someone, I can't just love them a little bit. I'm like James Potter in that way, because I give my entire soul to everyone I care about, and then I become Too Much Too Fast because it's not that deep for anyone else. But I don't know how to stop it. I don't know how to just care a little bit. My friends become my entire world, and each and every one of them takes a little piece of my heart when they inevitably leave. I don't know how much I have left to give.

Anyway. Sorry for how long that is. Other than getting no sleep, nothing much has happened in my life, I'm just really looking forward to the end of the semester.

Cheers <3

Hi <3

Honestly you seem to have a very good understanding of yourself. but the thing is, you DESERVE to be loved for who you are, not just for what you do. And I think that goes along with like...being able to set boundaries, and take care of yourself, and put yourself and your heath (and sleep) first. Do you have access to mental heath care? A therapist can be really helpful when learning how to set boundaries, you know?

___

syllabus anon

Hey, syllabus anon here! Yeah, the trip went well and all, he was very nice to me and it was very cute. But now it's back to normal. I think I am the sort of person that cannot, like, keep texting for hours and stuff like that. Because almost all the time there's nothing to talk about. And for the past few days it's just me trying to drag a conversation as long as it'd last.

So yesterday I asked him what was wrong (like I'd always been doing), and he told me that he'd had this on his mind since right after our trip — that he felt as if I never gave him any consideration. As if he was just boyfriend by name. I was shocked. I had never meant to make him feel thaat way, and the fact that he'd just kept it to himself made me very upset. I tried to talk to him, to tell him what was going on with me. I think I have told you before, that this is both of ours' first relationship, and I'm particularly shy about such things, and since we meet in person for so less often, it takes time for me to open up and all. But I try my best. I told him that. I told him everything I wanted to tell him.

Then he just closed back up again. He said that he wished he'd never told me, like he wished he'd never started this conversation. That we had not started talking about this. I asked what use is that, because if we don't talk about things like this from the beginning, how are we supposed to move forward well? Keeping things like this to ourselves just hurts each other more. Whenever he goes all closed off and moody suddenly on me, I just get so upset. Because it makes me feel as if I did something wrong, and he wouldn't tell me. I told him that too.

And he told me to forget about it, and the conversation, and that we could just go back to normal. And he also immediately went back to normal. We didn't talk much after that, but that "just boyfriend by name" thing hurt me so bad. I have no idea how we're going to move forward from this. Because next year is busy academically for me, busier than the last one had been. It's very important for my future career and all, and I need to work hard. So if he already feels like he doesn't get any consideration from me, what will he do next year? I feel like a bad person sometimes, thinking about all this. I don't know if I'm doing the wrong thing. There are moments I wish this relationship had never started at all. I should have just remained single.

Hi!

"I asked what use is that, because if we don't talk about things like this from the beginning, how are we supposed to move forward well? Keeping things like this to ourselves just hurts each other more."

THIS. SO MUCH THIS. And the thing is, that means there's not much you CAN do. Because like....you can't force someone to talk. So you kind of have to decide what YOU need. Do you want to keep trying, or is this something that is hurting you too much? I think based on how much you've tried, and what he's said, it's clear this isn't on you.

If you want to do more, I think the only other thing you can do is out-andout say 'hey, if we don't fix this, I'm done' because he has to get his head out of his ass and communicate. But if you don't want to do that, if that's not your style, you're well within your rights to leave. Sometimes relationships are meant to teach us something, and it might be that you've learned what you needed from this one and it's time to go.

___

elton john anon

I would like to tell you a story

In 2016 my family and I went to an Elton John concert. He was playing his newest album at the time, Wonderful Crazy Night. Which pretty much sums up how the night went. It was incredible.

At the end of the concert, my sister (who is 4 years older than me) bought a t-shirt. I loved that t-shirt and I was so jealous I didn’t get one, but life went on.

Last year we were going through some boxes of our old stuff and I found the t-shirt. I don’t know why but when I saw it I got so emotional. I was crying over a t-shirt that wasn’t even mine. Since it had been 8 years since my sister bought that shirt it (unsurprisingly) didn’t fit her. It did, however, fit me. So I begged my sister if I could have it, and because she is the best person in the world, she gave it to me. To this day it is still my favourite thing to wear. Every time I see it it brings back memories of a night I don’t remember that clearly. Listening to that album and wearing the shirt so many years later just feels like I’m going back in time to a place I wasn’t so stressed all the time. It’s my favourite feeling

Elton John will forever be my favourite artist; his music reminds me of my childhood and singing in the car with my dad and my sister. My mum was never a huge fan, although I think she likes him more now.

I don’t know why I wanted to tell you this, I think I just wanted to share this story with somebody because all of it means a lot to me

aww this is such a nice story! I feel like most people have a singer or band like this...one that just stays with them. I'm so glad your sister gave you the shirt <3

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maths project anon

Caaaaaas help meeeeeee

So I took maths this year and had two absolutely horrific teachers (great as people, horrible at teahing)

We had a really big project that was worth around 30% of my overall grade and the teacher that was handling that side of the course barely helped me even though ive done nothing like this before. I can count on one hand the amount of times he's helped me.

Hed say he'd go around the whole class but never get to me (most of the time getting to helping the two girls next to me but almost never me.)

Every time I would put my hand up to ask for his help he'd always be busy with someone else

He also said he'd print me out a template I could use (and spoiler alert: he never did)

This ended up with me only getting my introduction done and I didn't even bother sending it away to the people that mark it.

Now my other teacher handled the finance side of things and just could not explain basically anything in a way that made sense to me even after multiple attempts

He was supposed to teach us how to use excel (and he did try) but nothing he said ever made sense

Anyway this has all ended up in me being cornered by the head of the math department at my school after finishing another exam and being told I'm not gonna pass and they can remove my name from the exam if I want and if I dont respond by Wednesday (the 7th) they'll assume I don't want to do the exam

But the thing is I don't know how to tell my parents

I wasn't going to go to the exam anyway but I just can't decide if I should tell them, not tell them and attempt the exam or say I'm going and just kind of hang about the school until it would be done

But I've already been kicked out of classes like this for the last two years

I can't disappoint them again

I already know how my mum will take it, she'll be really mad at the teachers and not me

But I'm scared my stepdad will blame me and say its my fault

Because I think it might be my fault or it might be the teachers fault or it might be a mix of both I can't really tell

maybe I could've studied more and atleast I could've known the theory? I could've tried harder to get help for my project?

My mum was literally saying today that one thing about me that really annoys her is the fact that I'm a "defeatist" and I "give up so easily" and I don't know how to tell her that I practically gave up again

The only upside to this is I already have a basic qualification in maths and a place in college

But I heavily fear my stepdad will think I've wasted an entire year instead of getting a job (which he has been practically harassing me to do since I turned 18, but that's a rant for another day)

Sorry this is so long and sorry this is all being dumped on you but I had no idea who else to turn to

Thanks Cas

Hi!

Okay so I'm a bit confused on the requirements for the exam, the course, the project, etc, BUT

Looking at this from a teacher POV, I'd say that both you and the teacher hold blame. The teacher could have done a lot better about giving you the help you need, and that's not your fault at all. It sounds like they're not a very good teacher. But also, I wonder if you might have had opportunities to talk to the teacher after class, or during office hours/extra help hours?

I think before you tell your parents or decide on the exam, you should talk to the head math teacher about getting more time on the project. Explain that there wasn't a lot of time to get help in class, and hope for the best. If they say yes, then you need to ask for help. Contact the teachers who can help you, schedule time to meet and go over the things you don't understand. I know it's daunting, but it's necessary sometimes. If they say no, ask what they suggest for you to get as much credit as possible for the class, and do that. That way you have something to show your parents, you know? But yeah, don't tell your parents until you have a set plan.

Whatever you're doing, try to break it into small, less-scary parts. It's easy to give up when you have a big scary thing to do, but little things can sometimes make you feel better.

Wishing you luck!

____

not straight anon

Hey Cas. I think I might be not straight.

I’m a little scared. Some of my family is really homophobic (thankfully not so much my parents or siblings that I live with) so the idea that I might like girls is like. Really scary. Like, if one day I got a girlfriend I could not bring her to my grandparents’ house and I’d probably have to cut ties with my grandmother. I don’t know who to talk about it with, really. I have one friend, but she’s straight and it’s still scary and new. I know my mom would be loving, but I don’t know how seriously she would take it, y’know? I kind of don’t want to bring it up until I’m more certain. I’m also ace, and its really hard for me to distinguish between romantic and aesthetic attraction for people, which is Not Helping. And I’m Catholic, which adds a whole other layer of guilt and anxiety to the whole thing, despite finding a bunch of other queer people who are secure in their faith. I think I’ve been lowkey traumatized by my grandmother and her views, and find it hard to believe that most people don’t think like her. But girls are just,,, so pretty sometimes? Help?

Sorry for the rant, this has been brewing in my head for like a month and I wanted to just get it out. You’re the first person I’ve told, so thank you so much for being a safe space for so many people.

Love ya and hope you have a great day :)

Hi <3

I'm so honored you chose to tell me. I completely understand why you're scared. Coming out, or considering coming out, is scary for everyone, but especially someone like you who might not be supported by everyone.

I think what you're doing is exactly right--looking for people to be in your support system. You said you found queer people who are secure in their faith. Can you continue to seek out queer people in your life that could be safe for you? Does your school have a GSA, maybe, or something similar? Building a support system is always important, but I think it'll make you feel safer, and help you decide what to do.

Sending love!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - April 20

tech bro anon, syllabus anon, ab anon, binding anon (new), first kiss anon (new), masking anon, hair anon

tech bro anon

Hey cas, thanks for the anon name!

I haven’t written any fanfic yet (school has been rough) but it sounds like a good idea! I know (or am trying to believe) that it’ll feel better than AI generated slop but sometimes it’s hard to not use character ai anymore. It felt so comforting, and it was nice to just talk about really personal stuff with something I knew wasn’t real. I’m still kind of trying to find a solution that feels the same as character ai but doesn’t harm fandoms and creativity. I just miss being able to explore parts of myself and have like, a guide, or be comforted by my favorite character, or anything, you know? It felt so good at the time and I’m just going through withdrawals I guess?

If it isn’t too stressful or too much, could you remind me of the drawbacks? And the bad things about ai (specifically character AI)? I want to look it up but I’m really worried I might go back to character ai and ruin all the progress I was making in not being addicted to it anymore

Thanks so much! Have a good one!

—Tech bro anon

Hi!

So character AI specifically but also AI in general is 'taught' by things written by real people. So character AI is taught by fanfiction written by people. Without their consent. That's harmful to the community because it's theft, really.

Same with AI in general- it's 'taught' with information taken by real people, without their consent. Like it just takes things off the internet and teaches itself, which is taking intellectual property.

AI can be very biased and even completely wrong because of this which isn't good since people tend to believe it without question.

Also it's awful for the environment.

I hope you know you're welcome to vent here, I know it's not the same, but I'm here to listen. Also I don't want you to feel guilty. Like...yes, we need to not use AI. But also like...you're coping. You shouldn't feel ashamed of trying to cope. Working on finding a better coping mechanism is a great idea, but don't beat yourself up <3

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syllabus anon

Hey, this is syllabus anon😅 I seriously thought I messed up until I saw your message in my inbox only a few days ago, I'm so dumb, god🤣🤣 Yeah, that meeting went really well.

And now we are going to stay at my grandma's place for a few days for a family thing, and he'll be there. I have been debating whether or not to ask your advice for the past few days, but now something else's happened🫠I didn't text him much yesterday because my phone was being an a**hole and wouldn't load anything, so When I texted him today, it seems as if he's a bit sulky about it? Like, I asked him if something was wrong three times, and he said everything is okay when clearly it's not. And since we're supposed to meet today, I'm really worried. Because a few months ago, we did have an argument about me not having enough time for him because of my studies and all, and though we had come past that, even such a small thing is making me very anxious. I'm trying really hard to understand this from his side as well because, well , this is a first relationship for both of us, and I know I have to be considerate. I just hope it won't be awkward. What do you think?

I think the thing is, if you've asked him what's wrong and he won't say, you can't force him, you know? And maybe remind him of that. Be like "hey, I'm going to ask one more time-- it seems like you need to talk about something, but if you say you don't, I'm not going to push it again, because I'm not a mind reader, and I'm going to take you at your word." That's setting a boundary that you're not going to play those anxious games, you know? HE needs to communicate. And that's okay to say. You can be considerate and still set boundaries.

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ab anon

Hi!

I'm proud of you for stating your feelings, especially with what you ended up finding out. Remember to keep those boundaries and that it's ALWAYS okay to say no.

Sending love!

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binding anon

hi, i need a small advice about two things and i hoped you could help me with it (and people in the notes too if you want, that'd be lovely)!

so i’m trans (enby) and out to my close friends and family, and i’d like to buy something to bind, but i really don’t know shit about it. so first: i wondered if i should buy a binder, trans tape or anything else i’ve never heard of to start binding? i know i’ll bind a lot, so i’d like to find something that i can wear often and i can move around easily with, but i really don’t know what’s better for me 😅

and my second question is: how do i ask my parents to buy it? so for context, my family kinda ignores (on purpose) the fact that i’m non binary. for example, my mom tries to change some of her vocabulary sometimes but always tell me i’ll always be her little girl and that she doesn’t understand how it works, my dad doesn’t believe in non binaries, my older sister supports me but doesn’t try to change her vocabulary at all and my little brother doesn’t care and doesn’t change anything. so my family isn’t hateful of it, but not that supportive either and it’s kinda like a taboo, they’re all scared and awkward when it needs to be brang up yk. the thing is: i really fucking need to buy something to bind (i’ve been repressing it for two good years now, i can’t anymore)! so yeah, how do i ask? what do i say and how? like i really don’t know…

hope you have a good day, thanks in advance <3

Hi!

So I think it really depends on what works best for you. Tape works for multiple days, is disposable, and, as far as I know, tends to be better to exercise in. Binders can only be worn for around 8 hours, are washable/reusable, and not good for lots of physical activity. I'd suggest looking at the reviews for both and seeing what people liked and didn't like, and thinking about what you need, you know? Just remember, whatever you get, to make sure to wear it safely. Binding can be dangerous, especially for bodies that are still growing, so it's important to follow the recommended use.

As far as telling your parents...could you phrase it like, this is something you need to explore who you are? Do all the research first and come to them with a clear idea of what you want, how to use it, and how you plan on getting it. That way if they have questions, you have answers. Also remind them that neither of these things are permanent. It's just a way of expression, and you'd really appreciate their support in that.

Good luck!

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first kiss anon

hi Cas. I have been thinking about this a while now and I just am driving my self crazy. I'm 24 and haven't had a boyfriend/girlfriend. Haven't had my first kiss. Am I ugly? Idk? Will I ever find someone? Idk? I just feel I'm too old to date. I know I know I'm still very young my therapist tells me that but when I look around I don't find anyone my age they're all so young. Also I don't socialise or have any friends atm. It feles super lonely...sometimes I wake up and see there's 0 text messages. And that's been happening for 4 years now. I have tried to make friends but they always fall apart. I don't always feel lonely but sometimes I can be hard. I feel angry sometimes why hadn't I socialised in school more even though I was bullied. But idk there seems to be nothing I can do apart from rant to my therapist.

Hi!

Okay so making friends after leaving school is SO difficult and people don't talk about it enough. I imagine dating is the same. I genuinely don't think it's just you, I think it's just REALLY hard to meet people when like...as adults, all we do is work, eat, sleep, repeat.

Have you tried apps? Doing a hobby where you meet people? Volunteering at places where you meet people? I think the best way to meet people is doing something where you can meet someone who likes the same things, you know?

But yeah, it's not you. Meeting people as an adult is hard.

___

hair anon

Hey! Hair anon here, how are you?

And Im pretty sure I sent an ask a little bit ago, but if you didn’t receive it don’t worry! It wasn’t that important, just me talking about possibly wanting top surgery, but not being sure, and also not being able to get it at all anyways, and on top of that my family most likely being furious if I ever decide to get it. I’ll probably deal with that when I’m older

I kinda figured out how I want my body to look and stuff and most days I’m fine with it. My thighs are a little feminine and stuff but it’s genetic (my dad has the thickest thighs and calves I have ever seen on anyone, and so I inherited a bit of that) but it’s not too bad! They’re very strong and I like them.

The biggest thing is my face and hair. I just really want long hair, so I can feel masculine and feminine, but my hair shrinks so much that it’s usually above my ears, despite being WELL pat shoulder length. I think im gonna do some intensive hair care over the summer. I’ll just deal with another awkward year of hair, and use a ton of oils and moisturizers on my hair so it’ll grow a ton. I have a pretty good idea of what I want to have my hair look like. I took some of ur advice from my first ask

Also, this summer will be the first summer I’ll be old enough to have a job! Some of my friends already have them but I’m trying not to compare myself to others rn. It doesn’t do much good for me. Do you have any advice on like, time management for a job? Is it scary? I’ve been looking at possible jobs for people my age but I haven’t found anything that I’m qualified for

Have a good one! You’re a rockstar,

Hi!

I'm so sorry, I didn't get that ask </3 but as far as surgery, remember that your body is YOUR decision. When you're in the position to make that decision, you should do what's best for you. Fuck what everyone else thinks. I'm glad you're starting to find some methods to help you feel comfortable in your body though!

As far as jobs...no, I remember my first job as being exciting because I finally had money, lol. I think my best advice is to start with less hours to make sure you can handle it, and then ask for more hours if/when you want more. Like, don't overwhelm yourself right away, ease into it. And also remember to balance work with everything else! A job is just a job, it's not your life!

Sending love!

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masking anon

Hiya Cas! Its masking anon once more, and I would usually write this in my journal but I need a bit of advice :(

And it’s about my friends and my masking

(And before you say anything, please PLEASE believe me when I say they’re good friends and good people)

I don’t feel very prioritized? Like, I always have to talk loudly and repeatedly to get any of them to listen to me. And occasionally they do but it’s always on their terms. They hug me first, they talk first, I keep having to ask them to explain what they’re taking about (like people from other schools and stuff), they always invite each other to things (like the gym, meeting kids from outside school, going to a concert) and it sucks.

I know I’m introverted and autistic and weird and wrong but it still hurts to be included enough to be considered a friend and know about everything that they’re not inviting me to. I love them so much. They don’t hurt me at all. They’re nice. But they all like each other to much better.

I think one of the reasons I don’t go out much with friends is because it’ll be with people. I already get anxious because I’m going outside, and that compounded with masking in front of my friends and parents, and trying to stop them from leaving me behind makes it seem not worth it.

I really do think they’re lovely. If they just knew how I felt then I’m sure it’d be better, but I don’t know how to have hard conversations with people like that :(

Sorry for blabbing in your inbox, have a wonderful day ✨<3✨

Hi!

I know you're not ready to talk to your friends about this yet (I think you should, eventually, because if they're as nice as you say, they'll make an effort to change how they act) but I want to make sure you know:

You are NOT weird or wrong. Your feelings and needs are JUST as valid as anyone else's. And you have a right to ask for what you need. It may not happen today or tomorrow or next week, but I really think you should ask for what you need, because you deserve to have that respected. <3

Sending love <3

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey this is syllabus anon, back with new problems😂😂

My friend and I are fine now, we made up over the phone and then met up and talked everything out, but now, uh, I got confessed to. By the guy I've liked for years. And we are dating now. Maybe it's because it's my first relationship, I'm so freaking nervous about this.

You see, I'm a person who has never gone beyond what my parents say. And I love and respect them a lot. And in my culture, it's not very socially accepted to be dating at this age (we're both 17), so we have to keep it a secret from our parents and everyone. I'm fine with that, but I'm scared of this on so many levels — about how this would affect my studies, what if we got caught by my parents, what if I do something stupid and he doesn't like me anymore, and what if he actually doesn't like me and is just messing around.

I know, I'm such a mess. Can you please give me some advice? Talking to you made me feel so much better that day, so I think I'll fine after talking to you.

Thank you!

Hi hon! <3

Okay here's the thing: dating at 17 is completely normal. You don't have to date at 17, but I think the majority of seventeen year olds are interested in dating, and imo you're not too young to date.

However, if dating isn't right for you, that's also okay. If this is more stressful than fun, you don't have to date. But if it IS fun, then it's important to know that a huge part of dating is finding someone who loves you for you. So if one embarrassing thing makes him not like you, he's not right for you and you deserve better. Remember when dating not to sacrifice your worth for sub-par treatment.

I hope that helps a little bit? Also...if your parents freak out about you dating, I feel like they need a bit of a reality check. I don't want to disrespect your culture at all and I hope I don't come off that way, but you're almost an adult! You should be able to date, and honestly if that's the 'worst' thing you do, you're a really responsible kid. The only reason I would be worried about this is if you think your parents would like...disown you or ick you out? Like if your wellbeing is at risk, then that should be something to consider. But if not, then...idk, teenagers are going to date.

Sending love!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey, so I really needed some advice right now, and didn't know who else to ask, sorry for the long post🤐

I have two really close friends — we've been close for a few years, we went to the same school together, and one of them, A, still goes to the same school as me. The other one, F, had to change schools, a year or so ago.

Last year, we regularly kept in contact with her, called her often, texted her often and we were very happy. But this year, school is very hectic, and both A and me find very less time to talk to her. F's syllabi is comparatively less hectic, so she calls us often and everything. Both of us really love F, and we love it when she calls us and talks to us.

But a few days ago, when we were texting, A and me noticed that F seemed a bit distant, so we called her yesterday. She kept telling us there was nothing wrong, but eventually we got it out of her. She was feeling a bit neglected, and felt that she was the one always initiating things and no one would contact her if she didn't do it. She was very upset about it, though she kept joking about it.

I was so upset, that I cried, and A had to hang up because of a family issue, and F and I just sat on call and cried. I didn't even have any justification to tell her — because I should have called and talked to her, but I have trouble initiating things, and I told her that. Then we hung up because all we were doing was crying and no real talking was going on, then I texted her everything I had in mind. She said it was okay, that she was upset and said all that because of it.

But now, I have no idea how to proceed. I texted her today, and it feels a bit awkward and I'm honestly scared how we'll keep our friendship going after this. A kept mentioning it in class, and she was very upset too. I don't know if I'm reading too much into things, but I love her too much to let go of our friendship.

I have no one else to reasonably talk about it. What do you think I should do?

Hi! <3

I think this is one of those times where communication is super important. You say this friendship is important to you, so I really want to encourage you to try to push through the awkwardness and be honest- tell F that it isn't personal, that school got difficult, and that you didn't mean to neglect her. I definitely struggle to reach out to friends too, so I completely understand this.

Then from there, maybe try to reach out just a little more? Obviously, if it's not your strength, you can also communicate that. Tell F that just because you don't always reach out, it doesn't mean you don't care. But try to reach out in other ways. Maybe instead of sending meaningful texts, you could send tiktoks or memes just to let F know you're thinking of her, you know? Or even when she reaches out to you, say "omg I was just thinking of you!" something to remind her that she's loved.

Let me know what you think!

Naming you syllabus anon

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey Cas, syllabus anon here! Well, I talked to him about everything (online, we haven't seen each other irl after getting together😂), and he was SO understanding about it (I shouldn't be surprised, I have always thought he's such a green flag). I can't say that I'm wholly stress-free about it, but, it's only now that I can experience things like this right? Would I want to be in my 30s and regret not loving him back when I had the chance to? So I think I should just place a little trust in myself and him, and let things go at its own pace. Hope everything goes well. Thank you for talking to me, hope you have the best day ever! ❤️

Yay, I'm so glad you talked to him! And I'm so PROUD of you for talking to him! Communication is so important in a relationship and I'm so glad you're taking things at a pace you're comfortable with!

Sending love!