Every year, the whole seminary takes a trip to the Mar Thoma Sleeha SyroMalabar Cathedral in Bellwood. We do so to visit the catechism classes, where we teach about vocations and following God’s call, and also to partake in the Holy Qurbana, the main Eucharistic celebration of the SyroMalabar Rite (equivalent to the Holy Mass). Every time we do, it’s a real blessing for many reasons. For one thing, it is of great value to experience the different Rites of the Catholic Church. I think the majority of Catholics in America are only exposed to the Roman Latin Rite, where there are another 23 different Eastern Rites that glorify the same God but in their own, beautiful way. Partaking in the main liturgy of the SyroMalabar Church certainly opened our eyes to what the Catholic Church is all about, being universal. It also gave us a greater perspective on how the people of God come to worship. (Read More)
Most lovable Alphonsa, you were chosen by the almighty and everlasting Father to share in the profound mysteries of the passion, crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus. In holiness you grew and were crowned with heavenly glory. You are indeed a proud child of the Indian Church. We commit our motherland and ourselves to your care.
Oh! Doleful daughter of God, grant that following your example, we may discern the hand of Providence in our troubles and tribulations. We beseech you to help us resign ourselves to the will of God and be with you in heaven. Amen.
Are you Knanaya or Syro-Malabar Christian? I was just wondering because I'm leaving for Kerala in a month or so to attend my uncle's wedding and I wanted to know what I should be prepared for. We're Syro-Malabar by the way. Would you be able to help me with anything you know about the wedding rituals? :)
I shouldn’t be answering questions but what the hey, I’m on my hour study break- and I’d feel bad not answering this one because you’re leaving before I come back and what use is this to you then.
And you’re lucky, because I am indeed a Syro-Malabar Catholic Christian. For those of you who don’t know what I just said: us Christians who converted around 52AD in Kerala have managed to split the Christian sect of Catholicism up into the denominations of Knanaya Syrians, Jacobite Syrians, Malankara Marthoma Syrians, Malankara Orthodox Syrians, Caldean Syrians, Syro-Malabar Catholics, Syro-Malankara Catholics, Latin Catholics and then some. Of course there are the other sects Seventh Day Adventists, Pentecostals, Lutherans etc. As far as I know Ann is a Knanaya Christian (so if you wanted to talk to her I’m sure she’d give you a wonderfully written response). I was born into a family that was already fairly religious, with 3 priests (including my uncle) and 8 nuns in my mum’s side alone(extended including of course). I know for a fact that my great grandparents were married by the time they were 13-14 and having kids when they were about my age, as was custom.
Coming to the wedding rituals; I don’t know what part of Kerala you’re from and I’ll warn you now that they actually do differ from place to place. I assume because it’s your uncle’s wedding the wedding will be at your local church rather than at the bride’s one, as typically the engagement is conducted by the bride’s family whilst the wedding is handled by the groom’s. The ‘official’ engagement tends to be a few weeks before the wedding unlike European Christian weddings which happen months, or even years before. Needless to say I’m sure the respective families have already sealed the deal before hand, with the pennukaanal (where the guy first sees the girl and they decide whether they agree to the marriage- the prospective groom visits the prospective bride’s home for the first time) and kalyaanam urappikkal (marriage settlement- I don’t know how forward your family is but this tends to involve dowry- possibly the most illegal and discreetly done ritual of the whole thing). It’s during these few weeks between engagement and marriage that the two families really feel the excitement and in turn stress of the event. Whilst your’s will be busy organising the reception, marriage documents, religious permission, and camera crew the girl’s family will be buying the clothes, gold, fiddling over hair and makeup, and possibly orgainising a bus to bring all the relatives to the church in time. Embrace it while you can- these are the moments that will truly bring your family together and it’s perhaps the only non-depressing event where you’ll get to realise how big your family family is. And make sure you look pretty (but you can’t outdo the bride) because there will be plenty of pictures. Actually you will be spending a solid 1-2 hours just at your family home taking pictures with the groom, in sets and individually.
The actual wedding mass is a tedious one, as expected if you’ve ever been to Malayalam mass. The bride and groom have to begin by lighting the nelavilakah (the holy lamp- you’ve probably seen one- except this one has a gold cross on it). For almost two hours you will be mostly standing, praying, singing, and ever so occasionally sitting down. Be prepared for that. Pity your uncle and future-aunt who have to stand up for much longer than you do. The mass structure is a fairly typical one with the added wedding bits. Needless to say the bride and groom, albeit nervous, have been thoroughly prepared for this through their various consultations with the priest together and the compulsory lessons of religious marriage education at the church (which I hear also includes sex ed). But I digress. The bride will be wearing a white sari instead of a white dress and given that you can’t have an extremely long train on your sari unless you want it to fall off (safety pins can only do so much) the train will be attached to her veil and tiara. During these ceremonies the priest will ask to the exchange the gold rings that have their respective spouses’ name inscribed in them. Here the priest (typically a close relative of the bride or groom) will ask for mutual consent and paanigrahana (clasping of the right hands of the groom and bride), which they will be doing for most of the ceremony (instead of the kiss- we all know how awkward Indians are with public kisses).
Like the Hindu tradition of mangalsutra, the Syro Malabar church has the tradition of the thali. Talikettu or minnukettu is supposedly the most important public ritual by the bride and the groom in a marriage ceremony; the groom, assisted by his sister (or someone similar), is asked to tie the sacred tread around the bride’s neck. Actually the marriage itself is called kettukalyanam (a tied (bound) marriage) whereby the bridegroom is known as kettiyavan (one who tied the tali) and the bride is called the kettiyaval (one who the tali was tied to). The tali is the foremost symbol of the covenant of marriage in India, both for Hindus and Christians alike. The bride wears it forever to signify the permanent commitment and loyalty in marriage. It is only removed before the woman is buried, when it is then given to the church. It is made in the form of a cross with 21 golden beads (21 = 3 x 7- the cross signifies the Risen Lord, 3 beads stand for the Trinity and 7 for the sacraments). The ring exchange is usually done after this. Followed by exchanging the poomallah (those big necklace like things made of flowers).
From there the groom will be asked to place the mantrakodi on the bride’s head. The mantrakodi is a special sari, most likely silk in a vibrant shade of magenta or red, bought by the girl’s father and blessed by the priest. The practice symbolizes the protection and care given by the father of the bride which is now taken over by the groom. You’re meant to keep it forever from then on but I’m pretty sure my mum cut hers up to make clothes for me and my sister. Oops.
By this point everyone’s probably sweating profusely and you’ll be looking at the bride thinking ‘how is she coping with all those layers of cloth and gold and still standing?’. So the priests (yes, plural because there is usually 3-4 priests at the wedding) decide to wind things up and the bride and groom place their hands on the bible and recite their vows. Ta da- wedding ceremony over- everyone (not you though- the close family of both parties stay in the church) will exit the church and walk or drive to the reception hall where they will be seated. During this time the newly wed husband and wife will sign the marriage registry, put some money in the church collection boxes, and take a few snaps in the church. Then you’ll go out to the reception hall whilst the couple have a little photo session outside. At this point two or three of the females from the girl’s side go along with her to change from the white wedding sari to the mantrakodi for the reception. The reception is exactly what you’d expect- yummy food, socializing, photos etc. The couple sit on the stage, where everyone can see them, in chairs that look like they were stolen from an abandoned royal theater set. They tend to have to drink out of a coconut at the same time or (less traditionally) a glass of wine.
After all is said and done, the major family members drive to the husband’s home for the last set of rituals. The mother of the groom will welcome them as husband and wife into the house for the first time by making the sign of the cross with a rosary on both their foreheads and the father of the groom will give a lit candle to the new bride (because she’s going to be the new light of the household and all). After they both step into the house together (right leg first of course) the husband will gift a sari to the wife’s mother (if the mother is deceased like my aunt the sari is given to the oldest sister/sister-in-law). The wife will gift something similar to her new mother-in-law. Both fathers will embrace as a sign of the two families coming together. After a nice chat and a cup of chai the wedding party will disperse. You can fill in the blanks as to what happens on the first night. I can’t remember exactly when but I do know that the first time the newly married husband and wife visit the wife’s house they both have to drink a cup of extremely sweet (and I do mean extremely) warm milk.
Uff- that seems like a lot but trust me, time will fly when you do finally get down to business. Now again, the traditions may slightly differ geographically so don’t go off me entirely- and not to forget the fact that I’m going off memory here too :P But I am certain you’ll have plenty of fun. So I hope this helps you understand a bit more. And advance congratulations to your uncle on his wedding. Enjoy your trip :)
