This is mostly related to syscourse but it'll also apply outside of it. It's some general advice for engaging with syscourse that might be triggering, but also regarding taking responsibility.
Syscourse can be incredibly triggering. A lot of discourse can be. Some topics will hit a nerve, will touch on some trauma, and you'll not always be able to keep yourself regulated. This is normal. This is okay. Especially in syscourse, a lot of us here are traumatised. A lot of us here are in very different stages of recovery, if we're engaging in recovery at all. We'll all be able to manage this kind of thing to different extents.
So, if that happens, try to take a step back. Breathe. Count to five, or ten. Use any coping mechanisms you need to, to look after yourself and get yourself regulated again. That step back, the time you take, can be as long as you need it to be. Once you've done that, if you want to try and re-engage with the topic that triggered you, then do so - but also consider that if you can't do so without becoming too affected by it to reasonably interact with it in a productive manner... then maybe it's best to not engage with it at all.
Maybe write out your feelings in a private post, if that will help you, but don't post it. Look over it again when you're calmer and rewrite it into something more productive later, if you can, and if you still feel like you want to engage with it. But remember, you also don't have to engage with it at all. Syscourse is a discussion space, but it's also one that you should be careful with how you engage with it, to minimise the harm it does to you, cause it can be very stressful and there can be a lot of hurt and pain that comes out of it.
If you don't manage to keep yourself from engaging with topics while you're dysregulated - such as when you're deeply triggered - then you have to be ready for how your actions, your words, how you end up interacting with the topic while in that state of mind, will be received, as well as the consequences of that.
It's not uncommon for people to lash out while triggered - it's one of the Four F's of trauma responses - Fight. Sometimes, we hurt people when we're triggered. We mess up. We say things we (probably) wouldn't normally say when we're feeling regulated. Or we say things in a way that is hurtful, etc. - this can vary a lot. And yeah, you're traumatised, you're triggered, in that moment. You may not truly mean what you're doing or saying.
But that's a reason, not an excuse. It might soften the blow, a little. But it doesn't change that it still hurt the person or people on the receiving end. And they have every right to respond in the way they feel is best for them. They themself/ves may be triggered by your actions, and they will be in the same position as you were, as far as whether to step back to regulate themself/ves or to respond while still dysregulated - and they'll be in the same boat as you if they react in a harmful manner.
Criticism of your actions, doesn't mean a criticism of you as a person. Someone setting a boundary, blocking you, not wanting to talk to you, for something you did while triggered, is a completely fair decision for them to make - it doesn't mean that you're a bad person, but your actions hurt them and they don't want to continue interacting with you. They have that right. You being triggered does not absolve you of consequences, nor can it be used to force someone to change their mind about the boundaries they set as a result of your actions. They may choose to change their mind, but that is their choice, not one you have a say in.
We've talked about it a bit in our post on persecutors, but this is part of being responsible for your mental health and the way that affects the people around you. You are not at fault for what happened to you, or the conditions that affect you. You may not necessarily be at fault for the actions you take as a result of those conditions - we aren't always in control of ourselves. But you do have to take responsibility for what you do, regardless of whether you're in control, regardless of whether it's your fault that you're struggling with your mental health. And part of that responsibility is to respectfully accept the consequences of what you do. Apologies are a good idea, but sometimes you don't get a chance to make them to the people you hurt. Sometimes you do, but they don't always change the consequences that are faced. Maybe you'll get to make amends, maybe not. You have to deal with that, accept that.
And, importantly, part of taking responsibility is doing what you can to work on things. To try and avoid causing harm. Taking steps to reduce that risk. This will look like different things for different people and the struggles they face.
In the context of syscourse discussions being triggering, sometimes that might be taking a break from syscourse until you can better manage your reactions to triggers. Sometimes that might be just learning to step away from syscourse in the moments you get triggered, rather than reacting. Maybe a friend can be a "spotter" for you, where you only engage in syscourse when they're around so they can help you disengage when you're getting too upset. As long-term things, maybe that is working through the trauma that's being triggered, or finding ways to lessen the effect of the trigger specifically. Maybe you might find that you just need to avoid certain topics altogether, while still engaging with syscourse overall just fine - in which case you might need to curate your experience - block certain words, or tags, or blogs. Find an approach that works for you.
And while we're still in the context of a very system-focused space - responsibility applies to others in your system as well, of course. If someone else in your system is triggered and reacts harmfully, you still need to accept the consequences for their actions. You can apologise on their behalf, try to make amends, too. System responsibility is important.
Remember, you have a choice on whether or not to engage with syscourse. Please do so responsibly. Look after yourself, and also be considerate of those you interact with.
Syscourse can be messy, but it can also be really fun and enlightening. Some discussions are really great to see multiple perspectives and opinions on. If we work together to create a calm space for that discussion, we can do a lot of good, as a community.