#sysvent

[lostmoji]

TW SYSCOURSE RANT + VENT

Hi. I know this is a very out of nowhere post as I’m literally just an emoji blog run by some shut-in teenager, but I feel like I have to say something because this has been on my mind for months now. As you all may know by now, I am a self diagnosed/and or questioning system, having only gone through a syscovery recently. Here-in lies my issue.

I’m fucking terrified. Terrified of the system community and its behaviour. Because I am still mostly questioning, I don’t know my origin. At all. And I’m horrified of what might happen to me if my trauma didn’t play as big of a part in my origin as it “should”. How people will react, how I’ll be treated, and what I might lose.

If I am traumagenic, I will feel forced to hold a strict opinion on something I have never cared for, and if I don’t, I will be kicked out. and if I’m NOT traumagenic, I will be shunned from every safe space, sent suicide bait, threats, and arguments. I will be forced to lie and hide from the people who are supposed to help and protect me. Either way, I have lost.

I completely expect this post to completely tarnish my reputation on this website as I know a good amount of anti-endos have liked my work before, and that thought upsets me. But I’m sick and tired of being scared to speak up about how this community has affected my syscovery for (mostly) the worst.

You all preach to “Protect System Spaces”, yet all of the bullshit system origin infighting has become more of an issue than it fucking should be; scaring the people you seek to protect - like me and possibly many, MANY others - even further. “blah blah blah is making our spaces feel uncomfortable and scary!” No. That’s YOUR fault. Yes, whatever the hell we’re complaining about this week HAS had some form of impact; but the blame, to me atleast, is on YOU.

Remember, this is your fault. Thank you. Shoutout to the systems who feel the same fear I do. You aren’t alone.

[speedyblur2100]

"my way of saying i love you but i dont want u to know that, so forget it, you wont remember me."-nathan

[nosolacesys]

i'm just tired

[sys-vents]

I recently found out I was a system and since telling my friends, they're all claiming they're systems and treating it as a roleplay

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[sys-vents]

TW/CW: Vent, dead animals mention, gore mention, dormancy mention, fear, imprisonment.

Okay so, our headspace is... Well horrific to say the least, it's a forest with gore and blood everywhere, corpses of all types of things. Most of use just stay in the clearing, but one day I went out into the forest, I traveled for at least half a day, when I almost stumbled into the void. It was the scariest thing I'd ever seen. Dormant alters frozen in pure fear, just floating around. I ran as fast as I could, and eventually got back to the clearing. It's safe to say I'm never going back there again. It's just so hard, because I know who did this, but I shouldn't, and if he finds out I'm afraid of what he'll do. But as long as I don't sign off who I am, he won't find me. I'm just so scared. Yeah he was a kid, but He Hurt Them! How Could He Live With Himself After That!?!??! I hear that some of them are still in that prison on the other side of headspace... I want to go after them, but I'm afraid, it'll take days, and our gatekeeper will know somethings wrong, that I am missing... If you have any suggestions please let me/us know.

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[rawrtizm]

Realizing why you were formed>>>>>>

-Colby