Me and mine
After a relationship, or during one that you aren’t satisfied with, do you ever think of exactly who your person is? No one is perfect. But I think there could be a perfect person if you are willing to wait and not settle. Never be afraid to say I’m sorry but this is the only life I have; I want to live it all.
So in my spare time this weekend to distract my mind with some playful banter I gave mine some thought;
I want you to fight me. Not physically. But don’t let me always be right. Argue your point, but always have an open mind. Smoke with me and tell me all your thoughts, discover you with me. Travel with me, don’t be attached to materialistic things; be able to drop them and turn away. Don’t be afraid to live. Don’t be afraid to learn. Explore everything, try what life has to offer you. Be intelligent, have wit, come back with better sarcasm than mine. Make me laugh. Even at the most stupid shit you can think of. Let the ocean and the mountain still make you feel humble and small. Be able to pause and lay back for adventure breaks to just lay around and watch movies and dwell on a game for a month. Don’t baby me constantly, but let me be on your mind. Make sure I know that. Give me the deep attention that I sometimes need and understand why. Understand how my mind is working. Not why. Know that one day I can be happy and know my life, and the next day depression may bring me so far down I don’t want to get up. Understand that I don’t know why either. Have your own problems we can work through, I don’t like new things, I like puzzles to figure out. Someone to help regrow. Someone who needs me just as much as I need them. Lean on me and I’ll lean on you. Get my puns, get my nerdy culture references. Don’t be afraid to be dirty, literally and figuratively. Be open, don’t be shy. Sex, health, thoughts. Share it all. Be a team. Suddenly want to fuck over there behind those bushes? Let me know, but be able to laugh with me when something happens. You gotta take a shit? Please don’t hide in the bathroom with the shower and sink on. You’re being a human. I don’t care what you look like- not that I don’t find some people more attractive than others- but shit if you can deal with a whole damn list of shit I just made and relate to me and be in love with my appearance as I am with yours, its us, not the rest of the world. No one is fearless, but give it a try anyways. Push me to do the same. I have a goal? You have a goal? Dammit lets make a list of steps and get that shit done. Write it out to me, draw it, sing it. Create with what you have around you. Don’t think you can. Draw some stick figures. Practice what you admire and aspire. Have secrets between just between us. Appreciate organic, eat some wild fresh food. Then lets make some tatertots and processed pizza rolls from the freezer. Balance. Let music help you. Us. Find me some you want just me to hear. Something that reminds you of me. Tell me to listen to it. Be cheesy sometimes. Accept the fact that I can be clingy. Be clingy back. Sometimes I want to literally be on top of you all night; sometimes I want to take a 15 hour drive by myself. Have your insecurities but be able to put all your trust in me. Make it the most solid promise you’ve ever made. I’ll let my entire self go, if we set no lies and no secrets, I’ll let you have all my trust and you keep your freedom. Take promise as a sacred secret between us, no casual promises. I promise cannot be broken. You can always tell me no. I do stupid things. Just accept that, laugh at some, let it go. The hardest part? Me. I like the most random set of things ever. I want to listen to old school rap, then some country, throw in some Kpop, go back to bluegrass and folk, straight classical, you got that 90′s alternative or 80′s pop? Lets just go ahead and dance and listen to my inability to sing. I like cars. I wanna drive a stick down a straight road over and over until I feel my shifts are right. I want to find so illegal drag races and check out everybody elses cars, learn each part. Then I wanna race. I like trucks, I want a lifted chevy we take mudbogging and donuts alone it the middle of a cornfield at 12 am. Hit some big ass puddles. I like school and learning. I don’t like to hold still. I wanna watch anime with you, or a political debate. Tinkerbell movies put me to sleep. Get stoned with me and watch a nature documentary. Lets watch some GoT. Watch the scariest movies we can find where we want to turn them off, so afterwards we need to watch some Friday type shit. I’ll tell you I don’t really like presents; but I do. They make me smile inside. I like when you don’t listen to me with the good stuff. Learn me. I can’t eat eggs. I don’t like breakfast foods. Sour cream is the shit. Learn another language with me so we can switch it up. Switch it up. We need to be into some sex. Be cool with my spontanous desire to at anytime feel like we should go somewhere and try something new. Remember I won’t break. Throw me down. Shove up against the damn wall. Try new shit with me. Laugh when it doesn’t work, bc I’m going to laugh when were deep in and you get a charlie horse. See that each of my thoughts lead to another. I said horse, so that’s where I go to next: Sometimes I want to live on a ranch somewhere where it snows and own and ride horses, raise animals and grow a big ass garden and hunt. Sometimes I want to live in a loft in NYC for a bit and dress up and eat food we can say. Sometimes I want to go to Oakland and see how I do. Or Mexico, living like the locals. Sometimes I wish I could find a handbuild makeshift community on the beach that spends all day surfing and finds food from the sea or what they grow. Appreciate people that have a nice savings account, two kids, their own house and their shit together but know if you’re going to go through life with me, you’re probably not going to do or have that. I could keep going but at this point you get a rough idea. And I got to spill my brain a little bit. Thanks :)
