Kyiahn

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep. -Robert Frost

[kyiahn]

Hate her.

Love her

So complicated.

Frustration raise every day

[aubriestar]

march has softened the edge

of twilight, turning time

into a blend of nightly watercolours

an essence of lavender and lilac

weeping the freshness of spring rain

held in glimmers of extended light

warming the permafrost of hearts

flash frozen indefinitely

melting into a medley of pastels

running together

~Aubrie~2021

[kyiahn]

The burning heat of summer, the cool of his lips, his “wondering when I could do this”, the, left me wanting more

[kyiahn]

Help

I text the crisis line,

“To be honest” they say

“We have other people waiting with a crisis”

I’ve never felt so alone. So hurt. Some one. Any one. Please help me. Please talk to me.

[blueberryborderline]

tbh the worst thing about being a self aware mentally ill person is that people assume that because you understand your illness you’re automatically able to actually apply your knowledge to your life and cure yourself

[mossdftba]

Do I know my brain isn’t making the most sense right now?  Yes.  Can I stop it?  No. 

[taylorswift]

For years I asked, pleaded for a chance to own my work. Instead I was given an opportunity to sign back up to Big Machine Records and ‘earn’ one album back at a time, one for every new one I turned in. I walked away because I knew once I signed that contract, Scott Borchetta would sell the label, thereby selling me and my future. I had to make the excruciating choice to leave behind my past. Music I wrote on my bedroom floor and videos I dreamed up and paid for from the money I earned playing in bars, then clubs, then arenas, then stadiums. 

Some fun facts about today’s news: I learned about Scooter Braun’s purchase of my masters as it was announced to the world. All I could think about was the incessant, manipulative bullying I’ve received at his hands for years. 

Like when Kim Kardashian orchestrated an illegally recorded snippet of a phone call to be leaked and then Scooter got his two clients together to bully me online about it. (See photo) Or when his client, Kanye West, organized a revenge porn music video which strips my body naked. Now Scooter has stripped me of my life’s work, that I wasn’t given an opportunity to buy. Essentially, my musical legacy is about to lie in the hands of someone who tried to dismantle it.

This is my worst case scenario. This is what happens when you sign a deal at fifteen to someone for whom the term ‘loyalty’ is clearly just a contractual concept. And when that man says ‘Music has value’, he means its value is beholden to men who had no part in creating it. 

When I left my masters in Scott’s hands, I made peace with the fact that eventually he would sell them. Never in my worst nightmares did I imagine the buyer would be Scooter. Any time Scott Borchetta has heard the words ‘Scooter Braun’ escape my lips, it was when I was either crying or trying not to. He knew what he was doing; they both did. Controlling a woman who didn’t want to be associated with them. In perpetuity. That means forever. 

Thankfully, I am now signed to a label that believes I should own anything I create. Thankfully, I left my past in Scott’s hands and not my future. And hopefully, young artists or kids with musical dreams will read this and learn about how to better protect themselves in a negotiation. You deserve to own the art you make.

I will always be proud of my past work. But for a healthier option, Lover will be out August 23. 

Sad and grossed out,

💔

Taylor

[kyiahn]

It seems like such a simple thing. Wanting to die. Knowing it’s wrong to want it but the thought feelings so satisfying yet terrifying.

[kyiahn]

The church going mule

You should know:....

You’re amazing.

I love everything about you.

The end.

[xstarlghtx]

Soft Choni. 😍

[kyiahn]

[kyiahn]

[kyiahn]

Help for the hard days. Reach out to me if you need it

[kyiahn]

I can’t write these days.

What would I say.

I live it the dark.

Unsettled, unmoving.

Depression sits on my chest, no longer like a new unsure puppy but like an old dog that I’m too scared to move, because even though it’s crushing me, I don’t want to wake it because I’m still alive.

Kyiahn

[kyiahn]

“I wish I could describe it to someone who can’t feel it. To help them understand. The anxiety. The way my heart starts to race. The way the doom and sadness starts to set in. That sense of failure I feel over and over as I feel it take control, even though I tried over and over to tell myself, “it’s all in your head.” The way I can’t get it out if my head ever. The way it sits heavy on my heart, making me feel broken. The way when a panic attack starts from walking into a store, when the air turns hot as the devil walks in. My ears ring, cotton fills them. I can’t swallow as my throat dries up. My eyes see the the spots and the edges begin to grow darker like an old filter on a picture. I can’t catch my breath, as all I think is, don’t pass out. Not here. Not with all these people. Don’t let them know you are so weak. I abandon my cart, my groceries I’ve collected and struggle my way, stumbling my way through prayers to make it back to my car. Where I sit back letting the cool air soothe me, another failed attempt at a simple task. The way the tears fall from my eyes when I have to leave work because, I just can’t. I can’t breathe. I can’t think. The way I struggle through a doctors appointment too afraid to tell them the medicine doesn’t fight it all away because I don’t want to take more pills. The way I become afraid they will take them away but some many people use them for worst things and one day they won’t believe me either. The way I wonder if there is anything more I could do, anything at all, to make myself ok.”

— K.wills

[kyiahn]

“Sometimes I forget my own name. I forget the numbers in my address. I forget the names of friends and family. My brain is fuzzy, it’s moving so fast. Words spill from my mouth with little control from me. I forget their meaning as they leave, half aware of my own thoughts. But always in my mind: stamped; burned; inscribed; written; echoed; carved; over and over, your face.name.smell.touch.taste.voice. No matter what I forget, it’ll never be you.”

— K.wills

[bahtmun-deactivated20240623]

Harry Potter film series part 32

[kyiahn]

Trasitioning

#momlife #mom