I really hate my fucking life
I can't sleep and I've been trying to get myself some sleeping pills since I was in highschool, but because I tried to kill myself at 14yrs old, my family doctor never agreed to put me on sleeping pills and it took everything for her to put me on Tylenol 3 because of all the physical pain my illnesses put me through Now, I'm stuck on Melatonin who doesn't do sh*t and I'm at the point where I started taking T3's to get myself sleeping... It's a dangerous habit because those are narcotics (and used like that, they can cause constipation which is terrible with Crohn's disease but is also very bad for my already weak liver) but if I were to tell her why I need real sleep medication, and not some wanna-be narcotic, she'd get me off T3's and I'd be stuck with NOTHING for my pain, which is unthinkable for me... But I also can't keep going on like this... My mom also keeps hiding my other alternatives; I once bought stronger Melatonin and she hid them and forbid me to buy ANY sleeping aid whatsoever, leaving me with no choice but to turn to my small amount of narcotics to sleep... But little do my mom and my doctor know, they're both pushing me to a much more dangerous alternative, narcotics being dangerous AND addictive, meaning I'll only need more and more to fall asleep (which will show an increase in my intake at the drugstore) and will probably make my doctor think I'm abusing my drugs in a recreational way, which will be untrue and will just send me deeper into this dark, dark hole... I feel so stuck and I don't know what the fuck am I supposed to do now... I fucking hate my doctor and her obsession with youth and drugs relationships being automatically recreational and addictive I already have enough health problems, why the fuck would I want to be a drug addict on top of that?!
