#tabletop humor

[dreamerinsilico]

Being a 20th level paladin is amazing, but consider, being a 20th level paladin with a 20th level tabaxi monk/rogue girlfriend who does ALL THE THINGS.

I’m just here to run interference for Rain, honestly.

[aboleth-eye]

Top 5 funniest encounters

Interesting!  I’ll try and sift through my experiences to find some funny moments.  These encounters are written as I recall them.  Thanks for the ask!

1. The Time I One-Shot a Drider

I was playing my first character–a changeling urban ranger (d&d 3.5)–and our party was exploring a musty old dungeon.  We came across an abandoned alchemist’s lab, covered in spiderwebs.  As I was the cautious one, I declared I would stand in the doorway and eye the room’s curtained extra room with my bow drawn.  

As soon as the rest of the party began exploring the lab, a Drider pops up from the dark hallway!  Since I had declared my caution earlier, my DM let me make a Manyshot bow and arrow attack as a surprise round!  As the drider swings out with its daggers, I get a critical hit on the attack roll and instantly kill the drider single-handed!  

Everyone was surprised at how quickly it ended, including the DM.  It was supposed to be an encounter for the whole party and I snuffed it in the bud on a one-out-of-twenty chance.  We left the drider pinned to the wall and looted the lab before going on our way.

2. I Made a Minion Soil Themselves

In a one-shot in my friend’s campaign, I played Bogbean the Dungeon Sea Hag.  In the dungeon sewers of some ancient castle the group fell into my home and I led them out.  We came across a room with arrow slits, and many kobolds on the other side were aiming their arrows at us.  

Now as a sea hag, I am insane and use my evil eye sparingly.  After dodging arrows, I creep up to an arrow slit and use my creepy fish eye to glare into the room.  I effectively cursed a kobold to freeze up in terror and pitifully flee with soiled trousers!  It didn’t help that the entire castle believed I was a bogey-woman of the dungeon, and the lord of the castle was scared of me (due to some incidental childhood trauma I inflicted while skulking around the castle at night)

That was a fun game, I wish I had had the chance to play Bogbean more!

More below the cut!  Thanks so much for the ask, my friend!!

3. Betrayal in the Kobold Colony

This was an interesting encounter we had while I still played my changeling ranger.  The group was welcomed into what we had heard was a nasty colony of kobolds.  But the kobolds were nothing but nice to us, even if they were a bit gruesome and cruel.  The group (seemingly as a whole) decided to destroy the colony during their daily rituals the next morning.

I refused at first, as the Chaotic Neutral character I had no reason to dislike the kobolds–and it led to a very heated debate about the nature of “evil” races being born as such, with almost every one in the party trying desperately to convince me to join in.  I relented in the end, demanding that afterwards every member of the party owed me one “favor”.  

We got into position the next morning, sprung the attack!  And instantly figured out that the crowds of kobolds in the main hall of colony were an illusion cast by several kobold clerics.  Apparently during the heated discussion our tattletale monk went off and warned the kobolds the night before.  

So, we have to fight the kobold clerics casting spells at us.  And eventually the roof just full on caves in.  We barely escape with our lives, and then gave our monk a talking too.  In retrospect I find the whole absurd deception (and our DM’s improv skills) hilarious!  But I learned to keep my eye on the quiet ones from then on. Haha!

4. Baby Lich Multiclassing!

Our group (changeling ranger again), came across a town of people in the middle of the woods.  They looked human but were in fact liches–brought to life as an experiment by our Big Bag lich enemy.  However, as they were pretty much harmless (effectively just sentient corpses that don’t have any abilities beyond mortals), we let them be.

But the funniest part of this was that we adopted a lich!  Her name was Kaylee, and she was a ten year old girl (in appearance).  Our adventuring team decided to raise her and train her in Every One of our classes.  Kaylee was fun, and her grasp on morality was hilarious.  

The funniest moment with her (before we bought a house together and began training her) was when we were shopping in a town.  We just gave her the best armor and a brand new enchanted spear to protect herself with.  Suddenly, a cry from the crowds of a thief come; and Kaylee instantly throws her spear at the thief.  She gets a critical hit and eviscerates the thief!  We have to calm the local police (who are very confused) and then take Kaylee aside to chastise her.  We eventually teach her the difference between moral actions and violence with an excuse!

As the chaotic neutral changeling of the party I wasn’t as harsh with her, but tried to give her direction away from any extreme alignment thinking.  But we loved our little lich baby!

5. I Rule the Wolves

In a friend’s survival campaign, I played a killoren druid.  Killoren (for those who don’t know) are basically just fey made of plant matter who embody one aspect of nature (Hunter, Destruction or Wisdom).  I had a companion cheetah and for some reason I decided to help out a shipwrecked colony of halflings and their protectors (the rest of the adventuring party).  They had gotten beached on a voyage to the “new world”, aka my homeland, from some enigmatic spreading evil.  (Tbh the DM of that campaign was never the best with worldbuilding and made a LOT of mistakes with that game–like punishing some players).

In any case, one night I declare I will keep watch over the colony.  But as the night wears on, it becomes very obvious that there are a bunch of wolves scoping out the helpless halfling mooks.

So I cast Speak with Animals on myself, trying to give the colony some chance at survival by scaring off the wolves.  I make a dramatic speech in Wolf, and get a critical hit on my Intimidate check!

The wolves immediately back the heck on up and leave!  And everyone was impressed at how quickly that encounter changed on a dime!  A lot of great moments I find are when the DM has to improv against that incredibly slim chance of Nat 20s screwing with their plans!  And it felt good to stake my claim against the wild (and the vindictive DM).

[dreamerinsilico]

Top/bottom discourse was not a thing I was expecting in this D&D campaign, but here we are.  (In a hilarious way, not really a bad way.)

[aboleth-eye]

(cause I'm annoying and won't stop talking my crap xD) i love the idea that a lich becomes one, not for ultimate knowledge, not for ultimate magic, but simply for a stupid grudge. "I'm going to make sure ALL of history knows how big of a di*k you are SAM!" so the lich just goes around making sure generation after generation learns to hate the one person for all of time

Never apologize for sharing your ideas!  I love getting ideas and asks all the time!

First off, YES!  This is freaking hilarious to me.  I could definitely see a Petty Lich spreading the drama of some jerk throughout the land.  

If the jerk was also a self-righteous paladin (lawful jerk), it’d be doubly hilarious!  “Hate the undead? Boom! I’m now a magic AF skeleton and I’ll be around to tell your grandchildren what a prick you were, Steven!”  (Paladin Steve... lol)

[aboleth-eye]

didn't have space to write anymore 3. a magic ring that gives a minor deception bonus, but greatly strengths the need to spread 'bad' rumors about others. "see her? i hear she actually collects cat fur and throw it at people who aren't looking" 4. a sword thats fairly decent, but is super passive aggressive "oh no, it's fine if you choose to use the dagger over me. not like i know you. helped you more. saved your life." 5 hat that screams happy things when worn "I LOVE THE SUNSHINE TODAY!"

Very fun!  I love passive aggressive weapons and screaming headgear!

[dreamerinsilico]

“you want a Gumblewuffle?  It’s traditional at this point”

[aboleth-eye]

CXXII - Sword Dragon [Swords by Matthew J. Wills]

[aboleth-eye]

Delicious in Dungeon: A Manga Review

I don’t normally do reviews, but I came across this in a comic store today.  A manga series called Delicious in Dungeon/Dungeon Meshi--and it’s about eating fantasy monsters!  This is right up my alley so I bought it.  It’s only been a few hours and I’ve already devoured the entire first volume.

Delicious in Dungeon, written and illustrated by Ryōko Kui

Now, I love Tabletop/Fantasy Humor!  I can poke fun at the tropes of fantasy writing until the cows come home.  But this manga series takes all our favorite tropes of fantasy rpgs and digests every one of them in a clever way.

I can see a lot of you Tabletop Tumblr people loving this series.  It’s got everything you could want in a joke campaign: an exasperated elf wizard, a snarky halfling (”lightfoot” in this series) rogue, a blunt dwarf hoping to eat a dragon someday, and a human warrior on a mission to save his devoured sister while on a budget (and isn’t just using that as an excuse to try eating monsters like he’s fantasized about).  As our merry band of adventurers delve deep into a mysterious dungeon, they come across all sorts of tasty critters. How will they prepare dinner this time?   

They lampoon all sorts of tropes: how characters in rpgs die and are revived by clerics as a fact of life, the physiology of fantasy creatures (which end of a basilisk is the head for instance), the rogue getting exasperated at the other group members for setting off traps, etc.  

All in all, I enjoyed this first issue very much.  The first volume of Delicious in Dungeon just came out in English, with the second volume coming in August.  This series has been going on for three years in Japan and is still being written today, so I eagerly await what hijinks these characters will get into next!  Take a look for yourself, it’s hilarious even if you don’t play rpgs.

-- @aboleth-eye, 6/6/17