here's your perfect | kth. I
➸summary : "The only person who can help you to endure your pain is your soulmate" -But you find it hard to believe that now. Not when he's sitting right across the table from you, his face devoid of any emotion. You think if you really are as strong as you believed.
➸ pairing : taehyung x reader
➸ genre : soulmate!au, idol!tae, s2f2l!au, angst, fluff
➸ warnings : swearing, anxiety, slight depression
➸ playlist : carried away(love to love) by surf mesa, madison beer, blue and grey piano cover , bts v - sweet night piano cover
A soulmate is someone whose soul is fated to match your own.
They say that one's soul is only completed when they meet their soulmate. Someone who will accept you with your flaws. Someone who is fated to love you.
"They will help you to endure your pain."
Some legends say that it's like looking at your own reflection. Some legends claim that it's like finding the other half of your soul. Some believe that a piece of our soul is with our soulmates, that when you finally meet, it's like finding your own soul.
Soulmates have always been a startling thing. No one really knows the mystery of our souls. Even after countless studies and researches, people still cannot fathom the real equation of the existence of soulmates. It's something peolple have left on the plans of the universe .
___________________________________________
As long as Kim Taehyung can remember, he has always longed to meet his soulmate.
"They will be able to read you like an open book, Taehyung-ah. They will love you exactly the way you want to be loved." He remembers his grandmother saying this to him, he remembers the way his heart used to ache with longing, with hope.
Taehyung can't remember the exact moment he stopped believing those words. But he remembered when he fell in love for the first time. Remembered the rush of emotions he felt. For him to be in love means being free. Free to love anyone, anywhere. For him, love should be unchained, unbound.
"You fall in love too easily," Jimin stated one day. He knows that. Love comes easily to him. But it also burns him way too easily.
The thing is, he is ready to endure the burn. He is ready to go through the pleasant pain of falling in love again and again. But he can't fall in love under conditions. He can't force his emotions. If he regrets anything, that is how he lost control over some parts of his life, how he is sometimes forced to change things about his life. But he will not force himself to love someone, wouldn't lose control over who he loves. Not to anyone.
___________________________________________
Sometimes you think that you might never belong anywhere.
You don't like lingering in your past. You're way past those old memories. Have made so many good memories to replace them with. Have people who have helped you, made you feel that you belong there. But that doesn't mean you don't feel alone, that you are not enough. No matter how many people are around you, you've always felt alone.
It's not about how people made you feel anymore. It's just how you started to feel somehow. No matter how much time you spend with your family and friends, the loneliness doesn't go away.
"You know it might be because of your soulmate? Sometimes our feelings reflect on our soulmates," Asfan said one day while you were helping him at the animal shelter, "I mean they might be feeling lonely. And that's reflecting on you. Or maybe you are feeling lonely because you haven't met them yet?"
You can't remember the exact moment when you started believing these words. That your soulmate is the person you belong with. They will see you exactly the way you are and still love you. That they will be the only person to whom you will never have to prove that you are enough. You don't believe in love at first sight, don't believe that you can love someone without knowing them. But you believe that your soulmate will want to love you exactly the way you want to love them.
_______________________________
The sound of a door opening snaps you out of your haze. You turn your head toward the door, two young girls enter the cafe, their faces stuffed in their scarves. A gush of cold air enters with them. Even though you are sitting in the corner, far away from the door, the cold still hits you, making you shiver.
You found this cafe when you were exploring your new neighborhood. It's tucked into a corner. Most people probably don't know this place is even here. You wouldn't have either if it wasn't for your tendency of exploring every single corner of every neighborhood you've ever lived in.
The cafe is mostly deserted at this time of the day. There's a soft indie song playing on the radio. The anchor on the TV is saying something about the birthday projects of some idols. But you tune all of them off, try to focus on the design on your sketchbook in front of you. A slow, satisfied smile stretches on your face. You nod your head to yourself and close the sketchbook book, put it into your bag, then proceed to pay for your coffee.
You let out a shiver as you step out of the cafe, pulling your coat tightly over your body. Even though the sky is clearer than most days today, you still can't feel your fingertips. The weather has worsened in the few months you've been here. Seoul has its own charm in winter, especially if it's covered with snow.
You start walking toward your apartment, making a mental note to drop by the convenience store again, when your phone buzzes with a text. You pull it out from your pocket. Yung Sung has shared a news article to your group chat, asking if it was still OK to have the photoshoot on the scheduled date. You frown at your phone as you read the whole article. Apparently there's a storm coming the next week in Gangwon-do, exactly the same day as your shooting schedule. Your phone buzzes again, someone said that they were going to talk to the management. You let out a sigh, lips pull into a small pout. You were really looking forward to this shoot.
When you moved to South Korea, you didn't know what to expect. When your boss told you that you were being promoted and transferred to South Korea's headquarters, you were over the moon. All these years of hard work finally paid off. Even though it was a different country, it felt so important to move here, a strange sense was telling you that it's going to be worth it. And the opportunity was great, new experiences, new place, new everything. On top of that, your best friend is here and you missed her so much.
What you didn't expect was the cold unsettling feeling, which feels like it is growing intensely as the days go on.
Entering your apartment, you flick the switch of your hallway. It's been a few months since you moved here. You have finally settled in. You've tried to make the apartment look as homely as possible. But it is still lacking the warmth you feel at your own place back at home, or the familiarity that your parents home provides. It's like the loneliness has intensified ten times more.
You think it's a little embarrassing. You are an adult after all, have been living alone since college. But somehow you feel more lonely after moving here. But it's ok, you think as you get started to prepare your dinner. It's just been a couple of months. It'll be fine. Just have to adjust to being alone in an unknown country.
___________________________________________
"Well, well, well, Happy New Year, kids!!" Kanika exclaims as soon as she opens the door.
You grin at her as she walks toward the table. "Late happy new year," Cameron mutters beside you, not looking up from his laptop.
Kanika rolls her eyes as she leans against the table."It's just been a few days since new year's day, Cameron, don't kill the vibe," Kanika hisses.
"Is there any news about the shooting schedule?" Yung Sung asks Kanika.
"Yeah. They wouldn't postpone it. Said that the storm is supposed to hit in the evening anyway. It's not gonna take long to shoot so we just have to wrap up before the storm hits."
Yung Sung let out a groan. "If we don't finish this project within next week, it will crash with the BTS project. Our meeting with them is in two weeks, remember?" Cameron grumbles, still not looking up from his laptop.
"How can I forget when you keep reminding me every chance you get," Yung Sung grits out, letting out a frustrating sound.
It is safe to say that Cameron and Yung Sung don't get along with each other. Their banters are always the source of entertainment to everyone.
You smirk at Yung Sung and return your attention to your laptop again. You were clicking through your sketches for the 100th time when Kanika interrupted you.
You look up from your laptop. Kanika is smiling down at you. "You want some coffee?" she asked, lifting one eyebrow.
You blink at her. Her face is doing that thing where she is really trying to be subtle about something. You look back at your laptop. You've been watching the same design for an hour now. Trying not to stress about the project but somehow doing exactly that. Your stress might have reflected on your face. Right, she's trying to distract me.
"Yeah, sure." You get up and grab your jacket, following Kanika out of the room.
_______________________________
Kanika puts a cup of coffee in front of you and takes a seat across from you at one of the tables in the canteen area. You grab the cup with both hands, trying to consume as much warmth as possible.
"Honestly, Y/N, you need to stop stressing out about these projects." Kanika is one of the few people with whom you've gotten closer with in these past few months.
"I'm not!" you exclaim. Kanika gives you a pointed look. You don't know if it's because she's your friend or because you're working under her, sometimes she can read you like an open book.
You look down at your coffee. It might have been easier if you could just stop that nagging feeling inside your head.
"Look." You actually look at her, her voice serious."You did a great job. Everyone loved your designs. The project will go smoothly. I know you're worried because it's your first time working on a big project after moving here. But trust me, you got this. Don't let your anxiety knock off your confidence. Ok?"
You can feel your entire face heat up. "Yeah," you murmur. Even though her words somehow comforted you, that doesn't mean you can shove away your anxiety entirely.
"Anyway, how was your new year's eve?" She asked, sipping into her coffee. "Did you go out?"
"No…um…I still had some boxes to unpack."
Lies. You spent that whole night rewatching your favorite old movies. Just so that you can feel some familiarity. But you weren't going to admit that to her. It really doesn't help that you haven't actually made any real friends except for Kanika since you moved here. You do hang out with some of your colleagues, but most of them were probably with families and friends that day, so you didn't want to intrude.
Kanika smiles apologetically. "You know I would've invited you to my place if we were in town, right? I'm really so-"
"Kanika, please don't apologize," you cut her out. "It's ok! I was fine by myself."
No, you weren't. You felt even more lonely, having always spent the day with friends and family.
"Still. It can be depressing spending New Year's day alone."
Kanika was the first person you contacted after you were notified about your promotion. You got her email address from your company's website and emailed her. You informed her about your promotion and that you were really excited to move to South Korea and to work under her. She replied enthusiastically that she was really impressed by your profile and was excited to work with you. You've become close after that. She was the one who helped you find a decent apartment and introduce you to this new city.
You smiled at her. She is right though. There's no point stressing over the project right now. Everything has been going smoothly about the BTS project till now. Even though there's a lot of things that can go wrong, you are sure that everyone will be able to handle that. You just hope your hard work pays off well.
______________________________________
Is it possible to love someone else when your soulmate is around? The girl on the TV asks her crush.
Of course it is. Some people cheat on their soulmate all the time, the same soulmate whom they promised to always love. They fall out of love. They find someone better, someone they connect to more than they do with their soulmates. It's not the 18th century anymore when it was scandalous if you are not with your soulmate. Nowadays people are cautious about who they wanna spend their life with. There are people who are waiting for their soulmate, people who are just friends with their soulmate, people who don't want their soulmate. It's not rare anymore.
You try to focus on the drama that's playing on your TV. The laptop which is resting on your left is displaying an empty bedroom. The girl on the TV is crying, trying to reason with her crush that they can be happy together, when a voice calls out your name from the laptop. You head snaps at it. Asfandiyar's hands are stretched out, giving you the perfect view of his outfit on the screen.
You scan him from head to toe. His head is styled perfectly. He is wearing a light grey turtleneck and white slacks. You nod your head and mutter, "Looks good."
He gives you a funny look. "That's it? No 'you look like a gridded pineapple'?"
"Well, you should've told me sooner that my insults inspire you, Asfan." You bat your eyelashes at him. "I would prepare them better next time then."
You watch as he rolls his eyes, going around to put on his watch. You pull a thread from your sweater, trying to cut it out.
"Say hi to Rue for me," you say, a slow sly grin taking over your face. He stills for a moment, looking at you with big eyes. You tilt your head, "Why? Isn't it why you are dressing up so nicely? Because she would be there at the party?"
He looks down, smiling shyly. "What? A man can't even dress up to impress his soulmate now?" he murmurs shyly.
You scrunch your nose,"You're so sappy."
"Well I'm not the one who is single for her soulmate."
"I'm not single because of my soulmate! I just don't have the time to date anymore! And excuse me, you are single too."
"I'm single because my soulmate also doesn't have time to date," He tsks as he grabs his jacket. "She's really your cousin."
"Try to talk to her today. Don't just stare at her, ok?" You laugh out loud.
"Well it's not my fault she is so pretty," He winks at you. You shake your head, whispering, "Whipped ass." Thankfully he didn't catch it.
"When are you leaving for Gangwon-do?" He asks as he puts on his coat.
"This evening." You glance at your watch. It's only 12 at noon right now. You've got plenty of time to relax. You didn't go to your office as you guys were leaving today anyway. Kanika dismissed the project members for today. You take a deep breath. It was honestly getting irritating, the useless stress you are getting. Usually when you are stressed it means you're going to give your hundred percent to your job. Your stress-work was usually your best work.
Your head snaps to your laptop. Asfan moves closer to the screen, his eyes filled with worry. "You okay? You are quieter than usual today."
There's a thing about you that drives all of your friends crazy, that is how little you share your problems with them. You can gently coax out everyone's problems but wouldn't tell them yours until it's too late, either because of the fear of rejection or because of judgment.
You look at Asfan's concerning eyes and almost tell him about your struggles, about that nagging feeling you've been feeling since you moved here. But you stop yourself. There's no point telling him. You didn't want anyone to feel that you are not adjusting here.
You are usually a very calm and happy person, granted that you are always stressed about your work, but optimism runs in your blood. That's why this whole situation is irritating you more, because the more stressed and alone you feel the more depressed you become.
Asfan calls out your name gently again, his head tilted, face showing more concern than before. He has been your friend for years now. You know that he wouldn't judge you. But you didn't want him to worry about you.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," you force out a laugh,"I'm just tired."
Asfan eyes you with worry. You know he didn't buy your excuse, but still he nods his head. "Get some rest. Tell me how the shooting goes. And be careful."
Asfan waves his hand as you disconnect the video call. He was right. You do need some rest. Maybe taking a nap wouldn't be so bad.
___________________________________________
"Fuck, it's so cold," Haneul swears as the two of you make your way to the house. The weather has worsened so much in a few hours that it's almost impossible to step out of the building. You guys move around the crowd of tourists and locals, quickly walking toward the shooting location.
There's a small island in Gangwon-do which is famous for the hanok village. The old traditional houses aka the hanok were matching the traditional vibes of the outfits of the photoshoot. It was originally planned that the shooting would take place in the garden area of the small village. But because of the weather, you guys had to make a last minute change.
"It was a bad idea," you snap as you step inside the house. "We should've canceled the photoshoot." You were getting frustrated as the minutes went by. "Honestly, what was the point if we had to shoot indoors anyways? It was quite obvious we can't shoot outside in this weather," you grit out.
"At least they've let us use the hanok," Haneul says hopefully. The official management team of the village have given you guys permission to shoot inside the hanok.
"And why are there so many people outside? It's kind of dangerous to be out there in this weather," you demand.
"Most of them are locals. They have to open their business every morning, you know," Haneul explains.
Of course you know that. You know you are getting irritated for no reason. You don't know if you should blame it on the headache that you've gotten up with this morning or the fact that your heart keeps jumping every now and then for no reason whatsoever. Guilt consumes your heart, knowing that the way you are lashing on people isn't acceptable. You let out a sigh, trying to get rid of your frustration. Haneul pats your back sympathetically, "Just a few more hours than we'll be safe in our hotel rooms."
Haneul, one of the fashion stylists of your company, is the most optimistic creature you've ever come across.
You two make your way to the center of the house. Most of the people with you are from the production section. The photographer is talking with Yung Sung. In the center the models are getting ready to begin the last bit of the shooting. You can see the stylists in the corner with some other models, trying to fix their outfits. As for the designers, there were just you, Yung Sung and Hwan.
Hwan bows to you when he spots you. You bow back and make your way toward him.
"How's it going?" You ask him.
"If you are talking about the shooting then it's going great. Almost over actually. But if you are talking about the weather then I think I'm gonna die today," Hwan says merrily.
Even though you roll your eyes, there's a playful smile on your face. You look out of the big window, which is giving you the perfect view of the garden outside.
"It's taking longer than we thought it would, the shooting," you mutter, eyeing the dark clouds through the window.
"Yeah. It's like the weather has slowed down everything," Hwan says as he too looks out of the window. "Where did you disappear to by the way? Haneul was gone too," Hwan asks as he sips into his third cup of coffee of today.
"Kanika called. There was a production problem with the BTS project. We were just trying to sort it out. Hey, did you know-"
You stop abruptly and spin around. A shiver runs down your whole body. You frantically look around. You can feel the hair on the back of your neck stand on end. You take a step forward and try to find something that must've caused it.
"What?" Hwan looks at you and then where you are looking.
"Didn't you feel that?" Your heart has started to beat faster. Your hand automatically goes to your chest, feeling the fast rhythm. "Like…like someone is there?" You swear you felt it. But it's not a presence, not really. It was more like a weird tug.
"Where?" You can hear the confusion in his voice.
"I don't know. Like someone was right here behind me?"
You look at Hwan. He's looking around, eyes big with confusion. "Could it be a ghost? This place is kinda old," He whispers, his eyes are darting toward the whole room comically. His frantic expression somehow eases your internal panic.
You open your mouth to tease him when a staff member of the village comes into the room. He looks troubled, his eyes scanning the whole room. When he spots Chan Soo, your project leader, he makes his way toward him. He reaches Chan Soo and says something to him quietly. Chan Soo looks like he's really trying not to panic.
"Did something happen?" You wonder. Hwan shrugs, looking as confused as you feel.
When the staff member leaves, Chan Soo makes his way toward you guys. When he is closer Hwan asks him, "What's going on?"
"We have to leave. Now. The storm is hitting earlier than they thought. And they -"
"What! But the storm was supposed to hit tonight!" Hwan whines.
"Do you think it's my fault?" Chan Soo snaps hotly. It was clear that he isn't really thrilled about it either. "Anyway, we have to leave now. They are going to force the tourists to leave in a few hours. We have to leave too."
"But we are not done with the shooting yet," you point out.
"It's ok, it'll be enough for now. If it's not then we'll figure it out" Chan Soo says impatiently. "Now, everyone," He addresses everyone loudly and explains the situation.
In the next hour you all are almost ready to leave. Some people are still cleaning up the set up when Chan Soo says,"Why don't you guys go ahead?" Pointing at you, Yung Sung and Haneul. "I'll come with the rest of them. Go."
You guys nod and make your way to the front door. Haneul opens the front door and you are welcome by a gush of cold air. Yung Sung swears under her breath. The sky is covered with dark clouds. The cold is way too much to handle. It looks like the storm will start any minute. But it doesn't faze you at all.
All you can feel is a warm fuzziness. The nagging feeling that has been bugging you for months now intensifies ten times more. Haneul says something about finding the car and takes off.
You look over at the place where people are still gathered, probably trying to get out of here. You feel it again, the sensation making your hair stand on end again. You feel a strange pull, it's like an invisible thread pulling you somewhere.
"Did you feel that?" You ask Yung Sung, feeling the beat of your heart quickening.
"That thing," you touch the back of your neck. "Is it because of the storm?"
"What? Are you feeling cold?" Yung Sung asks.
That's when you feel the pull again. You realize that it's coming from the lawn. People are still crowded there, trying to get out or go somewhere safe. You unconsciously take a step toward them, but Yung Sung grabs your hand. "Y/N-ssi, where are you going?"
You shake your head no, murmuring a quiet, "I'll be right back." You start walking toward the lawn. You can hear Yung Sung calling you. But you ignore her.
You quick walk into the middle of the lawn. Your heart is beating way too fast now. Your breaths are coming quickly. You look around almost frantically. People are making their way beside you. Nothing is happening out of sort. Am I going mad? You think to yourself. Has the nagging feeling been a warning that I'm going crazy?
You run your hand through your hair and let out a frustrating breath. You look everywhere again. Something must be wrong, otherwise why would you feel this way? People are giving you funny looks. Of course they are, they can probably see you panicking.
You let out another frustrating breath. Yung Sung might be right, this might be happening because of the storm. You shake your head and start to go over where Yung Sung is.
Two things happen at once. Suddenly there is a booming sound of thunder and you feel a presence from behind you this time. You still for a moment, feeling the quick beating of your heart. For a moment you feel like you are stuck in that place. You take a long breath, close your eyes and try to feel that presence again. There's an overwhelming sensation building inside you. But then you open your eyes, take another long breath and slowly turn around. Your heart is beating painfully now.
You fully turn around and your eyes immediately land on….him. Then you finally meet his eyes.
He can't be more than twenty feet ahead of you. But you can feel his warmth from where you stand. The nagging feeling finally stops and it's like it has melted into your heart. It's like something inside you finally settles. Your heart skips a beat and then starts beating with a new rhythm.
You can't see his face because of his mask. But his eyes. His eyes bore into yours. It's warm. And dark. Like the night sky. His shoulders are tensed. Something warms your heart. It's him. It's finally him. Your soulmate.
The sky breaks and the rain starts pouring. The raindrops are harsh on your skin. The coldness is numbing your surroundings. People are rushing to find a shelter. But all you feel is the warmth.
Neither of you are moving. Your breathing is coming slowly now. You can visibly see him relaxing, as if his breathing is coming to normal too. You cautiously take a step toward him, when someone tries to walk past you and knocks into you. You lose your balance and almost fall over but the stranger grabs your hand to steady you.
"So sorry. Are you OK?" The stranger asks.
You snap out of your haze. You realize that it has started to rain. You nod your head at the stranger, mutter a " fine". You immediately look around where your soulmate was standing. But he is gone. Lost into the crowd.
You panic for a second. You look around, trying to find him. But suddenly someone grabs your arm. You jump at the sudden touch, haven't realized how cold it actually is.
"Y/N-ssi, what are you doing?" Yung Sung asks. She's holding an umbrella over her head. "Come on, our car is here. You can't just run off in the rain!"
And suddenly there's a hand dragging you somewhere. You numbly follow her. Your mind is covered in haziness. You can't function what just happened. Seems like you can't even open your mouth to say something.
It's when you are safely inside the car with everyone else when things start coming back to you. Your breathing hitches, eyes going big, the shock of what happened finally settles into you. All these years when you've been waiting for this moment to happen, waiting for him to show up, but it happened when you least expected it, when meeting him was the least of your worries. Is this what everyone meant when they say that your soulmates will appear at any random moment of your life? That you will feel their presence before you set your eyes upon them?
The panic you were feeling a few moments ago melts into a giddy feeling. You slowly smile to yourself. Things around you have started to clear up a bit. Everyone is talking in hush voices. It's raining so heavily that you can't even see anything outside the car. Someone has draped a jacket on your shoulder, your clothes wet and sticking to your body. You don't need to look into the mirror to know that your hair is a mess.
But all that matters is the happiness you feel right now. You can't help the smile on your face, have to purse your lips to keep the laughter from coming out. You hide your face on your shoulder and look outside the car's window. You wish that you could always remember this moment, that you never forget the moment when you saw those dark eyes for the very first time.
___________________________________________
The rain is pouring more heavily now. Even though the heater is on, the cold doesn't entirely go away. You sit by the window of your hotel room, legs pulled up to your chest, your face rests on your knees. As your emotions are not jumbled up like it was before, you feel calm now.
You've always loved the rain. You don't know what's about it that draws you toward it. Maybe it was the smell of wet earth, or maybe the sound or maybe the cool breeze. But it always had a calming effect on you. A quiet peacefulness.
Of course, he showed up when it's raining, you think, letting out a quiet chuckle.
Because clearly if the rain calms you down, then your soulmate will come to you drenched in rain too. It makes so much sense right now. And you are nothing if not hopelessly romantic. So even though it was cliche, way too dramatic even for you, your inner romantic is very happy.
You don't think you'll ever be able to describe how peaceful you feel right now. The pure happiness has warmed up your entire body, making your heart feel soft. And every time you close your eyes, you see those eyes and it's like your heart settles down every time.
You hug your knees closer to yourself and let out a content sigh. You finally understand why it felt so important to move to Seoul.
___________________________________________
The harsh air greets you like a splash of cold water as you step out of the hotel the next morning. You shudder, pulling your scarf more tightly around your neck. It's not raining anymore, but the air is misty. You walk closely behind Yung Sung and Haneul.
If it wasn't for this shitty weather, you would've explored the town. But you guys have to leave for Seoul first thing in the morning.
The three of you make your way toward the car. Yung Sung and Haneul talk animatedly about some upcoming movies. But your eyes scan every face you can find. You didn't get much sleep last night. The excitement and giddiness have kept you awake most of the night. You look at your left, trying to find him.
Chan Soo stands right in front of the car, his hands on his hips. "Get in," he grumbles, clearly not happy about the weather.
Yung Sung and Haneul hurriedly get into the car. But you look back and search the crowd once again. You can't cast out the hope that's blooming inside your heart. You know it's highly unlikely that he's going to be just outside your hotel.
Chan Soo calls out your name. You look back and he gestures for you to get into the car. You let out a small sigh, nod and make your way to the car, feeling crestfallen.
Misery creeps into your heart, but you quickly put it aside. You know that he will show up again. The hope that has developed into you overnight dims a little, because you might have been wishing that you will see him in the morning.
But you are nothing but optimistic. You take a deep breath, the heaviness that you've felt inside your heart for the past few months is gone now, replaced by pure content.
And as far as finding him again is concerned, as you've met him already, then you will meet him again soon. Right?
