I've spent way too much time dwelling on these freaks and their stupidly compelling relationship to not compile at least something like this. For anyone who also sees potential here regarding the cumpodcast, I hope this can serve your interests and also PLEASE share anything you might have regarding them. We need a Cumtown yaoi fandom so fucking bad
Nick
Born December 13, 1988
Grew up in Gaithersburg, Maryland
High school dropout
Latchkey kid and child of divorce
Dad was part of the Sullivanians cult for a few years
Strict stepmom that had him working shitty jobs at 15 in order to live there
Is an only child but has several stepsisters
Has worked many different shitty jobs throughout his life and is incapable of getting along with authority enough to keep them
Started hanging out in bars and comedy clubs around 15, which is when he began comedy
Alcoholic since mid teens
Spent his teen years trolling on IRC chat rooms
His Twitter display name before getting banned in 2018 was "Extremely Online Guy"
Diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder
Jokes about being autistic and probably is
Moved to Austin 2008-2009 where he met his ex-best friend Jake Flores
Won 2nd in the "Funniest Person in Austin" contest in 2010, performed at the Montreal "Just For Laughs" festival in 2012 where he got herpes from some woman
Moved to L.A in 2010-2011 where he was sexually assaulted by some guy in a Prius while he was drunk
Moved back to Austin in 2011-2012 before moving to D.C in late 2012, which is where he met Stav and Adam
Had a fake mommy blog called "Nicole Mullen" on Thought Catalog where he wrote a bunch of satirical articles as a mommy blogger. He started it as a spite project against an ex-girlfriend and made enough money on it to move to NYC
Moved to NYC in late 2013
The only thing he's ever loved is The Simpsons
Likes power tools and tinkering
Big fan of Wallace and Gromit and has an obsession with All Dogs Go to Heaven
Has never been sober in his life even while he was "sober." Has a penchant for cocaine and opioids. Had a period where he used to take a box of Coricidin Cough & Cold everyday after work at a pizza restaurant
Potentially closeted furry. Thinks Tony the Tiger is hot and is very familiar with DeviantArt subculture
Limp Bizkit enjoyer
Cried at the end of Fast and the Furious 7
Has a special connection with Call Me By Your Name and Nanette gave him a mental breakdown
Surprisingly decent artist
Mean but principled
Adam
Born April 10, 1987 in Santa Monica
Lived there for a while before moving to Las Vegas in his late childhood
Family are Lithuanian jews from South Africa
Was very close with his mom
His grandma still lives in South Africa. She's super strict and says that she "can't stand queeny gay men"
Was a skater in high school
Was supposed to go to law school and was studying to become a lawyer before he started doing open mics in college and "decided to become a clown"
Has a sister
Was a theater kid in elementary school and once played the fairy Puck in A Midsummer Night's Dream
Went to George Washington University in D.C
Ran a DIY punk-house venue called Subterranean A with a few other people in college back in 2009
Started hosting the Funny Moms alt-comedy show late 2012 at the Wonderland bar in D.C, which later moved to NYC in 2014
Used to sell weed in college
Had a crush on Julian Casablancas
Is an open and obnoxious romantic
Was engaged to Dasha from Red Scare and was in a relationship with her for 2 years
Used to frequent the Something Awful forums
Can play the guitar and loves Bob Dylan
Being a good son and a good friend are the most important things to him
Their relationship
Met in early 2013 in D.C. Adam heard about Nick through his friend and fellow comic Brandon Wardell, and decided to book him for Funny Moms
Nick thought the show was dogshit and started trashing it while onstage after getting drunk at the bar
They became friends shortly after. Adam invited him back to his place, and Nick was hammered, drinking a bottle of wine, tormenting Adam's cat Tupac by petting him backwards while getting clawed
Nick continued performing at Funny Moms and they eventually became quite close
Nick was a raging alcoholic at this time and Adam would always offer for him to sleep on his couch
Adam once planned on spending a New Orleans trip with his "most alcoholic friend" while doing a show there in late 2013 but was surprised to learn that Nick had become sober
Adam moved to NYC from D.C about half a year after Nick did
They became especially close after Adam moved to NYC
They worked several jobs together in NYC. One was display fabrication for David Yurman and the other was Nick bringing Adam onboard for a trucking job where Adam would just be in the passenger seat so they could spend more time together
Nick has called Adam his "only friend"
Adam solidly considers Nick one of his best friends
They kissed during the New Years 2017-2018 Legion of Skanks episode and it was extremely cute
Nick once said that the entire reason Cumtown even became a thing was because him and Stav loved to do gay song parodies together and him and Adam already hung out basically all the time
Adam sometimes brings Nick on dates with his girlfriend and even once offered to take him on one of his romantic vacations to Greece with her
There was a CT episode where Nick dressed up in Dasha's clothes in a homoerotically charged way and talked at length about Stav fucking him dressed as Dasha to get back at Adam
Adam once had to stay with Nick in their shared hotel room and convince him not to commit suicide in summer of 2018
The amount of pigtail pulling is insane
Nick once described Adam as both the Flanders and Karl (Homer's optimistic, homoerotic guardian angel) to his Homer
Nick once stayed in Adam's apartment during one of his heart attack scares where Adam and his girlfriend checked in on him to make sure that he was alive (*It might've actually been the other way around where Adam and his girlfriend went over to Nick's apartment to keep an eye on him)
The Adam getting Nick coffee saga in a suspiciously charged D/s way
Nick has both jokingly and seriously implied jealousy over Adam hanging out with other people, particularly in the opening Drea de Matteo sketch of the Rob Schneider TAFS episode
They share vapes, drinks, and Nick has implied that they used to always go to the bathroom together as well
Them both saying that they "share everything" together
Adam painted him a picture of Kim Jong Un which Nick is sentimental about
Many of their friends and podcast guests have implied that they seem like a couple
Nick has once jokingly referred to Adam as "his wife"
Adam has also jokingly referred to himself as Nick's wife
Adam would always watch Nick's cat for him whenever he was out of town
The opening sketch of the Chris Cuomo TAFS episode where they romantically dance together for several minutes, mirroring the first time they met with the "robot coming out of a box" bit someone did at Funny Moms
That period during the end of CT and beginning of TAFS where they were just blatantly flirting
Adam always directly or indirectly calling Nick handsome and hot
Adam always reassuring Nick that he's not as bad of a person as he thinks and says he is
For any further information please visit the archive
I am so fucking desperate for cumtown fandom content. I’m posting this as a plead into the void. I need literally anything please. There’s 6 fucking a03 fics, there’s no cute fanart. I can’t fucking do this anymore. This show is a fucking curse I need genz queers to love cumtown like I do so they can make stuff for me to FUCKING READ I CANT FUCKING TAKE THIS!!! I NEED SOME FICKING FANFICITON IM GLONG CRAZY!!
