#talking over tea

[martin-kb-poet-tea]

Hhhhhhooollyyy shit Jon saw my poem. Oh my god. Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. What the hell do I do. I can't face him. I can't. He reblogged it and COMPLIMENTED IT

He's gonna know. He probably already knows. Hell, he could have always known, maybe he already hates me, maybe I've been fucked from the start and he's always hated me oh my god

IM DONE FOR TT;;;;

[stop-calling-me-jarchivist]

Jon, I think in honor of pride month, you should ask @martin-kb-poet-tea about his poetry? I'm sure he has all sorts of lovely things written.

Maybe I will.

[living-the-unlivable]

this might be sorta venty sorry

sometimes i feel super scared that im overthinkin everythin and the stuff im goin through isnt even that bad esp when i see other folks talk about their trauma like i could never think someone else's trauma "isn't bad enough" but when im comparin it to myself, its impossible for me not to think that because "well, what if this is the norm, what if its not THAT bad, what if im misrembereing stuff and my memory is failin, this person has it worse, theyre my family." ECT ECT

i dont think im lyin tho. idk if i can tell

-🍀🤠

Puts my hands on your shoulders and shakes you. /sil

More seriously though, please keep in mind that nobody has it 'worse' than someone else, and that you are valid. Everyone has different tolerances and reactions to incidents and experiences.

You said you were in contact with your sister, right? Talk to her about your experiences, her's too. It can help you to understand that what you've been through isn't normal. She could also talk to you about how her life has changed since she left and how different it is! That's something i do with my estranged siblings when I'm in denial, and it helps out a ton to see that I'm not alone and to see that my experiences aren't normal, and to see how different life is on the outside.

Another thing that might help out is honestly going outside for a bit (if your situation allows you to), try going to a town or a park if the weather's nice. Seeing other families and seeing how they live can help out with denial.

Also, think of it this way— would you react to things the way you do if you weren't traumatised? Would you have triggers and issues if you weren't? Would you have the disorders you have if you weren't?

It can also help to try documenting and writing out your experiences, maybe talking to them about trusted friends. Something I've done for months is document my experiences or things my family does in Obsidian or venting channels of trusted servers and just screenshotting the vents to save and look back on. It can really help when you're in denial to read back on them and realise "oh. this isn't normal at all wtf?" (This can also end up triggering you though, so please be careful if you try this method, it comes with its risks!)

I hope things get better for you soon. Please remember that your experiences are valid, there's no such thing as "not big enough" or "not traumatic enough". If they impacted you and if you're traumatised, they clearly were. You've got this. :)

And don't worry about being 'venty'! You can vent as much as you want, that's what this blog is for. ♡

[martin-kb-poet-tea]

Dammit Martin just tell Jon you like him already 💀

@tormented-by-everything

AAAAAAAAAAAA

[martin-kb-poet-tea]

Grateful to have the option of hiding liked posts, otherwise the tags i scroll would have me swarmed with accusations and questions until the day I die TT;;

[martin-kb-poet-tea]

Mahtin, do you collect stuff? Trinkets? Very big things that cost you all your money? Or if you don’t, would you like to? I’m curious :3

Also Jon is being like. Swarmed on his blog. Is he.. okay?

-🪶

I don't, but I would love to! I love collecting tiny things!! *^^*

Ah, about Jon—I mean, yes, he should be fine! It's honestly... kind of normal for him. So I don't pay mind to it. He's taken up only answering specific asks from what he's told me, since he gets so many, and he gets—...a little overwhelmed from it all. We were talking about that the other day!

Also, apologies for my absence, and I know it's pretty late in the month, but happy pride month!!! (*≧∀≦)

[martin-kb-poet-tea]

Are You True? _______________________________

I write your name

Within my poems

Like holy scripture,

Calling it

For a Divine being may hear it

And recognize it as their own—

For you,

In my eyes,

Walk upon this mortal plane

With an ache in your heart

Because you are not us.

For in my eyes,

You are the Divine.

You are the ethereal voice I call to,

In prayer.

You are the lyrics to the songs I sing,

Tugging at my heart

And unwinding its string.

I love you.

For I may never get the chance to utter it—

I love you.

You remain

As my guardian deity

Which I pray

Lets me beyond the gates

When my eyes no longer see

And my mind

No longer thinks.

I love you,

Your Distant voice,

That I pray whose lips I may meet

One day.

Your skin,

And the feeling of your touch

In a light that I may never forget

I am valued—with my head in your lap,

And your fingers in my hair.

Your eyes upon mine.

But as you are my religion,

I will never know

If it is truly real.

Or if it is the last string of hope

I cling onto

In fear of falling forever more.

Just tell me if I should cut the tie.

[martin-kb-poet-tea]

jon definitelyyyy has a crush on you btw. he’s just too oblivious to act on it :3

Oh good god, what are you guys asking him.... TT;; I don't even know how to respond to this... GAH I'm debating on telling him but I'm still nervous!!!