So I saw that in your response that you didn't want kids and I was wondering why? I'm on the fence myself and I'm really leaning towards the no side. Hope I'm not crossing any lines by asking.
Hi! You’re definitely not crossing any lines by asking. I’m always willing to explain my reasons to someone willing to listen :)
i was 12 when my sister was born, and watching my mom take care of her bc my dad was too “busy with work” (he travels a lot.. even though he could very much find a stable job near home) and the toll it took on her emotionally, physically, and mentally is just something i don’t want to put myself through. raising a kid is really really really difficult. and sometimes my mom would be so frustrated at basically having to raise my sister all by herself (i helped of course, but i had my own stresses with school, etc) that she would take the anger out on me. and then i would take the anger out on my sister by yelling at her like my mom yelled at me. and it was awful. i don’t want to become that; i don’t want to ever be in a position to treat a young child like that. also, the only reason my parents have remained in their rocky marriage is for me and my sister. and i don’t think that’s fair.
my career is going to be grueling. a scientist’s job never stops, especially if i choose to go into academics. i know many scientists have kids, but i’ve watched how they have to sacrifice meetings and experiments and other things to rush home to a sick child, or have to leave by a certain time to pick them up from daycare. i want to focus on my career as a cancer researcher, and contribute to the world in that way.
related, if i do have a kid, i don’t want to put them through having 2 working parents and no one at home like my parents did with me. it was really lonely, and i don’t think i ever achieved my full potential as a kid because of it. i never like doing anything half-assed; if i’m going to raise a kid, i want that kid to have a good support system, which includes a parent staying home until they’re at least in middle school.
i also don’t think the world needs any more people if i can help it. also, if i really want to raise a child, i would rather adopt and make a difference in someone’s life that really needs it.
pregnancy and childbirth also really scare me. i don’t want the mood swings, the constant heartburn, the vomitting, the aches. i am a super tiny person with the body of like a 12 yr old and i don’t think me carrying a child is a really healthy thing.
parenthood was never something that… appealed to me? like how some people don’t want to ever move to another city, i don’t want to become a parent. and it’s sad that we live in a society where that’s not honored, especially if it’s coming from a woman. i have many plans for my life, and none of them involve having kids. that’s just the way i want to live.
also this is a thing my boyfriend and i discuss often, and he’s in the same boat (much to the ah.. fierce opposition of his family and religion). parenthood is a decision that should be made by both partners (if there are 2 partners), and i’m just glad we’re on the same page.
now i know accidents happen (i’m an “oops” baby myself haha), and who knows if an unplanned child will creep into my life. and that’ll be ok. i will love that silly kid like the world’s best mama bear. but as far as anything i can control myself, the answer is “nope, no kids for me”.
everyone has their own reasons for making a decision, and those are mine :) thank you for listening!
